Struggling right now

I'm really struggling right now. My oupatient care at the psych hospital has just finished and suddenly I have all this time on my hands to think and I'm feeling lost and confused and scared. I'm also freaked out about having to start job hunting - I haven't really had to do it since '91 and while I have a good solid work history there's always the question of why I left my last job. Can't decide on the degree of honesty I want to get into on that front. Yesterday and today I've been really wanting to drink. I won't but I want to. I just want the nice slide into oblivion until I think through the drink and remember all the really bad %#@&#! drinking has got me into, not to mention that I can't handle another detox. I've tried praying but it still feels really foreign to me, and my sponsor is having all kinds of problems of her own so I'm hesitant to bother her at the moment. I'm reading the 12 and 12 and that seems to bee helping some, but I just wish that my brain wouldn't just automatically go to wanting alcohol at the first sign of stress in my life. Yesterday was 5 months sober and I feel like I should be happy about that, but all I feel is this overwhelming feeling like I''m always going to be struggling.

Guess I could just use some encouragement.

--splitimage

5 MONTHS IS FABULOUS!!!!!!!

Okay, first a sponsor is there to help you. If she is having personal problems that would keep her from being available she should let you know and encourage you to find another sponsor. Some people have more than one sponsor just in case. Do you have numbers of people in the program?

I'm glad you thought the drink through. I was just telling my hypnotherapist that I have never thought of having a drink, I have always thought of having a drunk so that stops me.

It's just today, try not to project what future employers may or may not think. There are alot of variables about what you say about a job. My company will only tell someone the employment dates of the ex-employee and nothing else. So, you could say you left for any number of reasons. You could say you left to care for someone else - you could say anything. Do what makes you comfortable.

You are a special human being, you do not need a drink to escape from pain, fear, distress, or any other emotion that you are uncomfortable with. Say the serenity prayer, ask your higher power to keep you sober for today, turn the desire over to your higher power and ask him/her to remove the desire from you. Then pray for acceptance that you cannot solve all your problems in one day and that you will take things one day at a time.

As long as you don't pick up a drink you can do anything you want to do!

Tranquility

Tranquility just about said it all. I'd suggest doing a fear inventory...and if your sponsor isn't available, find another woman with a good program who is. When you find out what your fears are, you can ask HP for guidence......take it a day at a time, do the next right thing....go to 4 meetings a day if you have to. As long as you stay sober, this too shall pass!!

Congratulations on 5 months!!!!! Geez it seems like yesterday you were just beginning to post here!

thanks tranquility and rayna for the always good advice. I like the idea of doing an inventory of my fears might help put things in perspective.

Tranquility - I'm saying the serenity prayer so much that it feels like an almost permanent part of my life right now. But you're right it does help.

Went to 3 aa meetings yesterday shich helped a lot and heard about a woman who I was kind of getting to know who went out and tried to kill herself. Makes me greatful to be alive and sober.

--splitimage

(((( Split )))))

Gratitude is a wonderful pick-me-up eh? I hope you're feeling better....

thanks Rayna,

I'm feeling a bit better now - seem to be over the worst of my crankiness. Went to an open topic discussion meeting last night and that helped a lot.

Oh good, I'm glad you're feeling better! I'm in a slump now too, just feeling sad all the time. Ahhh....feeling the feelings. Drowned my sorrows in ice cream last night.

Splitimage, I am just now reading your post. I am sorry I was not here to support you. I don't know if this has any part to play in your situation, but when I got close to the 6 month mark I had an increase in urges to drink. My mentor (sponsor like person) said it was common. It did seem like the urges got better once I got through my 6 month mark.

I hope you are continuing to improve.