Admitting that I'm in too deep now... Need withdrawal advice

Warning: this is a long *** post. Feel free to skip to the bottom where I ask for advice.

I wasn't sure if I should of updated my last thread about being under the influence or not so I'm going to start a new one. It doesn't seem like this subforum is getting much action so I'm hoping this doesn't go unread. As some of you may know, I'm currently physically addicted to Suboxone and I've been abusing my prescribed stimulants. Well guess what happened when I tried to take a few days off of the vyvanse? Physical withdrawal. Another addiction to add to the list. And Im F¥c%*ng scared. I've never done meth but from what I've read, I'm going through what a person kicking meth would be going through. I'm severely fatigued and depressed. I was sent home from work early and slept from 12pm-7am the next morning. I woke up once to cry. The rest of the week at work was pure torture. I had to wear layers upon layers of clothing to keep warm and I was nodding out like a heroin addict. I'm lucky I still have a freaking job. Oh and a side note, I took a whole suboxone yesterday. So much for cutting down. Then today before work I opened my damn medicine cabinet and popped a few stimulants. A few won't hurt... Until a few turned into almost the rest of the bottle. And no I did NOT take enough to OD so don't think that. So there I was at work today. Back to my old self. Flying around like crazy, sweating, talking way too much. Too fast. It must be obvious that I'm on drugs. It has to be. Then hours later, after work, came the come down. I cried for hours and hours (about legitimate things that are happening in my life).

So I'm giving in. I WANT help. I am unable to do this on my own. Going away for 90 days is not my thing. What I would agree to is a rapid detox in a hospital like I did with alcohol. And hey I haven't drank since! BUT! Here's the problem... My boss (a cardiologist) has access to all and any medical records online because he is affiliated with the hospitals around here. And even if I went to a hospital an hour away, as long as the medical records are electronic (which they all are now) he'd be able to see. And if he found out I was in the hospital detoxing, I would for sure lose my job. They would find some way to get me out trust me! They already hate me there. Now I guess I could go to a detox center but what would I tell my work?! I can NOT lose this job. Right now my house is on the line. I could lose it to auction very soon so I have to work.

So here is something else that came to mind. Could I possibly do this by myself at home and still work? Do I even have the willpower? Probably not. Thank god I have risperdal because that has helped with withdrawal symptoms in the past. But then there's the diarrhea, shaking, cold sweats. No way could I go to work like that. Maybe I can find a dr that could prescribe me something to help me and write me a drs note for work? But I don't know many docs that are willing to let their patients withdrawal by themselves at home. I think I'm legitimately screwed here.

I think my only option is to go back to tapering off the suboxone and dealing with the fatigue of stimulant withdrawal and force myself to go to work? I know that anyone that is reading this is going to tell me it's a very bad idea but I feel it's my only option and I just HAVE to force myself to do this!

What would help me out is advice from anyone that has ever went through opiate, suboxone, meth, stimulants (adderall ect) withdrawal. Right now I have 3 vyvance left that I plan to use to taper down and a third of suboxone for the same. Also have Tylenol 3's for when I'm out of the suboxone. I have seroquel for sleep, risperdal, ativan that will probably come to use. Thanks in advanced and I really hope someone, anyone, can help.

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

Hey!

Sorry you are struggling. We're here for you. I had cocaine withdrawals before, but was never into speed or opiates other than a pill here and there for goofs.

Have you considered IOP, PHP or even full rehab?

moogs

Your boss can't go looking through your medical records. It's a Hipa violation, and there would be computer records of him doing that, if he did.

I know an OR nurse who gets Baker Acted often and still works as a nurse.

You have to get help. You can't do it alone. You are an addict. I give you credit for even functioning as well as you do with all that in your system. Be honest with your doctors and do whatever you need to do to get yourself well.

Thoughts and prayers for you.

Thank you guys!

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

I don't know about vyvanse but meth withdrawal/comedown is like having a mixed episode.

Agitated, can't sleep, cant focus or sit still, can't eat, racing thoughts, intrusive & obsessive thoughts, self harm & suicidal ideation, can't enjoy anything, paranoia.

Losing your life is worse than losing your job!



Just do what you know you need to do, and everything else will work out okay too!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

I see it all as a big band-aid. Just flush all that **** in the toilet. Withdrawal is part of recovery - the suffering did me a lot of good in the long run to feel my addiction in its full bloom.

Rip the band-aid off!

(Just my perspective - I am here to support)

Even though your boss is a doctor, he can't go through your medical info -- it's still protected information.

I think that you should go to rehab or a medically monitored detox. You're taking a lot of different substances and you're not going to be able to hide your withdrawal symptoms from your boss / coworkers (and it sounds like, in your own admission, people already suspect that you're on drugs).

I read your whole post and I can't say I have good advise. You seem to be well aware of addiction and it's dangers. If you are on Sub then there is some history there.

I am really questioning why you are being prescribed an amphetamine if it gets you wired. My understanding is that stimulants should only be prescribed for ADHD and they have the opposite effect of calming and focusing. I am not ADHD so I dunno. I was however badly addicted to meth for five years and withdrawals were not pretty at all. This was five years of heavy meth use and the withdrawal took over a year for my brain chemistry to get back to normal. They would not even let me work during that time. I was inpatient for three weeks and then on halidol for a year. They took my drivers license for 6 months. I wasn't suffering because I was flying high on a post acute withdrawal that caused a full blown manic episode.

I think my advice is to tell your prescribing doc to cut you off the amphetamines. You don't need them and they are dangerous to you. My normal withdrawal time to get back to normal after a period of heavy use was two weeks. I can't really say what happened for sure when I went into that year long thing when I got sober. I do remember clearly that in two weeks of not using meth and sleeping a lot I would feel like my real self. This is when I would pick up again. I think tackle the amphetamines first and then work on the Sub. My two cents.

Thank you for your reply and you did help. Why am I on stimulants? Vyvanse is also prescribed for binge eating which is part of my bulimia. However I'm underweight, bipolar, anxiety, and a long history of abuse so I think my pdoc was stupid as hell to put me on it. I since got a new pdoc but they probably think I take it for ADD so they keep them coming. My biggest problem with the withdrawal is the extreme tiredness. Like I sit at work nodding out like I'm on the needle. No amount of energy drinks help. I still can't stand up and admit I have a problem to my pdocs. I'm going to give this some huge thought before my next appointment though. At first the stimulants were just once in awhile on weekends maybe. And then I started takiNg them to get through long work hours and needing more and more for the high and when I stopped, I got withdrawal. As far as the subs, I started those as purely recreational until one day I tried to stop and got sick. They don't even get me high anymore. I can't believe it took you so long to get normal after meth! That's scary. I don't know if I could handle that on top of my BP man. I do get extremely moody when I'm off them.

The one question I have for you is how long did it take for the fatigue to go away after meth? Last wk I had to go home from work early and slept from 12pm-7am the next day!!

Well I ****ed up again today. Another reminder that I can't do this on my own. I'm now out of vyvanse so maybe I'll be forced to go through it. I talked to my bf about taking time off work to detox. I was thinking I could get a dr note but then again a job doesn't have to honor that note. Also I'm the only one there that does my job so what's not stopping them from hiring someone else and telling me to get lost? They have been interviewing for other positions so they have the people if they want the job. Also, I'm still in my 90 days "probation" that they have for new hires. I would need one helluva good excuse and a promise from them to take time off. And I feel with my BP and already unstable moods, they want any excuse to get me out. Da$&it, ****!

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

Hello Rx I'm an opiate addict. Sober for a year and 4 months now. The stronger the opiate for me the better. I started out using percs and quickly switched to the old oxys, then to neos, apos, and I really fell in love with hydromorphs to crush them up and heroine when I couldn't find nothing. Never banged, just sniffed or smoked.

Physical withdrawal was never the problem for me. Years of abuse I had already known what I was in for. Are you going to be a puker or will you have diarrhea? I heard it's best for the diarrhea to run its course. Try something that sooths your stomach rather than preventingthe **** from coming out. Grab imodium if really needed. Vaseline will work nicely for a sore *** hole as well.

Lock yourself in your room. You're gonna sweat, freeze, cry for sure. Don't let anyone bother you. Also make sure you grab something for the restless legs. Those were honestly my worst withdrawal symptom. You just wanna lay down peacefully and sleep but your legs go nuts like a mind of there own.

It's possible just never give up. I'm slowly fading into the person I was pre drugs. I got hope for you. Xoxo

Also, try and plan detox around your weekend. Day 1 of detox usually isn't the worst day. Try working that day and then day 2-3 for the main diarrhea issues to subside. 4-5 days for the legs and honey, after that you got this. It's all mental after that. You got it!

Have you thought about going to NA(narcotics Anonymous) ? They understand about the need for psychiatric meds(unlike AA which often tells people to quit everything but coffee and cigs) but would encourage you to be truthful with your Pdocs. Come on, you know you have a problem but you didn't mention it cause you knew they'd cut you off. My advice, work on the honesty and tell the pdoc you need to be weaned off and work with them to find the best treatment for you.

The year long thing after going to treatment is an outlyer. I don't think they understand it but it is called Post Acute Meth Withdrawal Syndrome. PAWS. I think meth is a much more powerful drug with worse side effects than scripts but I don't know that for sure.

My normal pattern with meth was say to snort a few lines before work on a Monday morning. With meth it only takes a very small amount to keep you going all day but like a bunch of dummies we would end up snorting a bunch of it all day and all week. The energy, the high, the production I could achieve was amazing. I watched this process happen with myself and about five other guys at work. Over a long period we got to the point where we were spun out and it only made our work product worse. It seemed to effect me more. I would get psychosis and a lot of the symptoms you hear about tweekers having.

To answer your question directly I was able to go a long time with only using during the week and then sleep almost non stop all weekend and eat tons of sugar so by monday morning I was good to start over. I also adapted to it so that I could actually sleep at night and eat dinner.

So I would say three or four days to get the dopamine levels back to a point where I could function ok. When I say two weeks that is what it took to get back to feeling my normal real self. I wasn't crashed out and sleeping that whole time. I think you could get over the major withdrawals in 72 hours with lots of sleep and try to eat as healthy as possible and not just sugar. I didn't realize it was prescribed for eating disorders. You would have to do the best you could as far as eating to recover. Basically amphetamines deplete your brain of dopamine over the run and it takes awhile of sleeping to recover. Sleep is the ultimate healer in these cases.

I am not sure if you are a medical professional or not but if you are there are programs for medical professionals that protect your job. My brother who is a pharmacist and who was addicted to opiates he was stealing from work got into such a program that saved his license and luckily is job. Jobs and homes are much less important than your well being in my opinion. There is a way if you are willing. I don't think any of us can do this alone.

How are you doing today?

Today I didn't take anything because I have nothing. I was exhausted and cranky all day at work. I'm home now and I think I'm going to nap

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

Getting 3 adderall. 2 for tomorrow, one for the next day. Tapering. Trying.

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

Trying is great

It's official!!!!!! I've hit rock ****ing bottom! I lost my job today because of my mood swings from my BP and my drug abuse. I explained that I had bipolar and they can't fire me for mental Illness and walked out. I gave all the women that bullied me a big middle finger as I walked out.

I broke down in my car and called pdocs office asap. I begged to get in NOW.

I got in and saw a resident? Not a pdoc. But he took one look at my file and said "the mix of psych drugs and amount of uppers and caffeine you're on is the reason you're out of control". He couldn't even believe my old pdoc put me on stimulants. So he took me right off and said the caffeine had to go too. He said he wants me in IP to detox off all my psych meds and start over from fresh. I said screw you. I'll go to a hospital for rapid detox but I won't go to IP to dry out in a cold hard bed **** that. I begged "please give me a wk at home and I'll do this". He reminded me that it was dangerous. I promised I'll go to the ER if I'm having problems.

I bought 3 adds for tonight. Last hurrah. I can't stop crying. Strangely, deep down, I really liked this job. Apparently the feelings weren't returned.

So I have a wk. not to just dry out from phetamines but from all my psych meds on top of it! Except for my seroquel. I begged for my seroquel. Been on it for years. Can't sleep without it!

All my jobs end like this Cuz of my BP and mood swings. Time for SSD? I just don't have the means to wait for the process.

Can't stop crying.

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

So sorry you are struggling. Now that your job is not an issue, why not just do IP? Will your insurance cover it before it runs out? What else are you holding out for? Sure it's scary but a lot easier than detox and withdrawals all alone?

Please keep posting. It will get better. You'll look back and be ok one day.

moogs

I have state insurance. Everytime I've been in IP it was cold with hard beds and horrible pdocs that wouldn't even read my file before prescribing me my new cocktail and releasing me to the world to just end up where I started.

So I promised my docs I'd do this on my own in with my pillow top mattress, own shower, toilet, ect and if I felt that bad I'd go to the ER. Ive been through substance withdrawal before so I know what to expect and I sure won't find comfort in a state run IP with no detox meds at all and hard beds. What I'm afraid of is getting off my psych meds cold turkey.

They took blood work at pdocs today so in a wk, after detox, I go back to the office for lab results and a whole new look at my meds.

Physical withdrawal is bad physically and mentally and add more mental from the lack of meds. I have no one for support. I've talked to my famiy and bf today about this plan and they all said I just need to get off my *** and find a new job. Every job I've ruined because of my BP and unstable moods, sober or not. They don't see how sick I am. I need to get sober and stable before I think about work.

Just don't worry if I'm off here for a few days. I'm probably sleeping it off.

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

Wishing you the best

Thank you. I need it. Starting to feel the effects of no psych meds. Extreme anger to the point I'm saying stupid **** to people that pissed me off. This is what my risperdal and trileptal would of curved. Please god I hope I don't get worst and become dysphoric. I'll take crying and depression over the anger and rage any day. I know in a day or two I'll be calling my docs screaming "whyyyy cold turkey why?!" It's almost 5am. I'm waiting for my bf to get home from third shift so I can sleep the day away. At least I still have my seroquel. Oh my sweet sweet seroquel

Detoxing at home from all psych meds at the moment because of self admitted abuse. Doctors orders and then new cocktail. Just being honest.

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

Started crying uncontrollably again. Took my seroquel now at 6:30am so I can sleep all day tomorrow. And yes I'll be waking up miserable, maybe crying more, but sober.

Detoxing at home from all psych meds at the moment because of self admitted abuse. Doctors orders and then new cocktail. Just being honest.

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!

Wishing you the best - detoxing is horrible, but it won't kill you. Good luck getting through it.

splitimage