[PsychNitrous]

I'm addicted to opiates, mentally anyway. Ever since the first time I used one (cough syrup with codeine when I was sick), I just love them. I've been so careful around them, though. My boyfriend also watches me so carefully whenever I have any kind of opiate available, he always worried about me getting addicted when I was prescribed different meds for pain. Now I don't have any active prescriptions, but he occasionally (2-3 times a month) buys some pills from a friend for pain. And, on weekends, if he gets enough he offers me one. I can never say no, but it's never enough. I hate myself for it. Especially right now, when I'm already feeling hopeless and self-destructive from my depression. I got a couple of morpines over the weekend, one each Saturday and Sunday nights. It's never enough, I want more all the time. I don't want to quit but I hate myself for using them.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by Jamie514

Hey there, no doubt you're getting into a serious opiates addiction condition. I think you should consult with your personal doctor ASAP. This type of addiction is not good for health.

I'm not sure what there is that a doctor could do at this point. Mentally, yes I'm getting into a serious addiction, but I use so rarely. I don't think I'd even get in to any type of treatment program.

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[notz]

So, what is the reason for your post?

[Refuse2Sink]

Be very, very careful using opiates or benzos "on occasion", they are highly addictive and when you combine that with underlying issues like depression, anxiety, etc., it's a recipe for disaster. You seem to realize the danger in using these drugs. Use that knowledge to make the best decision.

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[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by notz

So, what is the reason for your post?

I don't know, I guess maybe for some support or to see if anyone relates? I was angry and a little scared when I wrote this, maybe I was just looking to rant.

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[PsychNitrous]

I was legitimately asking what a doctor could do with this. I've never sought professional help for addiction before, and like I said I only use maybe twice a month. The one treatment program I know of around here I wouldn't be able to get in to, because I use so rarely.

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[Mondayschild]

Originally Posted by PsychNitrous

I'm addicted to opiates, mentally anyway. Ever since the first time I used one (cough syrup with codeine when I was sick), I just love them. I've been so careful around them, though. My boyfriend also watches me so carefully whenever I have any kind of opiate available, he always worried about me getting addicted when I was prescribed different meds for pain. Now I don't have any active prescriptions, but he occasionally (2-3 times a month) buys some pills from a friend for pain. And, on weekends, if he gets enough he offers me one. I can never say no, but it's never enough. I hate myself for it. Especially right now, when I'm already feeling hopeless and self-destructive from my depression. I got a couple of morpines over the weekend, one each Saturday and Sunday nights. It's never enough, I want more all the time. I don't want to quit but I hate myself for using them.

Here is an idea I learned in a college psyche class that I took. And note, I'm only offering this up as an idea since you mentioned that likely a treatment program wouldn't accept you at your current level of use.

For the next 10ish days. Write down the time you are taking the opiate and maybe a few short words as to what is going on. Mental state, triggers, etc., . Likely there will be a pattern. After the 10 days, look at that pattern, write about it. Then the next time you want a pill, force yourself to wait 15 minutes. And then 30, 45, 60. Usually at some point you will notice the feeling of needing it will become less and less as your brain realizes that you won't be taking it the moment you have the trigger.

Just a thought. Hope it helps.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

[notz]

What do you like about them?

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by notz

What do you like about them?

I like the way they make me feel. I've heard the way people describe their early uses of heroin, and I'd say I feel about the same way with pills. And my tolerance is still super low, so they help me sleep really well. In fact, my boyfriend likes to make jokes about how quickly I fall asleep after taking them.

[alk2601]

Please quit now. I know you don't want to hear that, but you are walking a fine line. Mentally you are already addicted, and just wait for the physical hell that will follow. I am an opiate addict, I've never even used heroin but I am completely and hopelessly addicted to pills. I started out the same way as you, just using occasionally, being careful not to binge or use multiple days in a row, keeping my tolerance low. And then all of a sudden it wasn't enough and I found myself binging every single day, spending all my money on opiates and going through miserable withdrawal symptoms every time I went more than a few hours without using. Addiction just sort of attacks without warning, and even if you're not completely there now (and you may be) I promise you will get there sooner than you think.

Get help now for your depression before it's too late. Self-medicating is an easy way out but will bite you in the *** over the long term. Talk to a therapist and find healthy coping strategies so that you don't feel like you have to rely on drugs to feel good.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by alk2601

Please quit now. I know you don't want to hear that, but you are walking a fine line. Mentally you are already addicted, and just wait for the physical hell that will follow. I am an opiate addict, I've never even used heroin but I am completely and hopelessly addicted to pills. I started out the same way as you, just using occasionally, being careful not to binge or use multiple days in a row, keeping my tolerance low. And then all of a sudden it wasn't enough and I found myself binging every single day, spending all my money on opiates and going through miserable withdrawal symptoms every time I went more than a few hours without using. Addiction just sort of attacks without warning, and even if you're not completely there now (and you may be) I promise you will get there sooner than you think.

Get help now for your depression before it's too late. Self-medicating is an easy way out but will bite you in the *** over the long term. Talk to a therapist and find healthy coping strategies so that you don't feel like you have to rely on drugs to feel good.

I'm sorry you've had to go through that. I've heard stories, and I know it isn't a place I want to be. I am in therapy now, trying to find ways to manage my depression. I've struggled to bring up my drug use with her though, it's a matter of trust. I'm working on finding a therapist who I can trust so I can go more into these types of problems.

[notz]

PsychNitrous, are you in school or working?

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by notz

PsychNitrous, are you in school or working?

I work full time.

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[notz]

Do you have aspirations for the future?

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by notz

Do you have aspirations for the future?

I suppose I do. I'm pretty content with where I am now career-wise, but there are things I'd like to try.

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[notz]

Would being dependent upon drugs hamper your long term goals?

[avlady]

i take 2 loritabs a day - 1 in early morning and 1 in afternoon. the reason is for pain from all the physical pain which i don't see going away as alot of it is from my back problems and arthritis etc. several other pain like fibromalisia too. i think i will be a lifer on these pills. i did cut down from 4 pills a day to 2 now.

[avlady]

also the pain is so unbearable i hope the gov'nt does't stop people for their pain.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by notz

Would being dependent upon drugs hamper your long term goals?

Probably. It could prevent me from getting a job, if I can't pass a drug test.

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[notz]

Does it affect your job performance, attendance or punctuality now?

"I'm working on finding a therapist who I can trust so I can go more into these types of problems."

This sounds like a good idea. Have you found one? As far as trust goes, your therapist is required to keep your drugs use confidential - they won't call the cops or anything like that. If you decide to see a doctor that specializes in an addiction, your therapist and Doctor could only communicate with each other upon your express written permission.

Is confidentiality holding you back?

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by notz

Does it affect your job performance, attendance or punctuality now?

I've only noticed problems at work from my depression. I don't use before work.

[notz]

Maybe the following will help you get clarity about using.

From Narcotics Anonymous. https://www.na.org/?ID=ips-an-an-IP7

The following questions were written by recovering addicts in Narcotics Anonymous. If you have doubts about whether or not you’re an addict, take a few moments to read the questions below and answer them as honestly as you can.

1. Do you ever use alone? [Yes] [ No]
2. Have you ever substituted one drug for another, thinking that one particular drug was the problem? [Yes] [ No]
3. Have you ever manipulated or lied to a doctor to obtain prescription drugs? [Yes] [ No]
4. Have you ever stolen drugs or stolen to obtain drugs? [Yes] [ No]
5. Do you regularly use a drug when you wake up or when you go to bed? [Yes] [ No]
6. Have you ever taken one drug to overcome the effects of another? [Yes] [ No]
7. Do you avoid people or places that do not approve of you using drugs? [Yes] [ No]
8. Have you ever used a drug without knowing what it was or what it would do to you? [Yes] [ No]
9. Has your job or school performance ever suffered from the effects of your drug use? [Yes] [ No]
10. Have you ever been arrested as a result of using drugs? [Yes] [ No]
11. Have you ever lied about what or how much you use? [Yes] [ No]
12. Do you put the purchase of drugs ahead of your financial responsibilities? [Yes] [ No]
13. Have you ever tried to stop or control your using? [Yes] [ No]
14. Have you ever been in a jail, hospital or drug rehabilitation centre because of your using? [Yes] [ No]
15. Does using interfere with your sleeping or eating? [Yes] [ No]
16. Does the thought of running out of drugs terrify you? [Yes] [ No]
17. Do you feel it is impossible for you to live without drugs? [Yes] [ No]
18. Do you ever question your own sanity? [Yes] [ No]
19. Is your drug use making life at home unhappy? [Yes] [ No]
20. Have you ever thought you couldn’t fit in or have a good time without drugs? [Yes] [ No]
21. Have you ever felt defensive, guilty or ashamed about your using? [Yes] [ No]
22. Do you think a lot about drugs? [Yes] [ No]
23. Have you had irrational or indefinable fears? [Yes] [ No]
24. Has using affected your sexual relationship? [Yes] [ No]
25. Have you ever taken drugs you didn’t prefer? [Yes] [ No]
26. Have you ever used drugs because of emotional pain or stress? [Yes] [ No]
27. Have you ever overdosed on any drugs? [Yes] [ No]
28. Do you continue to use despite negative consequences? [Yes] [ No]
29. Do you think that you have a drug problem? [Yes] [ No]

“Am I an addict?” This is a question only you can answer.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

"I'm working on finding a therapist who I can trust so I can go more into these types of problems."

This sounds like a good idea. Have you found one? As far as trust goes, your therapist is required to keep your drugs use confidential - they won't call the cops or anything like that. If you decide to see a doctor that specializes in an addiction, your therapist and Doctor could only communicate with each other upon your express written permission.

Is confidentiality holding you back?

I don't think confidentiality is the problem. The therapist I see currently has been unable to see how extreme my depression has been, and keeps pushing for me to act as though I'm coping better than I am. I don't feel comfortable talking with her about my drug use, I feel like she will react too extremely and will just say I need to quit without offering any help to do so.

I have an appointment scheduled next week with a new therapist, and I'm hoping things will go better there.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by notz

Maybe the following will help you get clarity about using.

From Narcotics Anonymous. https://www.na.org/?ID=ips-an-an-IP7

Thanks. I've struggled with the beliefs in NA, I used to go to meetings. Maybe I was going to the wrong meetings, but I just felt like they were very strict about use. Then again, I'm sure most people don't hold the belief that casual drug use is OK.