Short Term Disability or Not??

Like the title says, I am torn and overwhelmed by the choice facing me. I am an elementary teacher, so I have been off all summer trying to get myself straight but the deadline is fast approaching and I am not emotionally strong or steady. I finished the last day of the last school year by being hospitalized for MDD and suicidal ideation. I don't want to do less than the best for the kids and how can I meet 25+ students needs when I can barely meet my own needs? Fortunately since I have been consistently employed there I can have full pay and medical while out. I am leaning toward disability, but I hate to let down my coworkers who depend on me as a leader. I have to make a decision by Aug 20. Any thoughts?

Put yourself first. You can't do your best job anyways at this point.

I am on week 2 of short term disability. I tried my best to keep working while slowly crashing. It wasn't a good choice to let myself fall so far before taking what I needed. I understand the guilt.....I am swimming with the guilt from the unfinished projects my overworked coworkers need to complete. I don't like to admit that I can't keep it together or that I need help. I am still struggling with my decision, hopefully I will realize at some point that it is important for me to take care of myself. I hope this helps....

Thank you both for the words of support. My Pdoc and therapist are meeting on Aug 20th to make a final decision. So for now it is out of my hands. Both have already said short term disability is likely. I hope to learn from this experience to put myself first. I know the kids would be better off with a sub than the emotional mess that I am now.

I wish healing for you. It is hard to put ourselves first, but sometimes very much needed.

Possible trigger

Well, it is official. My T and Pdoc filed paperwork with my job. I have never felt worse about myself. Every time anyone mentions back to school i start crying. I can't watch TV for the ads and even my pharmacy has a big Back to School display I have to walk through to get to the pharmacist. The "my allergies are acting up" excuse is so lame, but it helps explain the red eyes etc. My identity is/was so wrapped up in my job. I am not sure what to do with myself for the next 12 weeks. I am so depressed my pdoc changed some of my scripts so I wouldn't be tempted to use medications to OD. This is supposed to help me take care of myself...doesn't seem to be such a great idea right now.

I wish I knew what to say...just know that I can relate. Take care of yourself and be patient....know that healing takes time. You deserve to have time to heal.

Aquabelle, did you read my blog post on back to school? I understand.

I just read it. You do understand.

You sound like me.. I use to be a correctional officer and i was debating whether to harm myself or go to work.. well oneday i harmed myself and had to go to a mental hospital..And after 6 months the docs told me i cannot go back there. Well now i am on long term and i realized i am mentally ill

I totally relate. I had extremely difficulty in my job. It was triggering my symptoms of PTSD and major depression. It got to the point so that i couldn't function. My P-doc told me I need temp disability. I'm glad I did. I had to go to temp disability 3x. During this time I attended php and iop. My p- doc adjusted my med. I did find a new job (which is helping a lot). I tell u all the because things can get better! I think temp disability is necessary for your treatment. Fell free to pm me with any questions. My thoughts are with you!

I took a year of temporary disability and I did it for my own sanity - not to mention a need to heal physically, emotionally and spiritually. I think if you're questioning whether you have the fortitude to do your job well that's a red flag telling you that you need to put yourself first right now. Please don't feel guilty about taking the time off to take care of yourself.

I think I have finally accepted the need for the time to heal myself. I needed this as a wake-up call to take ownership of my recovery. I was drifting, waiting for the meds to fix everything. Now I have a plan in place to attend a php. I am being more involved in questioning my doctors and their treatments, goals etc. I feel much more positive about the decision, even if it was not one I would have made for myself. (I still want to go to school on Tuesday and greet the kids on the first day of school - not sure how positive I will be then.)

Sounds like a solid plan. All the best!!!