[DePressMe]

As I posted before, my father is a major alcoholic and I have only seen him once in over 10 years. Well, this weekend I went back home and visited him. The visit was really good and I feel okay about facing a lot of my past.

My father gets so drunk he sits and pees his pants because he can't make it to the bathroom...he is almost never sober. It just so happens it was towards the end of the month and my father was out of money--he could not buy any booze. So, he was sober for our visit. He spends all his money on booze, so his utilities have been shut off and his trailer is full of trash. He is not in very good physical shape...

My visit with him was good. We talked and when I left we both said I love you. So, the purpose of my trip was fulfilled--I just wanted him to know I love him. I love him even though he is an alcoholic.

All and all, I feel good about seeing him. I know that he is probably not going to change and he will continue to drink as much as he can as often as he can, but now I have some thoughts about our relationship. I think I am strong enough in my sobriety that I can form some type of relationship with him. The first rule is going to be that I make all my visits at the end of the month when he has no money. Then I have a better chance of catching him sober. My second rule is that I am not going to get sucked back into the insane codependency crap--no matter what, I am going to take care of myself first.

I am emotionally drained...but, I am glad I visited my father and I am glad I faced part of my past. This time when I looked at my past I did not freak out--therapy must be doing some good! I am at a better level of acceptance than I have ever been.

I am grateful to be sober and although I wish my father was sober, I accept him for who he is...I love my father.

[lenjan]

You definitely have come a long way! I'm proud of you.

(((((((hugs))))))

[DePressMe]

thanks candybear--it makes me feel good that you are always here for me and say such good things.

[chalmette70043]

((((((Depressme))))))))

Glad to hear your weekend went well. And that you and your dad love each other.

[shadowalker164]

DePressMe….
You showed an enormous amount of emotional sobriety with your father.
When you said… “I am grateful to be sober and although I wish my father was sober, I accept him for who he is...I love my father.” I can count on one hand the number of people who can say that and mean it! Good for you.

I don’t post here as often as I might, but your emotional and spiritual growth deserves acknowledgment.

Richard

[splitimage]

DePresseMe,

I think you showed a lot of courage visiting your father and I'm glad that the visit went well. It sounds as though you've made peace with a number of issues, which I'd like to congratulate you on.

Take care.

--splitimage

[Raynaadi]

Wow I'm so glad it went well!!! That is just wonderful!!!!

[DePressMe]

Thanks to all for your support. I just had an appointment with my pdoc and he was very pleased with my trip and how I have been dealing with these issues. He thinks I have made a tremendous amount of growth in issues with my father and issues about sobriety. Its good to hear the feedback from you all and him.

It seems that my attitude of gratitude (sorry, I have to borrow those AA sayings every now and then) has been key to resolving so many issues. Every day when I wake up I realize how lucky I am and I am grateful for not only my sobriety but for my life. So many people don't have what I have and may never get it. Sure, my sobriety was not given to me--I had to work for it, but I do feel fortunate in the sense that all of my life circumstances came together in such a way that I got sober.

My sobriety has led to a whole new life--one that is much happier and fulfilling. I have the chance to come to terms with my past and to possibly repair relationships that would have otherwise remained damaged forever. I have so many more opportunities available to me now that I am sober.

To tell you the truth--I don't know how this gratitude happened to me. At some point in time I just realized I felt fortunate to be sober. Before that I hated sobriety and I hated the fact that my drinking had been taken from me. I felt robbed and I looked forward to the day when I could drink again. Somewhere along the line, my thinking transitioned into gratitude. I am not even sure of when it happened...I know its been several months, but I don't know how many. This makes for a much happier life. Today, I don't want to drink and I am grateful to be sober.