[seesaw]

My boss reprimanded me again this morning. And every time she reprimands me its because I did something she told me to do. She accused me of trying to do her job, which I was not doing at all.

She started out by saying I was sending to many emails to the whole department, which was confusing to me because I've only sent a few, and others have sent far more departmental emails than I have. So this past weekend, I ran into the aide of a donor of ours. And because last year I was in charge of putting together this donor's year-end present, but it's not my account anymore, and everyone in the department is new, I emailed the team and simply asked, is someone aware of this and taking care of it? And I got yes as a reply, and another coworker said he was putting the photo book together, to which I replied, "I would really love to help you with that." That was just an offer of help because my coworkers know I'm an artist and I enjoy crafting projects.

So my supervisor claimed that I demanded to be allowed to work on the photo book, which was clearly not the case, as you can see by the way I worded it above. Then she got onto me because I had a question about another project for the summer when we're in the off season, and I suggested maybe the intern we are getting, who I will be supervising, could work on it. I asked my supervisor to add it to her running list, and I started my own running list for the intern and shared it with everyone. Apparently I was stepping on her toes by creating a to-do list for MY intern (that she assigned to me, btw).

Last week she reprimanded me for working from home on Monday while I was having PTSD symptoms, but when my direct report emailed this morning that she was working from home this morning because she had an upset stomach, she just said "Feel better!" No reprimand for her at all. She tells us to do what we need to do, work from home, take off early, whatever, because we all work a lot of hours and have to find time to do things, like get our hair cut, etc., whenever we can. But then when I do that, when I work from home, or leave early for an appointment, I get reprimanded.

It's driving me crazy that she says one thing is okay then reprimands me for doing exactly what she said was okay. I also feel harassed because of my disability and she knows that I'm allowed certain accommodations, but she reprimands me when I need to use them. It's directly against our employee policies and an ADA Violation. So I have to amend my ADA violation now.

Anyways, I sent a long email expressing this frustration to my HR rep and pleaded with her to help me figure out how to communicate with my new supervisor and understand what she wants from me. I asked her if she and I could meet first, because I want to come from a place of trying to understand not of anger or upsetness, and then she could mediate between me and the new supervisor to help us understand each other better. She was very supportive. She suggested I do a little homework and write out statements that start with "Help me understand why/what/etc..." so that it comes from a place of wanting to understand what she wants so it doesn't always feel like a moving target.

I know that I am not a problem employee. I have never had these issues with supervisors before. Even at my last job, where we personally did not like each other, we both respected each other and congratulated each other and helped each other when we had to do things that weren't our strengths. I was treated like a colleague and like an adult. My current supervisor treats me like a child and has to correct everything I say, even when what I say isn't wrong. And my CEO is just an *** who is going to lose the ADA lawsuit I've filed.

But here's an example. We were talking today about how 60% of our revenue was coming in during the 4th quarter. One co-worker, who is less experienced, asked, is it just this way everywhere? How do we change that so it's not so nail-biting. And the supervisor said, oh we've tried for years to change when donors give." And then I chimed in and said, well at the museum that I worked at, it wasn't all in the 4th quarter or at my last organization or the social service organization I've worked at." And then she looked at me really pissy and said "really?! well, every arts organization I've ever worked at, museums, symphonies, it's always in the 4th quarter."

Whenever I express something from my past experience she always invalidates it and never wants to hear or learn anything from me. In fact, that's the problem. She thinks she's the teacher, and that none of us can teach her anything. I had wanted to continue on and explain that at our museum, we had events year-round, we didn't have an off season, and we had a huge gala every April, so the 3rd quarter was larger for us, and then it would always revolve around different big events, so not necessarily based on a "season" since we didn't run on a season, we were open year-round. And there would be something to learn there. If we had a summer series or did an event at a different time of the year, that could change when our revenue comes in...but no, nothing I say has any validity.

I really just can't take it any more. I couldn't get any work done after my morning meeting with her because I was just so upset and distraught that I had not only been reprimanded, but treated so hostilely. Plus, when I'm in a position like that, where I'm being accused of things, I can't defend myself because 1) it's a PTSD response of mine to just placate and say nothing in my defense or to help her understand (like that I offered to help because I"m an artist and the coworker knew that) and 2) because they'll just say I'm being insubordinate. So at this point, I'm just the scapegoat that takes all the blame.

The woman owes me a downright apology. She has treated me like **** from day one.

But I won't get it. And I have got to figure out how to work with her, because I have no where else to go. Hopefully this mediation with HR will help me understand what she wants from me. My other purpose in that is that it's documented what she's asking, so she can't turn around and reprimand me for doing exactly as she asked.

I can't wait for my ADA complaint to hit. I wasn't in it for the money, but now...well, I deserve some damages. ANd not necessarily for the above, but for the other stuff I've described in other threads.

Seesaw

[Nammu]

Sounds like it's becoming a hostile workplace.

[seesaw]

Becoming?

I also think they are making a case to fire me. Which is why I am glad I emailed HR (and sent it to my personal email) expressing my desire to address these issues and find a resolution.

[Turtle_Rider]

People like her are way too snobby and must have her head above the clouds.

Quite remember me about my intern boss. She fired a worker, who is more senior than her, just because of personal dispute. The dispute is almost like your case: no respect from boss to subordinate.

Do your coworkers trouble with her too? if so, maybe you all can report her. I don't know about your system, but in my place, if there are so many reports or complaints it will taken more seriously rather than a single report.

[seesaw]

Turtle, I know my other coworker who runs a division has some issues with her. She said that the supervisor found fault with everything she had done all year (the supervisor started just a month ago). I think the junior employees like her, but she treats us senior employees like crap. Very disrespectful to us.

[GreenBlueRed]

I have been trying to give the woman the benefit of the doubt, but now I'm just gonna say she sounds like a B.



I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that on top of the discrimination issues. You are doing all you can to be professional and cooperative. Sounds like she's threatened by you and other employees that know what they are doing, or something.

[seesaw]

Yeah, so I just saw on our visits list that we send out every week that she's meeting with one of my clients, which kind of bothers me, but also the client is a board member so whatever. So anyhow, I emailed her and said I saw the visit on our shared visit schedule, and if she needs anything, materials whatever, to take with her on the visit, just to let me know and I'm happy to prepare them.

Even though it was just a benign offer, I'm sure she'll twist it into me "doing her job" or worrying about things that aren't for me to worry about, even though it has to do with sponsorship, which I'm the director of, and she is actually specifically my client.

I don't know why she wouldn't have even talked to me when she set up the meeting, at least to let me know. I'm swamped and happy to have the help, but I need to know if she's taking over one of my clients so I don't do anything out of sync with her.

I just don't even know like what I'm allowed to say to anyone anymore, in person or in email. She finds fault with everything I do and say.

I have never had this problem before. It feels hostile and harassing.

Like claiming that I insulted a coworker when the message was so benign "I'd love to help you with that" how is that insulting? People say that to me all the time and I either accept the help or say I've got it covered. Why is offering to help an insult? I thought we were a team?

She's condescending and rude. And doesn't respect that anyone else in the office has lengthy experience working in the field. She literally thinks she's better than everyone else.

And I have nowhere to go...at least for now...so I have to figure out how to deal with it.

I wouldn't even be at work today, because I am so agitated and anxious, feeling like I'm going to vomit or hyperventilate because of having to be in the same building as her and the way she treats me totally triggers my PTSD. So it's re-activating my agoraphobia that I had conquered when I came back to work 18 months ago.

I literally feel unsafe here.

I feel like I'm going to cry at my desk right now. At first I was happy to have her giving direction to me, etc., but then she became just a total jerk to me and rude and condescending. I don't think she understands what my role has been and is currently here. And I know she wants to change that, but I can't read her mind on how she wants to adjust my job responsibilities.

I have such high hopes every day, and get excited about new projects at work, and then she sucks every positive emotion out of me.

I actually bawled for hours last night because of what my disability is doing to me and because of how I'm being treated because of it, when what I've asked for in the way of accommodations is so simple.

Okay, I don't know how to end this...I've got to get back to the grindstone and meet my deadlines.

Thanks,
Seesaw

Ask your coworkers who interact with your supervisor, to email a summary of what has happened to them too. There is power in numbers. If you have at least a minimum of two other coworkers who've experienced personal politics from your supervisor (based on the examples you've provided in your thread here), that will help your case with credibility. Only ask those coworkers who can be discreet, whom you can trust. Otherwise, they could blab to your supervisor, "Hey...Seesaw wants us to badmouth you to make her case stronger."

Otherwise? It's just personal politics at play; your word against hers. And if she has upper management on her side, as I said, there is power in numbers.

[Leyla]

hi seesaw
i am going through the same thing, big mistake i told her was about my anxiety, but she is not just doing it to me, she is doing it to a few other people. i have started to document what she says to me or what she sends me in case she tries to screw me over... i have been there 16 years and worked hard..... my coworkers seem to cope better than i do.

your not alone.

Your not alone. But they are making a case to fire you. Basically employers now seem to believe that the moment someone tells them about a disability they need to get rid of you. Perhaps because people abused it in the past. But they they are being so critical to not only build a case for non discriminatory firing but also to make you lose your cool and then they will have you. Sorry... either stop demanding your rights and do what they want or accept your about to be fired. They hold all the cards and discrimination "protection" is a joke.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

Your not alone. But they are making a case to fire you. Basically employers now seem to believe that the moment someone tells them about a disability they need to get rid of you. Perhaps because people abused it in the past. But they they are being so critical to not only build a case for non discriminatory firing but also to make you lose your cool and then they will have you. Sorry... either stop demanding your rights and do what they want or accept your about to be fired. They hold all the cards and discrimination "protection" is a joke.

I know what you mean...but I have a very solid case for discrimination, including audio recording of the CEO harassing me for my disability, which is completely admissible in court because I have verbal and written consent from him to have audio recorded the meeting. I have far too long of a paper trail documenting the systematic discrimination. The EEOC is already investigating.

Frankly, I haven't been demanding anything anymore. I just document and add it to the EEOC complaint. Win or lose, I refuse to take it sitting down. I was abused and attacked and victimized my whole life, I'm not letting my employer rape me too.

To be safe though, I have been extremely compliant with HR and documented my requests to them for coaching to help me "communicate" better (it's a joke). Even though my boss tells me one thing then reprimands me and tells me another, I just smile and say "okay," and document it. I don't put up any fight with her at all.

Seesaw

[GreenBlueRed]

While you build this complaint, are you planning a potential exit? It sounds like you are being pushed out by your negative experiences there. If you take a stand, it will likely cost you the job with how you describe the environment.

Do not let the repremands cause you to second guess what you know. You haven't offended anyone else, so bring some boots to stomp on the eggshells when some B throws them in your path. If you are right, and prepared, there should be no regrets. That is my strategy these days.

I got in a heated, almost shouting, expletive laden argument with my new manager early on over emergency situation policy. Then when an emergency happened and all the things I warned him about occurred, he quietly implemented my recommendations. Currently, he treats me as if I am in management, which is awkward but a relief at the same time. It can be surprising what holding your ground can do. Even if it gets unpleasant.

I hope venting here allows a little bit of relief since there is no easy way out of this one...

[seesaw]

Yeah, so today she comes into my office, interrupting me while I'm on deadline to bring me some information about a new grant program that I already knew all about. While she is not letting me get a word in edgewise, I explain that I'm very familiar with the program and that we applied to it last year, and that the funding cycle wasn't open to us yet. And she starts arguing with me about it, and I'm like, I know what I'm talking about, wtf?!

So I just okay, well I'll add it to the list, and smile and nod. Then I pull it up online and of course, I was right, and she had no clue what she was talking about.

She just continues to treat me like I don't know anything...like I'm an intern or just out of high school or something. It's ridiculous.

Seesaw

[seesaw]

I just remembered something else and it really irritated me, so I'm just going to vent it here.

The other day we were just starting our department team meeting. And someone was talking about the new shoes that I bought that I wore to an event the previous weekend. And they are all FB friends with me, so they knew that they were my reward for losing ten pounds. So when our supervisor asked what we were talking about, I explained that I had rewarded myself for losing 10lbs by buying these new shoes. And I already my eye on another pair when I hit my next goal. And then she said "Oh, I don't have to wait to reward myself to buy shoes. I just buy them when I want." Kind of snobby-like...

I'm not sure if that was a knock on my weight and trying to lose weight or if that was a knock on the fact that she makes like triple what I do in salary...but, um, it really felt like an insult to me. I mean, I don't have to wait to buy shoes either, I could just go buy the next pair I want, but I'm making myself earn them as rewards to make my goals. I dunno, it really felt like a put down. Like a "I'm better than you." And considering how often she likes to remind me that she's a better person than me, I don't think I'm wrong.

Okay, rant over.

Seesaw

[gypped]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

Your not alone. But they are making a case to fire you. Basically employers now seem to believe that the moment someone tells them about a disability they need to get rid of you. Perhaps because people abused it in the past. But they they are being so critical to not only build a case for non discriminatory firing but also to make you lose your cool and then they will have you. Sorry... either stop demanding your rights and do what they want or accept your about to be fired. They hold all the cards and discrimination "protection" is a joke.

I hate to say it, but I agree.
I had the exact same thing happen to me at my last job.
Human Resources doesn't give a crap about you, they are there to make things easier for the company. And, once they have classified you as a problematic employee, you can't do ANYTHING to please them.
I would make one tiny little error on a report (like typing "the" instead of "a"), and I would get a "final warning" disciplinary notice. But my co-worker would type one patient's report into another patient's chart by mistake (a seriously big deal!), and my boss would laugh and say that she must have been tired that day. WTF?!
Everything I did was scrutinized so that they had a paper trail. Since they can't fire you for your mental illness or disability, they have to make sure that you look incompetent (which they can fire you for).
You can't win, sweetie. Sitting back and being passive doesn't work, and fighting for your rights doesn't work. It's a lose-lose any way you look at it.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by gypped

I hate to say it, but I agree.
I had the exact same thing happen to me at my last job.
Human Resources doesn't give a crap about you, they are there to make things easier for the company. And, once they have classified you as a problematic employee, you can't do ANYTHING to please them.
I would make one tiny little error on a report (like typing "the" instead of "a"), and I would get a "final warning" disciplinary notice. But my co-worker would type one patient's report into another patient's chart by mistake (a seriously big deal!), and my boss would laugh and say that she must have been tired that day. WTF?!
Everything I did was scrutinized so that they had a paper trail. Since they can't fire you for your mental illness or disability, they have to make sure that you look incompetent (which they can fire you for).
You can't win, sweetie. Sitting back and being passive doesn't work, and fighting for your rights doesn't work. It's a lose-lose any way you look at it.

Well, I can sit back and be entirely negative, as you suggest, or I can try to make the best ot it.

I don't know why you're determined to make me continue to feel horrible about it. I know what's going on, all I can do is protect myself and socument, document, document.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by GreenBlueRed

While you build this complaint, are you planning a potential exit? It sounds like you are being pushed out by your negative experiences there. If you take a stand, it will likely cost you the job with how you describe the environment.

Do not let the repremands cause you to second guess what you know. You haven't offended anyone else, so bring some boots to stomp on the eggshells when some B throws them in your path. If you are right, and prepared, there should be no regrets. That is my strategy these days.

I got in a heated, almost shouting, expletive laden argument with my new manager early on over emergency situation policy. Then when an emergency happened and all the things I warned him about occurred, he quietly implemented my recommendations. Currently, he treats me as if I am in management, which is awkward but a relief at the same time. It can be surprising what holding your ground can do. Even if it gets unpleasant.

I hope venting here allows a little bit of relief since there is no easy way out of this one...

Hi Green,

Yes, I am working both on exit strategy and on trying to work on conflict resolution with my employer at the same time. Because I just don't know what will happen.

I know the situation I'm in. I understand what's going on. But all I can do is make the best of it.

I know what HR's role is. But I also know that by documenting and showing that I am working on what they consider "problematic behaviors" it protects me in terms of my EEOC complaint.

Right now, I'm just trying to shift my attitude to look at things from a new perspective, be positive, manage my boss without having too much interaction with her, and get through the next month.

But yes, sometimes I need to just come here and vent because if I don't, I will literally scream.

Seesaw

[gypped]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Well, I can sit back and be entirely negative, as you suggest, or I can try to make the best ot it.

I don't know why you're determined to make me continue to feel horrible about it. I know what's going on, all I can do is protect myself and socument, document, document.

Sorry. It sounded like you were being pretty negative about the whole thing to begin with, so I was just agreeing with you. My experience of "boss picks on me for stuff that no one else gets picked on for, I get treated like crap and try to get HR to intervene, I document everything, I end up losing my job anyway," sounded like it might parallel yours.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by gypped

Sorry. It sounded like you were being pretty negative about the whole thing to begin with, so I was just agreeing with you. My experience of "boss picks on me for stuff that no one else gets picked on for, I get treated like crap and try to get HR to intervene, I document everything, I end up losing my job anyway," sounded like it might parallel yours.

Don't be sorry. You were right on the money. I wasn't trying to be argumentative, just saying that I have to try and stay positive or I'll have a nervous breakdown.

Seesaw

This comment is meant to be constructive rather than inflammatory. My personal observation is that you are a very smart, hard working person, and if you applied a tenth of the effort you put into your job and lawsuit, into your own business, you would be a very wealthy woman. I genuinely wish this is an option you would consider and research. I have been working for myself for over a year now, after 25+ years of working for other people, and I had to do what I did due to personal circumstances. I would never go back to working for someone else now. Please think about this. Perhaps planning what and how may give you back the control over your life that your employer has taken away.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

This comment is meant to be constructive rather than inflammatory. My personal observation is that you are a very smart, hard working person, and if you applied a tenth of the effort you put into your job and lawsuit, into your own business, you would be a very wealthy woman. I genuinely wish this is an option you would consider and research. I have been working for myself for over a year now, after 25+ years of working for other people, and I had to do what I did due to personal circumstances. I would never go back to working for someone else now. Please think about this. Perhaps planning what and how may give you back the control over your life that your employer has taken away.

Thanks, little cat. That means an awful lot to me. I do think I'm going to look into doing some freelance work. You have given me something to think about, for sure.