Kept telling myself I needed to try again, then I'd tell myself not worth it, or too much going on, I keep putting off trying to be clean and sober over and over again.

I don't know if I should try now, so much going on, but then I think and I know I'll never kick myself to start again. I just look at my kids and my GF and I want them to have better then a junkie...

It's been half a day and no coke, no heroin, no drinks.
That's nothing. I haven't even gone an entire day.
But I have to start again sometime and maybe today will be the new day 1.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

griffe, when I was in my early twenties i was also an IV drug user...at the time I just hoped that maybe somehow my supply would run out or that I would be arrested,or that something would happen external to myself because I knew that I did'nt have what it took to kick the stuff. I've said it many times, and many ways, but when you find some compassion for yourself you'll see that you're not a bad person, your just a "lost" person trying to get a need met in a bad way. You're crawling down an ally full of broken glass and trash. Be the observer of your life and see the circumstances that you're in.When I did I was overwhelmed with the feeling of "protectivness" of myself, sure, I might of crawled down a few dead end allys but it was the people who I saw around me kicking on me that really got me ANGRY! ...OH, HELL NO! they'd have you believe that your weak,or stupid,but it takes courage to blindly seek out what you need instead of critisizing others that do. When we believe the things that the world sometimes tells us about ourselves we find ourselves being "the victim" of the victim-less crime.I'd like to offer you a hand, to get up on your feet and walk out of this place that you're in, if you are willing

[DePressMe]

Griffe, we all have had to go through that first half day--congrats on making it. For me, the first few days were the worse, but it got better. Hang in there...your kids and wife are good reasons to stay clean, but you are also a good reason to stay clean. You deserve better....you deserve this Griffe, do it for yourself.

griffe

you are worth to know you matter
you are worth healing
you are worth knowing you are a good person
please know you matter

seek rehab if you need
thats what my sister did
But you have to find your way as you are you

((just know we all care)))))
muffy

[Lenny]

I am powerless Griffe. Just a light keeper.

I can only love you, but that my dear friend is the greatest seed of all.

You are loved and will be loved but there is one who should love you the most.

And that is you...

I will hold the light while you steer your boat and can only pray that you find your way around the rocks..

Steer well dear Griffe there is a crowd of friends awaiting you onshore..

Lenny

Thanks for the kind, wise words everyone.


Didn't take anything yesterday... nothing today so far... and withdrawal rears an ugly head

But I still have my head on... still clean from that today. Not off painkillers, I feel weak for that, but I guess one thing at a time. Got a long evening ahead of me and I hope I can stay strong. I like the metaphor, Lenny, I just hope my boat doesn't get crushed and lost in the waves.

Thanks everyone.

[Clandestine]

YOU CAN DO IT, Vince. ;]
You tried. That's more important. Now, try again!

<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>

[splitimage]

((((Griffe)))

Starting over takes real courage. I had to keep starting over and relapsing and starting over over a period of many years before I finally got the desire and the support to get sober. Facing our addictions is tremendously hard, and every day that you get through is a victory to be proud of.

I'm sorry that you're in withdrawls - that sucks big time. Just remember that they won't kill you, although if they get really bad you might want to see a Dr. as there are meds that can help. And if you've ever had a seizure I'd suggest seeing a Dr. because that would put you at greater risk of a withdrawl seizure and believe me you don't want that.

I'm cheering you on. You can do this.

--splitimage

i got withdrawal seizures but seems to be okay now
almost been a week now

[vetswife]

Griffe,
I feel for you, I've never been an addict so I'm not going to pretend I know what you are going through. But Some of the most important people in my life are addicts and I worry about them everyday. Just know that you are loved.

I don't know if this is a good suggestion or not but when my brother is clean he keeps himself busy from the time he wakes up till the time he goes to sleep. I guess so he doesn't have to think about it.

Good luck, keep up the good work and know that you are loved.

[splitimage]

Griffe - sorry about the seizures. Glad you're ok. keeping myself occupied was really important to me in the early non-drinking days since boredom = wanting to drink.

You can do this. Sobriety is so worth it.

--splitimage