Buying Your Man Porn

I was wondering.... I know that the majority of guys out there watch porn whether it be on a regular basis or once in a blue moon. And I know that we accept it as women but don't really like it that much (usually). So I was wondering.... have any of you ever thought about, or actually bought, porn for/with your man? I think maybe me having an opinion in what he's watching might make it easier for me to accept him looking at it. Does that make sense?

many years ago i had a boyfriend who would watch ONLY porn,and i rented it and bought it for him.i was stupid,today no way in hell would i do that !! everyone needs to make their own choices,but myself,i wouldn't/couldn't.i'd find myself another man,a better one.

Heck no, when I had a man I wouldn't even buy him cigarrettes! Your vice, your decision!

No I wouldnt however I wouldnt like him to buy me any mags as he would get the wrong one just a I would get his wrong ......

While I would not buy my husband porn... I do feel that if a female buys porn for her man he might just stop looking at it or at least lessen the time spent on it... as porn is fun when it is seen as tabu - and there is nothing tabu about a woman saying "ok honey here it is go have fun"

Basically - we always want what we don't or can't have.

I DO NOT accept it and neither do I allow it. It is mainly, because I feel that in it's own way, it's his being unfaithful to me. It violates our wedding vows.

Another good reason for being against it is that it can become an addiction and cause irreperable harm to a marriage.

I love porn. I used to hate it, it used to make me feel ugly and I used to think that my man got off to it because he found them attractive - and I look nothing like those actresses so that must mean that he doesn't find me attractive; or that it's a form of cheating.

I think that's the reason why so many women can't enjoy porn. But ladies, once you find porn that appeals to YOU - you will change your mind and you will understand what it's about. And trust me, once you understand it, you won't feel self conscious anymore and you won't consider it cheating. There is SO much more out there than that mainstream Valley porn with big titted size 0 girls who shout "Oh yeah! **** that ***!!", you just have to look in the right places. I suggest you do so!!

I haven't bought my man any porn, cos come on.. we live in the 21st century, no one BUYS porn anymore. I have, however, given him my login name and password for a site that has some awesome movies. Yeah, I pay for my own porn and share it with him - cos we both like the same things. It's great for foreplay and for getting ideas, plus I've learned so much about my own sexuality from exploring the world of porn.

Septembermorn; talking about addiction in the context of porn isn't exactly fair. Would you ban alcohol from your home just because someone might become addicted?

Rhapsody; I disagree completely. Porn is fun cos it turns you on, and since men generally require visual stimuli (as opposed to women who generally stick to fantasies) - porn is a natural thing for them. Most men can't get off from just fantasies. It has nothing to do with taboo or secrecy. I've shown my man lots of porn "here honey, this one looks good" - and he'll even ASK me if I know any good movies, usually he wants something with women who look like me (dawww) and I'm always happy to help him find something.

Salukigirl; you should definitely find out what kind of porn he's into. Maybe do a quick search on his computer when you get the chance. Few people are able to be completely honest about their fantasies, fetishes and preferences. Porn is just about getting turned on and getting off, nothing else. But you MIGHT be in for a surprise if you find out what turns him on. And magazines are lame and useless, get him some movies instead. I suggest you even watch them with him if he's comfortable with that; then it won't be about him getting off alone to it - he'll include you in it and you probably won't even finish the movie.
But don't go out buying a movie before you find out what he's into, cos he might not like the movie at all. Just discretely slip it into a conversation when you're in bed, just ask him what he thinks about this and that or if there's anything he would like to try or if he have any fantasies.

But like I said, you might be in for a shock. One of my ex boyfriends told me that he had necrophiliac fantasies - involving both "sleepy sex" and corpses... I obviously couldn't deal with that, but I'm glad that he told me.

haha he has shown me his collection before. his laptop is broken so he has actual dvds and there is a variety. i never understood it and always thought of it the same way until i did this study. Im a smoker and have been for about 7 years. Well I did this study that evaluates what types of situations make you want a cigarette etc... Well a lot of the things (movie clips and pictures) I had to look at were people having sex. And when I was watching it all I could think about was him. And he always said that watching porn makes him think about me (which I never believed) until I had to watch it myself! Since then Ive been a lot better with it. Im just not into the type of stuff he has. And I know he wants me to watch some with him so I thought maybe us picking it out together would ease it a little. Cause then, not only do I get to choos things I like, but its not like hes forcing me to watch some skinny bimbos, its stuff that turns me on too.

One of his movies is 38DDs haha and something else about young lust? I don't remember the names. But even when we havent had sex for a couple days like if Im at work a lot or something he'll tell me which movies he watched lol. Makes me feel better because I know hes obviously not hiding it from me y'know?

Hes made me a lot more comfortable with it. And he's watched porn like 5 or 6 times in the past 3 months so I wouldn't consider that on his way to addiction by any means. If it ever got to a point where he had to have porn to be aroused for me then Id be scared but I think we're okay for now.

theama: maybe were just a little too kinky haha

Woooh, that sounds really awesome salukigirl! I wish more women could get over their porn-phobias. You sound like you have a really good relationship (at least when it comes to sex).
I know what you mean about the watching porn with him thing, y'gotta find something that appeals to the both of you. I hate that valley-style porn UGH. The women are so fake (Oh yeah! **** that ***!), and the men imo are really unattractive. Total turn-off. Plus the sex is booooring.
And yeah, I am a bit too kinky lol. I guess I can't link to porn sites on this forum, :P That guy is soooo hot omg. And he looks like my bf One of the movies with him is what made me like porn.

I as well think about my man when I watch porn, like imagine that the guy in the movie is my man and that I'm the girl.
5 or 6 times in the past 3 months is nothing! :O I watch more porn than that in two weeks xD
You should totally go pick something out together, or you could browse the internet and see if you find something good. By experience, it's rare to find good DVDs - most of the good stuff is on the internet. The DVDs are all **** orgy this, big titied housewives that lol. The only DVD I have is called "XXX **** extravaganza 3" lmao omg it sucked so much, I had to turn it off.

The negative consequences aren't worth allowing him any of it.

http://www.mrcforchange.org/intimacyandporn.html

he's his own person. theres no me "not allowing" anything. if hes gonna do it hes gonna do it. i dont understand this whole "allowing" thing. he's not my kid lol. and i would never accept him telling me "youre not allowed to do this" so why should i be allowed to do that to him?

Oh, I thought you said you were married. Marriage does have it's boundaries, imo. Here's a program that might enlighten those questioning, about problems with porn. Have a good day!

http://www.moodyradio.org/brd_Progra....aspx?id=18350

Well of course that is going to be their views they are talking from a christian point of view......

Now if you look at my link.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/art..._good_for.html

I think it is good to review the statistics. The ones about abuse in the home. About the outcomes of porn for those who are involved in it, and what it does to women in general (and males etc who are trapped by the trade.)

I don't see any problem with the information being on a Christian site, since they didn't make the problem up, it's real. A lot of secular sites won't tell the whole truth. I wouldn't want to invite it into my home, nor would I allow it to stay if it arrived. It's not a good thing at all, whether you're a Christian or not, to have these problems in your household and relationships. It overtakes the viewer. However, if someone returns here with how their guy is addicted to porn, in the future, they'd still receive support on how to work through it, or get a divorce.

Here's another link, about a study (2002) http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2002/mar/02031203.html

Oh and I disagree with the idea that the "majority" of guys out there look at porn. That just isn't so. It's not normal behavior for constant use of such.

Women in porn are NOT forced into it, it is NOT exploitation and it is NOT degrading to women (I'm a feminist btw). So what if they were abused as children/teenagers? They're adult women, they can make decisions for themselves without us pointing fingers and saying "oh drrr she's only doing that because she was abused". It reminds me of that actor in Baise Moi who killed herself five years after the release of the movie, because the entire world was judging and pitying her - but the radical feminists, of course, say "she killed herself because of the abuse", despite that she had previously told a friend that she would never do that because she wouldn't let the predator win.
Plus, there are a lot of females who direct porn movies as well as OWN production companies; and they started out as actresses, working their way up the ladder. I suppose they're CEOs in multimilliondollar companies because they were abused as children.

"Even using porn as a stimulus for marital sex is problematic because porn rarely reflects healthy modes of connection. Porn is wham, bam, thank you, ma'am--at best--and not reflective of the kind of sex I really want in my own life."

Well he's completely missed the point of porn then. It's not supposed to be about intimacy, romance, chemistry, connection and all that jazz - it's about ****ing. End of story. Amateur porn, however, is much more intimate and that stuff - but obviously he didn't do his research.

If you use porn in an unhealthy way, similar to using alcohol in an unhealthy way, yeah - it's going to be bad for you and your relationship. But as long as you use it in a healthy way, it can be very good for your relationship and yourself.

We're individuals; no one is the same, no one reacts the same. If someone becomes addicted; that's their problem, not my problem. If someone is traumatized by porn because of abuse; that's their problem, not my problem (and I'm also a victim of abuse).
My boyfriend suggested to me that I have the kinks that I have because of the abuse and that I'm punishing myself. I almost laughed my pants off.

You never know how it's going to affect you or your relationship until you try. And for the women whose partners watch porn, I suggest they do some research, keep an open mind, and also venture into the world of online porn to see what it's like. I've seen some pretty darn cute and romantic amateur movies, if women would start out with that instead of gonzo, they might adopt a realistic and healthy view on porn.

PS. Yes I'm extremely pro-porn, and saddened by how so many women cling to radical feministic myths and refuse to even give it a try, and worse; allow it to create problems in a relationship.

I think theama and I are talking about "normal" porn. Now a big reason why my ex and I broke up (eventually) had something to do with porn. His comp. mouse was broken. While he was at work one day, my step-dad knew it was broken and sent a new one. So I plugged it in and start clicking stuff to make sure it works. And when I open up internet explorer what pops up.... hardcore porn sites. and this wasn't "normal" stuff. It was depicting rape scenes etc... And I have been raped before so this triggered the hell out of me thinking that the man I loved could get off on seeing a woman being battered and bawling her eyes out. And not only that but that he lied to me about it and intentionally kept it hidden.

The stuff Im talking about is the stuff where its obviously agreed on by both parties involved and there isn't any kind of abuse going on in the video. My current boyfriend knows the kind of stuff Ive been through and has said that hes seen videos like that but they dont do anything for him. If that were the case and thats the stuff he got off on then we wouldnt be together.

My view on relationships is... if it makes you happy, do it. if you cant handle with what makes your partner happy then you shouldnt be together. if they quit doing it for you then they WILL resent you. and if they dont stop then you're always going to dwell on it and be unhappy. so either way, one party is going to lose. so if your husband or whoever wants to watch porn (no matter what kind) and you dont like it then there shouldnt be any "im not allowing this" it should be "we shouldnt be together". I dont buy that whole sacrafice for a relationship thing. I havent sacraficed a thing for my current boyfriend and neither has he and were happier than I have ever been in a relationship. As for my previous boyfriends who I have sacraficed things for, and vise versa, we were miserable.

Now Im a feminist too and do agree that, even though theyre not forced to do it like slaves, there are circumstances that make it much harder for women to take control in the sex industry (which I why I think prostitution should be legalized). But I also agree that there are many other ways to get by in life and that they made the decision to get into it. Im broke as hell right now but you dont see me making pornos.

And yes, abuse and porn addiction is an aweful thing, but if someone is going to abuse you or get addicted to porn - guess what... thats their personality. porn didnt make them that way. theyre probably the same people who would get addicted to cigarettes or gambling. there is a specific part of the brain that controls addiction and a known reaction that people who become addicted easily just dont have. that part of their brain just doesnt shut off when its supposed to.

anyways... this wasnt supposed to turn into a porn debate on immorality or right-ness about something. it was supposed to just be a poll for women in the women's forum.

I hope that now, since all of us have gotten a chance to express our opinions on the subject, we can get back to the original post and not turn this into a heated debate and have the post closed down. Any opinion based comments can be directed through PM but its not worth getting the forum in trouble just over a question.

While I respect that the original poster would like the subject to stay "on-topic", I'm not sure how much of a possibility that is considering the subject and the fact that it often draws on very core, firm beliefs.

Because of that, I feel it best to close this topic at this point and appreciate everyone's input.

KD