[Lolina]

Hello,
I apply a lot for job those last days.
This morning somebody from a temporary agency left me a message about a job I applied for. So I thought she would tell me to meet the client or have a job for me.
She called like at 9 and I called back at 9h30, she said that they have found someone else and they have nothing for the moment but she still wants me to come to talk about my last experiences and provide references. I told her I have already met people not once but twice.
I got a bit angry and told her if she has nothing for me then why does she still wants me to come, I said I would understand if you had something, she said you have the choice to come or not and all the temporary agencies have the same procedure.
I said no, it isn't, I worked with two which didn't ask me to come.
I know this temp agency for years and they have never been able to find me something and they asked me to come quite often, it will be the 4th time over years.

I told her I was sorry at the end of our conversation if I come across as angry but for example when I used to work in England they did find it rude to waste people's time without having an offer. She said we are not in England but let's arrange a day for the meeting. So I have accepted as I am looking for a job.

I try to assert myself but I am afraid of appearing as angry and I didn't want to lash out at her as she is reaching out to me.

I feel so confused these days, I need to work even though financially I am ok but I don't want to stay home doing nothing, and at the same time I am a bit scared to have to deal with mean people as my position and my status as a temporary worker make you like the pushing bag of stupid people.

I want to have a master and change career but the session will start next November or December with the school I selected. I would love to have my own business but for this I don't have enough finance and I still need to work on what type of business.

Any advice is welcome.

[bearguardian]

Hey Lolina.
Maybe try doing something at home that could bring you some emotional or financial rewards. Financial maybe requires exceptional talent or determination but if it makes you happy its worth to try.
For me jobs are triggering. Just looking for a job caused me stress, panic, depression... actually everything disturbing within me goes out at the though of a normal job. Cant imagine how dreadful it would be to have one... Im lucky to have my time to heal and explore...
So there are two important factors for you: what makes you happy and what the world needs. If you combine these two its a winner.
Good luck.

I understand how confusing it is when you want to assert yourself, while not appearing angry or upset. I think it depends on how you assert yourself, for example the tone and words you use. Anger actually can make me be assertive as I tend to be passive, but I try to wrap it appropriately to appear acceptable to others. It works sometimes.

You were working and have experience, so although you may start as a temporary employee, probably you won't start at an entry-level position. In any case, it's how you present yourself that how others will treat you. How do you assess your self-esteem level?

May I ask what is your aim of obtaining a master degree?

[Lolina]

Mr Stranger, I have just learned about those concepts of asserting and boundaries. I try to use them when I feel necessary but I need practice.
For my self esteem I don't know really. I have had a difficult childhood or pre teenage year if I can say. I was raised by my grandmother and moved with my mother at 10, thats when I had to face physical abuse and insults sometimes.

I was very much loved as a kid by my grandmother and brother and sisters, even by my father's girlfriend. I was a very pretty little girl and funny.
I used to play a lot alone.
As an adult I am very selective of my friends and people I let close. Those I let close I tend to form close bonds with them, but if they do something hurtful I cut the bond and put them out of my life.

I am lonely most of the time which does not bother me very much. I don't contact a lot friends and family apart one sister, I call or she calls me once a week.

What I miss the most is a boyfriend as between the age of 14 till 2 years ago I have always been in relationships and I want kids and to get married. I am in my early thirties. But I don't go out much and tend to not look at men at all. I most of the time find something I don't like about them for those who try, or I ask them to be friends if they are nice.

The master degree is to change career and have a better position.

I was not aware really of myself before, I just lived life but since my separation and what happened at work, this brought out all my insecurities and doubts. Also a lot of good things as I became aware of the dynamics of my relationships with people and I have seen how toxic some family members and one of my sisters are so I cut tie or distance them.

I think I am on my way to improve my life but as it is a solitary one and I don't have a mentor or Therapist it's a bit harder.

Thank you to both of you, and sorry for this long post but I wanted to get it out of my stomach.

[Lolina]

I forgot to mention that I didn't stay and accept the abuse. One afternoon after some more abuse I left with jeans and a tshirt on me. I went at my best friend's place and the who looked after her allowed me to stay after bringing me to see the doctor. I stayed a few days and then they find an emergency shelter for children and teenagers and I stayed there.

From 16 to 18 they paid a flat for me as I was quite mature so I could finish school then at 18 I had to find work and could not continue school. I had some permanent contracts but lots of temporary work. I have difficulty being stable at work. While I work well and I am very serious, I got bored easily. And I had a few difficulties with jealous women above all when they see me close to a male colleagues they like.

I remember a former colleague telling me years ago to be careful, the fact that I am smiley and" pretty"men can have the wrong interpretation and women feeling insecure.

I'm sorry for your rough childhood.

I really don't have an advice for you about being alone, but from your posts it seems you have a positive outlook to life and you are grateful, and I'm sure things will work out for you.

I have low self-esteem in informal social settings, but formally I think I have better self-esteem. Maybe because I perform better in structured situations as I don't like spontaneity and unpredictability.

I asked you about the master degree, because I have an advanced degree, but I still struggle to find a job. I'm not sure what your field is and how the job market is where you live, but in engineering an advanced degree isn't a plus in the industry where I live. Maybe in academia, but it's very competitive here. I'm not discouraging you by any means, just telling you my experience.

I too keep toxic family members on distance, including my parents, as much as I can. It's better for both sides I think.

Good luck in your job hunting and in finding someone with whom you connect

[bearguardian]

Originally Posted by Lolina

What I miss the most is a boyfriend as between the age of 14 till 2 years ago I have always been in relationships and I want kids and to get married. I am in my early thirties. But I don't go out much and tend to not look at men at all. I most of the time find something I don't like about them for those who try, or I ask them to be friends if they are nice.

Im also starting thirties.
In my teens I could not imagine a life without a girlfriend. It was the most important thing to me, more essential then basic needs of life.

I dont wish to go into esoterics but lets say I met my Anima, my subconscious, and became her. And the need for a external part of me vanished. Maybe thats the only really happy thing that happened in my life and that keeps me going.
I know this can sound weird for someone reading this.

Maybe start here if you wish to understand:
https://wiki2.org/en/Anima_and_animus+Milds.5

[hvert]

I'm curious - do you know why they are calling you in for an interview repeatedly when they have no position? Is there some kind of quota where they have to have people come into the office to make it look like they are doing something? Do they reinterview people every year? It does sound really weird to me that this is the *third* time they have you come in. They should know by now whether they want to work with you, why are they wasting your time?

[Lolina]

Hi Hvert,
Its the third times over years, last time was in 2015, but I still find it time wasting.
Today one of her colleagues called me for a job but with a salary below than what I used to. I told her that I would think about it.

Hi Bearguardian, I think being in our thirties is too young to give up on love and having a family or a loving relationship with a significant other. Thank you for the link I learned something new thanks to you.
I think I still have the strength to keep going, I won't isolate myself. I will try to find the best relaxation techniques to take care of myself. My abusers and bullies won't win.

[Lolina]

Hi,
Just wanted to say that I went to the interview and I got the job. I am starting tomorrow. Thank you Mr Stranger and Bearguardian and the others for your kind support.
I asked at the interview if there was rude people or strong characters as I won't tolerate any rudeness towards me. They said it should be fine and that people were quite polite so it's reassuring and I accepted the position.

Great news. Congratulations and good luck