I work for a security company as a security officer at a crappy post, so for someone like me, who suffers from social anxiety, work is pretty much Hell everyday.
I've only been with the company for about five months and it's been driving me insane ever since! I have to wear a ****** uniform that never fits and of course I always have to follow the protocol for how to dress. I can never seem to get this right for some reason because my ******* supervisor messed me up at the very beginning (supposed to have patches that says I'm security).
So every time inspection drops by out of the blue to say hello I'm threatened to get written up.
Two weeks ago I DID get written up because I called off three hours in advance instead of four (four is protocol). HOWEVER, I didn't know I was going to break down and slit my throat so I had to call off with the excuse of a "family emergency" and that I couldn't spare the details at that time, but NO! My supervisor wanted to know the details and I couldn't provide it because I wasn't sure if I would get laid off for being suicidal and unfit for my job. So he decides to write me up and even goes as far as to try to take away some of my days. I have bills to pay dammit! (I should mention that I do NOT work full time, only 29.5 hours, and that I'm struggling with my lousy pay right now).
Tonight, inspection wanted to drop by again and why is it that every inspector is haughty and stuck up!? I could only sit there having a panic attack while he stood there with his papers and pen, trying to look all superior because he's a textbook ****ing definition of American Security!!!
I feel like walking off the job and just phoning my supervisor to tell him I ****ing quit, but I CAN'T because then where would I be???
Dammit! I just feel so stuck...

[Travelinglady]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central! I can see how this job is not helping your mental issues. But as you say, the best thing is to try to remain calm and rational. The inspectors sound like military members!

Are you seeing a therapist? Look for one with a sliding scale (accepts what the patient can pay) if you don't have one. You need someone to vent to!

Meanwhile, be looking for some other jobs. However, as you say, try to hang in with the one you have until you get another one......

By the way, you can use this thread for some of your venting if you would like!

I'm not seeing a therapist at the moment, but I just got health insurance so I guess that's a first step. I'll take your advice and look for one with a sliding scale.

Thank you so much! I feel a little better already.

[Marshellette]

In the past five years the longest I've worked was one year and three months for a temp agency. I just finished working for only 3.5 weeks before quitting. I think five months is amazing!

Originally Posted by Marshellette

In the past five years the longest I've worked was one year and three months for a temp agency. I just finished working for only 3.5 weeks before quitting. I think five months is amazing!

Thank you for that. I think it's even more amazing to be able to work for a year and three months. I hope I'll be able to keep a job for that long.

So, I work at a condominium for 2 days over the weekend. On weekdays another girl works there while I work elsewhere (charter school). 3 days in a row, over the weekdays, a resident has been verbally abusing my coworker and the building manager. On my shift, the guy doesn't bother me (thank goodness), BUT! I have no idea what he looks like because he usually doesn't hang up at night.

If he bothers me I am to call the police, my supervisor, and the building manager (or whoever is on call that day).

TONIGHT, I am watching people go in and out of the building. I take my attention away for a moment to speak with a resident who is informing me of an issue. Then, I proceed to print out sheets so I can write it up.

I then get a call from the building manager (who is a creep with nothing better to do than watch people on camera from his house), and he says that, "three to four minutes ago a guy wearing a sports jacket walked out and then came back in. Did you see him?" I tell him no and he laughs like he's annoyed with me or something and then mentions that I was playing around on my phone and not paying attention. He tells me that from now on I should pay more attention to who comes in and out of the building...

Firstly, I no longer have a phone. It broke. I drowned it on accident, really. Secondly, three to four minutes ago I was listening to a complaint, printing ****, and writing **** up. All I do is watch people come in and out of the ****ing building. Yeah, I was playing on my tablet for a duration, but I always stop to observe who comes in and goes out. I scrutinize people so damn closely that I'm 100% sure that they feel that I'm ****ing creepy. I can see the looks of discomfort on their faces. At least that's what I think it is.

I hate it when people make up ****. They're not cute, they're not funny, and they're not special. Seriously, I could see why anyone would want to curse out the building manager. He always talks down to people like they're slow and ****. That's why nobody ever works here for long. They hate it here. I'm not worried about pissy residents with issues. I get anxious because I'm worried I might get pissed off and act impulsively. It's hard to keep control.

And now I'm also learning that I'm supposed to work on my damn off day tomorrow because my coworker is "gone". What the hell does gone mean? She quit? She died? She took a vacation? What? Nobody bothers to tell me of my shift change. It's always sudden and absolute.

**** this ****!

I would wish illwill on the building so that it would crumble, but there are actually people here that are innocent and kind. Lucky *** bastards...

[Perna]

When I want to go off on someone these days I divide them into two types: either they are the exact person I want to go off on (your manager) or they are secondary and did not cause the problem (useless government clerks :-) The secondary people might try to help me if I hang together and explain the problem and/or actually listen to what they are saying. I don't always listen too well and surprised myself a couple days ago when I called to complain about my email (now operated by Google even though it is not gmail) and the person on the phone told me I had to contact Google and I "got it" (even though it is administered by another company it is operated by Google so gmail instructions were what I needed).

The primary difficult people though require I really pay attention and know myself well but also allow me to get curious/clever/humorous. If you do not have a phone, for example, I would have said something like, "Really? I don't have a phone, I wonder what you could have seen?" all curious like you believe them but. . . not really. LOL

Originally Posted by Perna

When I want to go off on someone these days I divide them into two types: either they are the exact person I want to go off on (your manager) or they are secondary and did not cause the problem (useless government clerks :-) The secondary people might try to help me if I hang together and explain the problem and/or actually listen to what they are saying. I don't always listen too well and surprised myself a couple days ago when I called to complain about my email (now operated by Google even though it is not gmail) and the person on the phone told me I had to contact Google and I "got it" (even though it is administered by another company it is operated by Google so gmail instructions were what I needed).

The primary difficult people though require I really pay attention and know myself well but also allow me to get curious/clever/humorous. If you do not have a phone, for example, I would have said something like, "Really? I don't have a phone, I wonder what you could have seen?" all curious like you believe them but. . . not really. LOL

Right. I could have done curious or clever, but I wasn't trying to provoke anymore comments out of him. He always go for humor. Apparently humor is his thing, but I don't find him funny and I'm not sure he would like my sense of humor.

I don't listen well either (I try), but it's mainly due to the fact that I don't hear well in one of my ears. And then, of course, if I'm already irritated everything the other person is saying goes directly over my head. I just tune them out and focus on trying to calm down.

I feel like posting this is completely pointless...

Well, my coworker, who I will name Eri here, is gone temporarily. I now have her hours which allows me to work full time. However, according to my "lovely" supervisor, everyone wants her to come back. Now, she's been working here for as long as I have, about 5 months or so.

I swear nobody likes me. I'm not just saying this out of depression or poor judgement. No one likes me. I get cold looks. My favorite is the why-are-you-here-again look. At work I'm quiet. I don't talk much. I can't. I'm anxiety-ridden. I can't carry on a conversation and small talk always catches me off guard. So when someone does try to start up a conversation and they get a few stutters followed by an awkward silence on my end, they immediately look disappointed.

And now everyone wants Eri back. Nobody would ever say that about me. No one would care. I'm just a shadow taking up space...
I feel like walking off the job and going home. My mother would curse me out and scream at me if I did that. She'd probably kick me out too...

But really...what would that matter?

It would be lovely to disappear. It would be such a blessing to stop existing. No one needs me, so why stay? There's no place here for me. I mean, I feel like I'm beginning to see signs that I was born to die. Maybe I had a short purpose. Maybe I had an important purpose, failed it and now the universe is shifting dramatically to wake me up and get me to see that I was a mistake and that I need to leave.

I'm sort of having the same issue. I just got a job about a week ago, and of that week, I only went in 2 1/2 days! On the 3rd day, I had a massive panic attack and went home early, I have no idea why it happened, but it was terrible. My boss is angry with me, and I feel so lost! She called me today and asked if I was going to come in tomorrow and Sunday, which I reluctantly said "yes." I don't want to lose my job, but my emotions are really taking a toll on me.

I'm really going to have to try my best, even if it means I have to go cry in a bathroom! I know how you feel, you're not alone. We're just going to have to stick it out until something good comes to us.

I'm taking Citalopram with L-theanine, which I'm not too sure is working, but I'm going to try really hard, maybe take an extra theanine...

Maybe you should look into Theanine too... it's a great product, but not expect it to work miracles! If you're really tight on money, get an off brand (Country Life's brand is supposed to work wonders, but it's almost $20 a bottle!) I use Jarrow Formula's 100mg tabs (which I might increase), but I've found it for prices as low as $6 for 2 months worth of pills! Also, if you're interested in using theanine (or L-theanine, they're the same thing), make sure it has Sutheanine written somewhere on the bottle.

I hope this helps!

Originally Posted by Ren2010

I'm sort of having the same issue. I just got a job about a week ago, and of that week, I only went in 2 1/2 days! On the 3rd day, I had a massive panic attack and went home early, I have no idea why it happened, but it was terrible. My boss is angry with me, and I feel so lost! She called me today and asked if I was going to come in tomorrow and Sunday, which I reluctantly said "yes." I don't want to lose my job, but my emotions are really taking a toll on me.

I'm really going to have to try my best, even if it means I have to go cry in a bathroom! I know how you feel, you're not alone. We're just going to have to stick it out until something good comes to us.

I'm taking Citalopram with L-theanine, which I'm not too sure is working, but I'm going to try really hard, maybe take an extra theanine...

Maybe you should look into Theanine too... it's a great product, but not expect it to work miracles! If you're really tight on money, get an off brand (Country Life's brand is supposed to work wonders, but it's almost $20 a bottle!) I use Jarrow Formula's 100mg tabs (which I might increase), but I've found it for prices as low as $6 for 2 months worth of pills! Also, if you're interested in using theanine (or L-theanine, they're the same thing), make sure it has Sutheanine written somewhere on the bottle.

I hope this helps!

Thanks so much! When I was missing too many days at work at one time I got written up. Because I was afraid of losing my job, I just tried my best to endure it. It does get tough and sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose it, but then things are okay for a while...however long or short that may be.

We have to hang in there! I find that it helps to think of my current job as a stepping stone to getting somewhere better and higher and that it won't last too much longer.

And this is my first time hearing of L-theanine. In fact, I should look up other products that help in stress reduction. That's such a great idea. I don't know why I didn't think of it before.