dealing with a lot (senstive content inside)

so a few weeks ago possibly about two to three weeks ago me and my ex that I was with for three years seperated.

and broke up. I was actually the one that wanted out, I was just tired of us not being happy around each other and contstantly fighting.

it made it a little challenging that his best friend had showed interest me and had confided in me that he liked me.

and to my boyfriend I guess it seemed like to him that influenced my choice. and to a degree it did but I did not end up cheating on him with his friend.

I am polyamourus and have other partners in my life. so I had told him about his friend liking me and flirting with me. but we did not lie about anything that went on between the two of us.

we had just started to grow apart from each other and we needed to get away from each other.

but anyway we basically wrapped up with the break up and then shortly afterwards, I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive.

I know from how the relationship was it would not be healthy for me the kid, my current boyfriend, or my ex or myself at all.

not to mention I am not in a financial situation where I could have a child.

I had the first check up at planned parenthood today and was horrifying for me. I mean there are literally pro life protesters outside the facility that sit there all day and yell at you and try to get you to go over and talk to them, I practically yanked the new guys hand out dragging him along to get away from these people.
and even after two hours later of being inside these people were still outside. Some of them even tried to walk directly up to my car after we had left to try to talk to us and to get us to sign petitions to so called "end the evil of abortions".

It truly makes me so angry these people do these kinds of things. I mean I am being judged by these people and other random strangers who are not aware of this going on with me at all. They just know about the break up and know who i am with right now as opposed to I am with.

I nearly want to just ditch my facebook account and act like I never heard of the site any more.

since my ex for some odd reason felt the ****ing need to share my new relationship status on his page like he wanted a guilt party for ****.

I feel really guilty about all of this cause I know for the three years I was together with him I genuinely felt like I wanted to have children, I even said so to him and my other partners. And a lot of people tried to tell me how it was a bad idea and I did not listen and now I am dealing with being six weeks pregnant and I do not want the baby.

in a way I do want it...but I know the quality of that child's life would not be a good one.

I am sure not everyone that reads this might agree with me i am just scared and I feel incredibly isolated and alone and I have not really spoken about this going on with me to many people.
so I figured talking about here was a good place for me to do so..

This doesn't sound like an easy situation to be in at all.

You're not evil for wanting an abortion, it's the choice that best fits where you are in life.

I do realize that is true lol I guess is just hard to take things personally due to all the hormones I am dealing with right now i just know.
that bottling up how I feel inside in the long run is no good for me to deal with.

Well done for realising that that is not good for you, that's a positive in itself.

The protestors may be loud but loud does not = right.

I am not here to judge you at all. You are in a very difficult and fragile situation and an abortion seems like the easiest alternative. Yet I would think very carefully about getting an abortion, not because some rude protestors tried to lay a guilt trip on you, but if you are pregnant you are carrying a human life that will become a human being. All life is precious.
My mother told me that my father wanted her to get an abortion when she was pregnant with me. If she had , I would not have been born. I thank God everyday that she refused and had me. Yes my father was abusive, but I survived and have lived a productive life. I even had a daughter of my own who, while challenging, has also brought me great joy.
Pregnancy changes things but it is not the end. Giving the child for adoption into a loving family is a live option.
All the women I have ever known who have had abortions have told me that if they could do things over. They would have are a different choice.
Again I do not mean to preach at you at all. I really do care and have a lot of empathy for what you are facing. It is not my place to tell you what to do at all. Just that there are major emotional consequences that come with having an abortion, and at least for me there is a better way

Love and hugs
Larissa

J I totally understand what you are saying but me and my ex have such issues with each other I know that keeping the kid would have a poor effect on the both us.

I am not fully ok with the decision and I will always remember I am doing this but as of right now for this situation it is my final decision.

but I do understand where you are coming from I hope you can understand my view on this and I hope I am not coming off as rude or insulting in how i am saying this.\

(lol and I am not trying to be a jerk here but speaking as vet tech I don't think ALL life is really that precious just saying I have been parasitology classes before and parasites are annoying things that need to just not exisit....but my pet rats and guinea pig,gerbils and hamster all are dealing with a mite/lice issue at home and its vastly annoying.

not trying to say I view a child in that sense just trying to find something to make me smile since this week has had a lack of smiles for me.)

I totally understand what you are saying and appreciate you are being kind about what how you are saying gosh knows some people are not as kind about.

I just feel like actually carrying the child and seeing it and THEN giving it up for me would be A LOT LOT harder for me to deal with. Then dealing with it right now at six weeks.

but I have no bad or ill will feelings to you for saying or thinking how you do about this kind of thing dear. I just don't feel the same on at as you or apparently other ladies you know.But all women are different with how they view such things.

Have you try thinking about giving it into adoption if abortion is the last option?. You would still save the kid, and maybe make his/her life better. If not, then abortion may be good.

I am just going to state the obvious and tell you that no matter what you will cope with the repercussions of this for the rest of your life, whether it be an abortion, adoption or keeping the child. The question is will you be able to cope with your feelings down the road as a result of your decision?

I think doing what's right for all involved is the best choice. Sometimes all the choices are less than ideal and you have to pick the best out of the not-ideal choices.

I could not agree more I just got through with the second set of pills that had me do that actually abortion yesterday and I was in a lot of pain and really really high on pain meds for a good portion of the rest of the night.

There was a part of me that wanted hate myself for the decision I had made cause the child did matter to me. I do NOT care what any ever tells me for as long as I live this child and how it grew up and how well it would have been able to be taken care of did matter to me no questioning of that.

I made a huge mistake in saying I was ready to have a child when I in fact was not and now I am paying for it. Yes I could have kept the child and adopted it out if I wanted to...but the short answer to that is it was not what I wanted. Cause I knew in my own mind when I saw that kid I would feel the connection of that child that had grown in me for 9 months and I might have changed my decision or wanted to right as I saw him or her...and I could not deal with that.

I know that both me and my ex how had made this baby were and still are not in good places in our lives to be able to handle taking care of a child we still have a lot emotionally, physical and finical descion making to do in our lives.

I also had to take into consideration that i have had neurological issues with seizures for a lot of years of my life. Ever since I hit puberty, and no one could never know just why...but I was told for years that I would be considered a high risk pregnancy. and I knew I had not been going to see a nurologist like I really need to be if this was something that I truly wanted to have happen.

If you know you are going to be what medical doctor's consider a high risk pregancny that is a lot take in and think about.

and I had not taken any of this into consideration cause it happened so out of the blue and unexpectedly.

did I do something I feel poorly for Yes!

Do I regreat what I did Not really!

I know what I did was hard but I felt like with what I was dealing with I did the best I could and I took care of myself.....as best I could up until I took the meds to start the process cause I cared about myself...what was happening to my body.

but when I think about in truth I don't even fully know with ALL of my long history of health issues if i could have even carried the baby to full term. I don't even have the finances to allow me to go to all the specialists and right kinds of doctors I would need to. To be able to tell me those kinds of answers....so even if I had not gone to planned parenthood and done everything the way that I had....

I could have in theory ended up the same way as I have now. Cause I was so un prepared.

so if you as a person disagree I get that! and you have a right to think that way. But I stand by the choice I made....and feel it was the right thing for and what i could emotionally handle given the rough, rough circumstances what happened.

{*{*{*{*kala83*}*}*}*}

Tough decision for anyone to make.

I actually don't disagree with abortion in some instances. I think all women should have the right to choose.

People talk about you having to deal with the repercussions of it but that isn't always the case. Some women get abortions and don't deal with after effects because they truly knew it was the best choice.

HOWEVER, you say in one instance that this is what you want but in another instance you have said that you kind of do want this baby " I am not fully ok with the decision and I will always remember I am doing this but as of right now for this situation it is my final decision." The fact that you aren't fully okay with the decision is concerning. I think that fact will cause you a lot of emotional turmoil.

Since you are set on getting an abortion I would suggest that you look into counseling options to deal with it. You might find that you need it to cope.

Adoption would definitely be an alternative but I know that isn't always plausible. Just, do what you can to take care of your mental health.

Birth control 100% of the time from now on.

I really do wish the best for you. There are repercussions no matter what you do. I know this has not been easy for you and I just wanted you to know that I really care about you and my prayers are with you.

Take care of yourself and really do take care of yourself, and yes birth control is very important. You deserve to have a better life

Hugs

Larissa