[gismo]

I have been seeing my alcohol t for 3 wks now we have devised a plan of action, of which a agreed to at the time, but i feel so bad i 'am finding it hard and painful too keep to my targets, i agreed not to start drinking till 5.45 pm, 1 bottle of wine 1 night next night 1 and a 5th the next what can i possibly do to maintain my targets, keep busy, i've tried beleive me, i just need to grow a backbone and do it for my kids.
i dont even like the taste of it , it destroying me, i just wish i was more confident and strong,
gismo

[roads]

What are you supposed to do when the bottle's empty? Whereas your support? A buddy? Sponsor" meetings? Somewhere to be with others like you?
Roadie

Gismo

[Leed]

You can't dp this for your KIDS. You have to do this for YOU. You must know that alcohol is killing you. Alcohol destroys brain cells each time you take a drink, and you don't "regrow" those brain cells either. Once they're destroyed, they're gone. I've done brain damage to myself due to 20 years of drinking. The part of my brain that controls memory (plus a lot of other things) is damaged, and now I can't remember anything. I don't remember my kids growing up at all -- if I didn't have pictures I wouldn't know a thing. My short term memory stinks too. Do you want that to happen to you?

My son is home now after 2 months in the hospital after complete liver failure. He was within hours of dying. Thru some miracle, he survived. No one knows how, but he did. His liver is working, although not 100% -- it will NEVER work at 100%. We don't know what his prognosis is. No one does.

You see, alcohol IS a killer. I've gone to more funerals than I can count that were alcohol related.

Don't be a statistic, and die from alcoholism. Please don't die. Hugs, Lee

[LadyShadow]

gismo

Hope things get better soon. Leed is right, Dont be a statistic, you have to do this for YOU. Find something else to do besides the alcohol. I loved my drinks and wine. Fooled myself for a long time in thinking I could handle it. But I needed it. Now I need to lose weight. I found another need. A new goal. Maybe thats what you should look for.

Also AA and support groups are very helpful.

[gismo]

thankyou soooo much for your replies, i'am gonna take on board what you have said espeially you leed,its scary too know that one day i will be sober, it's been my friend for so long, but who needs friends like that ehx

I was very happy to see your post this morning Gismo

[madisgram]

gismo, the fact that you want alcohol out of life is a positive dtep in the right direction. i know you want to do this for your kids but more importantly is to do it for yourself. alcohol has a tether on you now but you can break that stranglehold one day at a time. give YOURSELF the gift of renewed life and in turn you will be giving your kids the gift too. keep us posted. we truly care.

[cookfan56]

Gizmo -- let me reiterate what everyone has said. I too once did it "for my kids." That didn't work. I had to truly want to live. Want to get better for myself. Believe me, this elevator goes from the 100th floor all the way to the bottom. You can get off anywhere you want. I see people at my meetings who got off early, but some who waited almost until it hit the bottom floor. Those are the people who do have the permanent brain/liver damage and such broken lives. But some of them do recover IF THEY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO BE HONEST, as the book says.

Please don't try the "1 bottle at 5:45" trick. 1 drink is too many for us, 100 is never enough. Sounds like you haven't done your first step yet. Admit your powerlessness. Be the fighter who gets out of the ring with George Foreman. Alcohol is George Foreman and it will beat you every time. Just step out of the ring. Have patience. Do it day by day. It will get better.

[splitimage]

Gismo,

I started writing in my journal in 2002 that I had a problem with alcohol and that I'd stop drinking next weekend, and then next weekend would roll around and I wouldn't drink Sat.during the day but by Sat.night I'd be so deep into withdrawal that I'd always go out and buy a bottle just to stop the shakes. I really really wish that I'd gotten help back then, becuase my problem only got worse.

It was 2006 before I sought help, and by then I was totally physically dependent on alcohol. I'd wake up at 2 in the morning needing a drink. I'd need a couple more drinks before going to work in the morning. I absolutely needed my 5 pm drink, before I was in any shape to make dinner, if I remembered dinner. The rehab they sent me to, didn't detox me properly and I had a withdrawal seizure and put my head through a wall - not something I recommend.

I didn't manage to stay sober - I wasn't ready to commit everything to it yet, and I eventually lost my job. Landed up in hospital, for a particularly nasty withdrawal which led me to thier rehab which was a concurrent disorders rehab, which is what I'd needed all along, and I followed that up by an 8 week stint on a psych ward. That was in 07 and I view 07 as the start of my real recovery.

I've relapsed a bunch of times since then, but I can honestly say I've been sober more than I've been drunk since 07. But each drunken episode has been worse and more costly finally costing me my last job in 10. I've been unemployed since. I had to give up my apartment and am now living in a sober living place and going back to school full time to retrain, and finally feel like my life is back on track.

Don't follow my example.

The other thing I want to say, is I don't believe in tapering, which is what your T is suggesting. The thing is, once any alcoholic has any alcohol in their system they crave more. It's a biological fact.

Talk to your concellor about quitting outright. You may need a medical detox to help you detox safely. That could be inpatient or out patient, but they give you meds to help you with draw safely and make the withdrawal less unpleasant. It still sucks, but it won't kill you. The alcohol is out of your system completely in about a week, and you have the chance of a complete fresh start.

That's when the real work begins. You need to find sober friends. You need to find activities to take up the time you used to spend drinking, you need to find new non-alcoholic drinks to enjoy, you need to change your thinking. In short you need to learn to live without alcohol. Personally I use AA and find it very helpful, especially in the beginning. I also use the Women for Sobriety program. I've taken up knitting. I've met a bunch of people through AA and reconnected with non-drinking friends I'd lost contact with. It is hard work, but it's so worth it.

You need to make a decision about if you want to stop and really want to do the work that goes along with it. And the first step is to stop drinking, safely, period.

Good luck.

splitimage