[justnow]

Hi All,

I've struggled with drinking on and off for years. At this point I just know that I need to take a break from alcohol for at least a little while (a few days/weeks?). I want to do this by myself (and hopefully with the supportive people in this forum) if at all possible. My plan is to taper off my drinking over the next few days. Tonight I won't limit my drinking but starting tomorrow I will have at least one less drink than the day prior. I will be recording my progress in this thread and I would really appreciate the support and accountability from you all!

Also, if this strategy fails and it turns out I can't take a break from alcohol on my own I will then consider a recovery group, meetings, etc.

And... I'm going to find an ACA meeting I can go to ASAP. I went to one before and it really resonated with me. I have also gone to an AA meeting before and it really didn't feel like a good fit and I'm not ready to say I'll never drink again.

p.s. I know people have strong feelings about different recovery programs but please do be supportive of my strategy if you decide to post in this thread. I know trying this is the best thing for me right now. And like I said... I will pursue other options if this fails.

[greentires4me]

Do whatever works for you!!

[DaVern]

Tapering off of alcohol is a wise choice, justnow. If you can control your drinking, there is a chance that alcohol is not the root of your problem. Or, you may have a drinking problem and not be an alcoholic. Your plan B of going to meetings is a good one.

Twelve Step Groups are to be respected. They teach instructions for living and the recovery concept can be applied in rectifying just about any problem.

Recovery can start at any time. For example, lots of individuals have attended AA or NA meetings under the influence and have eventually gone on to recover with total abstinence.

I am supportive of your strategy because a program of recovery is a personal one. How you interpret the guidelines is up to you.

The very best to you, justnow.

[treevoice]

I truly hope this works out for you. I was personally never able to taper off, but I've heard from others who were able to accomplish it that the withdrawals were much easier to manage doing it that way which prevented more severe relapse. Wishing you strength. <3

[Guiness187055]

I know for me I used alcohol to self medicated my bipolar. Once I got back on meds I had no desire to drink. YMMV

[Squaw]

justnow, I think it's highly courageous of you to attempt to defeat the "dragon" if you will. My boyfriend is trying to abstain from drinking but he is fighting a hard battle, but I believe in him and will not turn my back on him. Alcohol is a bad trigger for me yet I try to help him as much as I can. I will support you and hold you accountable if needed..I love helping people any way I can. Be blessed in your endeavors and I send you my support with sincerity and love...

[justnow]

Thanks so much for the support!

Day 1:
It's a doozy! I found out last night after posting this that my ex-girlfriend started dating again. This is tough because although we were "only" together for 4 months she was the best girlfriend/partner I've ever had by far. When she told me we needed to split a few weeks ago we agreed it was for the best because I had some things I needed to work out on my own. We also agreed that reconnecting in the future was a possibility once I got my stuff sorted out. I don't blame her at all for not "putting her life on hold" for me but it still really hurts knowing that I may have blown my chance for being in a relationship with this amazing woman. Late last night I said "enough is enough" and I emailed my 3 closest friends and spilled my guts about all my struggles over the years. They each know some but they don't know the extent I've struggled with alcohol, anxiety and depression. I figure I don't have much left to lose so I might as well take my chances and ask for their support. I just can't deal with the loneliness, despair and drinking anymore.

I haven't checked my email yet today because I'm too anxious to see if my friends have responded. One friend called and left a voicemail and I'm too nervous to listen to it. I also sent my ex gf a message last night and I'm too nervous to check if she replied. I have to go to work in a little bit so I think I'll hold off checking any of these messages until at least after work. Hopefully work will be a nice distraction during this really rough day.

In other news, I'm pretty anxious about being able to get any decent sleep tonight (this is a frequent source of anxiety for me). I slept until 1pm today and I have to work at 9:45am tomorrow. I may not be able to fall asleep until 5am or 6am tonight and then I'll have to go to work after just a few hours of sleep. Add on top of that that I can't drink much tonight because if I do I'll sleep through my alarm and miss work. Ugh!

Ok, I'm going to take my dog for a run, shower, and get ready for work. Hopefully I'll feel better because right now I just want to bail on my job and hide from the world!

[treevoice]

Originally Posted by justnow

Thanks so much for the support!

Day 1:
It's a doozy! I found out last night after posting this that my ex-girlfriend started dating again. This is tough because although we were "only" together for 4 months she was the best girlfriend/partner I've ever had by far. When she told me we needed to split a few weeks ago we agreed it was for the best because I had some things I needed to work out on my own. We also agreed that reconnecting in the future was a possibility once I got my stuff sorted out. I don't blame her at all for not "putting her life on hold" for me but it still really hurts knowing that I may have blown my chance for being in a relationship with this amazing woman. Late last night I said "enough is enough" and I emailed my 3 closest friends and spilled my guts about all my struggles over the years. They each know some but they don't know the extent I've struggled with alcohol, anxiety and depression. I figure I don't have much left to lose so I might as well take my chances and ask for their support. I just can't deal with the loneliness, despair and drinking anymore.

I haven't checked my email yet today because I'm too anxious to see if my friends have responded. One friend called and left a voicemail and I'm too nervous to listen to it. I also sent my ex gf a message last night and I'm too nervous to check if she replied. I have to go to work in a little bit so I think I'll hold off checking any of these messages until at least after work. Hopefully work will be a nice distraction during this really rough day.

In other news, I'm pretty anxious about being able to get any decent sleep tonight (this is a frequent source of anxiety for me). I slept until 1pm today and I have to work at 9:45am tomorrow. I may not be able to fall asleep until 5am or 6am tonight and then I'll have to go to work after just a few hours of sleep. Add on top of that that I can't drink much tonight because if I do I'll sleep through my alarm and miss work. Ugh!

Ok, I'm going to take my dog for a run, shower, and get ready for work. Hopefully I'll feel better because right now I just want to bail on my job and hide from the world!

Wishing you the best - that is a lot to deal with on top of quitting drinking, and you are so brave and strong for taking it all on! I had a really hard time sleeping when I was quitting drinking and when I did sleep I had rampant nightmares. I found that using mild OTC sedatives like Kava Kava (tea or supplement), Valerian Root (tea or supplement), or even Zzzquil helped get me past the worst of it. Cannabis also helped immensely through that phase but that can also exacerbate problems from some people, so make sure you do your research if you're interested in going that route. Good luck!!

[Misssy2]

justnow...I say do whatever works. Your post yesterday ...you are ready to do this....and you are determined.

All of the things you mentioned...that are going on....my life is similar....something is always going wrong...son is having seizures...other son police called me tonight..I'm away from the person I love...I paid the IRS 20KKKKKKKK......and I GOT DRUNK....and then..after about 8 days of that...I ended in the hospital AGAIN....

My General Dr...said to me when I was crying about all this in her office...YES, MISSY you have ALOT going on..but you have the disease of alcoholism which makes you think of all the reasons to DRINK....(I was glad she didn't call them excuses because I could have stopped listening at that point).

But she said START THINKING OF REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDNT DRINK.

I have plenty...I don't know how old you are...I don't know if you know that you are an alcoholic..and most people won't say to you that you are...but I am saying you ARE.

Alcoholism progresses to hell on earth..and try to remember what my Dr. said....

ps..YES, you have alot going on and I hope you didn't lose this woman..later on is later on..you said this was only a short time ago the break up...you have to really put your drinking plan above anything else and then things do work out.

[justnow]

Day 2 & 3:

Overall things are moving in the right direction but I'm already getting impatient with the process.

At the end of "day 1" I managed to drink just enough so I could get some sleep. I slept 5 hours and felt pretty decent. Work went well on day 2 (yesterday) and I felt pretty good after that so I decided to work some more (I do Postmates on the side). I also decided to go to an ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meeting. I went to one 3 years ago and felt it was a valuable experience but never went back. So I went to the meeting and it was definitely good for me to go. After the meeting I decided to work a couple more hours. By the end of the day I realized I definitely overdid it. I was totally drained emotionally.

Last night I managed to drink less than the previous night (according to plan) but I don't feel as good as I did yesterday (even though I got more sleep). I don't know if it's because I pushed myself so hard yesterday? Or maybe I didn't eat enough yesterday? Anyway, I'm feeling rather impatient with the process today. I may try to expedite the tapering tonight. I want to feel better NOW dammit!!!

In other news, I heard back from 2 of the 3 friends I emailed. They were both very concerned and wanting to meet with me right away. I told them I was going to spend the evening at an ACA meeting. Partly because I think the ACA meetings are more important for me right now and partly because I'm embarrassed/ashamed to see them. Also, I've decided to take a break from communication with my ex girlfriend. I don't have the emotional bandwidth for that right now. Lastly, I'm concerned about the friend that didn't respond to my email. I had emailed this friend a couple weeks ago and he hadn't responded to that either. I'm not sure if he's mad (because he loaned me money 3 weeks ago) or what his deal is because it's weird he hasn't responded (we've been close friends many years).

What else? I'm going to hit another ACA meeting tonight.

And... I read the article titled "4 Effects of a Controlling Upbringing" in the PC email this morning.

Wow, was that ever accurate for me! It really helps me understand some of my behavior. One of the conflicts I had with my ex girlfriend was that I just wanted her to tell me what to do and I would tell her I would do "whatever she wanted". I could see that frustrated her and I didn't understand why. Now it makes sense why I would want that and why that would be upsetting for her. Whatever happens with her in the future I'm going to try and appreciate how our relationship was a growing experience for me and that we'll be together again if we're meant to be...

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

I know for me I used alcohol to self medicated my bipolar. Once I got back on meds I had no desire to drink. YMMV

I can't say I have no desire, but it is greatly reduced from pretty much the same thing. Wrong meds or no meds. Also I was taking excessive amounts of adderall (which I also had to give up) and my trazadone needed a kick to knock me out at night. I know the meds are reducing the lows but I will still get some. I am hopeful I can keep my resolve when that time comes and I take a deep dive. When I am hypomanic and it's hot outside, sitting on the deck nursing a cold beer is a very attractive image, but I know "nursing" would quickly become guzzling and my wife and kids are helping me with my problems so I would have to sneak it and the dominoes would start falling. That line of reasoning is effective right now, especially when I add in the regret that I know is inevitable.

[Misssy2]

You have taken huge steps in just a couple of days.
You seem like you ARE growing...Keep going...