Daily addiction check in #1

Congratulations zijax!

That's HUGE, zijax! Getting sober is far more difficult than staying sober. You probably know that already, though. Keep up the hard work!

Good job Zijax!

In an effort to not over-eat or self-harm I went a little overboard stress bidding on Ebay. I placed bids on 176 listings. Yikes! I'm only currently winning 45 of the listings I bid on and most of my bids are under a dollar so I won't go broke but it's just kind of scary really. I'm also an Ebay seller and I'm hoping to go on quickly to list one item today to help offset some of these expenses but otherwise going to try to avoid Ebay. Not how I was hoping to start the new year.

Day 15. Got a sponsor. Picked up a white chip a week ago at a meeting and told ten people of my 2 day relapse. Have decided not to tell anymore people. I'm not going to be grabbing chips again all year for the umteenth time. I'm just going to stay sober one day at a time. Talked it over with my sponsor and she agreed. She said where she was from they didn't even pick up chips except annually. People in AA judge and I don't need that. I live in a small town. I'm feeling good that I got a sponsor who is getting me right into the steps. I didn't have that before. So off to a good start.

Great work zijax!

I'm weening myself off a certain research chemical stimulant called 4-Fluoromethylphenidate. I was taking it therapeutically and it lasts for 8 hours but then I decided to take 100x more for euphoria. I then decided no matter how much I take, there's no difference anymore so I went to sleep. I stayed in bed sleeping as much as I could but the pain was unbearable so I decided to prepare a line where I said "Come on, you can do this... you can prepare this line" because I was so exhausted. 5-10 minutes later, I was more than normal. But this time it will only last 4 hours. The crash and withdrawal is unlike any other stimulant I've taken it's horrible.

Desoxyn, how are you doing today with the weening process, can you check in with us? Hope you are feeling better.

Day 223 sober for me today, and today was my last day in rehab. I start aftercare on Mon. but that's just 1 day a week, compared to 5 which is what I've been doing.

splitimage

31 days! Why do I feel so sad??

Congratulations splitimage!!!

That is terrific news!



[(Ahem I would put 223 smiles but I have been instructed that that is not allowed!)

Puzzclar, 31 days is awesome!

I have noticed, around the markers/anniversaries, my mood will get wonky, or I will get a little more urgy... it's kind of just part of getting sober for some people.

20 days for me!

Thanks!!!

All the feelings you numbed out with your drug of choice are coming back to you now. The happy, the sad, the joy, the anger. You are beginning to feel again! It's part of getting sober. Feelings don't last, just wade through it, you will feel differently soon.

EEEEEK I want to drink now! Rock steady MaMa. I'm alone. No one to worry about. Snowstorm coming. I want to drive to the ABC store and get some bourbon. Are they open. Help

Play it out in your head. It's going to end up sucking. Might even kill you.

Yes, play the tape thru... you can do this, and you can prove to yourself that being alone is not a reason to drink and it is not bad. I had to prove to myself that I could get thru certain situations without drinking, and over time, those situations got easier.

(Deleted long self pity post)

I'm struggling.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Don't get down on yourself...Sharing is the best way to stop struggling. Good luck.

i been sober almost 5 months from heroin. lifes good

Way to go redstripe! I just got out of the hospital after having some major abdominal surgery. They gave me some oxy & morphine in the hospital & I liked them FAR too much; I refused when they offered to send me home with some oxy (I'm a recovering alcoholic). I can't directly relate to your struggle, but can appreciate the effort & fortitude it's taken you to quit that crap for five months! From all I've read, it's really become a killer...Good luck!

Emgreen, I too, had major abdominal surgery at the end of November. A 10" long incision from my breast bone to the top of my pubis! I can't imagine going home without giant pain meds!! Yes, like you, I had to have the big guns as far as pain relievers for my 5 days in the hospital. Once I went home I took the oxycodone as directed but under the supervision of my spouse. I haven't had anything stronger than Advil for over a month now and I'm ok.

I'm well practiced at playing the tape through, I never want to go back to where I was! I will always fiercely protect my sobriety!! But since they went traipsing all through my guts removing various parts and lymph nodes I had to go home with adequate pain relief or that could have triggered drug seeking behavior for me.

I hope whatever you had the surgery for is reconciled.

26 days. I had the 3rd ESI last week, and oddly it is not messing with my head right now... (knock on wood)

Just quit my job, and feeling like an absolute failure. Want to just drown in alcohol and not think. Been 3 weeks since my last drink because things were going well.

3 weeks is great. Let's make it more ladyshadow

I'm sorry you feel like a failure for quitting your job, but I'm sure there must have been a good reason. Perhaps I'm wrong, but drinking would only make you feel worse about yourself. I know...I know...Easier said than done. If it's any consolation, I (& perhaps many of us) have been in your shoes before. It's not a comfortable place, but you don't have to lose your sobriety over it. Feel better...