Time for me to "come clean"

Y'all. I have a good update!

I have been totally off the pills for two whole days now. The first day was the hardest, i was so sick the first day, but I am offically off the pills now.

The hard part is that I will still need them from time to time..So what i plan to do is leave them at my mothers, or barring that lock them up and leave the key at my mothers, since i cant leave the house at night to get any this should work.

I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with me. You all mean so much to me and have helped so much. I dont have much time right now but i will reply to each and every one of you soon.

Well Done!!!!!!!!

congratulations on all your hard work

(((((((((((((((Rainbowzz)))))))))))))))))

Mandyxx

Way to Go!!


Cap

Keep it up (((((Bowzzie)))))) love
& PM us anytime, honey, if we can help.

Way to go. Thats great Rainbowzz.

--splitimage

YEAH!!!! I knew you could do it. I am so very happy for you.

Keep up the good work. You know where to find me if you need me.



OK so I may have gotten a bit carried away with the smilies, but I'm so happy for you. I had to have some fun

Well, today i had a slip. I was in alot of pain when i woke up, and took some pills to help.. and it just spiralled down from here. I think i might need to get rid of them completely for a good while and just deal with the pain in other ways.. just to break the cycle. I was doing really well though so i have faith that I can do it again!

you can do it...
we learn from our slips so we can hopefully better prepare for the next time we are tempted.

I'm sorry you are having so much pain, too.
It's hard finding ways of dealing with chronic pain, but well worth it. There are some days when I want to stay in bed because of it...

Standing with you,
Cap

(((((((((((((((((Rainbowzz))))))))))))))))))

We all have days where we slip and fall, days where things are not good and we slip back too what we are used too. The secret here as you have said it to acknowledge that this was a bad day only....... you slipped and tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start.........try to see it as it was a slip on a bad day when you was in alot of pain..............Hunny YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN you have shown such ctrength and determination since first posting here with this concern................. just remember some days will be good , some not so good and others bad or very bad but you are strong , you kn ow that you can do this and more imporatant YOU WANT IT!!!!! I admire your strength and determination..........good luck with the next steps on your journey

in my thoughts and prayers..........strength, believe, hope and love are all wished to you

Mandyxx

I couldn't have said it better myself, silent&scared.

Look on the bright side of things. You are making a difference. We all slip and fall and make mistakes, but getting back up is the hardest part. And you do that everyday! Keep up the hard work. I know you can do it. And better yet You know You can do it and you will. Love & Hugs.

If you need anything, you know how to get a hold of me.

Well folks, its been a rough go these last few days.

It all started when i slipped again the other night, and took WAY too many pills like 32 pills over the course of the day. Well i ended up in the hospital here and they dont do bloodwork for tylenol levels so i had to be sent to the next hospital over an hour away. Well noone in my family cared enough to drive me, so i had to pay for an ambulance.

I got there and they did the tests and thankfully I am going to be just fine. My liver was not compromised which was the concern and i came out of it okay.

they released me as they had no room, and in the middle of a snowstorm none of my family would come and get me. I felt very left to my own devices. I ended up hitchiking in the storm and thankfully an angel of a man picked me up and drove me all the way home out of his way.

Saw the reg doc today and told him what ive been doing. He agreed its far too much but he also agreed that i need a pain med. So he gave me tylenol 3, but i am not allowed to have it myself. Mom is to keep it at her place nextdoor, and give me three every morning to last me the day. This way i cant abuse them, because threee wont get me high anyways so there is no point.

So, two good things happened, one i stopped taking so many pills, and two, my pain is now managed which was the start of this all along.

I am very hopeful. The doc is also trying me on nortryptyline as a preventative drug for the fibro and its non narcotic, its actually a type of antidepressant.

So now my family knows i have a problem, my docs know and it is SUCH A RELEIF to not have to hide my problem anymore! To be able to say i am an addict. I was so scared of how people would treat me but everyone is being very kind and helpful and the doc even said hes not surprised and it happens alot with pain patients.

(((((((((((((((((((((((RAINBOWZZ))))))))))))))))))

So sorry that you went through all this but it seems that a lot of good has come from it. Meds to keep your pain at bay being safely held at your moms and others knowing that you are struggling can only be a help in the long run. Hopefully they will be a good source of support for you and it will make things a little easier for you to come through all this.
Keep up your good work and remember to be kind to yourself and do some nice things for you to hopefully making it a little easier
Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and l will always be a listening ear if ever you need one
Mandyxx

thanks silent. You are right, they will be a good source of support. And i should have not kept silent so long about it. I have hope now that i can get through this and i dont feel so alone. Apparently its quite common with pain patients.

((((((((((((('Bowzz))))))))))))

Good for you! You're a brave and wonderful woman.

(((Rainbowzz)))

I'm sorry you had such an awful experience with having to go to different hospitals and then hitchiking to get home. That would have been scary.

Glad that your liver is ok - tylenol is not something to screw around with.

I'm glad that you talked to your Dr. and your Mom and that your Mom is going to be helping you by holding onto your pills and doleing them out to you, that should help keep you safe. I'm also glad that people reacted well to finding out you were addicted and that they're being supportive. I know it was a huge relief to tell people that I'm an alcoholic and have them treat me normally, albeit a little like I might break at first.

Now that your family knows, any chance you could start going to NA meetings? Are there any NA meetings close to you? I find AA really helpful because it's good to get support from people who have been there. You might find it helpful too.

I really hope the new med works out and helps.

--splitimage

I'm checking that out after Christmas actually. I hope to get to a meeting for the support although im not sure if there are any around here. We will see.

Your right about the tylenol bein nothing to screw around with. Its BAD BAD BAD. So this regimine of drugs will be much better
thank you for your post split. It meant alot to me.

Everyone else thank you for your support. You all mean the world to me!

This is so hard. Tonight I am majorly craving anything that will give me a high. I feel exhausted but cant sleep, am anxious and agitated and edgy. I have a naughty thought in my mind telling me it would be ok to get a little high, that it wouldnt hurt anyone, that i should just do it. But im staving it off with coffee and cigs.

Found a great opiate dependance forum and posted there too. Getting some responses from other long time hardcore opaite abusers... some who have come clean after many years. Its uplifting and giving me hope.

I just cant get comfortable in my own skin.

((((((((((Bowzz))))))))))
"this too shall pass"
you know where to find us if we can ever help

((Rainbowzz))
This is so hard on you and I'm sorry...please take it ten minutes at a time if you need to...it will pass.

Random though, but I wanted to share it with you.
Some of your symptoms may be related to starting the Nortriptylin. Some people initially have reactions related to their bodies adjusting to the drug.

Patient Insert Information:
"Call your doctor at once if you have any new or worsening symptoms such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself. "

I'm not saying this is what is going on, but it is possible it's adding to it. Perhaps checking in with your physician may be in order.

Keep posting in every forum where you are comfortable and are receiving support and understanding...you don't have to go it alone.

We Care
Cap

You know that I am always here for you. Even if I'm not on here that much.

You are very brave and you can beat this!

Don't you hate those inspiring thoughts? No it won't hurt ayone but it will you. Rainbow.

Theres one solid story in the 12 step Big book . Not sure we are allowed to share this here.

Its when Jim the salesman stopped into a reastaurant to have a sandwitch and he thought "he might make a few sales contacts as well."

Im telling you the mind is a devious little guy . He had one sandwitch and then another

Then he had the thought a glass of milk and a shot might work well .

These "thoughts" just appear on thier own accord .

Step zero is one not talked about much . I heard it on a tape I had.

That one is not to go to the store , or place where one can obtain substance of choice. That meaning your house is free and clear of your drug . For some the drug involves an action .

Hope your doing well. If not you start again right now.

Happy New year to you.

Patricia

A perfect point..

Within a study perfomed with a group of recovering heroin addicts it was found that they missed the "acquiring" of the drug at least as much as the drug...

Our minds are constructed via processes surrounding events...

IMHO.

Lenny

Most certainly , a dress rehersal . Basically we can do anything in the mind and never leave our chair.

Thinking about all the using dreams people have .

Maybe we also have the power to heal as well.

Patricia

Bozz - I hope you had a good New Years! You can start fresh this year. Without the drugs. Keep up the good work.

not sure if I should tell you this ....but I have seen opiate addicts with damaged livers cold filter their pills to remove the acetaminophen.

They crush them up and put/mix them in water, then put the water in the fridge/freezer until it gets real cold .....the asprin is not able to desolve at these temps but the opiates do..they but a coffe filter over the glass tip it over the sink to filter out the asprin and drink the opiate

I mainly have had problems with cannabis use, though I have been around all types of addicts....I quit smoking weed for a good amount of time, but after all the side effect from pills I've been prescribed, I went back to my staple, when I get overwhelmed with anxiety and pain ...still searching for the magic pills though