[mdarlington]

I am the first one in my family to go to college. I have completed 3 quarters of school, but I had to take last quarter off due to my physical and mental well being. At the end of each quarter I get so overwhelmed that I end up being involuntary hospitalized each time. Last quarter I almost killed myself. I was fired from work as a result of my mental illness. I have been unemployed and out of school for 3 months. I feel worthless. I am starting winter quarter in a couple of weeks, but I am worried that I will never amount to anything if I cannot handle the stress. I am behind my peers, because of mental illness. I feel like nobody understands what it is like to have these thoughts and feelings everyday. People think that I can just, "get over it," and it will magically disappear, but if that was true I wouldn't be this way. Does anyone else feel like a failure, because of not being able to go to school or work? Please reply. I feel so alone.

[H3rmit]

Yes, I feel like a failure at times because I can't hack what normal people can. I have not achieved what I expected to, hoped to, could reasonably have done.

However, all I can do is my best from where I stand. We have no guarantees where it leads. I believe we have to accept that. It's reality. IT doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Judgment of "failure" is not objective or rational. It's a judgment, and it's damaging. The disappointment hurts, but it's not necessary to turn it into a self-judgment.

[gayleggg]

I, too, feel like a failure. The only good thing I've done is have and raise a mentally healthly daughter. And that was not easy at times. I didn't go to school. I have no real skills. I was a stay at home mom, who could barely take care of my day to day life. Now I'm left empty with little hope for the future.

[0w6c379]

(((mdarlington))) Congratulations on enrolling next semester. This is quite an achievement that you've accomplished - 3 quarters thus far AND surviving a serious wound (mentally and physically). You are not "over" anything but you survived. My feeling is that there is no magic wand, you just live with whatever challenge life throws at you. School, relationships and life are stressful but you must try to believe in yourself that you can do it. Don't worry about feeling behind your peers. Most likely, they had more advantages than you did growing up. Had your peers gone through what you did in life they would be struggling too and maybe couldn't even get as far as you have. Keep telling yourself to just do your best and when you are down keep trying. Never...ever...give up the fight because that's what it is every day...a fight to stay in the game.

[mdarlington]

Thank you for all of your replies. It is nice to talk to others who feel the same way I do. Michelle25, that was a very encouraging message that you shared. Thank you.

[0w6c379]

[
I don't feel the way you do hun, I was trying to be supportive of you. Somehow I always get misinterpreted. I should stop posting myself.

[avlady]

mdarlington Welcome!! I also feel like a failure mainly because i don't work ouside of my home, i am a homemaker i am 53 now but remember being in college and it was very stressful and i had on and off jobs since i was 15. I finally got burn out and couldn't do anything anymore. I ended up on the pshyc ward after a couple of vehicle accidents as a passenger and a pedistrian. I a on meds now for over 20 years and feel alot better but i do have bad days still. One thing that is bothering me now is my son is going through the same thing we did and he also had a suicide attempt. I had head injuries and broken bones fro the accident too. In spite of all that im here still, don't know why, but i need to be there for family. Not everybody is cut out for college either, there is nothing wrong with that either

[penguinh]

Ya I definitely feel like a failure. I feel like I'm letting my teachers down because I'm not rising up to their expectations. Don't worry, you're not alone with this.

But, I'm pretty sure it's illegal for your work to fire you due to your mental health. They can't discriminate you on that. File a human rights complaint!

[bird_lover]

Hi...don't feel alone! It took me 5 years to get an associate degree in fine arts when I wanted to be a doctor. I had to be hospitalized many times. I took a semester off then went back and took a year off and finally finished. I didn't do what I wanted. I have a hard time holding a job very long. Either I get bad psych or physically I have to quit. But don't give up. Life is a challenge life is a fight. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Just be happy with who you are and what you ARE able to accomplish. ......

[fishman81]

Originally Posted by mdarlington

I am the first one in my family to go to college. I have completed 3 quarters of school, but I had to take last quarter off due to my physical and mental well being. At the end of each quarter I get so overwhelmed that I end up being involuntary hospitalized each time. Last quarter I almost killed myself. I was fired from work as a result of my mental illness. I have been unemployed and out of school for 3 months. I feel worthless. I am starting winter quarter in a couple of weeks, but I am worried that I will never amount to anything if I cannot handle the stress. I am behind my peers, because of mental illness. I feel like nobody understands what it is like to have these thoughts and feelings everyday. People think that I can just, "get over it," and it will magically disappear, but if that was true I wouldn't be this way. Does anyone else feel like a failure, because of not being able to go to school or work? Please reply. I feel so alone.

Ur a lot younger than I but the feeling is the same, I feel like a failure, I was soo strong and so alive, I'm failing in soo many ways, Job, financially, relationship, spiritually.
So dont feel alone, WE all have our crosses to bare,
I was on my way to success only to be struck down with illness, mostly structural issues, spine and joints. But now it's affecting my ability to function, people are dismissive when they feel fine and they dont feel the way you do, not too understanding huh?
So you dont handle stress well, Neither do I...I panic and I panic just at the thought of having a panic attack. I tried to explain that to a doctor once and he was so dismissive and demeaning to me I never went back to him.
You are already on the right path by discussing it with people who really dont judge. KUDOS for you.You will do fine as long as you keep an open mind and dont bury your head in the sand. I thought I was alone in my mess until I found this site, you will do fine, just take it slowand know there are people out there with similar things that might shed some light on your situation in a good way, never stop trying.

[dillpickle1983]

You're not alone. I fee like a total failure. I have a degree. It's a culinary arts degree. I can't handle the stress. I currently work in janitorial and it sucks. The people are nice, but I feel horrible. It's only like 10hrs a week. Thankfully I'm on SSDI but still. All of my pupils that I graduated with are so progressed in their careers and I'm so far left behind.

Sent from the pickle jar using TapaTalk 4 pro.

[mdarlington]

It is nice to talk about my feelings without being judged for once. The people I associate with don't understand why I cannot handle stress and self-harm as a result. I guess I don't understand why I make these choices either. I just feel so much pressure on my heart when I think about everything I have to do. I am just getting tired of being around people. That is why I never really leave the house and isolate myself from others. Being around people causes more pressure on my heart. I feel like there are too many expectations for me.

[SeekerOfLife]

Darling, did you read the blog on the homepage, "It's OK not to know what to do." So many times in my life I have come down so hard on myself. When I was much younger, i envisioned myself as being a success "someday". Well, I never got to finish college. But, I finally decided to be ok about that. I have a lot of difficulty making decisions. I ruminate for ages before making a decision. It's hard being depressed. It feels like you are being sucked down a hole. Practice self care. Get enough sleep. Try to get a little exercise daily. Blessings to you.

[mortalache]

I can relate very well. I was the first of my siblings to go to college and I even graduated early from high school. But for all the success it appeared I was having, I was unraveling inside. I could only attend school my first year part time and ended up dropping out. Years since now, I've gone aimlessly from job to job a complete mess. No direction and everyday feeling like it could and should be my last. Managing the stress of day to day life plus trying to get through the difficulties of having mental illness was very overwhelming for me at that time. Anyway, I just wanted to share. I truly wish you all the best in all that you choose to pursue for your future.

[riksie-dixie]

These days, it's a good thing you're still planning to attend college.

Yes, I do feel like a failure, similar to yourself. My main fault is not being able to hold a job for a long period of time, especially during one of my extreme anxiety attacks. It makes me feel horrible and my dad & aunt guilt me more, like they think I can control it so easily.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

Darling, did you read the blog on the homepage, "It's OK not to know what to do." So many times in my life I have come down so hard on myself. When I was much younger, i envisioned myself as being a success "someday". Well, I never got to finish college. But, I finally decided to be ok about that. I have a lot of difficulty making decisions. I ruminate for ages before making a decision. It's hard being depressed. It feels like you are being sucked down a hole. Practice self care. Get enough sleep. Try to get a little exercise daily. Blessings to you.

I agree on this. A good amount of exercise weekly and sleep helps quit a bit.

Also I would recommend reading about meditation and yoga. People who have had the worst depression was freed from it by these two. It helps the mind and body be free and in reality.

Like the Dalai Lama says :“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.”

I know I don't completely understand how you feel. Nobody truly does is the thing. We all have different perspective on life and different minds. We each are different in our own ways. Though it doesn't mean people haven't felt like you.

I think realizing that you aren't happy and knowing you are down is the first step to moving forward through life; knowing how you truly feel.

Also this website has helped me quit a bit: Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Plus reading about assertiveness has freed me more from feeling down. You learn how to take care of yourself better; it's the best communication to have to help yourself and not violate others. You end up feeling great after practice, practice, practice... I can tell you I'm slowly becoming assertive... I've been studying it for about 6 months and have some. It doesn't let me down because I know I am helpful to others and know it takes time and patience to learn. <--- Everybody needs to think about that. Telling yourself daily that you are worthy can help you and that is actually part of being assertive. Taking time to write your positive qualities and your weakness help. Knowing your weaknesses and knowing to strengthen them helps. Then write solutions to them to increase them and then do it, help quite a bit.

Plus this site has some pretty smart people that help quite a bit!

[Marshellette]

Sounds like all that was stressing you out. Why don't you find something you actually enjoy that doesn't stress you at. Go to Flexjobs.com, about the only work at home job board that isn't a scam.