[Jaye]

<font color="purple"> Hi everyone, my name is Jaye.
I came across this forum earlier today, and am hoping that a few of you may understand a little of what I'm going through.


Unfortunately, I relapsed earlier this week after gaining two months clean (heroin addiction) and I'm feeling pretty useless and ashamed right now!

I just feel like I'm stuck in a 'cycle' if that makes sense! I'll do well for a while, and then something will happen to just set me off using again. I don't know why I react like that, but I do - I've always been the same.

Anyway, I'd ramble all night long if I could but I'll leave it at that for now! I don't want to bore you all on my first post! I'm happy that I found a place like this though - I guess I just need a little support at the moment to get my act back together again!

I hope to get to know you all a little better.

Love,
Jaye. </font>

[Raynaadi]

Hi Jaye-

Thank you for admitting your relapse and being honest! We have to be rigorously honest if we want to overcome our addictions. You can stop, it's definetly possible. And the best part is that it's possible to stop and end the misery at the same time. The past 9 months for me have been the best 9 months of my life. THE best. You can do it. Welcome to the forums. =)

~Rayna

[Junerain]

Jaye,
We all care about you already!! Welcome- be sure to post many more posts and be active in this community!! Could you write us and let us know how you are still doing? What about rehab that would separate you from the temptation, no?

[Zorah]

Hi Jaye,

I haven't used for 20 years now, so it's definitely possible.

While you are recovering it is better not to beat yourself up over a relapse. Just shrug your shoulders, say "damn I stuffed up again" & go on being clean. Because you slip & use once, it doesn't mean you have to keep using.
This is an important skill to learn, because you'll almost certainly slip sometimes in the first couple of years.

There will always be stuff that triggers you to want to use. Try to work out what those triggers are; that will help.

[Jaye]

<font color="purple">Thanks, Rayna.

I saw your post celebrating your nine months - that's awesome! Congratulations! I have so much admiration for you hun.

I have to really try and keep myself positive about recovery, because I find it all too easy to get frustrated with myself! But I know that all along that's what I've been doing - taking the easy option.

I do believe this can be done - I'm just trying to find the way it works for me.

Thank you for your support Rayna.
It really does mean a lot.

Love,
Jaye.</font>

[Jaye]

<font color="purple">Thank you Junerain!

I'm still here. I've already been through rehab, and yes - for a time it did separate me from the temptation, but the problem of 'staying' clean is (I think) due to the environment I'm living in. Everyone around me uses - I know what I should do (and really what I NEED to do!) which is leave. I'm just waiting until I can save up, so I can move far away from this place.

After rehab, I was able to manage for a month or so without using. Then I went back to using for around three months - tried again to quit, lasting only a couple of weeks. The two months I gained has been the longest I've managed and now I've messed that up too!

It just seems like a never-ending cycle! I am still searching for the way out though - there has to be one that works for me, I've just got to find it!

Thanks for your support, Junerain.

Love,
Jaye. </font>

[Jaye]

<font color="purple"> Congratulations on 20 years, Zorah!
That's fantastic hun! One day, I hope to be where you are. Although right now, it's easier for me to think of it day at a time, lol!

I understand what you mean about not beating myself up over relapsing, and I really would follow your advice if only I did just use the once. If I relapse, it seems I almost give up on recovery for a time, and just continue using (I actually hadn't realised that I do this until just now, so...eye-opener for me there.)

How can I go about learning to control that though? If you'll forgive my rambling here, it all seems to happen so quickly if you know what I mean! I'm clean for a while and then I turn my back for a second and realise I'm using again! Does that make sense? I guess I'm just confused right now.

And thank you for giving me something to think about, Zorah. I'll have a think about what my triggers may be - I've recognised that they're there, but I'm not sure right now what they actually ARE.

Thank you so very much hun.

Love,
Jaye </font>

[Raynaadi]

Hi Jaye!

It's great to see you posting so much! Thank you for telling me that I inspire you. My primary purpose is to stay sober and help others to achieve sobriety. My sobriety hasn't come easy. I've had to work HARD. My sponser has 15 years, and she hasn't had to go back....it can be done. There's a guy in my homegroup with 30 years and he hasn't had to go back. Slips in the first couple years of recovery aren't necessary. You don't have to slip again! Think of this as a reset of your life. You just restarted! You can do it! Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions, or post here, either way. Thank you for sharing this here, because you are important to my sobriety! You may not realize it, but my opportunity to help you helps my sobriety, so you're already helping!!!! Keep coming back!

~Rayna