Daily Check In #3

Start with one at a time work on that then once you have that under control then add another one and so on.

Relapsed and have used a few time in the last week. I’m still not sure if this is going to be a problem or not, or if I can just figure all of this out on my own. I’m scared and defeated and am worried I am going to go back to using stronger things. I am 24 hours clean and the cravings are so very real

Be careful don't ever think you have escaped. It's always lurking waiting for an opportunity.

Well, I relapsed. Today. Not sure how long this will last.

Basically, after surgery, I got put on pain meds, and narcotics and benzos were my DOC. The pills started messing with my head after a while and i requested to step down to tramadol. But the cravings were still there and too much apparently... relapsed on the pain pills.

((((childofchaos))))

I'm so sorry. I can imagine it was very hard being on pain pills when that was your DOC. But you've done great in the last year and a bit, so I'm confident you can beat them again. And try to stay away from alcohol too = you don't want to restart that addiction.

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I flushed the rest of the pills. Trying to make today day one. Haven't told anyone irl yet...

way to go on flushing the pills, that took strength. Just focus on getting through today a minute at a time.

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I am happy that you got rid of the pills.
I will say this a gently as I can....next time please just put them into the trash can.
We have lots of chemicals in our drinking waters as is.
thank you and again congratulations this is a big step that you have taken.
bizi

So sorry to hear about the slip, but flushing the rest is a strong step in the right direction as is posting here. You showed some strong resolve to make it so far and then get right back at it when you slipped.

Haven't posted in several days; was just sticking my head in to say things are still going well on day 472. I did get the first urge I have had in a while a few days ago. It wasn't very strong and I dismissed it pretty easily, but it was there.

3years 3 months today...

5 days...

Way to go Greentires, and childofchaos.

Childofchaos, especially well done on getting right back to sobriety.

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0 days...

Childofchaos, I'm sorry - but you can get back on track.

I can relate. I'm back on day 4.

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We're all rooting for you child. You made it far enough that we know you have the resolve. Starting over is hard; I have done it a few times. That rationalization that it won't make much difference if I start today or start in a few days was hard to get past, but not starting today is not starting; every day will eventually be a today.

I believe boredom is what got me drinking I always had something to be with me when I was bored or alone. I think near the time before I quit I was always so alone because I isolated myself and found myself doubling up on how much I consumed. And giving myself permission to drink when I didn’t want to feel anything was the worst ever conclusion I had. Now that I work through my emotions little by little as they come along and they do come along. I have realized that maybe there is no real sobriety maybe it’s just something I am doing for now and maybe later I may decide something else. Whatever maybe the case I will enjoy whatever it is now that I am doing.

Tomorrow will be day 1. Been drinking today. Planning to start the day with a meeting with a friend. A 7:30am meeting then dropping her at yoga probably and headed to PHP for me. The week should be easier having PHP but with the drinking, the su thoughts have gotten strong today... I missed a commitment I had because I couldn't drive to get to it. And it was AA related, so not gonna go drunk...

It's day 16 for me and I don't want to go backwards into addiction. I'm staying busy but I'm in pain which doesn't help... I'm just sucking it up and doing life, so to speak. Well it's off to study land.

They say it takes 21-ish days to break a habit, right?
Just a few more days and it should get easier for you.
Baby steps

Relapsed pretty badly on Thurs, and got really sick. Took extra clonazepam yesterday to knock myslef out and sleep and also to mitigate the risk of a seizure. So today, I'm really groggy and shaky, so it's going to be another recovery day.

Really hope I can make this the last time.

I just feel like such a failure.

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Sorry about the relapse. When I wrote before that you might try something different, I wasn't refering specifically to AA. Your relapses have become more & more frequent...I fear you're killing yourself slowly. Is there inpatient treatment available in Ontario that you can get access to? Other options? It seems whatever you're doing isn't working. If you're on meds, the alcohol will just hasten the destruction of your liver. I don't post much anymore, but I wish you & everyone on this forum good health - both mentally & physically.

Well, I finally did it. I restarted my Antabuse today. And I've put it with my other psych meds, so that I'll see it and just make it part of my routine to take. Being on Antabuse, is the only thing that's ever helped me stay sober long term.

I'm hoping it will help me to build up some sober time again, so that I can get to work on fixing my life.

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Congratulations on making a week, Childofchaos. That's my goal at the moment.

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