lonliness in sobriety......

......sucks.

I have so much to be greatful for. I'm in my new apartment, it's all nice and clean and new, no memories of drinking....and no one to share it with. Not even a prospect. I'm enjoying my job, my meeting schedule is better than ever now that I've moved. But I'm so lonely! Both my best friends in recovery have boyfriends. They get to be affectionate with someone. Someone shows them love. They get to cuddle with someone. And I don't. And I miss that. I'm ok with being single, like I'm not totally upset that I'm not with someone, but when I'm at my new place in the evenings, I'm lonely. Mostly I wish that someone liked me. I've never been on a date. Not the traditional kind of date where the guy picks me up, takes me out, gives me a kiss at the doorstep. I've had plenty of boyfriends, but the relationships always started after getting drunk and having sex. I've always felt like sex was something I had to do for the guy, not for me. Lately I've been craving it, and I can't tell if it's because I want it, or because it's the only way I know how to get affection. I've never gone out with a guy I haven't slept with the first night. And no one's interested. No one flirts. No one calls. I feel undesirable, unwanted. I've lost weight, I take better care of myself, I'm a better person, but no one wants me because I'm not drunk and easy. I know it's all up to my higher power, not up to me, that there's a plan. I know I need to continue to turn it over, let God know what I'd like but trust in Him to provide when I'm ready. But dammit it's hard sometimes. I talk to this guy online who I've known online for 7 years, and he's the only male I have any kind of contact with in a guy/girl way. Anyway, I know I"m being poor me, but I'm feeling down about this. Can't bring this stuff up in coed meetings. I'll be talking to my girls about this, and I'll try to hit a women's meeting, but I had to get this out, so I chose here.
So.....lemme have it. What do you say?

MAYBE your higher power wants you to have the right guy and not just for sex kinda guy at the right time....But yeah being loney sucks......though you can live with someone and be even more lonely than if you were alone.....I hope your higher power moves it

hugs

honey, loneliness in bipolarII sucks also. and i have all of the same wishes and desires that you have. i don't drink, so i haven't done the drink and sex thing, but i miss intimacy so much. i have an E.O.B. and B.O.B. that i rely on. that's about all that goes on around here now. broke off with the last one. i wish i had the magic answer for both of us but i don't. i don't have any answers for myself right now, much less another woman.

i admire you so very much for getting sober and taking care of yourself. i know that it hasn't been easy. i'm a substance abuse counselor and there are NO jobs here...nada. you're far enough into your sobriety that a boyfriend wouldn't be a hindrance to staying sober. i've kept up with your writings. xoxoxo pat

First, congrats on staying sober through all of this.

I know the feeling you have all too well. During active addiction, I was what some would call a *****, as bad as I hate admitting that. I'd sleep with guys just to feel wanted and also to get what I wanted. Now that I don't use, the desire to feel wanted is still there but I don't let myself have sex with just anybody anymore, so the loneliness gets so tough to handle sometimes. BUT! With the help of your higher power and using your brain, you can make it through without giving into temptation of having sex just to feel wanted. You shouldn't have sex for that reason. You should have sex with someone because you have a mutual care for eachother and want that intimacy with eachother. Love yourself, the rest will follow. Much love to you, Rayna. ((((( Rayna )))))

(( Ray )) (( Sleeps)) ((Fay )) ((Bama))

On a side note, Bama, I NEVER want to see you label yourself like that again. Yes, I know that you're referring to yourself in the past, but no. You weren't that. Don't even use that word, EVER. You were lonely. Be gentle with yourself. Take your own advice and love yourself, including the scared and lonely person you once were, the person that made mistakes out of desperation to feel loved.

((((( LMo ))))) You're right, I shouldn't have referred to myself in such a negative way. Guess you get used to hearing others call you that and you sometimes start to believe it yourself. I do have more self love than I did in the past, but it's still a daily struggle. I'm working on it.

On a lighter note, Rayna, surround yourself with positive people. Part of recovery is having a strong support system. If you don't have a strong support system, PLEASE try finding one. Doesn't have to be family, can be friends, a sponser, people in your AA group, etc, etc... Keep yourself around these positive people. Even if that means more meetings and less alone time. Sometimes alone time is good but other times it can be a relapse trigger. So during those times, surround yourself with that positive support network. Wish you the best as always, sweetie!

Thanks everyone!!! I've been busy moving more so I haven't been able to reply. I went to a sober party last night. At first I wasn't going to go, but I did and it was a lot of fun. It helped keep the lonliness at bay last night. Today some friends from the fellowship helped me more some more so that helped too. I have a wonderful support system. My friends in recovery are the best, as well as my sponser, so I'm definetly not lacking there. I'm hoping to get some girl time with one of my close friends tomorrow, since her boyfriend just went out of town. So I'm feeling better today, but I've been nice and busy unpacking, so that's helping.Thanks for all the replies! I'll keep you posted, and thanks Sleeps for hoping my higher power moves it, heheeh, maybe He'll listen to you lol.