[gma45]

Some days I just feel so worthless. Why do I just exist? I am so tired. I can't seem to kick this depression.

I feel good about myself and I am sober and clean.

I am improving my conscious contact with God, as I understand him.

[Coraline]

Not enjoying not drinking, but managing it.

All my reasons for not drinking are negative ones. Unfortunately, I can't relate to comments about doing enjoyable things instead, or appreciating the time/awareness. My depression's too bad for those things (enjoy? what's that?) and my only reason for trying to stay sober is to stop the damage alcohol does. That's not a great motivator.

Maybe in time?

Meanwhile I'm trying to make the world go away in less harmful ways - listening to guided relaxation, colouring, Tetris...

*sighs*

[gma45]

I am a bit better today. Coraline I can relate! Staying sober to stop the damage alcohol does, is where I am at most of the time. I wish I had a better motivator also.

[roads]

Originally Posted by Coraline

Not enjoying not drinking, but managing it.

All my reasons for not drinking are negative ones. Unfortunately, I can't relate to comments about doing enjoyable things instead, or appreciating the time/awareness. My depression's too bad for those things (enjoy? what's that?) and my only reason for trying to stay sober is to stop the damage alcohol does. That's not a great motivator.

Maybe in time?

Meanwhile I'm trying to make the world go away in less harmful ways - listening to guided relaxation, colouring, Tetris...

*sighs*

Avoiding damage is a great theoretical motivator, but I agree--it's not much in the enjoyment camp. Yeah, the fun stuff comes more down the road of recovery.

You can give us more backstory if you want, Coraline, so we know better where you are ... How much not-drinking time you have, for example. Wow, if it's only a little then about all you're up for is not-drinking! That's really all I can remember doing the first 3 months or so... everything else was just doing something so I wouldn't drink.

I can do a 20-minute comedy routine around that 90-meetings-in-90-days time! Well, I'll spare you. Looking back, I find a lot of humor in it. But than, i survived it. So will you, one day at a time.

Hop on, Coraline. We're all in this together. Keep posting. We're trudging the roads to the sober life, and it's nice to compare notes, wave at each other from our individual paths, eh?

Roadie

drug and alcohol free today. It has been a good day thusfar.

[gma45]

Checking in. I need a life.

[Coraline]

A better day today. I think I'm starting to understand what triggers the urges, and I actually managed some detached awareness about that today. Ironically, today's battle was taken care of because I was ill and had to go home early. I know how upside down this is, but I was glad.

Smoke free and sober...I like my life.

[ladyjane4rent]

I lost count.. One month down though. I must say I am starting to get jealous of people I see drinking in movies/on tv or reading about in books. Even people in The Game of Thrones are allowed to drink wine and beer! Come ooooon, give me a drink! [You can tell I am not yet healed heh]

Edit: 31 days sober - just found count. 31 baby

[roads]

ladyjane4rent has now earned

for accomplishing thirty days
of consistent sobriety

I sympathize! But we're each different. It's not the drinkers but the smokers in movies whom now & then I want to assault.

We're never "healed." But as long as we're clean and sober, we're at least "recovering."

Roadie

[ladyjane4rent]

Oo!!! A new token! So exciting!!! Thank you

Never healed, huh? That is an interesting subject to ponder... I was thinking [I know everyone is going to want to throw something at me for this, lol..] that I could get to the place where small portions of occasional drinking will be acceptable. One glass of wine in a bubble bath [oh how I miss that!] A drink out with girlfriends... I am missing out on desert and wine nights.. or summer BBQs with friends... I am graduating this June with my first degree and I was def. planning on a drink then. I thought I would be "healed" by then and be able to control it. Not want 12 beers the night after and there after that. No, huh?

BTW, when I was quitting smoking I was twice as angry at those who smoked in movies than I am with people that drink. Seriously, lol, movies can be SO influential.

[roads]

Quitting smoking--and staying quit--was lots tougher than quitting drinking. I've always wondered whether that's had anything to do with the fact that I've never "fallen off" the non-smoking wagon but I have the non-drinking one.

Some would say it's because alcohol has me more strongly in its grip. I secretly think it's because my body knows it couldn't quit smoking again.

Just a guess.

...had the strongest urges so far these last three months. Yesterday I decided to drink tonight...this morning I agreed with the decision!

tonight I am sober, I did something I don't do EVER! and thats talk about it with somebody.

I'm such a stubborn, self centered, independant, quietly arrogant and cunningly self deceptive individual who NEVER confides when it comes to my greatest weakness.

but I did...and another day will pass by without alcohol!

I miss the nicotine relief but enjoy being free from its addiction. Am clean and sober...

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

...had the strongest urges so far these last three months. Yesterday I decided to drink tonight...this morning I agreed with the decision!

tonight I am sober, I did something I don't do EVER! and thats talk about it with somebody.

I'm such a stubborn, self centered, independant, quietly arrogant and cunningly self deceptive individual who NEVER confides when it comes to my greatest weakness.

but I did...and another day will pass by without alcohol!

uh, j, did you stay sober nevertheless? i just got up and only 1 cup of java yet so i'm confused.
also your description of yourself is so down about you. i hope as you stay sober those thoughts will dissipate=can't spell yet either. we can be our own worse enemy. i for one am one of your biggest fans cause i see such honesty about what's in your head even if they are not true. they're old false beliefs re self that have surfaced. you're a thing of beauty and a joy forever---ole southern saying. and that's a fact!

Originally Posted by madisgram

uh, j, did you stay sober nevertheless? i just got up and only 1 cup of java yet so i'm confused.
!

...apologies about the confusion J, I just worded it a bit quirky as usual.
I stayed sober yep, still no drinks since January

[roads]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

...had the strongest urges so far these last three months. Yesterday I decided to drink tonight...this morning I agreed with the decision!

tonight I am sober, I did something I don't do EVER! and thats talk about it with somebody.

....
but I did...and another day will pass by without alcohol!

I am so happy for you!

I am weak I gave in, I started smoking again this morning.
Too much stress, I know it's no excuse but so many emotions drove me to it.

[roads]

Kittyclaws, if you can put them down before too much nicotine & the gases build up in your system you can get back on track fairly painlessly.

Will you do that? Will you get all smokes out of the house, now?

Don't worry about what happened, just stop now.

If you go back smoking as you used to, it will be ever so much harder for you to try to quit again. Please don't give up now.

Roadie

I will think about it Roadie

clean clear grateful honest helpful selfless(trying) have a nicely enjoyed day all...

Put patches back on, I need to continue on my journey to quit smoking

...roadie, those penguins are outstanding!!

I was just staring at them for ages

[roads]

Good for you, kittyclaws.
With three solid months to your credit,
this is the time to show those claws! Grr!

tongue in cheek, but you get the idea!
Roadie