Daily addiction check in #1

Hang in there splitimage!

remembering my last slip up, so bad that is the only thing keeping me sober, but if it works ...

love and to all

i got hired today at a well paying job for retail situation. i was told they dont drug test but am not 100% sure. i am 9 days sober but i think marijuana would show up in a drug tox screen. hopefully they do not drug test as i am just a cashier and most places these days dont

Writing clarifies things for me sometimes. I wrote this elsewhere in a thread:
What is good about that is also what sucks about it. I stated pretty clearly why I can't moderate as much as I would like to.

You are not alone. I am nowhere close to giving in but I have had plenty of opportunity (due to some extenuating circumstances I would almost certainly get away with it) and it's hot out!

It's like a buzzing fly. I am not really tempted; I am annoyed by it and chase it away and it keeps coming back.

Good for you UpDownAround for not giving into temptation. I like the idea of treating the thoughts like bees and telling them off.

I'm still sober and coming up on 14 months next week.

splitimage

Almost month three of being sober. Struggling, but doing a pretty good job under the circumstances.

Way to go SvanThor,

90 days is a huge milestone. Keep it up one day at a time.

splitimage

I celebrated 8 years on Friday. While I know many people don't like AA, the program helps me remember how desparate I was when I first got sober, & how hard it was to stay on the wagon the first year. I don't, however, pat myself on the back for my sobriety. I'm still an alcoholic & could be drunk tomorrow if I let myself slip. I don't know if I'd ever get back if I went back out. That scares me enough to stay sober just for today.

One thing that makes it tough for me is that I am almost positive I would get back if I slipped. This last time, it was more about the unhealthy cycle of a big dose of adderall in the morning and an "alcohol enhanced" dose of trazodone at night than it was about just the drinking.

I was drinking alone and hiding it, breaking two of "da rules" but wasn't out of control. I dosed myself with 24oz of 12% per night about 3-4 nights a week. A couple of times I had a little more but never got to the stagger and slur stage. I only did it when I was in for the night.

I am not trying to justify it, just pointing out that it is easy to and I know my mind will go there at some point. I have never had a DUI or missed work due to drinking; I do have some semblance of control. But it is just a semblance.

It's been years since I drank to the stagger and slur stage, but I have done it when I was intending to stop short of that. I have driven (not recently) when I could have gotten a DUI. Nothing magic happened to change me from being that person. I didn't do those things this last time I allowed myself to drink again and I stopped before I did. That still doesn't change anything.

I wasn't just drinking. There was the adderall - 30 to 40 mg of immediate release every morning. I dabbled in opioids when I had pain pills and cleaned out the medicine cabinet (wife had leftovers; some muscle relaxers also). When I got allergy related drip, I told the doc that the hacking cough that went with it wasn't responding to OTC syrup and got the tasty codeine syrup, which was always used up a little faster than the label indicated it should be. I have bipolar disorder and I take other prescribed meds; I was playing with fire. So the semblance of control was just that.

I should not drink or use ever again.

But I know the mind will start twisting it again at some point, painting good fortune as control, especially if I let myself become an unreasonable person (if I stop taking meds because I think I am cured; an intertwined recurring problem).

Congratulations on 8 years emgreen. That's fantastic.

I too am scared of relapse. I almost didn't make it out of my last one, and know deep down that if I started drinking again, I'd wind up dead.

splitiamge

Congratulations emgreen!

congratulations emgreen on 8 years...I had that once

And currently I have my addiction back in check.
2 months now!

Congrats to all! 8 years is an achievement. This is my 4th try and 18 months is my longest so far. But it has been about 10 years of mostly having it in check since the last time and lifetime abstinence was never my goal before.

So 3 days with no check ins? I had my one month on the 25th. I got rid of the count up because it switched to months, but I am still on board the wagon. No urges the last few days.

Kinda lonely in here. 3rd post in a row by me, across a range of 4 days. Still being being good at 1 month 3 days.

Well done UpDownAround! Congratulations!

Way to go UpDownAround. Reaching a month is a huge milestone.

And congratulations to Missy2 on two months.

I just hit 14 months and a couple of days. 14 months is my longest period of sobriety since 2005. Looking forward to hitting 15 months and having a new longest period.

splitimage

Congratulations splitimage!

Nice, splitimage!

My longest was 18 months, which was actually reaching the goal because I had the management mindset that time; demonstrating total control so I could start drinking responsibly (cue Dr Phil - "How's that working for you?"). Unfortunately the second goal - drinking responsibly when I started back - eluded me...

Still staying sober. I actually have a stronger urge for other euphorics besides alcohol, stuff I haven't had in over 25 years. I won't do anything about those urges; it's just odd to feel this way.

2 years 17days sober from alcohol woot woot

I was 8 years off opiates but I ruined that last year and have been in and out of relapses since then. I'm currently a few wks sober

Way to go Greentires4me - that's awesome.

JunkDNA, congratulations on starting over - it's hard but worth doing.

splitimage

Nice, greentires! junkDNA, I have heard that siren call. Another family member is taking them for a legit reason right now and they are locked away from me. One was dropped. I picked it up and handed it back and my palms were sweaty. I have been behaving, but I am not insulted by the locked door.
Still plugging along, not much over a month since alcohol and adderall, last opioid use the 2nd week of Feb of this year, so a little over 5 months.

So I had a Thank God it's not me moment yesterday & this morning. My housemate's Mom died Fri. night, and the funeral was yesterday. When she got home, I was already in bed, but she proceeded to get very drunk. I got up about 3 Am to go to the bathroom, and noticed that all the lights in the apartment were on, and as soon as I stepped into the dining room all I could smell was apple vodka. I went to the living room, and she'd drunk about 2/3'rds of a 26er, and had a full glass on the table. She'd also managed to spill vodka on the couch, which was soaked. I checked on her, and she was passed out on her bed, fully clothed. She got up shortly after I did, put the rest of the vodka away and turned off the lights, then I didn't see her 'til noon when she managed to get up. She'd puked all over her bed, and had no memory of how she'd gotten to bed.

This is totally not like her. She's normally a very moderate drinker who does not have a problem.

I helped her clean up her room, and introduced her to the hangover helper of Gingerale, which has saved me on more than one occassion. She's feeling better now, but a little dumb for the episode. I told her I'm not one to judge, I'm just glad she's ok.

But boy did it take me back.

splitimage