[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Although I am completely off klonopin, after 20+ years of use, I do think occasionally that life would be so much easier if I could go back on it. I know that I have sustained extensive brain damage from the crap but since I still don't sleep well at all and can never really feel relaxed, the thought of having a rather large dose of it and 'really' going to sleep and letting my body relax is a comforting thought.

It has been 19 months and 12 days since going cold turkey. I wonder if I will ever feel good again and not wish to be drugged. From what I have read, all these withdrawal symptoms that I still experience are the brain wanting that substance back. It got used to that over the years and is still screaming..."Give me more!". That is way oversimplified I realize, but it still astounds me and also is disturbing that my body/brain is still craving the benzo.

I have had some really dark days, and for some reason especially the last 3 weeks have been tough. Basically I became mentally disabled, lost my career and now it has affected my physical health. I am nearly housebound.

I just want to get healed and able to function like a halfway normal human being. The withdrawal symptoms mimic lots of illnesses, my doctor cannot tell the difference and neither can I. It is really scary. No doctor seems to have any answers so that leaves me holding the bag until things get better. I am seriously doubting that I am going to get better, so I think I may as well take a pill and feel better! I bet many would agree with me!

[Altered Moment]

My question would be, did it stop working? Did it have the rebound effect where it causes anxiety? Why did you stop taking it?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

After getting up to 3-4 mg a day then some additional doses I took to knock me out, it definitely got toxic. I was constantly suicidal for several years. That strong desire has ended since going off. I was forced off in the beginning by a really sadistic doctor who did not know me from Adam, he just saw me in a hospital and stopped the order for it before he ever laid eyes on me. I could have had a stroke from the high blood pressure that ensued, I was getting closely monitored for that while I was there. Needless to say we had words!

I continued on the withdrawal after I had survived 4 days off. It is amazing to me that some people can go off it and have no side effects like I have had, and still have. The feelings of terror in the beginning were really scary.

[Altered Moment]

I would say you do not want to start again then. Is there anything safe that can help with the withdrawal process? Herb?

They really are a catch 22. Here is my case.
I have had depression since I was 13 and I am 50 now. Five or six years ago anxiety showed up and I have no idea why. never had a drop of anxiety in my life and handled lots of stress very well. Great addition to my disease. One year I was having really bad anxiety and had to drive across the country and return to a demanding job. The only thing they would give me was ambien for 30 days to try to get my sleep in order. I had to take three of them to get four hours sleep when one is supposed to give you eight hours. My buddy had 60 he didn't want so I was able to get 30 days of some relief. After awhile it went away on its own. 9 months later and severe depression kicked in and I lost that job. Horrible horrible anxiety came with it. It caused pretty bad paranoia and delusional thinking. I was at very high risk for suicide. Not from depression, I am used to that, but the anxiety and paranoia I could not handle.

I spent the next year trying everything i could think of besides benzos. They would not give them to me. Nothing worked. Muscle relaxers, vistaril,......useless. Meditation, relaxation techniques...impossible. My anxiety will eat through drugs like muscle relaxers or ambien. Finally i went in and told them they were unethical and demanded klonopin. My pdoc relented and gave it to me. I knew it would work and it has. I was very very close to actually committing suicide. Had it all planned out. I decided to take klonopin fully knowing all the risks. Nothing but rarely some very mild anxiety now. What is someone to do in that case when benzos are the only thing that will work? There is nothing else. I am very worried about tolerance build up and withdrawal and I am going to start scaling back and go to PRN. I take .5mg twice a day now for nine months. If I have to take it the rest of my life I don't care as long as it works. I don't get withdrawal from anti depressants or caffiene but who knows about benzos and me. I don't know what to do. I know I cannot handle the horrible anxiety and paranoia I was having.

[Angelique67]

I had seizures, too. I got that thing where I knew every face I saw. I was up for 10 days straight and hallucinated like wild. I don't think I'm ever going to be better. The anxiety is as bad as ever or worse. Tinnitus, severe ADHD, nerve pain, dizziness and vertigo, blurry vision, shakes, parkinsonian symptoms, etc. I can't take anymore of this. Want to end this now!

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I had seizures, too. I got that thing where I knew every face I saw. I was up for 10 days straight and hallucinated like wild. I don't think I'm ever going to be better. The anxiety is as bad as ever or worse. Tinnitus, severe ADHD, nerve pain, dizziness and vertigo, blurry vision, shakes, parkinsonian symptoms, etc. I can't take anymore of this. Want to end this now!

Angelique,

Well you know that I definitely feel your pain. I am in the same boat as you. Since Feb of 2013. I still cannot believe that I also have the tinnitus almost every day, especially with lack of sleep it seems to occur. Started out sleeping only 1 hour, maybe 3, then progressed to 4-6. Which is the case now. Weird thing is that I never know when I am going to sleep, I suddenly just realize that I have been having dreams. Never feel like I am actually falling asleep. Just go straight from awake to asleep. Very strange!

I'm so sorry that you are suffering too. Lots of people are fighting the indiscriminate handing out of the benzo prescriptions and keeping on them any longer than a week or so. My doctor denies that any of my symptoms are related to withdrawal, wish she could live with them and see what she thinks they are from! Also heard that she prescribed a truck load of benzos just recently to someone I know! The whole issue of lack of MD's AND most health care workers knowledge is alarming, they all swear that withdrawal is over in 14 days. We could only hope. There are a few law suits for damage incurred as a result of their use. I sure do not have the resources to fight a legal battle, and then what could would it do us?

This is a very hidden 'dirty' truth in this country. I certainly wish better for you and I. It is hard to keep hope alive when you still have symptoms in this very long protracted withdrawal syndrome. I pray every day for healing for myself and all of us living through the nightmare!

[Angelique67]

I'm old enough that I don't care to live any longer. It's all over for me now.

ETA: do your "neighbors" blast cRap 24/7 hours too?

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Zinco,

I know exactly how you feel. I could not imagine ever getting off klonopin, did not plan to. I know that it is the only thing that helps your anxiety.

Now, if I ever did start back taking it, even small amounts I fear that I would go right back to where I was with the suicidal ideations all the time. I am not happy now but feel I can keep myself from attempting suicide again. I did it several times.

I am just at the point where it would take staying on it to keep a level of calm. I keep hoping that the healing that I have been promised will happen truly does happen soon!

Definitely I could not risk going back on it and then have to change doctors and get yanked off of it again and go through hell again. I could never, never, NEVER risk that!!!

[EmbracingSelf]

I am also on the withdrawal from clonazepam. I used to take 1mg on demand, sometimes more than that at once.

After years of using benzodiazepines on and off, my system has gotten used to them. I've tried alprazolam (Xanax), bromazepam (Lexotan) and the last one was clonazepam. Considering the high potency of clonazepam compared to other benzos, quitting it cold turkey is not advised. Well, actually quitting any benzo cold turkey is a bad idea. Withdrawal itself already mimics plenty of physical and psychological symptoms like you said, and quitting any benzo cold turkey is very dangerous, it could cause seizures, even death.

The best way is to taper off, using Diazepam (another benzo) due to its long half-life. It's a long-acting drug compared to other benzodiazepines.

I know how it feels, my body was having all sorts of weird symptoms from withdrawing from clonazepam. Three days into not taking it I had intense restlessness and agitation from within, as if I wanna scream out all the pain. I got irritable, had muscle jerks whenever I was about to sleep, and a sense of impending doom, as if death is around the corner. And the sleep apneas...Scary.

The withdrawals also manifest itself as symptoms very similar to fibromyalgia, and I suspect my acid reflux is the result of lacking of benzodiazepine (the required amount) in my body.

Well have you ever checked out the Ashton Manual? It is developed by a professor to help people getting off benzodiazepines and available online. Since I don't take benzo regularly, I now replace clonazepam with diazepam once a week. And gradually tapering diazepam off.

It's going to be a very slow process for you, since you've been taking Klonopin for more than 20 years.. still amazed that you've survived it cold turkey quitting. Very amazing.

[Angelique67]

I wasn't more suicidal on it than I am off of it. As far as I'm concerned it was holding me together and I never should have been forced off. My brain rot is far worse off of it. Everything is.

But as ForeverLonelyGirl said, I could never risk going back on and being forced off again.

I've read the Ashton Manual. Too bad the nurse that forced me off it never did.

It's been the worst thing I've ever been through where no one died.

[Altered Moment]

That is my worse fear. That I will be forced off of it cold turkey. My mental health clinic already has a pretty strong anti benzo policy. It was only after a year of trying other things and me demanding it that they gave me klonopin.

The government and psychiatric community seem to be leaning towards no benzo's at all period. I personally think that would be unethical because they are the only thing that works. I really wish they would have put more research into other safer things but they seem to not be doing anything on that front.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by EmbracingSelf

I am also on the withdrawal from clonazepam. I used to take 1mg on demand, sometimes more than that at once.

After years of using benzodiazepines on and off, my system has gotten used to them. I've tried alprazolam (Xanax), bromazepam (Lexotan) and the last one was clonazepam. Considering the high potency of clonazepam compared to other benzos, quitting it cold turkey is not advised. Well, actually quitting any benzo cold turkey is a bad idea. Withdrawal itself already mimics plenty of physical and psychological symptoms like you said, and quitting any benzo cold turkey is very dangerous, it could cause seizures, even death.

The best way is to taper off, using Diazepam (another benzo) due to its long half-life. It's a long-acting drug compared to other benzodiazepines.

I know how it feels, my body was having all sorts of weird symptoms from withdrawing from clonazepam. Three days into not taking it I had intense restlessness and agitation from within, as if I wanna scream out all the pain. I got irritable, had muscle jerks whenever I was about to sleep, and a sense of impending doom, as if death is around the corner. And the sleep apneas...Scary.

The withdrawals also manifest itself as symptoms very similar to fibromyalgia, and I suspect my acid reflux is the result of lacking of benzodiazepine (the required amount) in my body.

Well have you ever checked out the Ashton Manual? It is developed by a professor to help people getting off benzodiazepines and available online. Since I don't take benzo regularly, I now replace clonazepam with diazepam once a week. And gradually tapering diazepam off.

It's going to be a very slow process for you, since you've been taking Klonopin for more than 20 years.. still amazed that you've survived it cold turkey quitting. Very amazing.

Yes it is amazing that I survived cold turkey. As Angelique stated, it is too bad that the nurse that took her off cold turkey did not read Ashton manual at all. I am truly appalled at the treatment of folks put on a benzo and then just put through the hell of cold turkey withdrawals for no apparent reason. No chance to taper at all. I have read conflicting data regarding the effects of taper vs. abrupt withdrawal. Medical professionals seem to have no or limited knowledge about the horrific effects and potential for protracted withdrawals. That makes no sense to me at all.

Full disclosure...I went to nursing school, became a RN and worked in hospital settings mostly, some home health. Never dealt with benzo prescriptions outside of acute care use. Was NEVER taught anything about withdrawals, only the small amount that is listed in drug information. A lot of pysch drugs state that the way the work or the mechanism of action is 'unknown'. There are a lot of unknowns when it comes to that category of medicines.

Being a medical professional did not even help me to avoid all this trauma. I had no idea that taking a benzo would have any long term effect. It certainly does, changing your brain chemistry.

Wacko as it may sound, out of desperation last night I had a 'talk' with my brain. I said, "you are NOT getting any more klonopin now or ever so quit trying!!!" Crazy as that sounds, I think it may work. The old brain cells seem to be trying to bully me into starting back on it and I do have weak moments that I really want to. I have to see if I am really going to heal like I have been told that I would. So a big loud NO to the dysfunctional and pathological brain cells! Not going to give you that 'fix' you want! Ha ha!

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I wasn't more suicidal on it than I am off of it. As far as I'm concerned it was holding me together and I never should have been forced off. My brain rot is far worse off of it. Everything is.

But as ForeverLonelyGirl said, I could never risk going back on and being forced off again.

I've read the Ashton Manual. Too bad the nurse that forced me off it never did.

It's been the worst thing I've ever been through where no one died.

That nurse that took you off cold turkey was like the sadistic doctor that did the same to me, either ignorant or sadistic. I lean towards ignorance, if you read my above post about my own medical training.

I feel really bad for you and so wish I could help. I would like to become an advocate for mental health if I could ever get over this social anxiety caused by this. I was always sociable and loved being around people. Now I've turned into this awful troll that I despise. I have my nursing license that I worked so hard for and continue to do what is necessary to keep, just going to waste. I'm not helping anyone! I long to help people but cannot hardly help myself anymore. I truly do believe that long term benzo use took that away from me, I started being unable to think or function in my work and did not understand why. Now I know why. What a great loss!!!

Angelique, please take it easy on yourself. I do think healing will come. Feel free to PM me if you like.

[Angelique67]

PM sent. I hope it will get better for all of us going through this.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Since I have not slept well at all for 19 months, I now have some serious symptoms of heart disease. Even was sent to a cardiologist, but as symptoms often do, they went away for awhile. Now they are back. This is really scaring me because there is nothing that I can take for insomnia that doesn't make me feel like a zombie in walking dead.

Not even benadryl, the last time I took that I felt super 'crazy' and still could not rest because of the side effects. I fall asleep sitting up at my computer all the time because of it. The effects of long term chronic sleep loss are frightening and dangerous!

Not feeling very positive about it all right now, I sort of expected that this whole thing would be what does me in. I am not quite 60 yet, seems too young to die but that is another long subject. Somethings gotta give though! Wah...

[emmababy]

Hi~

I started taking a variety of anti anxiety stuff after some serious medical diagnoses beginning in 2005. I took only one drug at a time, like I started with klonopin, then quit that after a few years. Then I got hit with another medical disaster and started on Xanax, the quit that to start on Ativan. I've been on Ativan for about 5 years. I was started at 1 mg and am now taking 2.5 mg a day. I cut myself down from 3 mg. So the pharmacy where I live is helping me reduce the Ativan to zero by gradually reducing the dose. You can't go cold turkey with this stuff....by accident, I found out that cannabis oil works to calm me. It does not have THC in it, so no psychoactive side effects. I think a lot of people are confused by cannabis and think it is addictive but it's not...I've known people who smoke it when they want to, not because they have to. Anyway, have any of you tried cannabis oil for helping with anxiety, and what was your response? I will be weaning off the stupid ativan for about 19 freaking weeks!! I think it's real interesting that pot is labeled an illicit drug but the doc can hand out these horrible drugs and that's legal!! I have tried smoking a type of pot w/o THC and it works fine, is a great pain killer, and helps me sleep but I don't like to smoke.

Any thoughts on the oil? Thanks, and nice to be on this forum!

[Angelique67]

Hi Emma, I never heard of that, I'll have to look into it. Is it legal to get cannabis oil? Thank you by the way!

[emmababy]

Hi Angelique, thanks for responding. Cannabis oil is legal if you can get it at a compassion club. I have a source where I can buy mine. It is a godsend for me. Yes, please do look into it. Be careful where you look - some sites are big pharma and they have nothing nice to say about cannabis because they cannot patent it. There are a lot of cancer patients who use it for pain and it is wondeful. As I said it helps me sleep. Since it has no THC, thus no psychoactive ingredients, you cannot get stoned. I buy 100 capsules for $40 which is cheaper than any horrible legal drug..interesting, isn't it, how they classify legal and illegal? I agree that SOME drugs should be illegal, but cannabis OIL has real medical potential without side effects. Hope this helps you sweettee.

[emmababy]

And you are very welcome, Angelique

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

I am not closed minded, but the cannabis is not a solution that I would consider. I have not had any luck with any vitamin, supplement or prescribed medication. I really do not think that they help or promote brain regeneration.

Sad truth is that nothing helps.

[Angelique67]

Hey FLG! I was wondering how you are!