A rant about my current abuse. Curious about rehab. Your experience?

I've had/still struggled with substance abuse and a few physical addictions in my time. I'll give up one thing and find the next cool thing to alter my thoughts, lack of control ect. On a good note I'm no longer physically dependent on anything right now. But my behavior yesterday scared me. I was depressed and bored and calling around for something, anything! Couldn't find anything and had a crying tantrum like a little child. So im still dependent on substance for mood control even though I'm on meds for bipolar. There's many things I could do, I could fess up to pdoc about abusing one of my scripts, I could go to meetings ect ect. But after all the cycles and pain, I'm just not there yet. I should of went to rehab when I quit alcohol but took a short cut and rapid detoxed at a local hospital. Because I wasn't equipped to deal with being sober, I fell into a very bad depression for months. Yea, I should of went to rehab. The one problem I have with rehab is the length of time I'd be gone. I'm naturally a home body and hell yea, I love my bed. But I'm starting to feel powerless regardless of what I happen to be able to quit, I'll just replace it with something else. I'm not working right now so it would be a good time to do it. But is there an option for something less than 90 days?? And what do I tell distant friends/family?

I'm very honest on here about my issues so please don't hold that against me or make me regret it. I'm here for support like everyone else. And I'm also well aware so I'm not looking for a lecture on the hell I lead. Trust me, I do know that I'm not "ok" and yea, I should of went to rehab years ago. I should of abstained from everything. I admit I have a weakness already. And me making this post is me admitting I'm powerless no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise.

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There are many 30 day rehab programs. I hope you can find one. 90 days is a long time. I agree.

Thanks. I thiNk I'm going to call around and consider the options I have with my insurance

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Omg I can so relate to your crying spell whilst calling dealer on the phone to no avail. I swear to god, that was me back @ the end of November. It was around my 90 day Mark. I made it to my 90 days and literally freaked out. I was a nervous wreck, crying, feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't get high on my birthday, etc. I got through it but I learned a couple of things; it was going to take a lot longer than thirty days for me to get well, also that I had to stop counting "clean days" bc it out too much pressure on me. I was also not for going away for any length of time. I'm a single mom and couldn't leave my daughter with my mother that long. She gets too stressed out. Everyone has their reasons of why it can be bad to go to rehab, however, if you don't feel like you can do it on your own, then maybe a detox/30 day program where you can do some outpatient and go home at night?

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I was going to suggest the insurance , but you figured that one out.
How about meetings like AA. I'm not an alcoholic but a girl I met ip once was. I neede structure. So we went together every day to AA and then talked by my pool, then we'd force ourselves to swim, even if it was 5:00.
We were on this routine for a month. Plenty of people in the AA group were there for Coke ect.

But one weird thing, I remember we had to keep quiet about our psych Meds.
Or a group that's more particularly suited to your addiction.

Or just a plain support group thru NAMI DBSA. Love ya Queen.

I've found that NA is better than aa. But if you are struggling that much a 30 day program or maybe a 90 day outpatient program. I think they decrease the amount of time as it progresses. Intense and daily the first month and then three times a week down to a weekly check in but it probably depends on the area you live and what's available.

I'm wondering if kicking out your be would help? He sound very unsupportive and triggering.

Thank you all for the support right now!! I actually thinks my pdoc office offers an outpatient program so I'm going to call there soon

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I don't remember bringing up my bf in this post but I often do here. And yes he triggers mood swings in me often. But I push his buttons too. I can be quite evil too him at times. He puts up with a lot of my BS and even though we fight, I would of ditched my a$* a long time ago lol. He watches me search for a high on a daily basis and I imagine it makes him feel like he's not doing his job fulfilling my needs with love. I hope he understands it's not his fault though. Just last night (after being under the influence) I cried to him about how sorry I was and that I'm considering rehab. He listened and wiped my tears. As much hardship I may bring up on here, I leave out the good stuff. Two sides to every story. And when it comes to triggers, when I'm stressed out for a high, a friggin fly on a wall could make me go off lol. My BP has a lot to do with it and I get triggered easily. But I'm not taking the right steps to cope with these triggers. So I'm happy to say that today I called to set up therapy. It's not rehab but it's a step in the right direction!

@RxQueen875 I hope you can find a decent rehab. You don't need to stay in your area. The one I went to was on the other side of the country (I am in California and went to a place in Florida) and I think that having some distance from family, friends and enablers really helped.