[beauflow]

Originally Posted by choocha

Well, I think I'm officially off the wagon. I was sober for 10 years. But have now bought my 3rd daily bottle of white to drinkk with my meds (by myself). So angry at myself.

you can get back on the wagon-- well wishes your way.

[beauflow]

well, so the other day i was all why don't i do drugs still.. they are choaticc thats why and i am already a handful by myself, nothing by the way besides the cigs and coffee anywho sorry for the negativity. sometimes a good game is an escape for a sec rather than going so extreme

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by choocha

Well, I think I'm officially off the wagon. I was sober for 10 years. But have now bought my 3rd daily bottle of white to drinkk with my meds (by myself). So angry at myself.

choocha the sooner you get back on that horse the sooner you won't beat up ,angry, on yourself. you have the tools already. consider the events that led up to the relapse. it will help you to know what to 'fix.'

[Towanda]

BPD and BiP raging out of control. Son's marriage is on the rocks big time and he's only 45 days into sobriety from amphetamines. Refusing help. Want to self injure and overmedicate on a daily basis. Depression rock bottom. Husband travels 4-5 days out of 7 every week so I ramble around a five bedroom house by myself.

Surprisingly coping skills are working. Depression when it hits is short lived and not as hellishly low. Self destructive behaviors are fleeting thoughts only, not actions. Anger and resentment is poured out in my journal, which greatly reduces the intensity, and brings me back to reality.

Thank God for the blessings of T's, AA, NA, support groups, and PC.

[roads]

(((((((Towanda)))))))
*gentle hugs galore* I'm so sorry to hear of all you are enduring. I am grateful that you are experiencing awareness of coping skills and "the blessings of T's, AA, NA, support groups, and PC." Returns from working the program & being there for others. Hello, my friend.

[madisgram]

hi all. i haven't been online as much. i miss all of you but sometimes my situation overwhelms me. i've been dealing with a life issue-my health-but i am sober. a drink won't fix anything. thank god i know that in my heart and soul. lots of hugs to all of you.

[roads]

Thanks for checking on us, madisgram. I wish you well and send best thoughts--I too struggle with health issues at present. No, drinking won't fix 'em!
* hugs galore , sitting near *

Roadie

[Tenrou]

Starting over again today. Tried to go to my old meeting last night to find out that they've gotten rid of it in the year I've been gone. Not thinking of undertaking AA again all the way, was more looking for a place to go last night. But I've come to the realization that drinking only treats the symptoms (tight chest, sadness, anger, inadequate feelings) rather than the problem (anxiety, depression, relational dysfunction). Kind of like treating a sore throat from an ear infection with cough drops rather than antibiotics. So that's where I am today. Best wishes to everyone here.

[gma45]

Hopefully going to meeting tonight. I need to get out. Just wish I could get over this fear of speaking at this meeting. I have gone to others and not had a problem talking. I really don't care what they think just never feel like I can get my thoughts together enough to say anything. I am just blank when I am there.

[Puffyprue]

been free for 3 weeks ..yay for me

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by puffyprue

been free for 3 weeks ..yay for me

Keep looking forward, puffyprue!!! Thank you for sharing your 3 weeks.

[Towanda]

Originally Posted by gma45

Hopefully going to meeting tonight. I need to get out. Just wish I could get over this fear of speaking at this meeting. I have gone to others and not had a problem talking. I really don't care what they think just never feel like I can get my thoughts together enough to say anything. I am just blank when I am there.

I know how you feel GMA. I am like this at my home meeting. I can find lots to say in my head but can never seem to get it together enough to say it out loud. My problem is I'm a perfectionist and I want it to sound wise and wonderful all the time. I should learn to just speak from the heart and get my huge ego out of the way

[Towanda]

Originally Posted by puffyprue

been free for 3 weeks ..yay for me

CONGRATULATIONS!! WAY TO GO!! Keep on truckin

[falves15]

I'm really keen to cope with cocaine, it is destroying my life and making me feel much worse than ever.
Does anyone have an advice?

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by gma45

Hopefully going to meeting tonight. I need to get out. Just wish I could get over this fear of speaking at this meeting. I have gone to others and not had a problem talking. I really don't care what they think just never feel like I can get my thoughts together enough to say anything. I am just blank when I am there.

sometimes people i sponsor feel as you do in early sobriety, gma. just speaking up and saying, "i'm gma and an alcoholic. i'm glad i'm here" is ok for now.

[roads]

Originally Posted by falves15

I'm really keen to cope with cocaine, it is destroying my life and making me feel much worse than ever.
Does anyone have an advice?

I checked your page, but even with that there's not enough information to follow uo on, falves. The type of cocaine you use, how much, how long you've been using, what other addictions you may have--these all factor in. Your age is important too.

Have you ever been in a rehab program? Quitting is more difficult if you've quit before and later returned to using. Do you have access to drug counseling?

I don't mean to badger you with endless questions. Please comes back, though--we can take things slowly.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by falves15

I'm really keen to cope with cocaine, it is destroying my life and making me feel much worse than ever.
Does anyone have an advice?

hi falves, roadie had some helpful questions/suggestions. i hope you will be comfortable with us to post again. i can certainly relate to your concerns. and i'm glad you found this forum.

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by falves15

I'm really keen to cope with cocaine, it is destroying my life and making me feel much worse than ever.
Does anyone have an advice?

Falves15 cocaine was a hard thing for me to give up-- I some times wish that I would had went to rehab rather than the multiple tries on my own, with adding other drugs, and failing till just a fall out and wanted to move on.. I don;t have much advice due to I still struggle with a lot of things today, i think with you having a realization that it is destroying your life- is a big step. I think with you realizing that it is making you feel worse is a big step too....
Next step is change- which can be awfully hard on your own-- i had a really good friend at the time that is now my S/O that helped me out-- and still does to this day....

I think you should find a support group in real life that you can talk to others with your issues here, and that can give you validation and give you some skills- weather that be NA, a Therapist, or a general group that talks about these things-- something that will fit with you...

Cocaine for me was a wonderful but yet so damaging escape to numb out my emotions, a true escape to just be numb--- I want to say if you relate to me on this that emotions are good- and I am having to learn that in such a hard way, along with other things from my own past and perhaps chemically "wrong" in my brain- the drugs that i did over years did not help, and have lead with the help to other issues as well.... It is a long road, but with every day it is better to know that in ways I can be strong instead of escaping when something seems to be falling apart or I can't seem to handle; that i either go do something, or maybe even have issues but I don't go back and do the hard drugs for escaping... sort of like facing myself- which is hard.

I am not sure if any of this relates to you but I do wish you well and i hope you the best-

[roads]

I'm experiencing a lot of inflamation in the vertabrae in my neck, and not even the acupuncture that's always worked is working now. It's to the point that 3/wk sessions aren't keeping a foot or hand from going numb while I sleep ... talk about a rude awakening!

This happens because the inflamations causes pressure directly on my spinal cord. The result, when it isn't numbness, is pain.

I can't tolerate any pharmaceutical painkillers, so without acupuncture I'm longing for my good buddy scotch. NOT hooking up, but so horny ...

meetings, meetings, meetings (moving in, they're talking rent)

Good, strong, positive, sober thoughts please.

Roadie

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by Roadie

I'm experiencing a lot of inflamation in the vertabrae in my neck, and not even the acupuncture that's always worked is working now. It's to the point that 3/wk sessions aren't keeping a foot or hand from going numb while I sleep ... talk about a rude awakening!

This happens because the inflamations causes pressure directly on my spinal cord. The result, when it isn't numbness, is pain.

I can't tolerate any pharmaceutical painkillers, so without acupuncture I'm longing for my good buddy scotch. NOT hooking up, but so horny ...

meetings, meetings, meetings (moving in, they're talking rent)

Good, strong, positive, sober thoughts please.

Roadie

Good Thoughts your way Roadie-- You are A Strong Person, Keep reminding yourself that Hope things start to get better soon for you and your pain clears up--

[roads]

Thanks so much, beauflow! I'm making note now:
"beauflow sez I'm strong..."
Roadie

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Roadie

I'm experiencing a lot of inflamation in the vertabrae in my neck, and not even the acupuncture that's always worked is working now. It's to the point that 3/wk sessions aren't keeping a foot or hand from going numb while I sleep ... talk about a rude awakening!

This happens because the inflamations causes pressure directly on my spinal cord. The result, when it isn't numbness, is pain.

I can't tolerate any pharmaceutical painkillers, so without acupuncture I'm longing for my good buddy scotch. NOT hooking up, but so horny ...

meetings, meetings, meetings (moving in, they're talking rent)

Good, strong, positive, sober thoughts please.

Roadie

roadie, thanks for sharing what's going on. i believe you go to AA? if so it will help for you to talk about this/pain/scotch. you'll get loving support there.
as for you medical situation have you considered meeting with a neurologist? i had the very same thing including numbness. had i not gotten surgery the damage could've been far worse. i hope you'll consider this option. my life physically is free of the all symptoms and the correction allows spinal fluid flow. vertebrae out of whack and a spinal cord/fluid being cut off can lead to major pain, muscle tone loss and paralysis.
here's a link re this. don't let it scare you. the prooceure was painless and recovery time was about 3 weeks at home.
http://www.umm.edu/spinecenter/educa...cal_fusion.htm

[roads]

madisgram:

I believe you go to AA?

Oh my, yes. Big time! As I said,

"meetings, meetings, meetings (moving in, they're talking rent)"

thank you!

decided to defy the original laws of alcoholism...

got tired of being an alcoholic...

chose to control my drinking because for the life of me I need something to make this living experience manage-able...

...sure the law might have something to say about it soon ...but in the meantime...and hey maybe it's just the kick I need..

all the best

monkey

[roads]

Oh, (((((((James)))))))
Roadie