things are not good

I've been in a downward spiral since 2007. Prior to then I was a binge drinker but could take it or leave it. I've been over on the bipolar forum to discuss my bipolarism but it's clear to me now that alcoholism is my main bete noire; I'm betting that dealing with bp-ism will be a breeze after I kick the alky habit. Coke has been a problem the last year too, but is no longer. No, it's just the damned bottle right now. Been to AA since early 2010 and it's done some good. I keep relapsing though. When you work with fishermen, you don't turn down a shot of whiskey.

I just wish there was an easier time to kick the habit. My fiancee has a lump in her lung, my father has a mass on his heart and I'm facing a month in jail for OUI-related offense. **** is hitting the proverbial fan. And I'm drunk to boot.

I never let anyone in my life because I wanted to always shield them from my madness. Now I need help and I don't know how to ask for it. Maybe I can get something here, I don't know. Really I just need to talk. I'm a tough guy so I hate acting like a *****, which I know is not really the case at all. It's just our damned macho culture that deludes us into thinking this way. Anyway, whatever you all can give me I'm sure will help more than you know. Gracias.

glad u posted gulas. yes i'm bipolar and self medicated on alcohol. it led me right into alcoholism. i'm 21 yrs. sober now but if i were to be stupid enough to pick up a drink i'd be off to the dungeon straight away.
others will offer their solutions to this problem but here's what i did once i KNEW it was more than a problem. i went to AA, still do, and got real with others about why i was there. you've already tried this but did you speak up and share what a mess you had become? they tell us alcoholism results in jails, institutions and death. i was fortunate i never went to jail or a dui but that was just "luck". i did find myself in dual diagnosis inpatient treatment places and then the psych wards X 2. i couldn't stop or so i thought. when i was emotionally bankrupt i knew it was necessary to try to help myself if i wanted to really live life. i felt i had no soul, a shell, numb. i only had the last option coming up at that time. but people don't have to hit such a low bottom. they can save themselves the upcoming misery. we will use any reason/excuse to drink to escape...dog died, dog lived, it rained, it didn't rain, etc.
a good reason besides your desire to get sober for self is your dad being sick. he needs you to be there sober. BUT only you can stop. alcoholism is an "equal opportunity" disease. just ask. put the pride in the garbage. it worked for me. we will continue to bargain the alcoholism until it either destroys our life or kills us. it promises us the world and only takes our soul. it's a LIAR. it wants to destroy us and it will if we don't do what we need to do. that is a fight for your very life. if you had cancer you'd prob be willing to go thru chemotherapy. just cause you can't "see" the life threatening disease it is still there. there is no cure for alcoholism but abstinence relieves us. it won't go away unless we do something about it.
i've lost many, many friends to this disease including my bgf when she was 45 and a mother to 5 kids.
choose life. you will never regret humbling yourself admitting your situation. your life can become like mine-happy, joyous and free.
if you want feel free to pm me. know we sober ones at this forum will support you also.
sorry for long post.

There is no better time to quit drinking than now. If AA was helping in the past, then go back ASAP.

What has helped me is SMART Recovery and AA meetings. The thing is, I just got sick of being sick. Drinking was causing more problems that it helped. So the only solution was to be put to the task of finding every way possible to quit and remain quit.

This too shall pass, they say. And so it has, night become day once more. It's just a matter of working through that moment or tough few hours-without picking up a drink. Nothing much has changed since yesterday except that I'm not going to jail immediately. And I'm sober. And life seems somehow manageable. I can do this. Even as I wait for the news from my fiancee. Good or bad, it can be dealt with soberly. While I know that ultimately I have to do this for me, for now, I'm content to do it for them.

Thanks for thine ears (and eyes).

Remember that when we quit drinking, we have to change people, places & things. We can't hang around the same people or the same old haunts.

You're right -- you CAN do this. I hope you're still going to AA. After over 20 years of drinking HEAVILY, they literally saved my life!

God bless & keep up the good work! Hugs, Lee

Gulas, stay sober 1 minute at a time if you have to. Whatever you do do not pick up that first drink. I've been in and out of AA a few times, been to rehab four times. I finally got tired of fighting. Each relapse I had the consequences got worse, and I had a harder time starting over. I pray that my last relapse was my last one, because I honestly believe that if I pick up a drink again, I'll wind up dead.

I'm throwing myself into AA this time, more than I ever have before. And it is helping me. I've joined a home group and I'm active in it. I've got a great sponsor and I'm going through the steps with her again. I see that other people in my group are staying sober, despite having problems in their lives, and that makes me believe that I too can stay sober with help.

It's hard to admit we need help and ask for it. But it's definitely not weak. Asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do.

Hang in there.

splitimage

Court date tomorrow morning, followed by an AA meeting at noon. Another meeting on Friday evening, with a buddy o' mine.Things are looking up. Jesus it feels really good not to be drinking tonight. Instead I'm smoking a good, cheap cigar and reading a book for a change. At what point do you suppose it's time to switch over to the bipolar forum?

All kidding aside, it's crystal clear I can't ever drink again. And on that note, I wish all of you another 24 hrs. Take good care.

I felt guilty not following up on the first post. With regard to the court issue, I thankfully got off on the most egregious charge. I'm now facing a few weeks of jail and that will be the end of it. I feel stronger and saner than I have in some time. Some serious family stuff has come up and it's clear to me, there's no better time to be sane and sober.

In meeting today with a new therapist (the first in over a year), I realized that, in my quest for a suitable person to spend an hour a week with, I have been expecting to find Joseph F*****g Campbell and thus am destined to be continuously disappointed. Today, I accepted that my new guy is at least a mensch and easy to talk to, and for now, that's ok with me. I wish all of you another 24 hrs.

yea bro, I feel your pain;

I'll be clean 'off pain meds' 5 yrs in nov. but 2 yrs ago started having occasional drink with buddy on weekends. Started down that road again. I never had been an alcoholic, per se, but have the addict persona. So in sept. started on a liver medication treatmnt, which prevents me from drinking (24 wks). I have not been to my friends, began staying with a relative,(who is aware of my history) and figured nothing of it. The last few days I"really" felt like a brew. Not so bad tday, but had to go back to my recovery methods again(prayer, yoga, meditate)harder than usual.
Good luck, find a "safe" activity ,go to AA, and avoid "P.P.things".1 thought at a time.BB