[-Astral-]

finding things hard at the moment really want to take Valium all of it but my husband has the Valium and am very unlikely to get any more than one
Also want to drink as well but am drinking coffee instead

[madisgram]

today i'm happy, joyous and free!!! it's good to feel alive.

[Lightrail11]

Grateful to be sober again today. If I can manage this for 9 more days I will celebrate 9 years sober.

...I didn't go to AA this weekend. I don't feel too worried about it either. I was not looking forward to it and therefore failed to remember that my meeting was on until two hours before. I decided immediately I didn't want to go....so I didn't go!

...then this briefly entered my mind and then exited the same mind pretty fast..."oh no! does this mean I'm gonna drink?"

going back a few years when I was doing 4 sometimes 5 meetings a week religiously....if and when I missed one, I would panic and feel like I was doomed to end up drinking because of it, like some sinister force beyond my control would punish me because of my absence, making alcohol pour down my throat!....using my hand of course.
That happened quite a bit.

I suspect thats' obsessive umbilical attachment which backfired yep.

I'm older and soooo much wiser now..hahaha...no thanks.

I find myself paralysed by social anxiety....and this would have been my fourth meeting....with the same people....and by the third meeting, they (the others!....omg) already began to say hi and nod and crap like that.

I am not interested in getting all friendly with a bunch of alcoholics...they are crazy dudes man!.....oh...oops!....yeah thats right I'm one too

If anything I should be more comfortable there than anywhere else on the planet....but as mentioned before...elsewhere, I am not comfortable anywhere.

....and because I relate so damn much to what everyone says at these 'meetings'...I feel so damn compelled to get up and tell everybody my stuff....and I know I hate being in that position...and I hate even more the macho image I put on, just overcompensating and someone like me looks like such a fool!

besides...there are plenty of people there who just love to 'rock it' for the crowd....Australian sober pissheads are a special breed.

...and then there's the mentally ill Australian sober pisshead....such as myself, who really just wants to be left alone to quietly fulfill his little AA contract with himself...which is just to appear at the event and that is my personal admission of surrendering to the truth...."got alcoholism"

...so what am I on about here?...some kind of whinge...makin' a big deal outa' somethin'?

I will try and make it there this coming week. I really want to overcome my anxiety but it's enormous and I'm banned from all the benzo's....I mean seriously, I have not been around people for a bloody long time....so I should go easy on myself....typical alcoholic expecting so much from self!

still sober anyway

There is nothing inherently wrong with my head. So with that in mind, I'm going to stay away from everything that takes me OUT of that head. It's the only one I have and therefore, it might make sense to use it at some point. I wish all of youse guys another sober 24.

[gma45]

I don't know what to think today...had a slight headache all day, found out I don't have enough money to get my teeth fixed, it's kinda ironic that I was in the dental field taking care of everyone else just not myself for 30 years. Now I need a job but don't know if any one will hire me if I open my mouth kinda a catch 22 as usual. I say I need a job I have one but it just doesn't pay enough so I need another. I think there is something wrong with my brain and I don't know how to fix it today or if it can be fixed at all.

[madisgram]

dubble monkey

...I didn't go to AA this weekend. I don't feel too worried about it either. I was not looking forward to it and therefore failed to remember that my meeting was on until two hours before. I decided immediately I didn't want to go....so I didn't go!

not busting you, j, but i was told to go to a meeting when i didn't want to go and go to a meeting when i did. there's some logic here. we don't know what we've missed that may help us if we don't go.
i can totally relate to social anxietybut these ppl in AA you know go thru similiar difficulties as you do in other ways perhaps. the importance of going is what counts even if you just go and listen. in early sobriety just showing up is what really matters.
as for your having difficulty sharing it will come when you're ready.
ok maybe i'm overly reacting but care for you so needed to say this. your sobriety may depend on it.
another analogy i was told...you didn't hesitate even in a snowstorm to get your hooch so apply that fact to gettin' to a meeting no matter what!

I am clean today. I haven't had a craving yet today. I have stopped attending some NA meetings in my area. They aren't following the principles in the steps. It isn't supporting recovery, as defined by my interpretation of the principles contained within the 12 steps. I am looking for another support group now. I am enjoying my freedom from active addiction today

[madisgram]

brrokwest many NA'ers cross over to the AA program. you might want to give it a try. since AA was the "granddaddy" of them all the stricter guidelines have remained in place. AA does not wish to diminish or wash down their program. i know many friends who were drug addicted who have joined us-AA.
course this is just a suggestion.

[Stryder]

I feel so alone. I have tried everything and now this too. Nothing seems to help. I feel trapped.

[u2nance]

I am a wino. I suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, resulting from a TBI 8 yrs ago. I need to stop drinking wine. So far, I've only had 2 glasses of wine in 48 hours. None today. I have a hard time falling asleep, I get clammy at night, and my skin is itchy all day and night. The itching is my biggest issue. Has anyone else had the itchies? How long do they last?

[Caretaker Leo]

Originally Posted by u2nance

I am a wino. I suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, resulting from a TBI 8 yrs ago. I need to stop drinking wine. So far, I've only had 2 glasses of wine in 48 hours. None today. I have a hard time falling asleep, I get clammy at night, and my skin is itchy all day and night. The itching is my biggest issue. Has anyone else had the itchies? How long do they last?

I only suffered from the itchiness when I drank red wines. I think I was allergic to the sulfite they contain. But if you google your condition, you might find that you have allergies to alcohol.

[gma45]

Here I am today, my back hurts, my mouth hurts, my feet hurt, and my head hurts, think I will go to bed and see if tomorrow can be any better!

I'm clean. No real cravings. I am enjoying freedom from active addiction.

[gma45]

I am here cking in, I have another interview tomorrow or Friday I hope my teeth don't blow the interview for me. I am sober but the cravings are getting strong.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by gma45

I am here cking in, I have another interview tomorrow or Friday I hope my teeth don't blow the interview for me. I am sober but the cravings are getting strong.

hang in there gma45. the cravings will cease as you stay clean and sober. have you spoken to your doc? there are several rx's that can reduce the cravings too. i hope you feel better/teeth. and your job interview goes well also!

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by u2nance

I am a wino. I suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, resulting from a TBI 8 yrs ago. I need to stop drinking wine. So far, I've only had 2 glasses of wine in 48 hours. None today. I have a hard time falling asleep, I get clammy at night, and my skin is itchy all day and night. The itching is my biggest issue. Has anyone else had the itchies? How long do they last?

i did have all your symptoms when i was in the withdrawal stage. they will cease so hang in there, u2nance. it will get better.
glad u are trying to stop the wine.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Stryder

I feel so alone. I have tried everything and now this too. Nothing seems to help. I feel trapped.

here's a suggestion for helping you with stopping drinking or drugs. don't know if you've already done this or not but i hope this info may help.add to this a 12 step program to support your efforts. the most important thing however is your desire to stop. it worked for me and i felt totally hopeless in that vicious cycle of addiction. i got professional help and used AA to reinforce my objective-to live and to have HOPE. many of us can relate to how you feel-trapped. but you can get better. we're here for you too, stryder.

Alcohol problems: How to stop drinking/using
You can take steps today to stop drinking. Your first step might be to see your doctor, contact a support group, or set a date in the near future to stop. While some people can stop drinking on their own, others need medical help to manage the physical process of withdrawal.
If you think you have an addiction to alcohol, talk to your doctor about whether you need to withdraw from alcohol under medical supervision. Your doctor can give you medicine that will help you safely withdraw from alcohol. Other medicines might be prescribed later to help you stay sober. With a doctor's help, withdrawal from alcohol is safer.

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/a...inking-alcohol

My spiritual awakening that resulted from the 12 steps or recovery outlined in the book titled, "Alcoholics Anonymous", is that I am like everyone else, no better and no worse. This releived me of the burden of thinking myself an Angel that needed to be perfect at all times and right about everything. This burden caused me to become an addict. I am clean and enjoying freedom from active addiction today. I am grateful to my higher power for assisting me to acheive this.

[DePressMe]

Hi everyone. I have not posted too much in this forum lately. I've been sober for over 6 years. I don't attend AA but I support all who use it--I've seen it work miracles for others--especially newcomers. I'm doing okay today.

I had a stressful day. My wife needed to be admited to the hospital. I believe she is going to be alright. Our son is upset. I usually get his rage, and it seems to be getting ready to explode at me again. Sometimes I want to go far, far away. This is one of those times. I have had a lifetime of crisis followed by crisis by crisis again and again. I wonder what life would be like if I was nurtured. I honestly can't imagine.

I am clean. I know using would amplify the complicated situation I'm in. I am grateful I do not use because of this now. It would make things worse.

[madisgram]

here's a great saying to make us be aware of the "simple" things that can lead us to drink: H.A.L.T. "Halt"
"H"ungry
"A"ngry
"L"onely
"T"ired

....still sober

My wife is stable and might be discharged soon. Our tax return came in and we have gotton ourselves out of some debt and are on solid financial footing at this time. That is a relief. I haven't used today and I haven't experienced any cravings either. I can remember my using days as hills and mountains I needed to cross and climb to arrive at my life today. These substances were in my way and I have freedom from them today. Gracias.

[gma45]

Well I am here today didn't get any of the jobs I interviewed for last week. I am not to bummed I figure it as good experience. I will get on the job hunt again Monday since I am only working one day next week, I sure can't get anywhere with that! Start the count down again. Maybe it's time to sell everything I own, just a thought. At least I am clean and sober today.