[bizi]

177.3 this morning.
coming down slowly but surly.
bizi
who is running late this morning.

[bizi]

I am thinking that I have a form of TD.
I get so antsy in the evenings at the computer and at the theatre or plays at night...I can't sit still.
I am constantly moving. I fidget in my seat.

I get so worked up when I am home some times I hit my legs to try to get rid of the agitation.

I am not sure what it is. I thought it was restless leg syndrome at first.
Maybe it is anxiety????
I don't know this has been going on for quite some time even before I started taking 2 Anti-psychotics. I sit at the computer and get worked up and restless. Maybe it is over stimulus????
anyway it is very very uncomfortable and frustrating.
I was with karen at a concert and started moving and ....later I told her that I had restless leg syndrome and I hoped I did not bother her, she said I did not.Other times it doesn't happen at all when we are out.
sigh
Some times it is exhausting being me.
bizi

[bizi]

I am 176.9 this am. My goal weight is 140 that is 37 pounds away. I am 5'7"
I am hoping to wear my old wedding dress for halloween next year. I wore it this year but could not zip it up at all! Plus I want to get into my old scrubs again.I fuigure if I keep at this I will lose the weight sooner...have already lost 10 pounds but I know some of that is water weight.
bizi

[bizi]

Staying AF tomorrow won't be hard....
Will drink lots of hot tea and hold it in my hand.

Plus karen will be there and she doesn't drink.

Tomorrow, I am picking her up at 1030 and taking her

to her mothers house for an unexpected thanksgiving lunch.

She does not get along with her mother nor her daughter

who will be there as well.
Then come get her at an unknown time after that.

Well I have 2 things that I need to prepare tomorrow.
Green bean casserole and crawfish dip.
The dip will take the longest to make.

Once combined the green beans cook about half an hour.

And heat up her vegetarian chili and shredded carrots.
WE are supposed to be there at the pot luck around 3pm.
bizi

[bizi]

Well we dropped karen off back to her apartment.
Nell and Suzie were awesome hosts.
There was a good turn out. 15 people at least.
Every one brought lots of food. All of it was great. I had small amounts of almost everything.
They liked our food but did not eat but half of the green bean casserole so I gave some to Nell, she loves them. and there was too much dip.
My social anxiety was not that bad because I knew half the people there, I talked to karen mostly all evening.
I am so full I think I would have been ok with everything except I had 3 different desserts sigh, when will I learn? Hoping I can sleep tonight. We stayed until 7;30.pm.
Bizi who is stuffed!

[splitimage]

Sounds nice. And I think half the point of big gathers like that is to eat too much yummy food. You can go back to watching what you eat today.

splitimage

[bizi]

It was an interesting day.
Jeff had lunch with a friend so I had lunch at sandras with karen.
I ate salmon and chard and squash and carrots.
I had brought karen some of the left over chilli from last nights thanksgiving meal.
She asked me if she could cancel her ride on the handicapped bus and I said I could give her a ride home. So we ran to her house and dropped off the chilli.
Then I asked her if she needed to go anywhere.

We went to this store called the drug emporium she had never been there. So we looked around and she ended up getting some groceries, they were cheaper than where she has been shopping. I talked her into getting some ice cream...she was so excited.
She has denyed herself of simple pleasures.
I dropped her off at her apartment and I went to get my nails done.
Then called jeff to see if he was going to trivia and I would meet him at home by 5pm.

Our friends showed up which was a surprise, trivia was fun because they were there.
Melissa has become a close friend of mine....
Before then, I had an internal battle/cravings going on in my head about drinking beer at whole foods bar for trivia night. I really was considering it. I felt like no one would know if I did or not. My weight was up from all of the eating I did for thanksgiving. But then I thought about my challenge for a dry november to see how much weight I could lose and did not want to disappoint anyone on here. So you held me accountable.

So I ordered food and drank water all night long.
Ate a double pepperjack cheese burger with sauteed onions, mushrooms and bacon with a big salad with ceasar dressing.They were delicious! I am full but not stuffed.
I am so glad that I did not drink.

In the bar as I was drinking my water I looked
across the bar and there was my psychiatrist, playing trivia and having fun.
I have never seen her in public before, I wonder if she saw me.

We finished trivia in 4th place so no gift cards for us.
It was a good day.

bizi day 23 done.

[splitimage]

Bizi, Well done at not drinking at Trivia. That's awesome. And your food continues to sound really good to me.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thank you split!

I hope you are well!
bizi

[bizi]

Jeff and I went out of town to take a hike. Drove to an area that we had never been before and liked the park. It was only 3.5 miles and I thought we would never get done. It wasn't that is was a hard trail just a bit hilly on occasion, and we were stopping to watch some birds on the reservoir:herons and egrets and some birds that were grunting! lol It was an hour and half from our home and when we came back I slept in the car as I was falling asleep.
We were invited to a green gumbo party. We brought our left over crawfish dip and the rest of the green bean casserole. The food was very good! I helped wash some of the dishes trying to be helpful....Now to watch Dracula.
bizi
we enjoyed our saturday!

[bizi]

Had 2 cups of coffee this morning. Got up at 3am and went into the other bedroom to sleep as I was having restless leg and did get to sleep and slept in till 10;30.
Went to brunch at the diner and had 3 scrambled eggs, with spinach and a side of louisiana smoked sausage. IT was delicious, hubby had a bloody mary...no twinge of jealousy today.
Happy to be alcohol free and losing weight.
Stuck at 178.6 this morning....at least it is not 180 like I feared with all of the food that I ate over the thanksgiving break. I will throw out the rest of the green bean casserole and crawfish dip after jeff eats his desired amount.
Back to dietville today.
Not sore today from the 3.5 mile hike yesterday so that is good.
It is rainy today so it will be a chore day. Laundry and paperwork for this afternoon.
We have calf meat that needs to be eaten. Jeff was not happy that I bought calf beef, I did not really think about it.
It is grass fed and pasture raised and looks great so I need to come up with a recipe for tonight.
It has been a really nice 4 day weekend!

Bizi

[bizi]

I volunteered to help karen out today after I was done with a couple of errands. This is the first time I have ever dealt with someone who has real mental health issues in real life.
She has an eating disorder, she is OCD, She is kind of a hoarder. not bad but I can tell that she could be. I helped her try to organize a room and found that she has lots of half full boxes, plastic bags and plastic utensils. She lives out of boxes...doesn't really have furniture. She has a bed...mattress is on the floor in the living room. She is ordering a zero gravity bed to put in the living room and then we can put her mattress back on the box spring in her bedroom.
I then decided that I would go to the store and buy her some more yogurt and ice cream that she liked so I bought her 3 coconut frozen desert and 2 big containers of yogurt vanilla. I had stopped at walmart to buy some mugs so that we could have tea together but she doesn't have a table so she gave them back to me. I told her that I would keep them at my place for her and that she could come over here for tea sometime. She liked that idea.


bizi

[splitimage]

Bizi,

I think that's really nice of you to want to help Karen out so much. Just watch out for caregiver burnout.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thank you for that advice! I will watch out.
bizi

[bizi]

Good morning!
I am down to 176.3 this morning.
Officially down 10.1 pounds since November 1st, almost 4 weeks. And that is after a thanksgiving feast!!!!!
I remain AF 25 days and counting, feeling quite strong in my resolve.
For dinner last night we had beef with indian lentils and red beans and tomato sauce. And a side of steamed veggies( broccoli, cauliflower, carrots). I only ate about half of the meat mixture.
I did not snack yesterday. So that was a win.
CVS drug store had a coupon for %30 off, so I went there and bought some wasabi almonds which I love to snack on. They are a good snack if I can refrain from eating a ton of them. If I am snacky now I try to just eat 6 of them for around 70 calories. That takes away the hunger/craving. Usually I try to drink a large glass of water to see if I was really thirsty instead of hungry, same signal. Have a great day!
bizi

[splitimage]

Congratulations on the weight loss. Not drinking all those empty calories really helps.

[bizi]

thanks split, yes and watching how many almonds I snack on is helping too.
bizi

[bizi]

Lunch was a big one. 6 oz of ground beef" salsbury steak"
chard mashed sweet potatoes andcauliflower.
I over did dinner tonight and snacked before. Ate an ounce of almonds, a slice of cheese, had dinner of talapia fish sauteed in coconut oil and butter with a side of cauliflower, 2 servings. Half an avocado.
lower carbs today but too much food.
bizi

[bizi]

Had 2 1/2 cups of coffee with cream.
lunch:
small amount of chicken, I took home most of it.
tabouli made with quinoa, parsley, lemon delicious!
smothered cabbage
swiss chard
Dinner:
slice of raw sharp cheddar cheese
6 almonds
half an avocado
pork chop sauteed in coconut oil
steamed broccoli and corn
then I was snacky and had 1 tablespoon of peanut butter.
I have been drinking tea and plain water since dinner
and chewing gum while I did billing and other paper work.
It feels good to be caught up. I still have some filing
and posting to do but that won't take up too much time.
We are planning to be away from home for 2 weeks
over christmas break and new years. My twin and I
usually celebrate our birthdays together(jan 1st) on new years eve.
Don't know what we will be doing this year.
I was the designated driver last year and it sucked.
Someone else can take a turn, or use uber better yet.
I am so heavy my pant scrubs cut at the waist.
sigh
Need to keep my eye on the end goal.
It is going to take time to lose this weight.

Still not drinking, day 27.
Have been toying with the idea that I would only
drink a few times per year. like vacations.
Still need to think about this.
Drinking has not been any fun for me lately.
I did not have control of it...maybe my meds
were out of whack because I was drinking so frequently.
I know that I like myself better sober. And I am losing weight!

Tomorrow is the christmas concert with the
ULL symphony and choral department.
We are bringing my friend Karen to the concert,
picking her up at 5;30 show begins at 6;30.
I will probably eat left overs(chicken from today and left over chili)
for dinner before I get her.
It should be a great concert!

Dinner on my own for thursday and then Friday the christmas party
at our friends house. William (the choral director) and molly
host this christmas party for the past few years.They serve delicious food,
we play white elephant game(steal presents from each other).
I won 2nd place for the ugly sweater contest 2 years in a row!
I will wear the same sweater this year too.

This party will challenge my being sober because there will be
many people there that I don't know, my social anxiety rears its ugly head.
But I plan on drinking hot tea again like last year.
It worked out fine and I will know some people there this year
so should be able to keep my "dry november" goal.

anyway, sorry this is so long....
thanks for reading and listening to me ramble.
bizi

[bizi]

[bizi]

The christmas concert was just fair.
I literally slept thru the first half nodding awake it was embarressing. Karen teased me about it a bit too much after word. I did not like that. Even jeff said something about her teasing me. She said I even snored....
oh well the second half was better. But the over all concert was boring.
Even the traditional christmas carols medley at the end lacked life.
Oh well they can't all be great!
Jeff has a gig this evening so another dinner alone tonight.
I will have left overs again...I have some chicken and beef and lentils to eat.
There is nothing thawed so I don't know what we will do if he does make it home briefly, maybe go to the express pizza place a few blocks from us where we can get a great thinned crust pizza in no time flat!
I will just eat the toppings and fore go the crust, that worked fine last time.
175.5 This morning, the least I have weighed in months. So happy to be losing weight....still can't tell when I look in the mirror. I still look very pregnant. That is 11 pounds in 4 weeks time.

Today is the 29th day AF.
I feel strong in my resolve about not drinking.
Being on 2 anti psychotics at the same time is finally letting me sleep.
Being on meds for decades has contributed my memory issues.
I used to be able to math in my head...now I can't...I have to use the calculator for all simple calculations.

sigh
It is warming up today some rain in the forecast. Some wind which I don't like but I will take the warmer weather.
Thinking about Kay this morning and how her surgery went. I think she said it would be a long surgery like 6 hours, maybe I am wrong about that.
I hope you all have a fine thursday.
bizi

[splitimage]

Bizi,

I can relate to your saying that meds caused memory issues for you. I have the same problem. But it's a tradeoff. Take meds and be stable, but feel stupid, or go off the meds, hope memory improves and risk losing stability.

splitimage

[bizi]

split, thank you for replying and for your support.
I hope you are well.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[bizi]

The christmas party was a success.
I drank chocolate flavored water all night.
The food was not as good as last year: cabbage rolls tasted funny. and white beans with smoked sausage which I did not eat because I am on a diet. I also did not eat the short bread cookies and I ate some salad. Before, I ate at home because I did not know what they were going to serve. I ate some chicken and ground beef with a few lentils.
So between eating and drinking I am full. I really did not want a drink, just dealt with my awkwardness and social anxiety issues by holding a cup with a tea bag hanging off the edge.That cup of tea got me thru the evening.
There was a white elephant christmas game where people can steal your gift. It was fun!
My poor hubby still has a head ache for the past 3 days which I did not know about. It is worse tonight...I think it is a migraine, is light sensitive. I gave him 4 advil. WE kind of left the party earlier than normal to take home jeffs friend Sarah. He came right home and went to bed. I am glad it is the weekend..for him to recover.
I work out of town tomorrow morning to see 3 residents at a retirement/assisted living facility. I go there once a month. I will check out a chatroom to see if there are still chatters there. They have been having friday nights chats which have been nice/fun.
I have to leave the house by 8:15am, so will set my alarm for 7:30.
bizi

[splitimage]

Congratulations on making it through a challenging social situation without drinking.