[splitimage]

I feel like an idiot - I relapsed last Wed. and drank, a lot, Wed., Thurs., Fri. stopped yesterday and was so sick - couldn't keep anything down. I've been sober 36 hours now, and still feel like absolute crap.

Going to call the rehab I'm trying to get into tomorrow.

This has got to stop.

splitimage

I'll be your pocket rider. I did something similar. I was really ill earlier this year, so much so that I lost weight, gave up smoking and drinking. I was too sick to do much. I got better and FELT better than I have for years. Then stress at work and I started smoking again. And drinking a little in the evenings. It's under control, but I've said that before..... Hugs to you and hope you get into rehab. Take care

[splitimage]

Thanks Little Cat,

I'm so sick of this cycle I've been in for years - stay sober for up to 5-6 months and then relapse badly. The problem is in the past year, the relapses are becoming a lot more frequent and a lot worse. I'm seriously risking my health at this point.

I know what I need to do to stay stopped - it's just so hard, when I want to numb out so badly.

Really hope I don't have to wait to long to get into rehab.

splitimage

[IrisBloom]

Don't beat yourself up for being human. I hope you get into rehab and can get a handle on what makes you drink. I've battled this issue off and on for years. I finally came to the conclusion that if I don't want a hangover, I can't drink at all. It sure feels good to wake up with no hangover!

[Moogieotter]

Hang in there! Rehab sounds like a great idea!

[splitimage]

Thanks IrisBloon and MoogieOtter,

The no hangover appeal is really high to me right now. I'm day 3 of recovery and am still feeling largely too sick to do anything. I had to skip one of my group therapy sessions, because I wasn't feeling well enough to go. But I did call in and talk to my addictions RN and told her what had happened, and that helped a bit.

I did call the rehab, and they haven't assessed my file yet, despite having had it for 2 months. According to the intake person, it's in the next batch to be looked at, so I should get a call within a couple of weeks. I hate that it's such a slow process.

I also called my pharmacy and asked them to fax a renewal on my antabuse to my Dr., so hopefully I'll be able to pick that up tomorrow and restart that, as it's about the only thing that reliably helps me to stay sober.

splitimage

[Moogieotter]

Hey,

Good call w antabuse. Since you first identified that you had a problem with alcohol, what's the longest you've been sober? I mean completely sober with zero relapses or drinking whatsoever.

moogs

[splitimage]

Hi moogs,

Longest period I've been completely sober is 14 months, and I've had several 9 months stretches, so I do know I can do it, if I want to.

splitimage

[Moogieotter]

Hey,

From my story. I really struggled around 9 months on my current recovery. For me it was a tiny lil baby step everyday, but I did not start to feel considerably better until 18 months sober with a lot of work on changing my approach to life.

For me, there are two mind sets that can lead to relapse. I am curious if you relate and can pinpoint which mind set applies to you if any.

First, there is the denial pathway. This is the line of thinking where I question the presence and/or severity of my alcoholism to the point of convincing myself that I can "handle it again" that I "really was not that bad" these small flames of denial get fueled leading to relapse.

The other pattern does not involve a pathway through denial. Instead, full alcoholism is accepted and not questioned internally, but the desire to drink simple overrides all good judgement. I refer to this as the "***** it" pathway. In this model, I know for sure that I am an alcoholic and accept that I cannot drink, but do anyway knowing full well of the potential for a great deal of trouble up to and including death.

Pondering these thought patterns and understanding how my alcoholism works helps me stay sober. What is it like for you? I'd love to hear more of your insight.

Thanks,

moogs

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Hey,

From my story. I really struggled around 9 months on my current recovery. For me it was a tiny lil baby step everyday, but I did not start to feel considerably better until 18 months sober with a lot of work on changing my approach to life.

For me, there are two mind sets that can lead to relapse. I am curious if you relate and can pinpoint which mind set applies to you if any.

First, there is the denial pathway. This is the line of thinking where I question the presence and/or severity of my alcoholism to the point of convincing myself that I can "handle it again" that I "really was not that bad" these small flames of denial get fueled leading to relapse.

The other pattern does not involve a pathway through denial. Instead, full alcoholism is accepted and not questioned internally, but the desire to drink simple overrides all good judgement. I refer to this as the "***** it" pathway. In this model, I know for sure that I am an alcoholic and accept that I cannot drink, but do anyway knowing full well of the potential for a great deal of trouble up to and including death.

Pondering these thought patterns and understanding how my alcoholism works helps me stay sober. What is it like for you? I'd love to hear more of your insight.

Thanks,

moogs

Wow I have both of these well worn paths too
Then I have the "don't think just drink" path where I just do it not remembering anything about having or not having a problem

Good luck splitimage you got this!

[Moogieotter]

jacky jacky!

Miss you!

moogs

[jacky8807]

Moogs!!!

[Refuse2Sink]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Hey,

From my story. I really struggled around 9 months on my current recovery. For me it was a tiny lil baby step everyday, but I did not start to feel considerably better until 18 months sober with a lot of work on changing my approach to life.

For me, there are two mind sets that can lead to relapse. I am curious if you relate and can pinpoint which mind set applies to you if any.

First, there is the denial pathway. This is the line of thinking where I question the presence and/or severity of my alcoholism to the point of convincing myself that I can "handle it again" that I "really was not that bad" these small flames of denial get fueled leading to relapse.

The other pattern does not involve a pathway through denial. Instead, full alcoholism is accepted and not questioned internally, but the desire to drink simple overrides all good judgement. I refer to this as the "***** it" pathway. In this model, I know for sure that I am an alcoholic and accept that I cannot drink, but do anyway knowing full well of the potential for a great deal of trouble up to and including death.

Pondering these thought patterns and understanding how my alcoholism works helps me stay sober. What is it like for you? I'd love to hear more of your insight.

Thanks,

moogs

I have been down both the denial pathway and the F*!& it pathway almost constantly for the past ten years. I have been clean for almost ten months with a slip up that happened last month on a trip to visit my father.

The slip up was absurd. I went down the denial pathway on that one. I have been doing recovery my own way for while. It worked for nine months. My problem was that I went to visit my father (also an addict). We went out around town and had some mixed drinks. This lead to me getting drunk and taking some pills. I came home the next day and realized that I cannot drink or do any substances. Ever. Again.

I am not going to look at this as a starting over point like NA does. This was a bump in my recovery road. It taught me something. Actually taught me quite a few things. I haven't used since and i actually feel stronger because this happened.

Split image, my point of saying all of this: sometimes we are learning and getting stronger and we don't realize what is happening. I'm not saying make excuses for yourself, but give yourself some credit for: 1) considering rehab 2) getting more anabuse. Recovery is about finding yourself, forgiving yourself, & learning.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[splitimage]

Moogs,

I go down both the denial and the F* it route depending on my mood.

When things are going well, and especially if it's nice outside so I can sit on a patio, I'll think to myself, "Well I can handle a couple of pints of beer, once or twice a week." And I can for 2-3 weeks, and then the irrational craving for more alcohol takes over and I wind up binging.

The F*-it process is however the more normal process for me, especially when I'm feeling down or stressed, and I kind of say I'm an alcoholic so I might as well drink, I just want the oblivion alcohol gives me so much that consequences don't even factor into it.

Today is day 5 for me of being sober, and my brain still feels very funny and like it's recalibrating itself. Plus it didn't help that when I drank, I didn't take my meds, so I had to get back on them, so my brain is also getting used to them again.

[Moogieotter]

(((splitimage)))

Hang in there! We're rooting for you!

moogs

[splitimage]

Thanks moogs,

Well today is day 6 and when I woke up this morning, my brain felt close to normal - not totally there but close, which I'll take.

I called the rehab I'm trying to get into on Mon. and they said my file hadn't even been looked at, but was in the next batch for review, and I should here from someone within the next 2 weeks. I hate waiting.

splitimage

[splitimage]

Well recovery didn't last long. Ordered a mickey of whiskey on Mon. and drank it, and then ordered a 24 case of beer yesterday. Drank half of it, and as a result feel like crap. I'd like to be able to say I'm not going to drink the rest, but I know I will.

Have an appointment with my addictions Dr. on Fri. and am going to tell her that I think I need help detoxing.

Still no word from the rehab.

I'm in a downward spiral going nowhere fast.