Dont want to hurt myself

in all honesty, ive had relations with altering substances.. nothing hardcore tho.... plenty of alcohol...

i sobered at times.. didnt fix me... i was disappointed abouot that...

i always thought if i could repair the emotions, the rest would fall into line...

i was talking to mom... ive been cooped up in the house all winter... spring is in the air... feeling like getting out a bit...

i thought about what to do different than spending the day with my PC friends....

usually what i would do is meet with some friends and have some beers, some guy talk, some music, and strange as it sounds.... mediations together....

well, something different happened today....

i thought to myself... those experiences always end up in drunken pain.... so....

today, i looked outside... saw the beautiful blue sky and thought to myself.... some time at the park would be good... go for a walk... breath in the fresh cool air.....

i told myself and my mom... if its a change of atmosphere i want... why go hurt myself?

best to all of you in this forum....

Sounds lovely to spend the day in the park!!!!!

I definitely find peace when I'm out in nature. I don't do it enough.

(Edited cuz I posted "find peach" instead of peace hahahaha)

haha Rayna... have a great day

Hey nowheretorun, how about you and a bunch of us get together and taking a long weekend and go tent camping. I can build some nice big fires.

We can cook over an open fire, take some hikes, skip some rocks and just hang out and talk, spending time together.

I havent been camping, one of my true loves, since July of 2005. I would love for us to get up a trip and go. Even if it is imaginary. lol


love ya man
chalmettte

A nice long walk in a park sounds like a lovely idea - I'll go with you in spirit, since it's way too icy up here to walk very far anywhere.

But seriously, just getting outside and walking in the fresh air is one of the best ways I've found to clear my head and to deal with wanting to drink. (Of course I look like the village idiot since I'm usually saying the serenity prayer to myself while walking, but that's ok.)

--splitimage

thanks everyone for your good wishes... camping, cyber or other, is always a good time imo : ) ... hoping we all get some good nature time : ) with Spring coming, we shouldnt have to wait long : )

(((nowheretorun)))))

thank you (((muffy )))) : )

i know how you feel..i struggle..if i could only make myslef walk out the dorr and go for a walk..it sounds wonderful..

well, the warming weather has helped my mood a lot bluevixen.... Texas has a warm climate in general i think? theres many parts of Texas i've wanted to explore.....

finding healthy disyractions in my younger years sounded boring to me..... i was looking for excitement and girlfriends then..... just being honest..

i hurt inside and there was a big empty there.... couldnt fill it and i tried everything that seemed available to me.....

alcohol offered mental relief and the environment where it was served, in my mind, held the best hope for what i believed i needed at the time.... a chance to meet the girl i dreamed of who would go with me on the magic journey of life and happiness....

have to say, in my case, i didnt find her that way

for now, i feel a renewal.... i can open the house windows again and let the air in : )

i went outside a bit ago in bare feet : ) it was great : )

simple pleasures do more for me now than ever before.... nature... being in nature.... im so thankful its close by for me....

drinking and drugging and parting were not my answer in life.... they were part of the journey tho.....

and now, i am here, at this place, with this day ahead... and once again, i am happy to breathe air and smile....

good wishes bluevixen : ) some small blessing will appear for you ... its my sincerest hope that it will grab your attention and spend time with you forever after.....

Chal - I'm up for that imaginary trip!!!!!!!!

(((((nowheretorun))))))

Funny, how sometimes in sobriety we look around and see all the beautiful things that we have missed in our addiction stuper. While I know I cannot dwell on all the things I lost do to alcohol I like to realize they are there.

I like to "stop and smell the roses" now, as they say. I learn to appreciate the gift of life.

Kudos to you for not wanting to hurt yourself. I know just how you feel.