[beauflow]

December 2008... I was tired of the drug life.. I had no where to go.. The first Friday this month slipped by me... I'm a little amazed it did... It is the thought, the want, desire, actions though... Not the spefic day as it was many days... I'm not a saint... I won't lie I've drank and smoked weed with in 2008 to now but never like I used to and nothing harder like I used to grab into... Though I get urges still (especially for coke at times) I don't go looking ....

It may sound nuts to some but I'm grateful what I learned on my path.. Yes I learned a few things... I think one of the bigger things is taking responsibility for myself....

I don't want to promote any drug use but my path I took I learned even if I lost out on some things. Even if I'm still learning as well (but let's face it even with out my path with hard drugs I'd still be learning something).
Regret gets me no where and it was partially an acid trip that made me question wtf. Was I doing with my life?.....

Many well thoughts all.. I can say I haven't emotionally drank which is where I get into trouble these days. I haven't emotionally gotten high on marijuana either....

May this new year be another step... I know today was another for me.

[sarah putney]

Havent used since yesterday. Feel like crap but know that I can get through this. I had 9 months before I relasped.

Originally Posted by Roadie

Madisgram started this thread some time ago, but it's exceeded the PC limit of 100 pages/1000 posts--so Christina86 closed the original. I'm still an addict, I still need this thread, so I'm starting a sequel. Hope nobody mnds my aggressive attitude
Roadie

[roads]

Baby steps now, Sarah Putney. An hour at a time. Go to a mtg you can. This is the hard time because some physical addiction may remain.

Addiction, Physical or mental, is a monster--it will eat you alive if you let it.

I'm fighting it myself right now and I've got 20 years sobriety. it never gets easier except you learn better coping skills. Hang in there you'll be okay.

Roadie

[gma45]

Just stopping by to say hi, And I am glad to report I have not used or drank in over a year now. I did have a thought cross my mind today, being the holidays and all, but I just had to remind myself that was the old me and I don't have to be that person any longer even though I lead that life style for a long long time. I have come to believe life is just a learning lesson and it takes some of us a lot longer than others to get it and if we can live long enough to get it, it is a good thing! I wish you all the best! If I can do it anyone can!

[arachnophobia.kid]

I wondered people's thoughts on occasional drinks.

Over the holidays I allowed myself to celebrate with the family and have a normal person amount of alcohol while I was with them. I don't think there is any problem with that for me. My question is do you think it's all right to do that by yourself? Or is it just better not to risk bringing back the habit? I think I should probably not do that myself but it's probably always going to be something that is appealing to me for better or for worse. Do you think it'd be possible to keep it under control, drinking alone occasionally?

I'm still happily sober by the way, if you don't count those few drinks for family celebrations sake.

[emgreen]

Thanks for posting, arachnophobia.kid. I'm sorry, though, that I don't have much good advice for you...I don't like to preach. I think you're the only one who can determine whether you can have a drink or two like a "normie." All I can offer is my experience...& it's not one size fits all.

I've had extended periods of sobriety over the past 30 years & my experience tells me I can't have a drink or two without eventually falling into my old patterns of excessive use. For me, alcoholism is a progressive disease & I know I can never drink like a "normie" for any period of time. That's just me, though. Good luck whatever you decide.

[roads]

I guess I'm emgreen's kind of alkie, arachnophobia.kid. A drink or two and sooner or later life's just one long drink again.
Decades ago, when I was trying occasionally to quit, I'd drink only when I went home to visit my parents. Then I'd be sober for months. I remember that probably I could handle a drink or two when I went out to dinner with friends, etc. I didn't make a year before I brought a bottle home.
My grandfather was an alcoholic and somehow managed to have a shot of Kentucky bourbon every year on his birthday. To my knowledge he never had another drink until his next birthday. But he was the exception.
If you are an alcoholic and have achieved sobriety, you're fortunate. From experience I'd say you're mapping out a path back to alcoholic drinking but trying to make it sound reasonable. If you can remain sober now (having gotten away with drinking over the holidays), you'll demonstrate more willpower and common sense than most of the recovering alcoholics I know. Good luck ... here's to our sobriety, arachnophobia.kid and emgreen!!
Roadie

Day 4 total sobriety. I am trying again and I am very hopeful. I am using regret as a motivational tool- "Do you want to hurt everyone you love? Do you want to risk total humiliation tomorrow? Will you get into an accident or hurt yourself?" etc. Of course I am very motivated today. I only fear for tomorrow but the only options are to try to be sober, or to not try to be sober. Hope is only possible with at least trying, so I find its better than wasting away. Every time I fall I learn something. It is like holding my breath while I am underwater and then coming up for air trying to remember what I saw down there. Leaving breadcrumbs for myself to find my way back when I am lost. One day at a time

[arachnophobia.kid]

Originally Posted by Lightbulb7Seven

Day 4 total sobriety. I am trying again and I am very hopeful. I am using regret as a motivational tool- "Do you want to hurt everyone you love? Do you want to risk total humiliation tomorrow? Will you get into an accident or hurt yourself?" etc. Of course I am very motivated today. I only fear for tomorrow but the only options are to try to be sober, or to not try to be sober. Hope is only possible with at least trying, so I find its better than wasting away. Every time I fall I learn something. It is like holding my breath while I am underwater and then coming up for air trying to remember what I saw down there. Leaving breadcrumbs for myself to find my way back when I am lost. One day at a time

Good luck Lightbulb and congratulations on making it to day 4! One day I hope to hear that you have lost count of the days since your last drink, simply because you will have completely put the bottle out of your mind. For now, one day at a time sounds about right. I'm right there with you.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by arachnophobia.kid

Good luck Lightbulb and congratulations on making it to day 4! One day I hope to hear that you have lost count of the days since your last drink, simply because you will have completely put the bottle out of your mind. For now, one day at a time sounds about right. I'm right there with you.

Wonderful post, arachnophobia. I don't track my sober time either. "One day at a time" still works for me, though. Lightbulb, I'm glad you're on day 4, but one thing I've heard at AA is that the person with the most sobriety is the one who got up the earliest that day. Since neither of us has had a drink in the last 24 hours we're equals in sobriety...I hope you can stay sober with me another 24!

Thanks yall! It does help me track for at least a month at first, then I just go on a month to month membership lol. Thanks for the encouragement. Okay, day 5, are you ready!

[thickntired]

WTG Lightbulb!!
I honestly have no idea what my actual sobriety date is bc ppl didn't tell me I might have a birthday lol. We all just have 24hrs on our plate. I sat next to a guy at an AA convention who had like 35 yrs. I was in awe and at about 4 months clean. He said well you probably woke up earlier than me today so you're ahead. Just like emgreen posted. This isn't a race or competition; we're all in the same boat.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

Well what a relief. I am only competing with "Drunk/High Me". I am really glad I came back to PC. The support is priceless. I find that way of thinking rather freeing. Today is day 6, but I only say this now to remind me that one day at a time can add up. Thanks everyone.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by Lightbulb7Seven

Well what a relief. I am only competing with "Drunk/High Me". I am really glad I came back to PC. The support is priceless. I find that way of thinking rather freeing. Today is day 6, but I only say this now to remind me that one day at a time can add up. Thanks everyone.

You should feel good that you're making such rapid progress in understanding the concept of "one day at a time." As I mentioned before, I don't count my sober time...This is because I once had 9 years of continuous sobriety & went back out drinking. Today is the only day we've got control over; you've got that concept firmly planted in your mind -- that's the first step. Congrats on another day clean & sober!

[gma45]

I have been doing ok, I suppose. Not drinking or drugging but there is still no motivation I mean sometimes I feel good then other times I have the ol whats the use attitude. I am hoping I can get insurance and go see a dr. again. I have been trying to come around here more because it does always help when I get to feeling this way. Thanks for listening

[roads]

Hey, gma45, good to hear from you. I'm still sober too, but I understand what you mean about motivation ... Most days the only reason I can find to get up is to attend to the cat.
I hope you can find insurance and get whatever you need to help you get to the next step of recovery.
And I'm delighted you always come back here--I worry & wonder in between.
Roadie

[gma45]

Here I am another day and it looks to be a good one so far. Trying to go through some things and get rid of some stuff clothes that don't fit etc......I need to lighten the load. Why I hang on to stuff I just don't understand. I am going to try real hard to make a change in that department and see if I feel better. I think I will. Roadie I think of you often so glad you are still around here too!

[regretful]

First time in my adult life that I've had over 50 days without alcohol..It's not very comfortable, but I'm sticking with it...trying to get up the courage to ask a friend who is in recovery to take me to an AA meeting...

I know we all have just today, but next month (2/15) will be 3 years since my last soma pill. Last drink was 6/12/99. I really screwed up my run with the soma. Oh well, it is what it is. Off to an AA meeting in about 1/2 hour.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by newgal2

I know we all have just today, but next month (2/15) will be 3 years since my last soma pill. Last drink was 6/12/99. I really screwed up my run with the soma. Oh well, it is what it is. Off to an AA meeting in about 1/2 hour.

That's fantastic, newgal! Congrats on your clean & sober time! I hope you enjoyed your meeting.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by regretful

First time in my adult life that I've had over 50 days without alcohol..It's not very comfortable, but I'm sticking with it...trying to get up the courage to ask a friend who is in recovery to take me to an AA meeting...

Congrats on the sobriety! I hope you'll find the tables of AA as big a comfort as I do. Not feeling so alone with alcoholism makes the trek much easier. I realize it's not for everyone, but I hope you enjoy the good people around the tables.

[roads]

The bipolar depression is really worsening, and the doctors don't seem to have any clue as to what to try next. In the meantime I want a cigarette. Or a carton, of course--being an addict. I guess this could be just a sign of hopelessness, but I haven't had a cigarette in so long and I'm curious why it's the cigarettes calling me and not the alcohol.

Just writing about it, not really intending to do anything--thanks for listening.

[emgreen]

I'm glad you're writing about this to get it out of your system. I'm bipolar, as well, and I can empathize with how your mental illness can dovetail with other urges. While I'm very glad the alcohol isn't knocking at your door, I understand how cigarettes can seem very attractive in a moment of weakness. I watched both of my maternal grandparents die from lung cancer...Towards the end it's like watching a fish out of water; it's a terrible way to go. While the immediate impact of alcohol (for me, at least) would be far more devastating than smoking, try to keep an eye on what's down the road if you do take up the habit again (I know...I hate to sound preachy).

Keep posting here as long as the urges persist...I hope we can support you through this rough stretch.

Originally Posted by emgreen

That's fantastic, newgal! Congrats on your clean & sober time! I hope you enjoyed your meeting.

Thanks, emgreen!

[regretful]

Thanks Emgreen. I still haven't gotten up the courage to make a call to AA yet. So I'm doing about as well as I did yesterday, which is depressed and anxious...and a bit of anger, too, at myself for not knowing better...