[gma45]

What a lazy day, which is fine with me. I need to learn how to relax and just do nothing without feeling guilty. Looking forward to speaker meeting tonight. I just wish I could overcome my fear of speaking. I will be checking out the eclipse today also!

[roads]

Lucky you, gma45, being where you can see eclipse! Enjoy Speaker Mtg--my fav format now when I'm not real needy.
Roadie

I'm cutting wood today, among other things. It's a hot one and I don't need to tell anyone here what that means. We think long and hard about a nice cold one, don't we? A little reward for our sweat, eh? Then I remember what a nice cold one often led to. Another nice cold one, and then another and when that wasn't enough, other things. And the next day was shot at that point. And hell, the week's almost over so we might as well stay blitzed through the weekend. This is where that one cold one led me, in the end...So, the only cold thing I'm drinking today is (a phenomenal amount of) lemonade w/ a healthy spritz of seltzer (2:1 recommended). I wish all of you another sober, cool 24 hours.

[madisgram]

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”
― George Carlin

keep a look-out for a shift in our thinking.

[backfire]

Originally Posted by madisgram

i know many people who are trying to get sober, those who relapse, and those of us having a good or rough day. if you're already in recovery please include your thoughts today, the benefits of your sobriety and how you stay sober "one day at a time". we can "carry the message". many of you got sober from asking questions here and taking that first step. hope this thread will benefit everyone.

I am a newbie to this group, but what I have read and seen so far are promising. I am an opiate addict since the age of 13, following major knee surgery and over 40 morphine injections during my week stay in the hospital. I have been on Suboxone for 3 years and I have been sober for that long, it has helped me tremendously. Currently, I am afraid that I may lose my Suboxone due to insurance issues.....so I am joining this group to help me deal with my anxiety on possibly losing a medication that probably saved my life.

[gma45]

I am here today trying to cut back on my pain medication, don't know with having to work if I will be able to do it completely. I still am not drinking or taking anything that I am not prescribed so I am feeling pretty good. Just wish I could find T as I believe I need that as well. All in All a pretty good day! Still looking in the mirror maybe soon I will at least like who I see!

[notz]

... I have plenty to be grateful for and I know that I will have more in my life to be grateful for in the future. (paraphrase) That was the message this morning In "Daily Reflections". By being sober today and adhering to the principles of AA, I have found that my life is actually decent. There is no need for me to compare myself to others. Of course I do it anyway.

Progress not perfection.

"anger is a luxery that addicts can't enjoy...Bill W." not sure if that is Verbatim, but I believe it is close enough. I've found this to be true. If I get upset, like angry, and have zero effective coping skills, I'll drink or use or both. So to avoid that, I try to stay calm. PLus, I'm male and kinda big and fit. I can scare people, if I don't remind myself and remain calm and in control. It seems unfair, if I was thin and small I could get angry outwardly, but because I large and fit, I have to remain calm, at all times, no exception. Life on lifes terms, okay then...OK.

[roads]

One of the older students who'd come back to finish a degree was outted by a group who'd funded his studies. I was so proud of him, he was a Vietnam vet who continues to fight alcohol etc.

I don't think I'd have the grace he's showing with those showing him off. He just wants to recover quietly but now is interviewed daily and asked for "the secret" by all. Asked for proof of his gratitude. I am smiling to myself thinking, " "If you knew what it was, you might know you are seeing it."

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by backfire

I am a newbie to this group, but what I have read and seen so far are promising. I am an opiate addict since the age of 13, following major knee surgery and over 40 morphine injections during my week stay in the hospital. I have been on Suboxone for 3 years and I have been sober for that long, it has helped me tremendously. Currently, I am afraid that I may lose my Suboxone due to insurance issues.....so I am joining this group to help me deal with my anxiety on possibly losing a medication that probably saved my life.

so glad you posted.talking with your doc is a good idea. here's some info i found

Do not stop taking Suboxone without first talking to your doctor. Your doctor may want to gradually reduce the dose to avoid or minimize withdrawal symptoms

http://www.drugs.com/suboxone.html
perhaps there's another rx that can help you if you have to go off the suboxone. i know how very frustrating these insurance issues can be. we're here to support you in any way we can.

[Brontoset]

Today's my fifth day sober, and it's the most painful thing. I'm pretty much useless--just sit on the couch watching incredibly violent movies (hey, it fits my mood). I'm hoping quitting alcohol will make me a less creepy person.

I just don't want to be useless while trying to get sober.

[roads]

((((Brontoset))))

Getting sober isn't being useless, Brontoset! Its the most useful thing I ever did for myself and for those who love me in my whole entire life.

Keep on getting sober.

Roadie, here for you

[madisgram]

Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them~ Count Leo Tolstoy

when i first got sober i had no joy or gratitude. i was sad and mad i was an alcoholic even tho it was thru my actions that i became an alcoholic by excessive drinking. how could i be happy about that? how could i be grateful about that? why would not drinking be a fun life? i just wanted to be "normal."
by staying sober in spite of my negative attitude i slowly learned that i could become happy or better yet content. not that i demanded that but that it evolved out of my misery just by not taking a drink. i was not special to deserve this contentment and joy. it was primarily accepting what i had become and doing something constructive about it. it was taking responsibilty and ownership for myself in the present.
my perception changed from "why me" to why not me? thus began my healing.

I have never "renounced" my former self, in 12 step recovery or otherwise. I feel sometimes, when I listen to people who share stories at gatherings, that they hate, very much, themselves prior to the 12 steps in recovery. I feel pressured to do this, though I doubt it happens because anyone intends it. I share my experiences with how I arrived in recovery, why I stayed and how it has helped.

[roads]

Originally Posted by brookwest

I have never "renounced" my former self, in 12 step recovery or otherwise. I feel sometimes, when I listen to people who share stories at gatherings, that they hate, very much, themselves prior to the 12 steps in recovery. I feel pressured to do this, though I doubt it happens because anyone intends it. I share my experiences with how I arrived in recovery, why I stayed and how it has helped.

I've never rejected any of whom I've ever been--not in AA 12-step work or anywhere, though I've seen it happen.

I think you must have come through a very different experience than I. I'm glad we've both made it here.

Roadie

[Leed]

I guess I'm like Roadie -- I don't "hate" my former self. I'm not 'happy' with what I was, but I guess it took what it took to get me to a point of peace and serenity that I never had before. Without AA, I'd have NEVER known my Higher Power! So in a way, I'm grateful I became an alcoholic, as sick as that may sound.

I'm even more grateful that I lived long enough to get sober/clean! I've seen too many who didn't.

I'm so glad we're ALL here.

I have started smoking again, What can I say? I am weak, Please no lecture.

[roads]

((((Tink)))) I am so, so sorry.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by brookwest

"anger is a luxery that addicts can't enjoy...Bill W." not sure if that is Verbatim, but I believe it is close enough. I've found this to be true. If I get upset, like angry, and have zero effective coping skills, I'll drink or use or both. So to avoid that, I try to stay calm. PLus, I'm male and kinda big and fit. I can scare people, if I don't remind myself and remain calm and in control. It seems unfair, if I was thin and small I could get angry outwardly, but because I large and fit, I have to remain calm, at all times, no exception. Life on lifes terms, okay then...OK.

reminds me what my sponsor told me. it's human to get angry-a secondary emotion stemming from fear-but what we do (in recovery) with the anger is what's important.
sounds like you're doing that.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Roadie

One of the older students who'd come back to finish a degree was outted by a group who'd funded his studies. I was so proud of him, he was a Vietnam vet who continues to fight alcohol etc.

I don't think I'd have the grace he's showing with those showing him off. He just wants to recover quietly but now is interviewed daily and asked for "the secret" by all. Asked for proof of his gratitude. I am smiling to myself thinking, " "If you knew what it was, you might know you are seeing it."

i had a friend years ago who had many years in recovery. everyone knew he had been a drunk. so after going to AA his friends and family would ask "how does it (AA) work?" his reply, "it works just fine." i loved that!

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by brookwest

I have never "renounced" my former self, in 12 step recovery or otherwise. I feel sometimes, when I listen to people who share stories at gatherings, that they hate, very much, themselves prior to the 12 steps in recovery. I feel pressured to do this, though I doubt it happens because anyone intends it. I share my experiences with how I arrived in recovery, why I stayed and how it has helped.

just speaking for myself, i'm grateful i became an alcoholic. i really didn't know how to live or appreciate life til i became a drunk in recovery long before i was even a drunk. no roadmap at all. was just wingin' it and not effectively either. now i use the 12 steps.

[madisgram]

life isn't "good" or "bad." life just "IS".
justme, it's how i conduct my life in all my affairs that is important to me.

[gma45]

daily ck-in....Here I am and I suppose here is where I need to be!

[beauflow]

when driving to work- an old song came on the radio- Bush-glycerine (

<--Song on youtube).. for some reason- and I know it has to do with recent things- but I was like- why don't more people do drugs, why did I ever stop for real ("real" i should really put due to see the bottom)... Wouldn't it be better to live in the just numbing effect then all this pain that i have that feels ever so real..... I realize this is just me wanting to escape- have had a lot of triggers lately in life, been over whelmed and I just am tired of it... if I can't end it through the death, why not numb it with a drug...

I have not been drinking or doing hard core drugs-- so a plus.... well I will be honest, I have smoked two hits of pot this month but that is not nearly enough to say I am an addicted to pot- two puffs one day have not continued it... and I know many frown upon that but in reality it did give me insight on some things.... actually took some stuff and said to myself-- maybe you are not always the problem like you believe to be.. sorry I talk to myself in third person a lot, but yeh- you = me here....
Any who.. I have been sober "pot free" for over two weeks or more, and still more crap has been coming... and even stuff that was not contributed to the pot- so- yeah

Now I went and got a tattoo- like yeah! REAL Pain in a "good way"!! at least I am not cutting myself and have something symbolic now on my arm....

I know-- this too shall pass with much.... i just get so overwhelmed- it is like when it rains in pours... and I am just fed up- I need a vacation- away from myself some times I think.

[choocha]

Well, I think I'm officially off the wagon. I was sober for 10 years. But have now bought my 3rd daily bottle of white to drinkk with my meds (by myself). So angry at myself.