Daily addiction check in #1

I think that is another thing that many of us have in common and in retrospect was another warning sign - we might have preferences but would accept alcohol in almost any form. If the choice was drink rotgut or not drink, we drank the rotgut. Ever seen El Condor tequila? The label was printed in black and white and slapped on poorly aligned. I had a bit of moonshine back in the day also.

So... What constitutes as drug abuse? I am hitting new lows lately...

Well, right off the bat if it is illegal then use is considered abuse. If it is legal by prescription but not prescribed to you. If you take more of your medication than prescribed. if you use an OTC drug in a manner inconsistent with its labeling.

OK, those are all the well defined ones. But what it really comes down to is using a substance to avoid problems instead of fixing them or to escape from things rather than facing them. And then there is the simple answer - if you have to ask, you are probably abusing it.

No judgement; I have abused many, many substances in my time.

I'm glad you added that. I was afraid it seemed I was "making funny" about a serious topic - I was just amazed I wasn't the only one to stuff Mad Dog down my pants out of desperation for a buzz at a young age. Your "rotgut theory" makes a lot of sense to me. I never really drank for taste; I was a beer drinker & I drank for alcohol content - more buzz for the buck. Malt liquor was a nasty alternative to low-alcohol content beer. That's the disease at work. I don't usually write/talk about my girlfriend's issues (anonymity & all), but she's in recovery, too. By the end of her drinking she was chugging vodka straight out of the bottle. You sure don't do that for taste, either! Even if you drank the "good stuff" but drank only to get drunk, that's a pretty clear danger sign of having an alcohol problem, too.

Even somewhat recently (but over 100 days ago ), I often drank a 24 oz can of the finest flavored malt beverage with 12-14% alcohol that Kangaroo carries because I was getting it tacked on to the price of filling the tank and needed to keep the purchase amount low enough not to look unusual. I was hiding it from my wife, who does the books, and I almost never carry cash. A 24 oz can at 14% has more alcohol than a six pack of 4% beer (common % in American beers that aren't ice brewed). Having said that, I did sometimes drink for taste. I liked nut brown ale and IPAs and would sometimes drink one, and only one, with a meal. But usually more than one.

You just isolated another symptom of alcoholism/a drinking problem, UpDownAround - sneaking drinks. I know I tried to do this when I was married, but my behaviors, the way I talked, etc. changed when I drank. I thought I was getting away with sneaking around (& I probably did to some extent), but you can't "sneak on yourself!"

I am so pissed off today my pdoc said I am lying about a drinking problem I was like what ya mean? I was a functioning alcoholic for 18years of my life...

I don't want a pdoc anymore she is stupid and called me a "spoiled brat" in front of my psych nurse who didn't say a thing...

I just wanna drink screw sobriety!

Noooooooooooooo!!! Whatever you do don't drink, greentires!!! You have too much invested in your sobriety! Take it easy tonight! Don't allow yourself to over-react! Keep posting!

I've got my fingers crossed since I don't pray, greentires. We're thinking about you.

greentire4me, My t specializes in mood disorders and substance use disorders and she thinks my drinking and using *might* be self medicating for the bipolar disorder rather than true addictive behavior. But she isn't discounting my word; just floating another theory as a possibility. Why a pdoc would accuse you of lying is really hard to understand. You can't change her or what she said, but you can control your impulse and your actions in response to it. Don't drink - if/when I get to 2 years I hope I will fight pretty damn hard to keep my sobriety. I hope you are able to do the same.

emgreen, An even bigger sign is knowing that sneaking in alcohol selected for "bang for the buck" in order to drink it alone with the aim of getting drunk sets off a number of alarm bells and shrugging it off. It's like I was making a game of seeing how many boxes I could check in one night. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was problem drinking and continued doing it anyway. I was saved by an ironic turn of events - I had an episode of expansive hypomania and came clean to anybody that would listen including my primary NP, my new at the time psych NP and one of my kids. After telling them all, I could not continue doing it. My son then asked me to come clean with my wife, which I did. Disappointing one of my kids with drinking and using was finally a line I wouldn't cross. So I didn't start out doing it for me. After I had some time under my belt, I did realize it was the best thing for me even without the extenuating circumstances

I'm glad things worked out for you the way that they have. I can tell you're enjoying your sobriety. I know, however, it will take a while to mend things with your family. If you stay on the path you're on it'll happen. I had to throw away a marriage & a two year relationship before I finally got beaten up enough to quit. That was quite a few years ago; my current girlfriend & I have been together more than a decade. I finally know what a healthy, honest relationship feels like. Don't give up until the healing happens for you, UpDownAround! Thanks for sharing your story!

I have heros in sobriety. There's one woman I know who lost her husband, her mother, a brother to an OD, & her dog was run over & killed, all within the space of two years. Such a cruel sucession of events! Despite these terrible losses, Joanne stayed sober...continuing to come to meetings because they gave her "a little dose of hope." She was horribly depressed, of course, but didn't let herself crawl back into a bottle. Joanne's a true hero to me! Sometimes we find ourselves sailing along without significant losses, or horrible indignities, but heros stay sober because they know if they go back out it will make matters even worse. I just wanted to send out a big thank you to all the heros in sobriety who are out there today.

The odd twist to me is that while my t lays much of the blame for my substance abuse on my bipolar disorder, it was an episode caused by my bipolar disorder that played a key part in coming clean and abstaining.

I'm surprised your therapist would make such a statement...but I'm no therapist. Co-morbidity is VERY common among folks with MI. For me, it's a chicken/egg proposition; I guess, however, there are exceptions to every rule. My bipolar played a role in my drinking, too - self-medication before being diagnosed. However, after being diagnosed & finding the proper med cocktail, I was still a raging alcoholic! We've written about this before...Genetic factors play a role in many peoples' alcoholism. That's certainly the case for me, at least. If you shake my family tree, both alcoholics & relatives with BP fall from the branches. I was just lucky enough to hit the genetic jackpot twice!

Well, as I said, it's *much* of the blame but not all. I started seeing her after I had quit and she put drinking and using on the back burner unless I feel a strong desire to start again. She thinks that having tools to help me manage my episodes better will likely make it much easier for me to resist any urges to drink or use. I have been moderately depressed at one of my sessions and hypomanic (enough for her to consider it a "crisis") at another, but I have never been drunk, high or concerned about urges when I have seen her. So I get why she thinks it isn't top priority.

Soo... My girlfriend wants To have a quiet weekend in this coming weekend. I don't really know what that means besides the possibility of us being clean all weekend which is GOOD right? But also scary. Lol... Ugh

I hear ya, UpDownAround. WhenI was writing I was just writing from my perspective. I know everybody's experience is different. Sorry if it sounded like I was judging...as I've written before, I hate it when people do that.

I think a "quiet" weekend would be a good thing, JessLynn. It might give you the opportunity to test the waters. I know you're still unsure of whether you have a problem, or not. A clean weekend might give you some insight. I can understand why it might be scary for you, though. Keep us posted.

She wants to help you avoid bad habits? I like her already.

I would say that's good. It's okay to be a little scared about staying clean, but face the fear and do it anyway. I hope y'all have a great weekend!

No offense taken. I think I phrased poorly in the first explanation. She doesn't think I would have as much of a problem with substances if it weren't for the BP. The most recent round of drinking was mostly depressed dosing - ~24 oz of ~12% either in the form of a can of malt liquor or a $3 or $4 bottle of Chardonnay, which I drank at night after everyone was settled in and then streamed something for a little while as an escape. She keyed on that more than my long history.

Here is something that just occurred to me; I have had a lot more hypomania since I quit. I also had a med change about the same time so it is hard to say if it was one or the other or both causing it. Or maybe just the phase of the moon. Who knows? It seemed to settle down without further changes to meds.

My addiction is cigarettes, I have tried and tried. Maybe one day I can do this one. I think we all have something we can not break!

Sprite

Welcome! You will find a lot of other smokers or former smokers in the sub forum:
https://forums.psychcentral.com/smoking-cessation/

You are welcome to post here as well if you wish. Most of us (in this thread) are recovering from alcohol and/or drug abuse/addiction.

Awful quiet in here tonight. No triggers, urges or uncomfortable situations for the last several days.

Day 25 for me, and feeling good about it.

UpDownAround, I'm glad you're not having cravings. Sometimes quiet is good.

splitimage

Congrats, splitimage! I just got my calculator out & figured that 25 days = 15% of a year. I think the latter sounds more encouraging but, in either case, you're back on the mend! You should feel very good about where you are!

I've been feeling quite depressed the past few days, but the urges don't generally strike me due to my emotional state. It seems the longer I'm sober, the more urges pretty much go away. Now...If this depression could just go away...