I am trying, today, to come off of the pills.

I admitted to H that I have had to take something every day. He was shocked. He says he's not angry.

I feel awful. I don't know if it's withdrawal? I was only taking something in the afternoon/evening, and just a "normal" dose, not a huge amount. Maybe a little more than a normal dose?

My head hurts, I'm hot/cold, my fingers feel pins and needles, I'm sleepy. I think my heart is palpatating. I'm anxious. My tummy is upset. I don't know if it's withdrawal, or just anxiety from trying to get through the day without taking anything.

I am trying to take it one day at a time - when I think about not taking anything tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, it's scary. Just today. I can take something tomorrow if I have to.

Ugh. My head!

I am so ashamed. I've been so dishonest by omission with everyone around me. I feel like a horrible, terrible person. I'm thinking about calling T and leaving a message about what is going on.

I'm not even sure if I'm doing the right thing.

Just thought someone here might understand.

[reddevil]

((((((((((earthmama)))))))))))

Take it one day at a time.

I think you should let your T know what has been going on.

I don't think you're a terrible person.. you've been really supportive to me.

I did leave a pretty panicky message with T.

I guess it's time to get honest and get serious.

[reddevil]

Good luck.

You'll be ok. It might be rough getting there, but your T will take care of you.

[splitimage]

earthmama,

You're doing good. You told your husband and called your T. That's getting support. I know this is hard, so you're right to keep thinking of only one day at a time. Or if you need to just think about an hour at a time.

You could be going through some withdrawl symptoms. The good news is they don't last forever, and eventually they stop and you feel better.

Of like you said it could be anxiety. Making any change, even if it's change that's good for us is scary.

But know that we're all here to support you.

---splitimage

[Christina86]

((((((((((((earthmama))))))))))))))) Glad you called T. Breathe. You can do this.

day 2..........

[reddevil]

((((((((((earthmama)))))))))

When are you going to get your xanax? Did your T get back to you?

Keep going, each day will get easier.

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by earthmama

I am trying, today, to come off of the pills.

I admitted to H that I have had to take something every day. He was shocked. He says he's not angry.

I feel awful. I don't know if it's withdrawal? I was only taking something in the afternoon/evening, and just a "normal" dose, not a huge amount. Maybe a little more than a normal dose?

My head hurts, I'm hot/cold, my fingers feel pins and needles, I'm sleepy. I think my heart is palpatating. I'm anxious. My tummy is upset. I don't know if it's withdrawal, or just anxiety from trying to get through the day without taking anything.

I am trying to take it one day at a time - when I think about not taking anything tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, it's scary. Just today. I can take something tomorrow if I have to.

Ugh. My head!

I am so ashamed. I've been so dishonest by omission with everyone around me. I feel like a horrible, terrible person. I'm thinking about calling T and leaving a message about what is going on.

I'm not even sure if I'm doing the right thing.

Just thought someone here might understand.

It sounds like you are having problems with both withdrawl and anxiety. I know I when I came off of pills I felt anxious just thinking I would'nt be taking them the next day. I wish you luck.

[CrazyTinkerbell]

Don't put yourself down. Don't be ashamed. You're doing awesome. One day at a time is all you can do. It is hard but you can do. Keep us updated. Day 1 is almost over

What a day!

I went to my dr this morning and got a prescription, IN MY NAME, for anxiety. I have had such a hard time accepting that I have basically been self-medicating my PTSD all of this time. Now I can take care of that the right way.

I have hope for the first time in a long time. I picked up a white chip at my home group tonight. They were loving and supportive and non-judgemental.

So, I am counting September 29 as Day 1.

Best wishes to everyone here who is struggling, growing, learning, changing.

[splitimage]

Way to go ((((earthmama))))

--splitimage

[makouro]

getting honest and getting serious is the start you want.
but do not feel ashamed for what you are.
I cannot call you an addict, only you can truly decide that.
but addiction is an illness like any other.
and I am no longer ashamed of calling myself what I am, an addict.

I'm not sure of the pills you were taking.
but Opiates (my choice of drug) and benzos I know that even a "normal" dose, if steady, can trigger addiction.
there are plenty of resources and forms of helps out there.
but interaction with others who have a similar issues or illness is a great help when it comes to addiction.

the feelings you are encountering do sound like withdrawal but again I cannot tell you that is what it is.
all I can say is stay strong, withdrawal is only temporary and so are these feelings you feel now. they will subside with time and patience.

continue to post and I promise to reply, any questions you have, I am here. I am not a doctor but I am an addict. and as it is stated in Narcotics Anonymous... addicts helping addicts is the best cure.

[lifeblows]

Based on my experience coming off an anti-depressant, a lot of that does sound like withdrawal. Thank goodness for the internet or I would have just thought I was going insane. Some of the symptoms were too bizarre to even describe, but fortunately (or is it unfortunately) I discovered a lot of people went through the same weird symptoms coming off that drug. Dig around online somewhere & see if you can find out for your drug. It will help you know you're not completely nuts.
Good luck, we're routing for you!

Thanks everyone.

I have actually been off of everything for 8 days today....I do have a prescription for an anti-anxiety drug to take as needed, and I have used that in small doses.

I am in AA (have been for 3 1/2 years) and it is helping.

I guess the thing that sucks today (I am having a hard day) is that while the anti-anxiety drug takes the "edge" off of things, the feelings are still there. I do miss being able to numb out. But I will just have to make it through.

((( Hugs for my friend )))

If I can support you in any way, please let me.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

Earthmama, One of the things that helped me not to use when I had cravings or was dealing with stress was my knowing how much damage drugs had already done to me and being "mad as heck" about it! Like being an ex-smoker...you have to really hate it and what it did to you or else it's going to slowly work it's way back into your life...(give it an inch, and it'll become a ruler) My dad was married six or seven times (I lost track) he once told me something about divorce that I thought was insightful because it applies to a lot of things we let into our lives that hurt us. He said, "you've got to get to the point where you say to yourself "that b#@*%" if you're not there, you might as well try to resolve it" lol...sorry i rambled on, hope this helps you

((((((((((((((((((( everyone )))))))))))))))))))))

Just an update!!

After almost 4 years trying to get sober in AA and then this pill thing, I FINALLY, FINALLY accepted my PTSD, got a prescription that is actually FOR me to help with my symptoms, and have been clean and sober for 2 weeks today!

I wanted to do it "on my own" and was just shooting myself in the foot. It was hard, hard, hard, hard for me to accept that I have PTSD, that the events in my life were actually that bad, that I was unable to deal with them without help.

Now that I've accepted that, and I have a medication that helps, I feel so different. Hopeful, for one thing. And without a need to self-medicate anymore.

It was a long road to get to this point - A LONG ROAD - but I'm grateful I finally made it here.

[hurtingintn]

2 weeks is an awesome start..congrats...you can do this..be strong

[Greg77733]

Hey earthmama, I guess by now you now it is withdraw, if it gets to bad your Dr.can pres. phenobarital. It will help. Been there done that, Be strong and at times just go for the next hour. Hang in there you can do it.

((((((((((((((((((((((((( everyone )))))))))))))))))))))))))

I have been off of all drugs except for the ones prescribed by my doctor - at their prescribed dosages - since 9/29. It is such a relief.