I feel sad. i'm not using.

[bjtds3]

Last night I drank excessively. Woke up around 7AM shaking from dehydration. Chugged two bottles of water then started drinking to avoid a hangover. Fell back asleep, drunk, at 11AM. Woke up at 5:30PM. Destroying myself. Destroying my future. I want to get sober.

Originally Posted by bjtds3

Last night I drank excessively. Woke up around 7AM shaking from dehydration. Chugged two bottles of water then started drinking to avoid a hangover. Fell back asleep, drunk, at 11AM. Woke up at 5:30PM. Destroying myself. Destroying my future. I want to get sober.

....drinking bad like that has a weird irony.

the only times I was seriously convinced I was an alcoholic was when I was smashed drunk!

maybe the selective memory of the sober dude is the baffling bit?

bjtds3,
I have had more than my share of days and nights precisely as you've just described it. I know keenly the shame and guilt and disgust resulting from falling back on that desperate crutch, made worse every time you are able to string together a few days of sobriety and productivity. The vacillations get exponentially worse until you lose control and your life becomes one giant see-saw.

There are many good suggestions contained in the AA literature/wisdom (and elsewhere in life) but this morning try and focus on on of the AA mantras, "thinking the drink through". We all know how it begins and ends, and generally what happens in-between...do you want to go through that again?

Life is never over, you have a fresh shot at it every time you wake up in the morning, including those days when there's a half-empty bottle at the foot of your bed just begging to be finished. Turn that bottle upside down today; your addicted mind will protest, "What a waste of a good drink!" but it will be the most productive first step you ever took. And just keep walking away from that bottle, that pill, that line, until you have put some distance between it and you.

In almost all cases, it really boils down to avoiding that first drink. So do whatever you have to do to make this happen. If you're unemployed or underemployed or bored out of your skull or friendless or in any other sorry situation, you are the only one who can pull yourself out of it, that's the hard reality. You're going to have to re-learn living again and find productive hobbies, habits and behaviors which can help keep at bay those impulses that steal over you and wrest the reins of your life from your fingers.

The only way you can get back in the driver's seat is to forcibly evict your addicted self from it. One day at a time. Get rid of temptations. Don't call people you know will get you in trouble. Renew associations with people you know can help you. Go to AA meetings and get some phone numbers...sometimes, hard to believe, a simple phone call to them, to say, "Man, I'm in trouble here" is enough to get you off that crazy train you're knowingly thinking about getting on again.

I'm pulling for you. I want this to end and for you-whoever you are-to get back to being you. As you well know, you won't find you in a bottle. Good luck.

Hello. Here and clean. Happy to be free from active addiction. I love my life, hellish moments and all. I have hope today. I am powerless over my drugs of choices and that caused my life to become unmanageable. I learned through the 12 steps of AA recovery, that I wasn't the angel I thought I was. I, therefore, had zero responsabilities, besides not to use my drugs of choice and keep myself safe and healthy and harmless to others. I can defend myself though. gracias

[Lightrail11]

I'm grateful to be able to report that through the grace of a Power Greater Than Myself I am able to celebrate 9 years of sobriety today.

[bjtds3]

Originally Posted by gulas

bjtds3,
I have had more than my share of days and nights precisely as you've just described it. I know keenly the shame and guilt and disgust resulting from falling back on that desperate crutch, made worse every time you are able to string together a few days of sobriety and productivity. The vacillations get exponentially worse until you lose control and your life becomes one giant see-saw.

There are many good suggestions contained in the AA literature/wisdom (and elsewhere in life) but this morning try and focus on on of the AA mantras, "thinking the drink through". We all know how it begins and ends, and generally what happens in-between...do you want to go through that again?

Life is never over, you have a fresh shot at it every time you wake up in the morning, including those days when there's a half-empty bottle at the foot of your bed just begging to be finished. Turn that bottle upside down today; your addicted mind will protest, "What a waste of a good drink!" but it will be the most productive first step you ever took. And just keep walking away from that bottle, that pill, that line, until you have put some distance between it and you.

In almost all cases, it really boils down to avoiding that first drink. So do whatever you have to do to make this happen. If you're unemployed or underemployed or bored out of your skull or friendless or in any other sorry situation, you are the only one who can pull yourself out of it, that's the hard reality. You're going to have to re-learn living again and find productive hobbies, habits and behaviors which can help keep at bay those impulses that steal over you and wrest the reins of your life from your fingers.

The only way you can get back in the driver's seat is to forcibly evict your addicted self from it. One day at a time. Get rid of temptations. Don't call people you know will get you in trouble. Renew associations with people you know can help you. Go to AA meetings and get some phone numbers...sometimes, hard to believe, a simple phone call to them, to say, "Man, I'm in trouble here" is enough to get you off that crazy train you're knowingly thinking about getting on again.

I'm pulling for you. I want this to end and for you-whoever you are-to get back to being you. As you well know, you won't find you in a bottle. Good luck.

Thank you so much. Your comments give me strength and I'm going to make today better than yesterday. And hopefully so on, one day at a time. You have no idea how grateful I am for your words.

[-Astral-]

Originally Posted by Lightrail11

I'm grateful to be able to report that through the grace of a Power Greater Than Myself I am able to celebrate 9 years of sobriety today.

Congratulations on 9 years

[-Astral-]

Originally Posted by Lightrail11

I'm grateful to be able to report that through the grace of a Power Greater Than Myself I am able to celebrate 9 years of sobriety today.

Congratulations on 9 years

We are doing ok at the moment we havent had any drink or drugs for about 40 days maybe more than that, But its coming up for st partricks day witch is mine and my husbands anniversary 5 years when we got married we didnt drink at the wedding but then i started to drink a few years ago
and i messed things up usually on st patricks day i would be in the pub getting drunk since i met my husband i havent done that but st patricks day makes me want to go in to the pub thankfully this year all me and my husband is doing is a meal out or staying in bed all day

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Lightrail11

I'm grateful to be able to report that through the grace of a Power Greater Than Myself I am able to celebrate 9 years of sobriety today.

so happy for you lightrail !!!!!!!!

[Edge11]

Congrats!!! Lighttrail...9yrs

[roads]

Originally Posted by Lightrail11

I'm grateful to be able to report that through the grace of a Power Greater Than Myself I am able to celebrate 9 years of sobriety today.

That is so delightful
& awesome & cool,

Lightrail! WoW!

Roadie

....nine years...very cool!
_____________________

meanwhile.....down in the jungle,
sober as an astronaut,
mad as a mosquito!

I am clean today and I want to express gratitude to my higher power for that. gracias

[love4anthony]

Hey all I am sober 2 months now and can not believe how amazing it feels to not have to use everyday

I do find that I have had to deal with alot more emotional issues since being sober , and sometimes I find I have a hard time with that, but I still love that I am sober and get to live for today

I feel stable today. My life is manageable. The bills are paid. The house is clean enough for health and safety concerns. It isn't "hospital" clean, but I am not bothered by this. I haven't had a craving in a long time, cept one for a cig a few days ago. It passed quickly and it wasn't more than a passing thought really. My marriage is good. I"m getting my emotional needs met in a healthier way, these days. I've learned valuable lessons during my clean years. They came with a lot of heartache and boredom though. They certainly were not free.

7 weeks smoke free

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by love4anthony

Hey all I am sober 2 months now and can not believe how amazing it feels to not have to use everyday

I do find that I have had to deal with alot more emotional issues since being sober , and sometimes I find I have a hard time with that, but I still love that I am sober and get to live for today

congrats on 2 months, l4a.you will never regret staying sober. the emotional issues will subside the longer you are sober or you will learn better ways to cope with them. keep the faith and the miracles will happen.

I am clean today. I believe it will be a pleasant day, and in spite of anything, it will be a good day. I'm alive, it is, therefore, a good day.

Thanks God.

brook

[-Astral-]

St patricks day tomorrow and i want to drink...its also mine and my husbands anniversary we have decided to have a quite one and stay at home at lest that way there wont be anyone drinking around me
But i want to go and buy a bottle of something that i can have while we are in the house ...i know it wont do me any good but the more it comes nearer to the day the more i feel i want it

Havent been to an AA meeting in weeks ... am not really fallowing the program that well either i just do what every i want to do listen to who ever i want to listen too...nothing with set rules
Ella

[Edge11]

Hi Ella, I can relate to everything your feeling. This disease tells us we need to drink to enjoy life but it's a lie...My last 4yrs of drinking where no fun and the thought of a drink scares the hell out of me...Still I have days when I play with the idea of drinking at least your telling on yourself .. Keep going to meetings your worth it..

I am clean this morning. I slept so-so, but I feel rested in spite of this.

I am glad to be clean and sober today.

gracias(I am grateful, thanks, thank you)

...today i put on some music that i like, and it was so good to listen and feel the emotions of the music that i like very much and all that.

but the urge to get drinkin' was so powerful. it's something i enjoy so much, listening to my favourite music and drinking and escaping in the sound and the feeling.

so powerful....overides everything....every point to me being sober.

i cannot listen to music often....it's been 10 weeks since i put on a tune!
it was real sad today to have to switch it off...knowing that i simply cannot control myself with that kind of energy going on.

i didn't drink, it actually seemed insane to choose not to considering the music and drinking option was clearly the more beautiful option....
Just not the practical one

i just know i will be a mess for weeks...do crazy stuff...regret everything about me...and may not even survive.
it's so hard being so intense and extreme.

monkey

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by XSeleneX

St patricks day tomorrow and i want to drink...its also mine and my husbands anniversary we have decided to have a quite one and stay at home at lest that way there wont be anyone drinking around me
But i want to go and buy a bottle of something that i can have while we are in the house ...i know it wont do me any good but the more it comes nearer to the day the more i feel i want it

Havent been to an AA meeting in weeks ... am not really fallowing the program that well either i just do what every i want to do listen to who ever i want to listen too...nothing with set rules
Ella

my sponsor once told me if i focused on the drink i would surely drink. i did.
another one-we drink because the dog died. we drink cause the dog lived.

imho, an AA meeting/go to. i don't know why fessing up at a meeting works but it works. probably because those before us can offer us positive solutions. on the other hand we can opt for more misery instead.

more i feel i want it

well said. thats alcohol calling you to take away what you've gained. it is a rapricious predator.
alcoholics or those who abuse alcohol "want it when we want it". we often don't wait til the miracle happens. we are like a child. king/queen baby.

i'm glad u posted, selene. part of you wants support. go to a meeting. it will reinforce your sobriety and remind you of where you came from.
hope this helps.

[madisgram]