Daily Check In #3

today marks a month of Alcohol free living.
have lost about 10 pounds so that is progress.
Would never been able to lose weight because of the fattening beers that I drink, and because I am a binge drinker so there is that.
Tackling addictions is hard work...2 of 3 at the same time. My internet addiction is in full swing though...need to reel that in too.
sigh
We have the christmas party to go to, there will be lots of food and alcohol there, I will bring sodas and hot tea to drink. I hope to be controlled on my eating. Maybe eat something here so that way I am not starving by the time we eat around 7pm. Need to come up with a gag gift for the gift exchange(white elephant)...steal gifts, it is fun!

have a great weekend yall.
Have to work in the morning
There is a play that I want to see....modern Shakespeare, mcbeth.

bizi

Bizi, Way to go on hitting 30 days. Keep up the good work.

splitimage

split thank you for always being so supportive.

bizi

That is dedication - congratulations!

Took a THC gummy when I was craving. It literally stole my soul and then I had a panic attack and took 2 benzos which kicked in within 15 minutes and I was better and went to sleep.

Now i just feel mental pain that i feel like a shot of something into my veins would help..

I realize that I'm craving because I quit cigarettes two weeks ago..

Desoxyn maybe u greened out on the gummy. How big of a dose was it?

Next time eat or consume orange juice or oranges that takes away the high. Mixing pills like benzodiazepines can make things worse.

Coming from personal experience here.

Congratulations to bizi on making it a month.

I feel so uncomfortable while sober. I'm agitated and irritable. Everything is annoying. I cant relax. Everything feels wrong and I can't enjoy the moment.

I'll try meditating and see if that does anything..

I want to buy a bottle of wine I cant take this anymore I'm crawling out of my own body

I'm fighting really strong urges to go off my antabuse, wait a few days and drink.


I know it's because I'm nervous about starting work on Mon.

But drinking would just screw it up for me.

I had a good appointment with my addictions Dr. yesterday and we talked through a lot of stuff. She got me to commit to her to staying on the Antabuse for the next 2 weeks, and then see her again. I can handle 2 weeks.

splitimage

Sorry to hear about your tough times, Desoxyn and Splits.

I am still hanging in - 530 days.

ARe you still not smoking? that is a very hard adiction to give up.
give yourself some credit...you are trying to give up 2 very difficult addictions at the same time.
I believe in you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Starting the new job today and am really nervous. But I'm still taking my Antabuse, so I won't drink. Just going to focus on making it through my first shift, one hour at a time.

splitimage

Good luck splitimage!

Hope things go well, Splits!

Next month I have the issue someone else (child?) faced a while back - shoulder surgery and rehab. I think I am going with the Advil and a stick to bite option. I discussed it with my pdoc at a med check the other day. She specializes in mood disorders and substance abuse, which is why I picked her. It was a pretty short discussion. Mostly it's because my memories of use are a little too positive; too easy to slip back into the "if I am careful" mindset. I am still scared of it right now. One thing that shook me up was reading about someone local who took about the same dosage I often took and rank with it, drinking less than I sometimes did, and he died in his sleep.

How was it today, splitimage?

Yep that was me... I'm just over 30 days now. 36 or 37, somewhere around there. The pain pills started it for me, but I would not have made it early on without them. I needed the pills in the beginning for the pain. I could barely move as it was, I can't imagine without them. Also, the pain affected my mood, and I would have been more suicidal than I was already.

Think about the effects of pain on your mood. Also think if there is anyone who could hold the pain meds and give you only a certain amount at a time.

That is where I messed up... I didn't have someone holding them for me even after I started craving them.

Well I survived my first shift yesterday, and it went pretty well I think. I got mostly positive feedback, with the only criticism being that I was slow, which I think is normal for a first day.

They're bringing me in again today for a second shift, so I'm taking that as a positive sign.

And I didn't have any desire to drink after work.

But I was exhausted by the end of the day.

splitimage

I am a stoic. There is some research that says that it's largely genetic, not that I have developed mental toughness. When the doc did my right shoulder, he was surprised at the damage because of the way I held up in the initial exam and the numbers I gave him for "how much pain?". He should have been suspicious of how much pain I said I was in during rehab after the procedure, but I mostly saw an intern working with him for follow ups.

I am more afraid of the craving than I am of the pain. It can override rational thinking. Even if someone is doling it out, I will no longer have the streak of opiate free days; this thought crossed my mind even while I am rational and not in a good way. That really spooked me.

UpDownAround,

Good luck with your decision on whether or not to take opiates for pain. I think if someone else was controlling the dosing, I'd be inclined to take them, as I've heard that if you're in pain it can actually slow down the healing process. But I totally hear you on the cravings thing and not wanting to start them.

Survived my second shift, although it didn't go as well as my first day - won't bore you with the details, but I was exhausted by the end of it. They offered me a third shift today, which I think is a good sign, but i had to turn it down, as I didn't think I could handle it physically. And I'm really glad I turned it down, this morning, my feet and legs are still really sore and stiff and my arm is sore. Clearly I've got to work on building up my stamina.

splitimage

3 years 5 months today and 51 days till my 1300 day milestone.

Thanks. My big concern is poor judgement when I have it for a few days and then stop. I know I am better off sober because I don't exercise enough control and never will. Being drunk and/or high was a feeling that I enjoyed and that I would enjoy if I were to take enough pain killers to actually numb pain. The memory of it doesn't have nearly as much potential to cause craving as the experience of it would.

Really wanting to go to the bar and have a few drinks today, but I won't as I know that would set me off on another bad spiral down.

Booked an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow. So I need my money for that, so I can't spend it on booze.

splitimage