New Sobriety date

kittenkirk · 09:27 AM

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Yes, regretfully I have a new sobriety day. It is very hard to say I'm counting days but I have been in the AA fellowship for 9 years and I was sober for 8 years and two weeks. My previous sober date was 3/11/00. Now I have to say it's 2/27/09. I have no one to blame for drinking unless I want to say it was a combination of Xanix, and Topamax. The Topamax made me so gittery that I took two xanix and then two more. After running out of xanix (thank God) in my xanix stupor I went to the store at 3am trying to get some relief to get some sleep. I didn't sleep though until 6pm the next day.

I've been trying to get to more meetings but I've been so depressed lately that I just stay home and go on the computer for my social contacts. Here in the chat room I have met some really nice people who have the same troubles I have.

I still want to be able to get back to work. I spoke with someone at the meeting last night and he told me if the job isn't giving me enough work then to bring a book. Funny cause I hated the statement and you know he's right, if the job isn't going to be managed correctly why am I the one looking for work. I know I want to do the right thing but heck who am I kidding myself by being depressed cause I'm not productive. I know I am trying but it just gets so boring. I will take his advice and go to work on Monday.

Please keep me in your prayers that I do get to work on Monday morning with no fears. Thanks...to you all.

that was a mouthful.

Capp · Mar 21, 2009, 01:38 PM

Kittenkirk,
It took courage to post and I applaud you for being honest.

Congratulations on starting again and taking responsibility for what happened...but understand that addiction of any kind is very patient and very powerful so relapses are sometimes easy to fall into without knowing the reason.

Please return to meetings because you will get much support and caring there...it's my bet that others have gone through the same thing.
The most important day is today...just for the next 24 hours, I'll do my best to stay sober.

No beating yourself up. It's wasted energy and leaves the door wide open for stinking thinking.

Peace,
Cap

earl shook · Mar 21, 2009, 01:52 PM

hi,i am a friend of bills to.when i was 5 yrs sober i had a compulsion to use..my head said ..a hit of acid wouldnt bother...my response was where did that come from? i found a na meeting..got to read the little white pamplet about addiction.i knew about izsm this helpd me understand the art of balenceing both programmes to stay clean and sober.our chalenge is to seek out oyhers like us..we can do this together..because you shared i feel safer to proceed. thanks for being here.i am new here can you tell gday..buzz

horsecab · Mar 21, 2009, 06:15 PM

Your friends will be here for you.

I'm glad to be one.

Zorah · Mar 22, 2009, 05:41 AM

(((((((((((kittenkirk)))))))))))))

remember this is just a slip, it's not like going all the way back,
you know now you can do it clean for over 8 years

pick self up, dust off, be proud that you told us & be proud that you did over 8 years sober
that is no small achievement, give yourself some credit for that, even after 30 years one can slip, but it does NOT take you back to Day One
*censors all remarks about 12 step programs*

madisgram · Mar 22, 2009, 07:38 AM

((KK)) thank you for sharing what's going on with you. i appreciate your being honest with yourself and those of us with addictions in recovery or not. my sponsor told me one time when i "picked up" that i needed to share at the meeting about picking up. course my ego got in the way but i did what she told me. she explained that one, it was keeping me honest and letting ppl know i needed support from them and two, it would remind those in the rooms that had stayed sober where picking up a drink could take them.
have you looked at what led up to the drink? had you gotten complacent and stopped going to meetings regularly? i found in early recovery/relapse this helped me better understand where i had made a "wrong turn" so i could make that detour next time and stay sober. i benefitted from that exercise and by the grace of my higher power, whom i choose to call God, i have been sober for quite some time. BUT for each of us, it's a day at a time. if i ever lose sight of that and stop going to meetings i am heading for a drink, jme. thus far it's worked for 18 years. another very important thing my sponsor taught me was that sobreity had to come first in my life or i wouldn't have a life. she was right! and my sober life has been abundantly full of wonderful things beyond anything i ever dreamed could happen.
i hope you will keep us posted on your journey of staying sober. we are here for you and support you accomplishing that.

doing a relapse list of what you think went wrong with your not valuing sobriety will help you too, imho.
"meeting makers make it", mo, and will keep you in my prayers.

kittenkirk · Mar 24, 2009, 12:52 PM

I want to thank each and everyone of you for you support and concern. My sponsor said to me "now you to start all over". And she doesn't return my calls or text messages. She has many many year of sobriety and don't understand the avoidance. Perhaps because her brother died last year from a relapse...I don't know. I hope that it's not me who she avoiding, I hope that she's just busy.

I finally made to back to work today after being off for 3 weeks. I have 4 weeks sober...and I am a miracle!!!! Even if I have to do it alone..atleast I have my friends here.

Kathy

splitimage · Mar 24, 2009, 01:12 PM

Kittenkirk,

I'm about 6 weeks out of a relapse, myself so I can relate to the frustration of having to reset my sobriety date. But I don't look at it as starting all over. Yeah I've lost my continuous sober time, which is important, but it doesn't take away the year and a bit that I had sober, and it certainly doesn't take away the 8 years you had sober. The important thing to remember is that even though you slipped you admitted it, AND THEN GOT SOBER AGAIN. You didn't let one setback take you out completely. That shows huge courage and strength. I know I was really embarrassed to go back to my home group after a relapse (And I've had several) but they've always been super supportive and I haven't been judged. If your sponsor isn't willing / able to help you work through this last relapse, by figuring out what led up to it, and what you could do differently in the future should you find yourself in the same circumstances, then perhaps it's time to think about finding a new sponsor. But that's just me.

I really like the attitude of one guy who used to be in my home group. Whenever somone asked how long he'd been sober, he'd answer "since I got up this morning". He had something like 18 years sobriety but took one day at a time very seriously.

Take care.

---splitimage

Shelle · Mar 24, 2009, 06:09 PM

Kirk keep up the good work, I got sober in AA myself, and I have had many miracles and coincidences since then. One time I went to Akron just to see where it all began, and by a mere coincidence the day I happened to go was "founder's day" with thousands of recovering Alcoholics/Addicts there, it was amazing ! keep on keeping on !!!

Capp · Mar 25, 2009, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by earl shook

hi,i am a friend of bills to.when i was 5 yrs sober i had a compulsion to use..my head said ..a hit of acid wouldnt bother...my response was where did that come from? i found a na meeting..got to read the little white pamplet about addiction.i knew about izsm this helpd me understand the art of balenceing both programmes to stay clean and sober.our chalenge is to seek out oyhers like us..we can do this together..because you shared i feel safer to proceed. thanks for being here.i am new here can you tell gday..buzz

welcome, and thanks for sharing
Cap

Capp · Mar 25, 2009, 09:17 AM

Kathy,
I'm in agreement with Splitimage on today being the most important day...

The question of how long have you been sober means little to an old timer. There might be a few connected 24 hours, but the only one we concentrate on is today.

Cap