[splitimage]

Bizi,

Well done on leaving Fat Pats and not drinking. That shows you can do it, when you set your mind to it.

As you probably know, i have a lot of problems with AA, but when I was early in my sobriety joourney, I was heavily involved. There's no way to have a sponsor in AA and not read the big book, it's the basis of the program. I'm personally an aetheist, and I didn't find the Big Book overly preachy - that tended to come from other members.

If you don't want to do AA, but still want some support, there's Women for Sobriety, and Smart Recovery.

Good luck finding something that fits.

splitimage

[bizi]

Ok, so last night I felt like she was giving me an ultimatum but tonight after the atheist AA meeting that she was there also. WE talked, and I guess she will allow another book. It is the womens 12 step that I just got in. I will work the steps and she agreed to continue seeing me. I like her. I believe I can learn from her. So 6pm on tuesdays is set.
bizi

[splitimage]

Bizi,

Just a suggestion, but if you're doing the steps, you might want to buy a copy of "The 12 steps and 12 Traditions.' It goes into each step in a lot more detail, and is not overly preachy except in those steps that directly refer to God.


It's sometimes called the 12&12, and I really like it.

Even though I don't do AA anymore, I sometimes still read the 12&12 and find it helpful.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thank you split.
I bought the womans way to the 12 steps...am going to use that.
bizi

[splitimage]

Bizi,

That's a really good book. I used it too, and found it really helpful. Did you just get the book or did you also get the workbook? I liked the workbook.

splitimage

[bizi]

It has been a week alcohol free (this time).
Am about finished with the "12 steps without God", book.
I am writing these steps into the book of the woman's way to the 12 steps. Have not started the work book yet. I will bring this book when I meet with Carol again in a couple of weeks. There is not a lot of room to write the passages though. I wish I had post it notes!
Have been Alcohol free on vacations before...this will be a challenge.
Weighed 184.1 this morning. My goal is to lose weight!

Will follow a low carb diet while there, except for my mothers birthday celebration weekend on the 6th.

Leaving Monday, we will get into Indy late wednesday evening.. South Bend is a 2& 1/2 hour drive north. Think we should get there around noon on saturday unless mom wants help on friday that is. I don't want to stress her out. I will be bringing a chicken salad sandwich platter and beer.
The open house is from 2-4 on saturday, then folks will come back to moms house for a light supper. 3 of 4 nieces and nephew will be there so that is great along with a few friends of mom from out of town. There should be around 35 people at the restaurant/open house, not sure how many will go to moms after words. She just found out about it yesterday, sis had sent her an invitation. Dad did not want her to worry too long so wanted to give this notice to her with about a 10 days to get ready....

He texted us that she is looking forward to the party!
It will be a mini reunion. A couple of her friends are coming from the carolinas so this will be a big surprise!

This year we will stay 2 nights in memphis. We are going to the civil rights museum and will take a tour at Graceland, Elvis's home. I have never been there before. This will be the first time spending 2 nights there. We have been making this trip twice a year for 18 years. For the past few yeras we have been going up to celebrate fathers day. But this year it is later because of the timing of her party.


Started making a list of things to bring. In 3 days we leave. Monday we will be driving my car as it gets better gas mileage and more importantly I can't really drive Jeffs car. (it is a 6 speed and I can't put it into 6th gear). We will take turns driving my car. I have a couple of books to bring. The drive is about 7 hours each day, sometimes longer due to traffic. Will try to hit the road before 10 but that never happens. Usually on the interstate by 10:30am.
Got up early this morning, had a difficult time sleeping. Somehow I hurt my neck. Was tossing and turning and just decided to get up. Have a hair appointment this morning for a color and a cut. Wonder who I will have because my regular stylist is out today. I frequent the beauty school for such services. Usually I can have the same student for a few months at a time. I get my hair colored monthly.

I work tomorrow seeing the last clients before we leave.

Need to take a shower and have plenty of time to do that. I won't wash my hair as they say it is better to go in with dirty hair...the color is better. Don't understand that but I try to follow their instructions. It is definitely dirty full of hair spray.
Will post this and get into the shower.
bizi
Thanks for reading and have a good day!

[TunedOut]

Congrats on no alcohol!

You seem to have a busy social life--that's wonderful except that I realize it means more temptations.

I'm getting my hair colored and cut today but have to ride my bike there because H and I share a car (since he has work and a doctor appointment, it's easier to ride my bike but will be fairly hot with a chance of rain).

[bizi]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

Congrats on no alcohol!

You seem to have a busy social life--that's wonderful except that I realize it means more temptations.

I'm getting my hair colored and cut today but have to ride my bike there because H and I share a car (since he has work and a doctor appointment, it's easier to ride my bike but will be fairly hot with a chance of rain).

When I get up that early I tend to have diarrhea of the mouth.
Have a great day!
thanks for posting and reading my thread!
bizi

[bizi]

We lost power tonight for only 45 minutes but it was unknown when it happened how long it would be out..Jeff lit candles and we got out our table coleman lantern and did some paper work....need to do some billing to get caught up before we leave.
I have not been sleeping well and feel really anxious tonight,

antzy can sit still legs are moving.
Don't like this at all.
I hope that my mood stays stable...though I think I am getting hypomanic.
Hope I sleep tonight.
bizi

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by bizi

When I get up that early I tend to have diarrhea of the mouth.

Some days I have diarrhea of the mouth all day long!! I post too much too on those days. Yesterday was like that for me. I hope I am in better control of myself today!!!

[bizi]

Slept about 6 hours last night. not enough.Since I stopped(pdoc took me off) klonipin I have not been sleeping well.
Am afraid that I am cycling.
bizi
I work today.

[bizi]

I am not sleeping well, hard to get to sleep. Usually takes an hour or so. I need to get to bed earlier then I have been. My to do list is getting smaller.
I need to finish billing and charting and make a small deposit today....though it doesn't have to be done before we leave. I just would like to have it done. Like the laundry, I could have waited for that and done just one load, bras, panties and socks. Scrubs could have waited as we get back saturday. Have a whole day off before working again. So I planned this trip better for me this time. I feel less rushed.
Weighed 183 this morning so down a couple of pounds which makes me happy. Today makes day 8 days Alcohol free. I have many books to read on our travels about giving up alcohol for good.

bizi

[bizi]

I will be gone for 2 weeks
thanks for your support!
bizi

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by bizi

Weighed 183 this morning so down a couple of pounds which makes me happy. Today makes day 8 days Alcohol free. I have many books to read on our travels about giving up alcohol for good.

bizi

[splitimage]

Have fun on your trip.

[bizi]

hi there!
We made it home last night.
All is well here...not sure of surrounding areas.
tornadoes have been seen in areas around baton rouge, about an hour away from us.
We took the vwery long way home to avoid Baton rouge last night so it was a couple of hours longer...took us 10 hours to get home.
though an hour of that was stopping in alexandria for a nice italian dinner.
bizi

[bizi]

Mike's Weather Page... powered by Sparks Energy!

a weather channel for updates concerning the gulf storms.
bizi

[bizi]

I need help.
Will call my psych doctor....
My sleep is horrible.I was awake at 3am this morning (could not get comfortable)
Melatonin is not working! Up at 6 am.
I have not slept well ever since my doctor discontinued my klonipin.
Have been running hypo for about a month.
It is getting really out of hand....my life is needing a shake down.
I need to start dieting again.
Eating freely and drinking like a fish sets me up for poor sleeping.
And I am starting to notice heart burn and indigestion,
took tums and zantac last night.
Need to stop this drinking!
Am going to an AA meeting tonight at 6pm.
Will touch base with my sponsor via telephone if she is not there tonight.
I am off to take a much needed shower.
bizi

[bizi]

Thank you!
After many conversations and such with my pdoc office staff yesterday and today. I finally just said that I have been hypo for 5 weeks. And that my sleep has been off for as long.
Well that made a difference.
I am to increase my zyprexa to 15mg for the next 3 nights to stop the hypo mania....which I don't think will be long enough. I am supposed to call on monday to see how I am doing.
She only wants me to have 1 cup of coffee in the morning and if I am to drink alcohol drink it earlier in the evening as that will effect my sleep.
Still just take the melatonin as before.
I am hoping that I will not have these impulsive/compulsive addictions out of control.
bizi

[bizi]

we had a great time....I liked the sour beer that I drank.
Had a delicious shrimp salad with soy ginger dressing.
It had a lot of toppings:
dice apples
grilled onions
pico deguillo

black olives

diced tomatoes

half an avocado
good greens
it was delicious!!!!
I think I will go the the UU fellowship for church

services in the morning, 1030 is fellowship.
Jeff is gone tonight he will be back tomorrow evening.
He said he really wanted to cut back on his drinking...does not want to ruin the next day with a hang over.
So will see about that
I hate being alone.
bizi.

[bizi]

I slept in late today.....out of bed at 11am. I needed some sleep so the medication is working. (missed church)
On to my next cup of coffee.
Am going to hub city diner for my BELT (Bacon lettuce tomato and egg sandwich)
I love it!
Got on the scale this morning 192.7....
sigh
need to get serious about my weight.
Need to do laundry today like usual for a sunday.
I hope every one is safe and cool...
The heat indexes are scary across the country.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[bizi]

WEll I spoke with Dr. orazio today ( my PDOC) and she wants me to start taking visteril an anti- histamine to sleep at night and 18mg of melatonin...I have never heard of taking that much have you?

She said to discontinue the zyprexa because of my restless legs...a symptom of TD. So we don't want to mess around with that. Thank goodness. I think I remember taking that in the past and having the same effect. I forget that.

I am glad that she is willing to prescribe something new.
I hope I sleep tonight.

So I told charmaine that I feel like I have OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. She said to wait until my next appointment to discuss this. I asked her to relay this to my pdoc Dr. Orazio before so she has time to think about it.

Spend a good part of the day thinking about my compulsions(food, internet and alcohol, and picking). I think these can all be from an OCD type diagnosis. Carol is the one to mention it to me.


I called my sponsor (Carol) and told her that I was still drinking and that I wondered if I was right for AA. She said that there are a lot of people who still drink and go to AA. So I am still going to meet with her tomorrow night at 6pm and then go to the AA meeting at 8 pm on wednesday.

After work tonight I stopped by fat pats for a few beers.
After that I picked up my new rx for the visteril.

Jeff cooked Talapia for dinner tonight along with some edemami, It was delicious!. After cleaning up the dishes I came on here.
Having another beer or two before we watch downton abbey.
We really have been enjoying the show. The movie comes out in the fall I believe, looking forward to that.

Our kitty hattie has reoccurring cancer on her back. It has been operated 2 times and now has come back the third time so we are going to take her to baton rouge for an assessment and guidance toward chemo therapy. We can see doing that and not radiation. That would mean going to baton rouge once every 3 weeks like humans....not sure ...will wait and see what they recommend. It is an injection site tumor.
WE re just waiting for the cancer/tumor to cut off the blood supply to the skin above it to die and become a wound like the two last times. When that happens she will have to have dressing changes and wear the thunder shirt to hold the dressing in place.
Not sure where to go from here.....she is a sweet kittie and young 10 years old.
She is too young to just throw in the towel.
We don't have kids we have cats.
bizi

[bizi]

Met with my sponsor tonight, Carol.
I like her.
She gives sage advice and makes me think.
She is willing to go thru the 12 steps with me using the book
"A woman's way thru the twelve steps".
The original big book was written in the 30s.
I have not read it nor do I plan to.
Am sure it is out dated and written by a bunch of men.
So, I will order her a copy so she can read it herself.
Shared with her that I go to fat pats after work for a few beers
and talk to the bar tenders and maybe a person at the counter if the situation arises.
But usually I am there by myself surfing face book.
Now mind you ....I have beer at home!
I could easily just come home and have a beer.
But it is not the same.
I have gotten used to this habit.
I had 4 x10 oz beers...so that is about 3 1/2 beers.
That is enough for tonight.
Hubby was not feeling good when I called so I ate dinner at Pats.
Had a double bacon lettuce tomato sandwich
with a side of sweet potato fries which were great!
Came home and Hubby was not doing well at all.
Before the evening was over he threw up several times.
Poor guy. I hate throwing up.
He said he was having back pains.
It is frustrating for me because he won't
let me put some CBD cream on his back.

Tonight I am going to take the generic form of benadryl
instead of the hydroxine (visteril). Both are anti histamines,
so I would rather take an over the counter dose to see if it works.
I am still going to take the mega dose of melatonin like she said.
I have taken benadryl in the past..it worked well for about 2 years
then stopped but that was a very long time ago.
I am willing it to work this time again.

Getting ready to get to bed early.
Hope I sleep! and I hope hubby feels better in the morning.

bizi

[bizi]

I took 18mg of melatonin
50mg of benadryl
100mg of hydroyzine (visteril)
I have restless legs and can't sleep.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

Since my pdoc took me off of klonipin I have not been sleeping well.
She has me taking 18mg of melatonin. She wants me to take them 2 hours in advance. Then take the immediate 3mg of melatonin 30 minutes before bed.
To take the visteril 30 minutes before bed also. I tried taking benadryl last night by itself and it did not put me to sleep. so I took a visteril after 1am, got up at 3 and wrote on line for 45 min, was yawning so went back to bed and slept from 3:45am to 7:30am.
I am really tired, I had a few beers tonight and stopped before 6pm.
So am hoping that doesn't interfer with me getting a good nights sleep. I feel I could sleep on my own I am so tired.

Am getting up earlier this week for 8:30am appointments, and I work saturday again.

It was a bit cooler today less humidity, nice reprieve.
bizi