[waggiedog]

Originally Posted by roads

Thank you all for posting here. You let me relive my first sober day then few days, the several years of hard work that I threw out back in 1991 when my mom died and I discovered my dad in midst age Alzheimer's & hating me--believing I could have prevented her death. My dad had already started drinking heavily with my mother in hospital, when I got off the plane in Tampa, having flown out of San Francisco and took a cab home after midnight.

After her death, my dad has a case of liquor delivered to him at their condo. I went out and bought my own quart or two of scotch and we sat there in separate rooms, both drinking and saying/hearing the worst thing family can say to each other. I was all my dad had now, and I chose scotch over him and drank away 20 yrs sobriety because I didn't like the reality I'd found myself suddenly living.

That's what's so wonderful to me about this website and this Forum. And the Internet.

Thanks, guys & gals. I'm less manic tonight, having gotten about 2.5 hrs uninterrupted sleep this evening. It's been a horrific four days since Friday--but no alcohol & no tobacco. Because of a few friends IRL & my support on this site.

roads

Roads ~ ~ So very sorry to hear that you're really struggling lately. Hope you soon feel better, you're such a wonderful inspiration to me! Love when you tell stories of your fascinating theatre days! Hang on to the rope which dear Grey and I share so much of the time hunny! HUGS and LOVES, as ever. XXXXXXXXXXX

[waggiedog]

P.S. Roads, my friend has two Manx cats ~ they have a little stubby tail. Not from docking, it's the way the breed is I believe. The Isle of Man where Manx originate from is a lovely island, quite big but lovely. HUGS and LOVES, as ever. XXXXXXXX

[roads]

Hey there, waggiedog--I'm so glad you're here! Yes, the Manx breed is usually more or less tailless, from a mere bob to a full-length tail in a litter. Charlie has just a tiny tail, a bit longer than Breed Standards specifies, but from a health perspective is better off. Two Manx cats are unlikely to breed successfully. I find them fascinating.

The Isle of Mann also intrigues me. I've been there, I think, three times. There was a small island off it's east coast (and I do mean a small island) that was for sale when I was in college. I could have financed it. I often think about that place now, and "what if."

I'm much better now with my pharmacist's help ... and my "gang of three" on PC who held my hand so faithfully throughout my crisis. This is the place to be! ... & I highly recommend therapy cats or dogs, etc, to anyone interested. Mine reigns supreme over my T & both pdocs!! Scritches to your waggie.

roads

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

Going into day 4... keep me in your prayers.

Thanks all for the hugz and well-wishes.

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

Originally Posted by roads

Thank you all for posting here. You let me relive my first sober day then few days, the several years of hard work that I threw out back in 1991 when my mom died and I discovered my dad in midst age Alzheimer's & hating me--believing I could have prevented her death. My dad had already started drinking heavily with my mother in hospital, when I got off the plane in Tampa, having flown out of San Francisco and took a cab home after midnight.

After her death, my dad has a case of liquor delivered to him at their condo. I went out and bought my own quart or two of scotch and we sat there in separate rooms, both drinking and saying/hearing the worst thing family can say to each other. I was all my dad had now, and I chose scotch over him and drank away 20 yrs sobriety because I didn't like the reality I'd found myself suddenly living.

That's what's so wonderful to me about this website and this Forum. And the Internet.

Thanks, guys & gals. I'm less manic tonight, having gotten about 2.5 hrs uninterrupted sleep this evening. It's been a horrific four days since Friday--but no alcohol & no tobacco. Because of a few friends IRL & my support on this site.

roads

Hang in there Roads, your love and support is very much appreciated... let us know how we can give some back!

[glok]

You got it, Outcast_of_RGaol.

[roads]

We all are too fabulous. Look at you, Outcast_of_RGaol--Day Four! if you're like me, your thoughts and your body are in separate stages of recovery. I remember thinking, around day 4 or 5, that I was going to okay, now--I was over the worst. Then my hand would tremble or my stomach grow more queasy with every attempt to eat good, solid food.

Everyone's different, every recovery unique ... Everyone potentially on the path to recovery. And if a foot strays, you get a do-over (hopefully). My mistake in the early days was being so independent--I tried to find all the answers for myself, find my own way back when I got lost. I failed a lot, and got lots more discouraged than I needed to be.

That's why I was so grateful for PsychCentral when I got my bipolar Dx. I learned so much about life and survival getting sober, but I insisted on a whole lot of "my way." (I was in AA but was picky about which groups I'd take part in.) When the diagnosis of bipolar disorder popped out in hospital when I was 62, my first clear thought was, "Thank god I'm an alcoholic." I knew I could do anything, after healing from both alcohol and tobac. When my pdoc brought me to this website, initially I read everything I could find here about my disorder. Then I started asking questions on the forums ... several of them.

Three months later I met notz in the Thread Wars games thread, then Kali. From then on I've always had this place, where I knew at least one of my understanding friends would be.

It doesn't matter how right I am, it matters more that I'm not alone and I can always reach out and immediately find someone I know and trust to take my hand.

These guys survived a flood by hanging onto the same big stick--tethering
themselves together against the raging waters. I good image, I think!

Take good care, Outcast_of_RGaol. Good to run into you, glok--I hope the day/night is going well for you. Hang in there, everyone!!

roads

[emgreen]

WTG, Outcast_of_RGaol! Day 4 is a big deal.

I know we're not supposed to talk AA here, but after today's noon meeting a young guy approached me & asked me to be his sponsor. I told him I wasn't the type of sponsor who would tell him how to live his life, or how, when, or if he will work the 12 Steps. While many in AA would consider me a heretic, I just want to be a trusted friend who will be there for him in times of need. I sometimes think controlling people in the program run folks out of AA with their "iron fist" approach to sponsorship. It just felt good that he asked me...& sponsoring helps me in my program, as well.

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

Thanks again everyone for the encouragement, it really is nice to see someone rooting for you. I'm don't have much of that in my life. I hope that I'll be able to do the same for you all and/or others as well.
So today is day 5 and it seems a bit too easy... so I'm only cautiously optimistic. I guess that I have to figure out how to not reach for it when I get frustrated and upset. I do feel the effects both good and strange as my body adjusts to not poisoning myself daily and I like feeling "clean".

But so far so good and I'm thankful for that.

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

Day 6 - the alcoholic mind is a strange one. I have some old wine bottles that I need to throw out and just picking them up makes me remember how easy it is to hold them... Grrr.

Anyway, tomorrow is for all intents and purposes a day off, no sales in this State = no temptation.

[glok]

I wish my well-being was even somewhat addicting as my addictions.

[waggiedog]

[waggiedog]

Hi there everybody, Roads especially! Glad to see that most of us are going on OK.Outcast_of_Rgaol, good on you, when I read your message it was 4 days in and going well. I hope it's still the same now. Keep up the good work!!
Emgreen, that's rather special really don't you think? That young chap asking you to be a sponser. I'm not sure I'd be any good as I too don't go along with some of the 12 steps etc. However, I believe in going to meetings (even when clean some time) for support and the friends I've made there. Sorry. I too didn't know we weren't to mention AA, but I need to say that to reply properly,
Roads, thanks for your advice about the delightful Manx cat. I've never been to the Isle of Man!! I KNOW I'd like it as I used to work with a nice lady from the Island. Do you remember that huge Laxey Wheel???? It's the biggest in the UK and maybe Europe!! I certainly don't know about that tiny island what you saw for sale!! What a shame you didn't buy it, it would be worth an absolute mint by now, but what a fantastic holiday home!! I love reading your messages because you have a very interesting past PLUS you've had your battles over the years and you still do now my friend'

I'm 6 weeks into being clean from drink and OTC drugs. What a huge relief it is not to have to keep on going to the chemists for over the counter strong painkillers (my addiction) and drink, I had to hide the drink. I think it's 6 weeks, will have to look it up!! The only thing I do NOT like is getting my appatite back. The drugs stopped me eating as they took away hunger pangs and the drink did the same. Anyways, HUGS and LOVES, as ever. XXXXXXXXXXXXX

[roads]

Six weeks!! Whooppieeeeeeeee!!!!!! That's a major accomplishment. And so are six days, Outcast_of_RGaol. I remember the end of my first week -- part of me thoughts this was going to be a snap, that I certainly I'd have the will power to get through this!

Then I'd seen a character in a film take a meaningful sip of scotch at an appropriate spot in the script ... and my life's script ached a little. It was comforting, consoling ...

The same temptations hit hard again at six weeks, three months, two years. That was partly because of a recovery calendar I think is in my genes, when for some reason my body chemistry may become especially vulnerable. It if happens to coincide (as it did for me) with a trauma or even minor difficulty IRL, I would sometimes need two or three meetings a day or spending the day(& night sometimes) with my sponsor.

You'll be just the sort of sponsor I need, emgreen. Mine dropped me a year ago when she decided I oughtn't be taking psych drugs--"same as alcohol," she said as she told me it would be better to find a new group, too, "if I wasn't going to be honest about my sobriety."

YOU are ones who help me on my path. You too glok. Also gma, many others here.

I still go to AA meetings, but I don't have a sponsor. I probably will eventually, but there's been too much other stuff going on.

roads

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by roads

(My sponsor) dropped me a year ago when she decided I oughtn't be taking psych drugs--"same as alcohol," she said as she told me it would be better to find a new group, too, "if I wasn't going to be honest about my sobriety."

What a bunch of BS. That's why I don't advertise at meetings that I'm bipolar or am taking meds. There are always a few boneheads who don't understand mental illness or the necessity of taking meds. We both know that if we stopped taking our meds our lives would become unmanageable in a hurry! I'm fortunate that my sponsor's wife is bipolar & his father was schizophrenic; he understands mental illness & the necessity of taking meds. Other than my sponsor, it's nobody's business what disorder I have or which medications I take.

If I were you, roads (& if you even want or need another sponsor), I wouldn't disclose what meds you're taking...that's just a reality of our lives, like eating & breathing. Just going to meetings helps me stay sober...& nowhere in the first 164 pages of the Big Book will you find the term or concept of sponsors. That's just a tradition that caught on over time. You've got long term sobriety, so it's obvious that your program (with or without sponsors) is working.

[glok]

I cannot convince myself to get serious about an addiction I have targeted.

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by Outcast_of_RGaol

I'm needing to make a commitment to stop drinking... again. I'm not sure about online support but thought I could at least make an open declaration right here, I got a problem and need to deal with it.

I didn't stick to AA after a year clean. I have found other resources like Rational Recovery, SMART or if you want a biblical slant there's Celebrate Recovery. I know it can be hard to go to a meeting around strangers. I joined this website

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/

[thickntired]

Let's see I got sober Jan 2013 and that was followed by 2 visits to the psych ward. It's amazing how many things I kept stuffed down with my 30 year addiction. In sobriety I've picked up many new diagnosis and I'm pre menopausal. What keeps me sober? I know that if I add drugs and alcohol to the mix there is a good chance I won't make it out alive. Getting sober was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I sure as hell don't want to go through that madness again.

[roads]

Amen, my friend--I'm so happy for you and proud of you, thickntired. Thanks for hanging out here and sharing your experience. You have a strong voice.
roads

[Altered Moment]

My mental illness also got worse since I got sober. In the end self medicating didn't work anymore and made it all much worse.

I am sober and for that I am grateful. At least I can focus solely on the treatment for depression and of course the maintenance of my sobriety.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[glok]

One of the toughest doses of reality about self-medicating was to realize none of my problems had gone away ... most often, they simply became harder to deal with.

[roads]

glok, your word rings so true in my own experience. Just more thorny situation to untangle. I had to go through the whole rehab process twice--but I know I wouldn't live through another recovery.

It's ironic to me how much easier life is sober, and yet it seems some impossible at times. You take care now.

roads

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

Just wanted to check-in and let you all know that I'm still doing good!
I stumbled once, so I don't have a perfect record but since I'm not perfect, it's perfectly normal for me (haha).
So I'm like 18 days sober, less one... is that fair to claim? Either way, I keep thinking that I have to be accountable to you all and wanted to let you know.

Wishing you all my best!

[roads]

And all the best to you, Outcast_of_RGaol. We generally count consecutive days, but counting isn't the important thing ... which is being sober today. It's great to have over 21 yrs sober, but if I go out drinking today it doesn't matter if I had 60 yrs sober.

It is outstanding that you took a slip as a cue to step up your work. I don't think you'll make the same mistake. As we get the drugs out of our system, some of us think it wasn't all that hard to quit, so I'll go back to drinking normally. The think is, the body isn't stupid. Stop and start again often enough and the body at some point may not be able to handle another stop or re-start.

I don't have a 17 or 18 day chip, but when you hit 30 days I'll send you a virtual chip! Keep on keeping on, Outcast_of_RGaol. I'm cheering for you.

roads

[waggiedog]

Originally Posted by glok

I cannot convince myself to get serious about an addiction I have targeted.

Hello there Glock. Tell me, would you actually like to do something about your addiction? HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXX