[notz]

I have to interpret his posture to figure out what he is trying to communicate.

Reminds me of some newcomers.

[optimize990h]

Antidepressant is working better with less side effects, but now trying to figure out whether dosage with be high enough. The ativan dosage I had as a prn was ineffective for the side effect. Just no cigs or caffeine and then I won't be so anxious and unable to follow conversations.

[madisgram]

hang on john. it will be the best ride of your life!

[roads]

Once you arrive at a sober platform! But there are scary parts ... madisgram has a strong heart

[johnf22881]

Really!? 16 days clean? Wow! Yup, I am 16 days clean and also free of psychiatric medications for 20 days now - awesome! Awesome, incredible, or inspired would be words I would use to describe how I feel right now!

[roads]

I'm so glad for you, johnf. ... a day at a time ...
Roadie

[beauflow]

again, guess i should check in,.....

been wanting to drink to reduce stress, have not.

self medicating myself to cope wont help i know.

and a dirty little secret of Beauflow and I am sorry for this....ya know this morning i was thinking on this thought of, well i do have alcohol, i do have pot... they have been in the fridge for some quite time..... i have to wonder if with myself, i am proving something to myself.. i have the means to escape right in my reach--- i do not take it.

though, the cigarettes... they are not like the alcohol and pot... idk why.. and i feel like a failure with them still... i went a week, the longest earlier this year with not smoking, but once a cig was in reach, it was smoked... and one followed another...

Need to stop smoking, it is part of the stress causer right now due to health issues with my S/O and myself.....

I don't even know if addiction is my problem besides the street drugs that i had done, and don't go searching for these days...

addiction to escaping, the mental release is a positive with me; and i have been doing well with that.. escaping with going to lalalaland with art or just by myself, to which idk if that is healthy either....... addiction to the damn cigs yeah...

i am afraid to try the welbutrin that was offered by my general doctor, why - it is due to when i was on lamictal from the pdoc, i was told i was manic by the therapist (though i disputed that of mixed state),.. I am afraid if the therapist was correct, and if welbutrin does the same-- i don't want to go back to where i was on the lamictal....

and general doc, agrees chantex is a real no go for me.. though she does not believe i am bipolar2, but with my ptsd and thoughts already-- no go at all... that is why she suggested the welbutrin... i just don't know..

[notz]

It took 7 years of freedom from drugs and alcohol for me to find the gumption to tackle cigarettes. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Personally, I don't recommend entering the stress of stopping cigarettes until you have the time of solid sobriety to help you quit. You have enough on your plate...jmo/ime, of course.

Having what you have in your refrigerator probably isn't conducive to the separation of you from your "best friends". Please consider widening the distance.

[johnf22881]

21 days clean... I've been here before. The only difference now is that I am not on psychiatic medication. The amazing thing about not being on the medication is that all of my OCD symptoms are gone... just makes me wonder, wonder, and wonder some more.

[gma45]

Just need to check in. It has been awhile. I am doing ok just having a hard time dealing with the loss of my friend. I am not using or drinking which is a great thing! I will get through this.

[roads]

Originally Posted by johnf22881

21 days clean... I've been here before. The only difference now is that I am not on psychiatic medication. The amazing thing about not being on the medication is that all of my OCD symptoms are gone... just makes me wonder, wonder, and wonder some more.

three weeks, johnf! let's celebrate

[roads]

im so sorry about the loss of your friend, gma. Come by and tell me about this friend, we'll reminisce & maybe use up some tissues ...
roadie

[johnf22881]

Originally Posted by Roadie

three weeks, johnf! let's celebrate

I've been celebrating a little bit each day by having my sanity back... funny how that works!

[madisgram]

hi everyone. reading the posts gives me so much joy. no matter what stage we're in sobriety, even those still struggling, uplifts my day. what miracles!!! so much hope.

Look to this day, for it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course lie all the realities and verities of existence.
The bliss of growth, the splendor of action, the glory of power.
And yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision.
But today - well lived - makes every yesterday
a dream of happiness,
and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.
~ Sanskrit proverb ~

[johnf22881]

23 days clean-I feel incredible, just sayin'.

[madisgram]

23 days clean-I feel incredible, just sayin'.

oh john thank you so much for updating us. and 23 days sober is a miracle and you've walked the walk. believe it when i tell you your new found sobriety will give others who are struggling HOPE.

[madisgram]

i'm in a humerous mood this morning so here's a great joke. i never had blackouts but then again how could i remember? get it?

tha' joke-You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knowns your name, and you've never been to that bar before?

[johnf22881]

I woke up today and began to wonder what my future holds. I guess I have been wondering it for a long time, but couldn't be bothered with it before because addiction took all of my hope and there couldn't be a future to wonder about (at least not one that I could see at the time). Now, for hope of a real future, I have to find a way to repair my damaged reputation (this is a pretty big deal when it comes to my professional future). This seems to be the biggest obstacle I must get passed. The funny thing is I feel like I should be coming completely unhinged about this, but I am really looking forward to the challenge!

[roads]

Remember, johnf, not to get ahead of where you are ... here and now. By staying in the now, it's a lot easier to stay grounded in what's real--and not get "unhinged" (as you put it) by what hasn't--and may never--happen.
Speculating in the future once drove me to drink .
One day at a time ... sure works for me! I'm happy for you. Keep on keeping on, lots of little joys for you to discover as you stay sober.
Roadie

[johnf22881]

How do we plan for the future then? I mean we don't go to war without a plan, do we? I am not being a smart a@$ or anything, just don't understand the concept of "one day at a time" I guess.

[madisgram]

good question, john. here's what worked for me. in early sobriety especially the most important thing i needed to do was to not drink in the here and now (a daily reprieeive from alcohol)-example: establishing the practice of not drinking today one day at a time. otherwise everything thinking about being sober and staying sober in the distant future and fixing the wreckage if the past is too much to handle. it can be overwhelming. in time doing the steps for the other things will follow but we all practice one day at a time in our sobriety. so staying in the very present and focusing on our recovery each day is the most important thing to do in our life. even those of us who have sobriety for any length of time it is always first on our list. not drinking for 24 hours. staying in the present to succeed success. newcomers may be overwhelmed about what/how we do anything else. simplicity is the key.

As the daily reprieves add up, the recovering alcoholic will notice his mind becoming clearer, his health improving, his relationships getting better, and his self-esteem increasing. The recovering alcoholic will learn how to live life on life’s terms without alcohol–one day at a time.

In the first few rocky days of recovery, just abstaining for that moment, hour, etc. is truly all we can do. If we can't do that, there's no point in worrying about tomorrow, or next week, or whenever. The One Day at a Time philosophy has benefits far beyond the early days in recovery. It can keep us grounded in the present – that Holy Instant that is so easy to miss in a busy and productive life.

as for the future the steps of AA will guide you to determine/plan your future. so no need to worry about your life plan yet. just think about this-when we were drinking we had no plan nor did we care. i hope my comments will help.

[roads]

[QUOTEever=johnf22881;2651688]How do we plan for the future then? I mean we don't go to war without a plan, do we? I am not being a smart a@$ or anything, just don't understand the concept of "one day at a time" I guess.[/QUOTE]

I hope madisgram's words helped. I understand your frustration Wii what I said. I am urging you not to be in a rush about putting a carefully-detailed plan together at this point.

You are feeling incredible sober ... and compared to where you were a few weeks ago, you are. Yet it is, in truth, early days yet. Your body and your mind have a lot of sobriety yet to claim and adapt to and become at one with. You have a lot of relearning how to live soberly before you are ready to become fully responsible for your life again. Get used to handling the daily grind of life without ever needing a drink, then start tackling the bigger things. If life allows you that luxury. The odds of relapse are HUGE ... give yourself every opportunity to walk firmly in your sobriety. Have you started giving anything back yet?

Roadie

[gma45]

I am here! Staying clean and sober, feeling pretty good even though my life is still a mess. Like you all say... One day at a time! I seem to be moving in the right direction if I let my higher power guide me. After all these years of trying to do things my way and not getting it right. I am learning, I feel like I am getting a bit more confident with myself but still have a long way to go. I can't give up!

[Cherry73]

Good morning everyone! I've been clean since November 21, 2005, and believe me it gets so much better. I no longer have cravings or drug dreams. I'm looking forward to giving back. I have a BS in biopsychology and am going to get my masters to be a dual diagnosis psychologist. I am so thankful for all those people that were so encouraging and I would like to do that for others. You all deserve to be happy and have a wonderful life and that starts with today and making the choice to be sober.

[johnf22881]

The truth is I have tried that school of thought before and it hasn't resulted favorably for me. There is the fact that I was on medication for 17 years and there was no need to be on medication. The amount of obsessive thoughts that the medications caused, and countless other effects, could very well be the reason I, or anyone, would turn to drugs and drinking. The medication made me timid, incapable of handling life at all, and cut off important emotions that should be used to direct decision making. I don't have urges, thoughts, dreams, and nothing makes me want to turn to those outs... not even a little. I respect your beliefs (roadie,madisgram, and everyone else), but I have formed my own, too.

Also, I am still on the waiting list for rehab, so I am even taking steps to ensure that I am in control of my own destiny. I am still fine with admitting I am an addict and alcoholic.