[wonderluster]

You said, "All I have are my addictions."

You solved your problem.

All you have is your addictions.
The reason you have addictions is because you do not have anything else.
We are built by Nature to be active.
If we do not use our energy towards constructive projects we will use our energy to self destruct.

We need to have a purpose in life.
We need to contribute our part to the whole of life.

We truly need to be bizi doing good deeds
...or we will be bizi doing bad deeds

[bizi]

I feel like I do my job well.
I have a small foot care practice. I am a nurse who gives pedicures to the elderly in their homes.
Have been doing this for 20 years. love it and it is very rewarding. My business is down and this scares me. I put out a small ad in the senior newspaper....maybe that will help.
I have a complaint against my license....waiting to hear from the board about it, have a lawyer to help intercede.


It is the after hours and weekends that I flounder with.
I need to get busy doing something else...need to come up with a plan...

I have been reading some from WFS...women for sobriety. It is really good.
hubby bought me a book, he said it should be here by wednesday.
Something about alcoholism and dualism...he is on a nondualism kick.
I tried watching a video about it and it is not my thing.

Thanks again for your support.
bizi

[wonderluster]

bizi, I appreciate your openness

life is a struggle for all living things
The trick is to have something worth struggling for

[bizi]

I asked for the phone number of the lady who led a watercolor class that I saw on face book. My girl friend posted pictures. They were really good.The group knew each other and they had individual pre printed outlines of the still life picture..... I need to ask my friend how it went for her. She did post that it was very hard to do. Water colors are hard to work with, I have painted with them before.

Excited because it is something to do!

My rosacea is still plaguing me. I cover it with this camouflage make up called glo minerals. It was originally obtained from a dermatologist office, I ordered a replacement off of amazon.

I use argon oil to get it off. It has zinc oxide in it so you know that is hard to get off your face.


Diet is going well. Ate 2 cups of smothered chard for lunch and a cup of chicken salad with raisins and apples. It was delicious! For dinner we had steamed brocolli and a pork chop and half an avocado. Jeff is a good cook!
I am drinking coffee in the morning with stevia(minus the creamer) Because I am intermittant fasting to. So lunch is my first meal/calories of the day. We ate around noon so I could have eaten something up to 8 pm but we were finished dinner before 7pm. So no snacking allowed after dinner.
On to my 2nd zevia cola...cream soda is my favorite and is sweetened with stevia so safe to drink, with out the calories. Weighed 185.5 this morning.

tomorrow is the atheist/free thinkers AA meeting. That should be interesting. Maybe there will be women there if it is all men then I am not sure that I will go back. I want to meet other women with whom I can do things with. My friend contacted me about a substance abuse counselor/therapist. I should call her soon......May be I will wait and see how it goes with AA.

I spoke with my twin sister tonight. Gretchen said we needed to call mom more often. I told her that I did not know what to say since we all get each others text messages thru out the day. She said that we are the only people mom talks to besides Dad. She doesn't have any friends. Sad.
Mom has memory issues as do I so it is hard to carry on a conversation.
She has new hearing aides so that helps a lot!It is blue toothed with her phone, so that makes for easier talks.

I have been procrastinating doing billing, just hate it.
Jeff has gone to have a few drinks at his friends house. I told him to call me if he has had too much to drink...we can do the car retrieval in the morning. He said he call if needed.
Thank you for reading, you have been a big part of my support network.

bizi

[bizi]

Started this AF streak June 1st
so today is day 5....feel better stronger. Slept really well last night.
My psych doctor is cutting out my klonipin(tranquilizer) because I drink, so goes a slowish taper. It is only .5mg so I think I can do this.
I have been on this for so many years...so don't know how I will do with this taper off.
Wish me luck!
bizi

[wonderluster]

You are doing great, bizi!

You wonder how to be comfortable in your own skin?
You keep doing what you are doing and become the person you want to be.
We will all fall in our attempts, but we will win if we get back up and never give up

[bizi]

I went to the AA meeting tonight and it was good.
I now have a sponsor. I like her. I will call her tomorrow and set up a meeting.
She is old enough to be my mother but that is fine.

I asked her if she knew about non dualism and she did. She has a degree in theology. I hope she doesn't try to convert me.....This is an atheist AA group and free thinkers and agnostics. I wonder if she will get me a book to read and if it is different from the "big book"?
The 12 steps have been reworded to take out all references to God or a higher power.

We have had a lot of rain and more is expected the rest of the week and over the week end.

I think I am ready to get better.
bizi

[bizi]

This evening I spoke with Carol.

I am meeting her this

tuesday at her house at 7:30pm.
WE are going to use the big book.
She asked me if she could pray for me,
silent pause on my part.
Then I just said sure if you want to.

She said that was the perfect answer.
Tolerance is what we strive for, she said.
We shall see how it goes.
Jeff bought me a book:
Under A-rest....Reflections on the

twelve steps by Paul Hedderman.
I am going to start reading it tonight

and this weekend.
I think it will help me process the steps.
The big book is really religious...
so I am not sure this is going to work for me.
Any way I will see on tuesday how it goes.
bizi

[wonderluster]

Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction


Rational Recovery | Welcome to Rational Recovery

[bizi]

Went to whole foods Bar last night and over ate. But, I did not drink nor even think about it.Bought raspberries, blue berries, cashews, sunflower seeds, hazel nuts and pistachio nuts ate all of the fruit with hubby and some of the nuts they were on sale and took them home. Then proceed to have "dinner" Order the 2 pattie burger with pepperjack cheese(no bun) with bacon and lettuce, extra tomato and purple onions with spicy brown mustard. It was very very good. Jeff had chicken salad and 3 beers over 3 hours.
I drank water.

Scale up this morning...186.
Must get going, need to take a shower.
Paper work and 2 loads of laundry are on the agenda after chicken and sausage gumbo for lunch. We have a friend coming over for dinner tonight. Jeff is making avocados stuffed with cheese and covered in hamburger and wrapped in bacon on the grill. Have had this before but don't remember . Sigh beer drinking before diners interferes with remembering great meals.
Think I will have another quick cup of coffee.
bizi

[wonderluster]

bizi...you are simply making good choices for yourself. You have learned from your past experiences.
CONTINUE

[wonderluster]

Did I mention that you are making good choices for yourself?

[downandlonely]

I'm glad you found an AA meeting and a sponsor that you like.

[bizi]

Thank you all for your support!
Hope you are having a good weekend so far.
Took a shower and washed my hair, put on clean clothes.
Did 2 loads of laundry scrubs hung and put away. other load needs to be folded. Socks and undies.
Finished all of my billing.
one hour to do more paper work.
rewarded my self some computer time because I finished my billing.
Talked to my sponsor carol today....changed my time to 8pm on tuesdays.
She was fine with that. She told me a bit about herself. I offed none....I tend to talk too much and did not want to do that with her. Asked her about another book that I was reading...she wants to go thru the big book with me, and thinks it is great to read other books and incorporate them. It is everyone's own journey. I will only go to AA once a week, on wednesdays.
Maybe I could go to the gym on mondays, Thursdays and saturdays?
I want AA to help me do things!
Ready to change my ways of thinking and doing.



bizi

[bizi]

Survived a cook out without drinking. At the dinner table we talked about certain chain of events being 2 years ago when I thought it was a year ago.
I think that I missed a lot by drinking over the years. My memory is horrible anyway and then on top of that to have missed so much....very sad.
We had one guest, Paul rode his bike over here so he could drink and not have to worry about a DUI.
One of my friends who I came out to last week asked me how I knew that I was an alcoholic? I told her that When I realized that last friday night I had drank the equivalent of 8 beers and drove home. That was the turning point for me. One week ago today:

So June 1st is my day one sober day.
I have done 6 weeks off for lent before but never intending to say good bye for good. the longest I have done with out alcohol is 5 1/2 months.
But I never wanted to give it up for good. It was always in my mind that I could drink moderately. But I can't do that, I have tried and failed so many times. So I will give up alcohol and reach for a sober life.
bizi

[bizi]

I feel very proud of myself.
Today after lunch I felt motivated to do some cleaning.
I swept all of the laminate floors with a broom then a swifter.
Can't believe there was so much cat hair!
Did spot cleaning, cat spit up and coffee spills
thru out the house. I scrubbed the kitchen floor and wet
swiftered it. Out side I shook 2 rugs, they were so dusty/dirty
there was a cloud of smoke out there!
I think I am done for the day.
Great start to cleaning my house!

I could never have the motivation while I was drinking...
it was all about drinking on sundays starting with
bloody marys sunday brunch.
Not today!
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by wonderluster

Did I mention that you are making good choices for yourself?

@wonderluster

Thank you so much for your continued support.
bizi

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by bizi

I gave myself a hug and looked in the mirror ans said
'"I am a nice person"
bizi

My whole family needs to say that to each other more.

I am glad you stopped drinking for a while.

I know I need to focus more on the present. One moment at a time Bizi. You are doing a lot of things right!

[splitimage]

Bizi,

Way to go on the cleaning. That's something I struggle with too. Even when I'm not drinking, I have little motivation to clean. So that's on my agenda for today. You're motivating me.

splitimage

[bizi]

Originally Posted by TunedOut

My whole family needs to say that to each other more.

I am glad you stopped drinking for a while.

I know I need to focus more on the present. One moment at a time Bizi. You are doing a lot of things right!

Thank you for your support.
I am hoping my quitting drinking is for good....not for just a while.
I could never just moderate my drinking....
Since I am bipolar I should not be drinking with the meds that I take.
Thank you for the reminder one moment at a time.
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by splitimage

Bizi,

Way to go on the cleaning. That's something I struggle with too. Even when I'm not drinking, I have little motivation to clean. So that's on my agenda for today. You're motivating me.

splitimage

I have not been sleeping well.
I know it is because I have been decreasing my meds.
Hoping that you get the energy to do some light cleaning today. My house overwhelmed me as there is so much to do.
I think if I tackle a room at a time I can do this. break it down into small pieces. I would encourage you to do the same or set a timer for a certain amount of minutes ans only work for that amount.
I always try to go to bed with a clean kitchen sink.
(((((HUGS))))) and strength for you today.
bizi

[bizi]

Lunch was amber jack fish and squash, rutabega, chard.
Work was light.
Had for dinner: hamburger, avocado, cheese and bacon.
and an arugula and brocoli salad with ceasar dressing.
After dinner I went to the gym tonight and walked 2.5 miles in 50 minutes and
used the hydro message bed as a reward for 10 minutes.
very happy about this.
eat less move more.
bizi

[bizi]

Down 6.6 pounds in 11 days!
water weight I know,
but still fun to see.
bizi

[wonderluster]

Try to drink lemon water in the early morning and drink green tea whenever you can. Drink a gallon of pure water a day. Eat lots of veggies and stay away from empty calorie junk. Go very light on bread and pasta, but cheat one meal a week!

(Says a guy who gained over a hundred pounds over several years and lost it all in 6 months (me)

Keep up the good choices, bizi!!!

[bizi]

Thank you @wonderluster!
I gained 50 in 4 years!!!!!It is shocking to me...a lot of this weight was from drinking delicious dark craft beers!
sigh
bizi
congratulations on your wonderful weight loss!!!!!!!