[LostAngel0616]

My energy is starting to drag... Only got 4 hours of sleep last night, even with the klonopins... At work till 10 tonight... I need a coffee so bad... Dont have enough money, though... Maybe one of my managers will be super sweet and buy me one...

[Edge11]

...Hi everyone ...

...Just checking in ...I'm feeling really good this past week... I hooked up with an old AA friend and asked him to be my new sponser...More important...He knows how to work the steps... so I m looking forward to working with him...There are some bridges I'm glad I didn't burn...Wish you all a happy 24...

[roads]

I'm so happy for you, Edge11!! For me, absolutely nothing beat having a great sponsor--except actually committing to the program itself.
One day at a time ... thinking of you every day.
Roadie

[LostAngel0616]

Been slippin on my cigarettes at work. Which is werid because I love my job so much. But I've been really trying to not smoke at all when I'm around other people that are smoking. Which there is at home. Been smoking pot again for the last few days, but still haven't paid for ANY since we moved here over a year ago. Haha. I love it. But overall, doin' okay, I guess.

[LostAngel0616]

Today has been a really bad day.... Constant fights with my partner... I just want to leave. But I know I can't because my paycheck is a huge part of the household now. I just want to be responcible for myself, make decisions for myself, and only need to worry about myself. I'm sick of the people I want to care for constantly judging my decisions and actions. I'm sick of taking the heat for everything. I just want my own place, my own worries, my own judgements. I hate where I'm living, and its really making me take more of my klonopin than I should. I've taken three today already, and its only 3:30 pm here. I'm only suppose to take 2 per day, as needed. I know I need to get out of this situation, but I can't live with the guilt of leaving my gf of 2 years and her 16yo daughter to try and make these bills... I'm just so lost today... I really don't know what to do anymore...

[LostAngel0616]

I have been getting night terrors/sleep paralysis for a few days... I don't know if its from the prozac they have me on (20mgs), or from forgetting to take the nicotein patch off at night. Will prozac cause those kinds of problems? I've been wanting to switch to something else, anyway... Oh, and heres an actual drug question; I smoke pot occasionally, and I don't intend to quit. Should I tell my therapist? I don't have a medical card (yet), so I'm unsure of the concequence I may face if I tell her...

[optimize990h]

Not been keeping up with this thread as much as I should. better day today than yesterday which was bad. so that's good.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by LostAngel0616

I have been getting night terrors/sleep paralysis for a few days... I don't know if its from the prozac they have me on (20mgs), or from forgetting to take the nicotein patch off at night. Will prozac cause those kinds of problems? I've been wanting to switch to something else, anyway... Oh, and heres an actual drug question; I smoke pot occasionally, and I don't intend to quit. Should I tell my therapist? I don't have a medical card (yet), so I'm unsure of the concequence I may face if I tell her...

guess there may be 2 thoughts on this, lostangel. here's my spin on your question re your T and pot. even tho it's not all the time i think the best rule of thumb is to tell your T everything honestly. that enables them to help us without conditions set on it.

[notz]

Nicotine patches are famous for bad dreams. You probably have too much nicotine in your system.

If you smoke anything, you're much closer to returning to smoking nicotine again.

[optimize990h]

still working out on some issues that are frustrating. vented a bit yesterday, but needed distractions to get things together. might need to do some organizing today to prepare of list of distracting activities for the next few days. hoping today I get a good night's sleep.

[LostAngel0616]

Forgot to put a patch on today. I think I'm losing my will power with my cigarettes... But my girlfriend went out of state yesterday, so alot of my stress has gone for now. Its sort of making it hard for me to ignore how easy it would be for me to live on my own... Starting to make me more confused about leaving or not...

[Mac Murphy]

Never saw this thread before today. I hope it can help. Many of you probably saw my post about Facebook and that sick addiction. I have been "clean" from that for 3 weeks now and don't want to go back to that again. But I can't seem to live without some form of addiction in my life. Now I'm back to drinking and smoking again when I travel for business...like now for instance. I really hate this cycle of moving from one addiction to another. Any suggestions on breaking free from all addictions?

[Cotton ball]

I HATE the tag on this thread...this is a complete way of MAKING SURE PEOPLE DO NOT SHARE!!!
Maybe on wromg it's 11 pages...so be it!!!

[Cotton ball]

MY mistake 69 pages....
SERENITY PRAYER!!!!!
Nothing more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cotton ball]

I'm sorry more complex than that... no direspect intended...bad day!

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Mac Murphy

Never saw this thread before today. I hope it can help. Many of you probably saw my post about Facebook and that sick addiction. I have been "clean" from that for 3 weeks now and don't want to go back to that again. But I can't seem to live without some form of addiction in my life. Now I'm back to drinking and smoking again when I travel for business...like now for instance. I really hate this cycle of moving from one addiction to another. Any suggestions on breaking free from all addictions?

first off found this informative study. a section-

"The Additive Personality-Common Traits are Found"
.....Dr. O'Brien said that people in all these addictions progressively needed greater quantities of stimulation to satisfy their needs and developed symptoms of withdrawal when deprived of the addictive activity. He also noted that addicts to one activity would often switch to another when deprived of opportunity to participate in the original addiction.
http://www.nytimes.com/1983/01/18/sc...pagewanted=all

Treatment-Another form of treatment, which can be overlooked, is self-soothing. People with addictive personality disorders use their addictions to self-soothe in stressful situations. However, since their addictions do not actually soothe them, they feel the need to do their addiction more often.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addicti...lity#Treatment

while reading i found a common thread. the addictive personality is participating in compulsive behavior trying to fix an emotional need with another addiction rather than dealing with it. instead an off-shoot is replacing the emotional need with the comp.behavior.
gosh i'm glad you asked. i am a 'puter junkie. guess i need to take a look at why i am not fulfilling a need i'm ignoring.
hope this helps. think i'll bring this up with my T. CBT therapy is one approach to identify the need they say.
my thoughts are writing down the "payoff" of the new addiction and the negatives that accompany them. that gives us a better picture like when abusing alcohol, etc. if the negatives are winning it's time for me to change. a little self discipline helps too.

[gma45]

I seem to be feeling down again. I need to stop beating myself up so bad!

[madisgram]

gma, are u comfortable sharing why you are beating yourself up? it's common place to do that but it brings forth no fruit. how can we help?

[LostAngel0616]

Don't think I'm gonna quit smoking. Not in a negitive way, though. I'm just going to limit myself to 4 a day, and not smoking at home. I already can't smoke in the house, or when anyone else is around. Mostly its just before and after work, and maybe one on my break. Not saying I'll never quit, but for now, I'm just cutting back. I found a brand that I really like, but they're more expensive, which will make me smoke less. Lol. I'm feelin' pretty strong right now, but I seem to lose some confidence around my girlfriend... Thats my biggest battle right now.

[Edge11]

...Hi everyone...

...I spoke with my new sponsor today and we started to work step 3...So I have a week to digest it and then write my interpretation of the 3 step prayer...I'll let you know how it goes...Have a great 24...

[beauflow]

That sounds awesome Edge11

ya know I probably should check in too--- Been having a lot of emotional troubling with a long battle on something-- I have been wanting to get wasted here lately, BUT-- even though I took my day off of work this Friday night-- actually after I woke up --- it sort of like just be, let this all come in and pass... this will all pass, and I don't need to disconnect in that form - it wont lessen my pain with this all down the road or in the now, and i have been issues with some dissociation any ways naturally due to the stress--- drinking/getting high wont help that either..

[Edge11]

...Hi everyone...

...Like I said last week...I'm working step three...It hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be...Turn my...LIFE...and my...WILL...over to God...To be honest that scares the hell out of me......I know It's all about having...FAITH and TRUST...but It seems like a big deal to me...I've half a$$ed this before and want to make sure I'm truley ready...If anyone has any advice I would apprieciate it......

...Have a great 24...

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Edge11

...Hi everyone...

...Like I said last week...I'm working step three...It hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be...Turn my...LIFE...and my...WILL...over to God...To be honest that scares the hell out of me......I know It's all about having...FAITH and TRUST...but It seems like a big deal to me...I've half a$$ed this before and want to make sure I'm truley ready...If anyone has any advice I would apprieciate it......

...Have a great 24...

here is a workshhet for step 3 i wrote for sponsees. i hope it may help you. remember it is "made a decision to turn over our lives-surrendering-to a power greater than ourselves. that power can be your AA group. they are doing what you need to learn and doing it successfully.

STEP 3
“Made a decision to turn our will and our care over to the care of God as we understand Him.”

　

Try to clear your mind of knowledge from your past that you’ve acquired in AA. Answer the questions as truthfully as you can.

1. What does self will mean to you?
2. Do you feel in order for things to have a positive outcome you need to control all that takes place in your life?
a. If yes, has this been successful for you?
b. If no, give examples of ways your way didn’t turn out as you wanted.
3. What are the negative or positive feelings you have when you’re in control of everything?
4. Are there some things in life you have no control over?
a. If yes, then what?
b. If no, then how do you successfully manage to control anything or everything?
5. What is false pride and ego? If we possess these traits can we become willing to turn our will over to the care of god as we understand him?
6. How do you know when it is your will that needs to be used?
a. Are you successful in all things when your will directs your life?
b. When trying it that way doesn’t yield successful outcomes what are your resources if any to help you?
7. When you were drinking did you feel you were in control of the outcome?
a. If yes, describe.
b. If no, describe.
8. How do we know when we should not use our will to manage our life? (quick answer that worked for me, when in doubt don't)
9. How do we know when we should use our will to manage our life?
10. Is it difficult for you to know when to use your will versus or when not?
11. What is the difference between admitting something and accepting something?
12. Define the word willingness. Use the dictionary, then put it in your own words.
13. Do you feel when you came to AA that you were willing to get help?
Or did you just want to straighten out all life’s problems?
14. Do you feel turning your will over to someone or something causes you to lose power/control in your life?
a. Are you nervous to let go of your control in all aspects of your life?
b. Do you feel yes, I can let go some of the control but not all of it?
15. Have you admitted total defeat of your alcoholism or are you taking a break from all the mess reserving the option of drinking later maybe?
16. Do you feel being dependent on anything or anyone is the best way to live one’s life?
17. Does being independent to fix life’s problems work for you? If so, is this your responsibility to do it by yourself? What resources do you possibly have?
18. How can one acquire the willingness to admit complete defeat to the fact that our willpower in all our affairs did not work? Did we bombard life with all the muster we had and still came up short? Do you believe that relying on a higher power can bring sobriety, peace and harmony in your life?
19. Does AA require one to believe in God?
20. Should we ask questions if we don’t understand something?
21. Can one believe a sponsor and the AA group as a whole can be one’s Higher Power? If the answer is yes, are their suggestions about how to live in sobriety the total answer for our staying sober?
The answer to #21 is this:
When one truly acquires the willingness to change, he/she is the only one who can make the decision to exert one’s self. But using our sponsors and AA as our guide to be in harmony with what our higher power wants for us is what opens the door to sobriety and a new way of living in all our affairs.. Having the willingness is the key to open that door.
　
　
Other notes
Step 3 is a major shift in our way of living and thinking. Without truly understanding to the best of our ability that we are willing to “let go, let god” we will not be able to maintain any degree of true sobriety. It is important for us to take the time we need to gain this spiritual understanding. If we do not do step 3 thoroughly it is impossible to do the remaining 9 steps successfully. After completing the first 3 steps we then put into action what we have learned and apply them to the next 9 steps. There is no rush to the finish line to do all 12 steps. Nor do we sit on our laurels after that and feel there’s nothing else we need to do but go to meetings. The 12 steps are a lifelong process of self improvement and change.
Our higher power expects us to do the footwork to attain any level of sobriety. Going to meetings, making coffee, cleaning up, helping the newcomer, practicing the steps in our lives, doing service work by chairing at meetings after time of sobriety acquired, saying yes, after the time of the sobriety required, to be a speaker at a meeting, never saying “no” when asked to serve unless there’s an outside conflict.
The serenity prayer crystallizes step 3 and how to use it:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.

sorry for this long post.

[LostAngel0616]

Been doin pretty good on the 4 cigs a day. Haven't been doin any other drugs. But I think the wellbutrin is doing wonders for me. I like it a lot better than the prozac. Things have been crazy at home.

[roads]

Since I first quit drinking through AA in 1980, I've counted the man who dragged me (several times) to meetings and took me home with him in between meetings as the second person in my life who was truly a friend.

I've had only three since Jamie, but I don't use the word casually. Four really--my husband was my soulmate, a being who includes friend and so much more. One I lost to death about a decade ago, and that leaves the two I have now.

My two RL friends are both terrific people whom I've known for over 20 years.
One has a huge extended family and I've become part of it. The other is married & her husband I have many interests in common.
They have lots of animals and I'm close to all of them--I care for their animals they care for mine which makes traveling easier for both of us.

Both of these friends are ace shoppers, so when I got home from my road trip Monday to discover my refrigerator kaput, I thought I had friends to call on.
One decided last week our friendship was too much work. We no longer speak. I had hoped that given the break we would be able to talk about things and pick up--but no, she was not even answering my calls.

I enjoyed great road trip with the other one this weekend--but she WILL NOT help me find a refrigerator ... if I didn't like something about it down the road, she explained, she couldn't handle the possibility that I might blame her. So she won't help me. Told me straight out, "You're on your own! Don't ask me for help!"

For the time being, I'm letting them bail on me. I don't even really feel abandoned. Considering the pain and aggravation they've given me lately, I can use a break from both of them.

I'm posting here not because I'm on the verge of drinking but this is a crisis for me. When I got sober I realize that friends was the great missing link in my life I have been completely alone. For this moment I'm alone again. By choice.

I don't plan to keep it this way. But I have a lot of thinking to do, about these friends and what's gone wrong. I'm doing a lot of crying. These are both friends, and I'm not inclined to let them go.

Of course I can't make them be friends--if they don't want to be. And maybe they don't want to be my friends anymore.

There are many tears, and they just don't stop.

Roadie