[madisgram]

now's a good time to stop, whyme. hope you'll keep us posted.

[notz]

Another Sunday morning with no headache and sleeping with the right person in the right bed...ain't sobriety grand!

[Edge11]

...I can't...He can...I'll let him...

...Have a great 24 everyone...

[madisgram]

from the 24 hour day book-Aug. 20th:

Meditation for the Day

You should not dwell too much on the mistakes, faults, and failures of the past. Be done with shame and remorse and contempt for yourself. With God (or your Higher Power's) help, develop a new self-respect. Unless you respect yourself, others will not respect you. You ran a race, you stumbled and fell, you have risen again, and now you press on toward the goal of a better life. Do not stay to examine the spot where you fell, only feel sorry for the delay, the shortsightedness that prevented you from seeing the real goal sooner.

[beauflow]

i almost drank when i got home from work (this morning) .. i am so fed up with the "no one is doing anything".. "blame people instead of finding solutions"... i literally had a headache each time I read the email that was sent...

it hit me again this morning as I looked at the mixers i bought---

Not happy? want to be happy?- change something--

drinking wont help besides an emotional escape... work is a constant problem due to the management i need to leave, life is a constant (work on myself and issues that arise and past issues but that is a given right, for everyone)..

breaks come from achievements, right? no slumping back to old habits of escaping emotionally...

[notz]

I'm glad you didn't drink. You took care of yourself by thinking the drinking all the way through. Good job!

[madisgram]

good thinking beauflow!!!!! so glad you didn't drink.

[gma45]

All is well today, been keeping up with my meetings sometimes two a day! It is where I need to be right now.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by gma45

All is well today, been keeping up with my meetings sometimes two a day! It is where I need to be right now.

progress!!!! so happy for you gma!!!! you're doing the footwork to have a better life.

[gma45]

Here I am again Happy Birthday to Me! When I first got on here today I thought no one cares, then I remembered I didn't post my B-day, my bad! Any WHO I had a ok day went to meeting and babysat. I was really ok for a change had a few bad thoughts try and creep in but I blocked them quick! I am thankful for everyone here and the people at my meetings. Today I will not dwell on the past, I am moving forward!

[beauflow]

((Gma))

good advice:

Today I will not dwell on the past, I am moving forward!

[madisgram]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GMA45 !!!

[Leed]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GMA45!! I'm sorry I'm late!

I've had pneumonia, and have spent most of the day in bed. I'm so tired of coughing -- I think I might cough up my socks! LOL

I hope your birthday was A great one!!!

Beauflow ~ I'm glad you didn't drink when you got home from work! Good going! Keep on keepin on!

There is a God, and I ain't Him.

Take care all & have a wonderful evening

And thanks for the reading Madisgram! Love, Lee

[LostAngel0616]

~Happy birthday gma45!~ Today, and the past few days, have been pretty good. But I've pretty much gone back to smoking cigarettes. Does anybody have any tips to quiting when your partner can't? She can't wear the patches because of an allergy, and the doctors have been giving her the run around with the meds... I don't know if I really want to quit... I think if I could replace it with something else... I've actually been thinking about going and getting a big 500 peice bag of dum dums or something. Lol.

[roads]

I'm wishing I could take more risks in being supportive of others and be sure I'd be able to handle any possible stress without drinking ... but I'm not that strong. I'm disappointed in myself, that I can't be a better "recovering alcoholic." How can I strengthen my program and myself?

[beauflow]

((Roadie))

Even just a little support can go a long way for some, not having to be totally involved as a sponsor would be with a person. And even then as i understood it- Sponsors have sponsors themselves, in a way a group effort of one leaning on another, and that one leaning on another when needed too.... and even if you are not taling about AA or NA supporting people-- that idea, goes for many other things in life with humans.. not just recovering addicts.

Roadie I think i may know how you feel (maybe?), however with me-- well maybe it is similar with yours-- I want to do something with helping other people in various ways-- a lot of times I like the idea of helping kids-- however-- 1) triggers for myself from others (reminders and such even if not meaning to), 2) am I strong enough? I know I tell myself- you don't know until you try-- but the fear of trying, and failing, and falling down--- perhaps it would be a lesson needed to be learned- perhaps-- just perhaps, it would not turn out of failing as I think in my head - perhaps I am that strong (as you too), and just don't fully realize it... -- if that makes any sense... 3)I know I have some more work on myself before I go for the gold on my wish.... 4) I am just unsure to begin with what to do...

I am sorry if that is babbling-- But what I am trying to say here, is.... We don't know how strong we are until we try, and that Does not mean to just jump into something blindly (that some what sets up for failure if we do)- what I would suggest is to be sure that you have support behind you- Someone(s) to talk to, confide in and to call up or lean on yourself in case failure does occur.. that way, going back down to rock bottom in one category IS not as probably as it would be on your own.... They can help remind you of what greatness you have, what you have achieved even if "failure" seems to be the out come..... I think with all failures there is a little success -- a little learning, which is a little achieving; so nothing is truly a failure right? (of course I could be off my rocker with that all )

Many Hugs and I hope you find what you need but that is just a thought of a Beauflow right now on it...

[roads]

Thanks beauflow. In this case my sponsor thinks that I am not willing to take a chance with someone because of a lack of will, not because my sobriety would be at stake. I see myself as weak, but maybe I am just lazy--or scared. When she's pushed me in the past, I've always benefited--and in general, she seems to know me better than I know myself.

As someone pointed out recently, my fears about this are based more on my imagination than on any reality.

"Good grief, Charlie Brown!" as the saying goes. I hate decisions!!

[madisgram]

the thought for today-24 hour book-reminds me that tho i've improved character defects i still need to ask for traits to be removed. i also believe improvement comes from my awareness to change what i need to toss and replace it with a better traits. i am so grateful to AA. every part of my improved being has helped me to overcome life's obstacles and become what i am today. i'm not perfect. i am a work in (a life-long) progess.

A.A. Thought for the Day
"We must continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We should grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter; it should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We must not rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve, contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." Am I checking my spiritual condition daily?

Meditation for the Day
Happiness cannot be sought directly; it is a by-product of love and service. Service is a law of our being. With love in your heart, there is always some service to other people. A life of power and joy and satisfaction is built on love and service. Persons who hate or are selfish are going against the law of their own being. They are cutting themselves off from God and other people. Little acts of love and encouragement, of service and help, erase the rough places of life and help to make the path smooth. If we do these things, we cannot help having our share of happiness.

http://www.hazelden.org/web/go/thought_24hrs

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Roadie

Thanks beauflow. In this case my sponsor thinks that I am not willing to take a chance with someone because of a lack of will, not because my sobriety would be at stake. I see myself as weak, but maybe I am just lazy--or scared. When she's pushed me in the past, I've always benefited--and in general, she seems to know me better than I know myself.

As someone pointed out recently, my fears about this are based more on my imagination than on any reality.

"Good grief, Charlie Brown!" as the saying goes. I hate decisions!!

roadie, fear and feelings are not facts. they are just feelings. the false beliefs we have about ourselves can really cause us to not take that leap of faith. i've found that taking a risk in order to grow spiritually was well worth it.
you may feel you are weak but think about it. you had the courage to get sober and stay sober. that is just one of your strengths and an amazing one. consider writing a list of things about yourself that people see in you. invariably others see us in a more positive light. that takes you out of self to be more objective. we all are so hard on ourselves. only looking at the glass half full will cause us to feel less than. YOU are not. all of us in AA are sick people trying to get well. pat yourself on the back for getting sober. that's a good start. like they say, "bring the body and the mind will follow."

[gma45]

I have to learn to set boundaries with other people, I can't let them come between me and my sobriety. I have a hard time saying NO then I find myself building resentments not only with another person but with myself. I hope it is not selfish, I am such a people pleaser. I guess not only do I need to set boundaries, I need to know what they are?

[beauflow]

((Gma45))

I have been in the dilemma before.. my brother when we were on good terms was one of the people that boundaries with partying, drinking, smoking pot when ever we hung out after I had cleaned up for a bit, as well as many other boundaries that were not with me partaking in drugs, but perhaps him and other things.

It is quiet hard at first, or at least it was for me-- Yes, I too a people pleaser especially with him wanting to please him, and him not be mad at me...

But it does come to a time to say-- I need to think about myself; I need to do this for me-- And they ought to think of themselves too- but I can not control their actions, only mine.

with my brother I have had two rounds with him on this category with drugs/addiction- as well as many other categories but One I upped and left due to I was trying best to get cleaned from hard drugs while he was still doing the hard drugs-- he took it as I was plotting against him in some way. And the most recent was steps with first no more money to him, second he could not come over drunk, third my suggestions of quitting the drugs and getting professional help..And yeah he has been manipulative towards me with it all, and sorry to say but I don't want to par take in his dysfunction any more. He does not like what i have to say- he continues in the life he is in, and I think by now I have made it clear for him to go get help and that is all I can do is support that idea for him.

The thing is -- people know of the effects of what drugs/drinking do to them; information is out there of this all, they may not have had DARE Classes when many went to school (I had those) but information is still out there, some of it on TV commercials as well - I will agree they may not acknowledge it (i was there once) of either the damage or that they have a problem; but all we as outsiders can do for them is to let them know that there is a problem with the addiction, that there is help out there, and that they can acquire the skills to be better for themselves.

It comes to a time to say- no more of this, when someone is jeopardizing your well being. - No I don't want to smoke pot/drink with you/party it up all night, with you, please don't come over drunk any more, -- If they can respect that- that is great-- if they can not, that is when the boundaries of setting needs to be firmer...

Setting boundaries Does NOT mean that you have to completely ignore the person in some cases, meaning that you and them can par take in their good actions and behaviors-- but if they can not respect your boundaries, that in a way is toxic behavior (or at least to me), they need help with a lot more than just their addiction.

It is hard to say what boundaries are-- I know i mention the word many times, but what are boundaries?

Boundaries to me are me saying where my fill limit is for some things- meaning, What I will and will not allow for a person to do with me, around me, how they treat me, and so forth.. I myself have had emotional boundaries as well with this subject and my brother-- I can not take on the pain any more due to he refuses to get clean... (if that makes any sense)....

I don't know if any of that helped... i seem to be a rambling person lately-- but maybe someone else has a better definition on this and/or story or explanation.

It is very hard to do for some, I at times still feel like I am being cruel to my brother, but then I remind myself of a lot of times with him on this.

[madisgram]

good question gma45. gosh i had difficulty with understanding how to set boundarues with others too. what i learned is this...
i needed to respect, honor and love myself in order to do this effectively.
it may seem selfish at first but if i don't take care of me who will?
saying "NO" is ok. i do not have to always say yes to be a worthwhile person and be liked. in order for others to love/like me doesn't mean i have to people please. if the other person truely values me a no is accepted when we feel no is appropriate.
it is human nature for others to keep asking from us as long as we don't know how to say "no". this can lead to us having resentments toward others yet we allowed it in the first place.
as for my sobriety i allow no one to interfere. i treasure my sobriety above all things including family. my life depends on that concept for me. no one or my own actions can be first in my life. sobriety is foremost always.
my comments are only the tip of the topic of how to set healthy boundaries. here is a good article explaining further. i hope it may help
http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/healthyboundaries.htm
and also this long article by dr.messina. it's worth the read! http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html

[roads]

Originally Posted by madisgram

roadie, fear and feelings are not facts. they are just feelings. the false beliefs we have about ourselves can really cause us to not take that leap of faith. i've found that taking a risk in order to grow spiritually was well worth it.
you may feel you are weak but think about it. you had the courage to get sober and stay sober. that is just one of your strengths and an amazing one. consider writing a list of things about yourself that people see in you. invariably others see us in a more positive light. that takes you out of self to be more objective. we all are so hard on ourselves. only looking at the glass half full will cause us to feel less than. YOU are not. all of us in AA are sick people trying to get well. pat yourself on the back for getting sober. that's a good start. like they say, "bring the body and the mind will follow."

After everyone agreed I'm wrong, that I'm making mountains out of mole hills as my friend puts it, I realized that it had to be me who was confused in my thinking. Even my therapist says it's just a small gesture. I'm accepted that my feelings in this are not valid and I'm not going to get drunk over it ... so I have agreed to do the right thing for my young friend, put him first, and go to the event.

But the anger's still there. What do I do about the anger? My acceptance that I am wrong ought to have diffused the anger, but it hasn't.

[notz]

IMO, anger is about powerlessness and being powerless is massively difficult. To achieve control when things are NOT going my way, I find I sometimes intimidate in order to manipulate. I want to feel powerful. I'm big into fighting the injustice of it all. Righteous indignation coming out of me never has a good ending for me.

I don't know if any of this rings true for you, my dear Roadie. It's all just my humble opinion, based on my experience. Take what you need, if any.

[roads]

There's no righteous indignation, notz. It's not that kind of anger--not outward directed. It's all inward, that I failed myself & fell so short in others' expectations. I am ashamed and don't know that I really can live up to expectations. That infuriates me.