[DelusionsDaily]

ok so it has been a week with my new sponsor and my goodness i could sleep for a month. all the awareness that has been hitting me is just wearing me out completely. then crying while on the phone with once out of every 5 days i talk to her is just insane...i NEVER cry! I know it is all good stuff but I just wish it would stop for a day...not a week,not a month or even a year...but just one day...but it hasnt and it has left me completely drained and exhausted. ugh i hate this feeling.

[Leed]

Hi Melissa ~ Oh don't worry ~ I will stop. You're just cleansing your body of garbage that you've been carrying around all these years. This 'stuff' that you're getting rid of can be painful ~ some of it is good. But it's just stuff that you didn't know about.

You would have known about this stuff long ago but like me, you drank and numbed yourself so you weren't aware. All this new awareness is getting overwhelming! Crying is GOOD - it's a good cleanser.

Don't worry tho. This all will stop and things will settle down. You're doing great from the sounds of it. Keep on keepin on !! Hugs, Lee

[splitimage]

Hi Mellissa,

Don't worry - you're perfectly normal, early recovery is overwhelming and emotionally exhausting. I think I cried at every AA meeting I went to for the first 3 weeks. I still get weepy at them at times.

Hang in there, it does get better.

--splitimage

[DelusionsDaily]

not newly sober...celebrated 6yrs a week and a half ago. I feel like there is more coming...UGH!!!

[madisgram]

i think of sobriety like an "onion"...we slowly peel away the layers of self. sounds like you're at a new layer of awareness. work thru this emotional pain and it will make you stronger as new things come up, melissa. u're obviously doing some truthful work. there probably is more coming. we all experience growth this way- getting rid of the sack on our back. you will not regret it. hang in there!!!!

[DelusionsDaily]

thanks madisgram. I know it is good stuff...it just seems really stressful right now because more stuff just keeps coming up. tried to talk about it at the meeting tonight and was shaking horribly...but didnt cry. i think the tears finally dried out. i am just overwhelmed, drained, and stressed. i think i might call my old sponsor who will be a really good friend and see if i can get together with her this weekend maybe it will help me relax she has a calming effect on me. we'll see. thanks again.

[madisgram]

great idea, melissa, re previous sponsor.
you know i thought of another analogy, when we tap into those deep stuffed feelings i think of it as vomiting up the crap. i sponsor a gal and after doing her 5th step, she cried thru the whole thing, she actually did vomit. yahooo. we got to the bottom of the well! Then i tucked her into my bed for a nap. she's never forgotten the experience, who would?

[DelusionsDaily]

Thanks. yeah it won't be long and I will have another inventory to do haven't done one with new sponsor yet. She wanted to wait for things to settle for me again. I feel alot better today...so I'm sure it's coming. Although I seem to cry everytime I'm on the phone with her cuz something new always come up for me. UGH!!!! Well, I just hope things are settling again cuz the last week or so has been absolutely exhausting. I haven't cried so much...in the last 9 years around AA and I start with her and it's all the time...grrrr. Well, let's hope I dont cry on the phone with her today...that would be great.

[splitimage]

Melissa,

My apologies for thinking you were new to recovery - it's just that your post reminded me so much of what my first few weeks were like.

I think it's good that you're getting stuff out now with your new sponsor - I know it feels hard but it is healing.

I'm constantly crying at meetings, my T's, my addictions dr. and occassionally at my pdoc's.

I've just resigned myself to always carrying kleenex.

hang in there.

--splitimage

[DelusionsDaily]

hey splitimage, it's ok...just wanted to clarify. the crying thing is what gets me...I can't stand it...AT ALL. I'm glad its all finally coming out but it exhausting. yeeesh.

[madisgram]

melissa - a thought. my pdoc suggested i do this when i couldn't stop crying. he said set a time of day when you allow yourself 1 hour to cry. i chose 5 o'clock. i discovered i got busy with something and forgot the time of day. then i'd say, oops, ok, now i can't cry until tomorrow cause i missed my crying time today. that helped me.
on the other hand crying does help one get "it" all out of us but there's a limit to how much we can endure with the crying. you're worn out so you might want to try my pdoc's suggestion.

[DelusionsDaily]

hey madisgram, the crying thing isnt so much that i can't stop. it's more that it was happening soooo often even just for a little bit. thanks if it does get out of hand i'll try that.