I Have Become Addicted

I have been alcohol-free since 1999 with a relapse from a prescribed pain medication 3 years ago. I attend AA meetings religiously but find myself in the same situation again. My husband is also in AA but I have not told him about my relapse this time. We have become distant and I don't want to rock the boat any further.

Anyway, I was prescribed first oxycodone then generic Percocet for a migraine condition - - it'll be one month ago next Wednesday. There is no doubt that I have become addicted. I definitely have severe pain but I take it even when the pain isn't that bad.

I don't know what to do. For the first few weeks I was taking it as prescribed, but I would say for the past week or so I've been just taking it when I feel like it. I am going to run out of my current prescription way ahead of time, and my doctor may think I'm a drunk seeker. He will be partially right.

I need the pain medication, but at the same time I really enjoy it and am abusing it.

Who has been in this position before and what have you done about it? Thanks for any words of advice.

I've had problems with migraines and use frova. It's not a magic cure it works better the longer you take it but it was the best medication I've ever used for the migraines.
If the problem is the neck there is chiropractic benefits, injections and physical therapy all of which work better than narcotics. It's up to you to decide to take action and speak to your doctor about the abuse and being honest in aa.

The doctor I'm seeing on Monday is a "physiatrist," one of whose specialties is the management of pain related to spine problems. I'm allergic to steroids but am anxious to see what other suggestions he has for my neck pain. In terms of the head pain, triptans never have seemed to be helpful for me, I don't know why. I have tried a lot of them. I'm working my way up to 100 mg of topamx as a preventive. I'll be up to 75 mg on Sunday.

If I can just limit my use of narcotics to when I have severe pain, as I did for the first 3 weeks I was prescribed them, that is acceptable to me. I have crossed a line that is unacceptable to me though. So far I have been too embarrassed to talk about it at AA. I don't have a sponsor at this point either. I guess you could say I'm not working the best "program" now.

newgal, can you just arbitrarily decide on a time to take one, like before bed so you can sleep and then stick to that schedule? I was taking my meds at different times and forgetting, etc. so I put the one on my table/desk here and take it religiously every morning with my cup of coffee. The night-time med I take on my first waking (to pee :-) after I go to bed, around 1:30 (it needs a much time/empty stomach as I can get it).

Think of it as medicine that you HAVE to take at X time rather than as an addiction/pain pill/something that feels good or bad?

I don't know . . . I feel like the oxycodone should only be taken if I have severe pain, and even then no sooner than 4 hours apart. I was very good about that the first few weeks I was prescribed it, but now things have just become chaotic.

I'm in the same boat as you, only for me, it's been years. Started with a surgery, and all downhill from there. No advice to give, I know my first step should be to talk to my therapist about it, but I have not mustered the nerve yet. Not sure I trust him THAT much. This is big. The biggest thing I'd ever admit.

I suggest you talk to your doctor about it. If need be, they can send you for treatment. I take pain meds and I know they can easily become addictive.

Hang in there newgal2! At least you are honest after only a little abuse. Being honest with your doctors would be a good move. If AA would be too judgemental, consider NA. Maybe picking up a sponsor who also has pain management issues could help?

We've got your back!

moogs

Thanks Moogieotter, I appreciate your support. I am out of the Percocet now, so maybe I'll luck out, have no more pain and this nightmare will be over with. Otherwise and NA meeting is a really good idea.

Editing this about an hour later to say no such luck. Neck and head pain has crept in and, due to my abuse, I have nothing to relieve the pain. That's what I get I guess . . .

I noticed you are on trazadone, that can sometimes cause stiff necks or maybe it's the combination of meds plus the ECT. Now that you have not had ECT for a while it might start getting better and you will not need the pain meds at all. if you don't have them maybe the urge to use them will go away.

I've had this issue in the past with different psych meds that are sedating, where I'll take them as prescribed, and then take a whole bunch just to feel numb, and then I run out. I've always levelled with my psychiatrist about it, and now he's helping me by keeping me on a very tight supply of meds. I only get two weeks at a time, which makes it harder to abuse them, as I'm more cognizant of not having that many, and it's working well.

Talk to your Dr. and maybe you can come up with a plan that will work for you.

splitimage

Thanks, splitimage, for the advice. I wonder if, given that info, the doc would not prescribe any pain meds to me at all and there I would be left in pain . . .

I now have come to the realization that my neurologist was doing me a big favor when he prescribed oxycodone for me to be taken every 8 hours even though it wears off every 4 hours. He didn't want me to become addicted. I, not wanting to be in pain, and wanting to feel the "high," took it every three hours or so.

Yesterday, when I saw the spine specialist, learned from him that it is better for someone with addictive tendencies to be in pain than to risk becoming addicted again. Tomorrow when I see the physician's assistant at the pain management place will need to be upfront with him about my past addiction to pain meds so that he takes that into consideration when prescribing pain meds (if he even does).

I'm also going to an NA meeting today just so I keep my head in the right place on this whole matter. Today, still experiencing withdrawals somewhat, had to call in "sick" to the place I volunteer at and didn't go jogging. Not the way I want to live my life. I need to get a handle on things before they get even more out of control.

Awesome! I have been thinking about you. NA will help - just don't worry about being judged. There are non-addictive pain relief tactics too. They will probably load you up on Ibuprofen (Motrin, Advil, etc) It's effective.

Thanks for the update - your honestly with yourself and others will get you through this.

moogs

I get kinda freaked out when I hear stories like this. I'm sure I would enjoy the effects of opiates since I've been clean so long. I would rather suffer than get stuck back in my addictions. Because of this, I try alternatives for pain such as: exercise, healthy diet/nutritional supplements, massage, physical therapy, meditation. One of the best things for pain is sitting in a hot Jacuzzi for as long as I can take it. Most gyms have one. I know everyone is different and everyone has different pain threshholds. I hope you get help before your addiction gets completely out of control. Because that's what addictions do--get out of our control.

Just want to say this withdrawal is really hard. This is the 3rd day cold turkey. My depression has worsened a whole bunch and my energy is zapped by the end of the day and I end up in bed. My understanding is this will last about a week.

I am so torn about getting a mild pain med (vicodin or something?) because my neck and head pain is so bad and it's really hard to function with this pain!? I don't know if I'm strong enough to deny it if offered at my appointment today. I'm in such a predicament.

Newgal2, I am sorry to hear this is happening for you.
I have been sober since 2006. I am a chronic migraine sufferer and I take nothing for it, and my life is hell. People keep trying to get me to go to the doctor and 'get something' to take for it, but I know the kinds of things they prescribe for stuff like this. I mean, I went in for a stomach ache back in October that was related to gallstones, and they wanted to give me a shot of bloody Dilaudid. Unbelievable.
Everyone has a different pain tolerance. People think I'm crazy, but I have heard so many different stories of people in recovery relapsing on pain meds, especially people for whom alcohol is their drug of choice, partly because there is not the consideration made by them that drugs can be a problem. Unfortunately I don't have any advice, because the only thing I have ever done is just not take anything ever. Not even regular Tylenol. I can feel it as soon as it enters my bloodstream. And I make sure that every single doctor, psychiatrist, nurse, and any other health professional who treats me know that I have a history of addiction. In fact I list narcotics, opiates and Benzos under 'allergies'. I just don't take the risks.
Have you considered seeing an herbalist or naturopath to find out what some natural alternatives might be? That could be a safer road to being pain-free or at least helping to alleviate the pain, that won't trigger you to self-medicate. I wish you all the best in your searching and hope that you are able to find a solution that works for you. I am here if you ever need to talk.

Thanks a lot spondiferous. I really do appreciate it. And hats off to you for being strong enough to avoid all pain meds even with a migraine condition and suffering through it. I guess I'm just a wimp when it comes to severe pain. My tolerance threshold is low.

I happened to have been late for my appointment at the pain management place this morning so they wouldn't see me. I have another 24 hours to do some soul searching on this one. Thanks again for offering your take on things and your support.

I was addicted to stimulants taking adderall 30 mg three times a day.now I take methylphenidate 80 mg a day since 1 yr 4 months and don't abuse it the doctor gives me a prescription.can I take methylphenidate due to my previous addiction.methylphenidate never helps me like adderall but I still take it

I have never been to a pain management clinic but the idea sounds like a good one. I hope they can help you figure things out there. Living with chronic pain makes life so very difficult, especially trying to figure out recovery and stuff on top of it all.

I've been on a very high dose of pain meds for my migraine because normal migraine meds don't touch the pain & just mess with my heart so they ended up not even being an option.

I have been going to pain specialists since 1999 & it wasn't until 2003 that they finally got the dose that worked & actually kept me pain free (my migraines were continuous & never went away) so to be finally pain free even though the symptoms were there they were without the pain in the head (I still get the light sensitivity & the lights flashing in my eyes & smells can at times really get to me & even trigger the migraine pain mildly). I never got any feel from even the really high dose that I was on them other than pain relief....I was finally functional & it felt soooo good to be pain free & functional like I had been for most of my life.

When all the crap about pain medications & having to lower doses & the pain specialist I was seeing closed his practice....the one I started going to when I left my H & moved to a whole new state......so I had to find a new pain specialist & no one was willing to prescribe the dose that my body required to control the pain.....until my pharmacist talked the founder of the one pain practice into taking me on as a patient....& he was wonderful...actually came up with an old treatment for migraines that uses lidocain on long q-tips stuck up your nose for 2 20 minute treatments started off once a week until the pain was better under control along with 3/4 the dose that I had been on & over the year we were able to work it down to 1/2 the dose & the lidocane blocks. He said that there is a direct connection from the back of the nose to the pain center where my migraine centered (most of my migraine pain was in my eyes).....that is until after my oral surgery the end of March......that triggered the migraine pain back full force....but the block is still working & took the pain from a 5/6 down to a 0/1 by the next morning & it's keeping it down well this week.....but I am also on what they consider a high dose of the pain medication along with the block but with all the pain that the oral surgery is causing they aren't even going to mess with any dose change.

Of course, I really like using the patches because you don't get the up & down like with pills. They are 3 day patches with enough for a day 4 most of the time so that if you don't get it changed immediately on day 3 you aren't in immediate pain.....patches are the only thing that works for me without being on a constant pain roller coaster.....

But I have never had an addiction problem & even on the really high dose like I said, I never got any kind of feel from the medication other than pain relief. All the pain specialists who have gotten to know me know there is no problem with the meds I'm on & they have also said that there are tests being down that show that certain people's DNA's metabolize pain medications such that it does take a higher dose.....even when my anorexia was really bad & I was in the medical hospital for that I was still on the high dose of pain meds & felt no different between then & when I was at a higher weight.....so it definitely has to be the way my body metabolizes pain medications....or at least the one's that I can tolerate.....can't tolerate anything related to morphine without itching from head to toe. Demoral shots always worked but it took a huge dose of that to break the migraine pain otherwise they sent me home from the ER is as much pain as I went in with.

Wow, thanks for all this info, eskielover!

Like I said, the pain management place won't give me any pain meds, just a muscle relaxer, because of my history of pain med addiction and because they said pain meds would actually worsen my pain.

I can't remember if I said this above, but since going off the Percocet, my head pain is usually about a 4 every day. When I had the medial branch block done on Wednesday (injection in my neck to block the nerve signals in the facet joints on either side of my neck), my head pain actually went down to a 2! That was fabulous and a great "break" from the pain! But since that's worn off, it's back to a 4.

At the pain management place, they really think my head pain is caused to a large extent by my neck problem, and the medial branch block results seem to verify that to an extent. I'm most likely going to have an electrode or electrodes placed in my facet joints which should give me head and neck pain relief for up to a year if the procedure works.

That, plus I'm going up to 100 mg on the Topamax pretty soon. Hopefully between the two my pain will be manageable. Also, I bet after some more time goes by if I get in bad pain, my neurologist will prescribe some more Percocet for limited periods of time.

I was thrown over my horses head when I was in my college equitation class back in 1972. Migraines (or should say one continual migraine) started in 1994.....almost 20 years after....when they did an mri in 1999, they found that my neck was so bad that I needed immediate neck fusion & they were absolutely sure that would relieve my migraine pain.....it didn't relieve it...it got worse & that was when they actually started me on pain meds because nothing else worked. I even tried acupuncture & it made it worse also......

I am glad to hear that you got relief.......what I have found though is even constant pain at a level 2, it still draining....doesn't seem so at first because it's less but overall.....it still drains energy & makes life very uncomfortable when it's continuous.

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this continuous pain. I have been in pain since the beginning of April and it seems like an eternity.