Do I Belong Here?

Hmmm seems to me that someone who cared about you would be glad that you're wanting help....then again I don't know. I've heard that a lot of people loose relationships with family during their using or when they get sober. Usually however, the families start to notice a change in the person and become grateful they got help.

Feel free to keep talking to us. I know I'm gonna run out of ideas though LOL. Maybe some others on the board have been in similar situations to yours. I just know that for me I was sick of living the way I was living and knew I was dying, so I didn't really care who I hurt in the process of getting sober. I didn't hurt anyone though....I had hid my drinking from the family, I know everyone says we can't hide it but I did. My family was schocked that I was alcoholic, but then they understood why I had been the way I had been. When I made amends to Grandma she said, "Oh, so was that why you weren't around when Grandpa died?" That broke my heart.....she had no idea at the time about my drinking, but she didn't understand why I was the way I was until I got sober. Today my whole family knows, and my aunt had come to me for help with her own drinking....too late though. She died a month later.

All I can share is my own experience since I'm not in your shoes.

Thank you for answering me again Rayna. My family doesn't know because they would never see it. We are very carefull that there is nothing in the house during any family times. And Our two daughters and their families are just doing so well after years of hard work to accomplish that, I don't want to rock the boat. One daughter graduated university and is on the other side of the world and is pregnant with her first. My other daughter has a hubby and a daughter and is living a very good, comfortable life after years of fighting and frustration and a nightmare of a ride through her teenage years that finally ended in brain surgery. I tell people never to give up on their kids because there may be a medical reason for their temporary teenage insanity. We thought we were going to end up caring for her and our grandaughter for the rest of our life. At first, she seemed to just be a little nuts at the age of 13. By the time she was 20, she was loosing the use of her hands. 3 years ago, she had surgery and has just improved continuasly since. This xmas, she was amazing. Smart kind, helpfull and fun. I actually look forward to her phone calls now instead of avoiding them. So you see, I am not going to do anything to rock her boat. My life has been extreemly hard for the last 12 years and as of last March, I am legally disabled and all of a sudden these good things are happening in my life. Having my eldest daughter back, whole. And a new grandbaby comming. My younger daughter has booked me a ticket to go to her when the baby is due. And my other daughter is going with me. I have so much to look forward to but I have this piano tied to my %^& so to speak. I am really going to try to get this under control. I've got to
. I got no time for the whole roller coaster routine that drug addiction causes. Maybe talking to you guys is a good thing.

Wow they sound like really great kids. And the one has had such a hard time....

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but I really hope you can get this under control before they have to cope with the death of their mom....people don't realize that this crap kills. I really hope that doesn't happen to you or your hubby, if not for you, for the kids. I don't know how to quit alone, so I don't think I'll be able to help in that regard. But I'll be here to talk as much I can.

Thought I'd drop back in here. Have been making a little progress. Actually attended two online na meetings and been hanging out a little bit on an N.A. chat thingy. Have actually had a pretty good week. Had a slight failure but...I have sort of an excuse...we had company and I honestly forgot myself. If you know what I meen. We were floating along so good. But twice this week we have talked ourselves out of a run. That is big for us. Actually a first. I guess now I write it down, it doesn't sound like much. Oh well...I tried.

Sounds like a very good week. Talking with others online is great. I totally forgot to suggest online meetings. Duh is me. I did those a lot back in the day. I honestly don't know what it means to "forget myself"? I don't know, can't relate. It wounds like you're making more of an effort though. Just don't forget yourself again and before you know you'll have a week clean and sober.

Hugs,
Rayna

How did I forget myself? Simple...A friend dropped by wanting me to fix something for him and he was in a hurry and I was getting flustered and he said here, this will speed you up. I never even blinked an eye. Just grabbed the straw and kept going. It wasn't till a couple more and he'd left that it stuck me that I was abstaining. That is what freaks me out. I didn't realize it had become that much of an autamatic action that I would do it wothout even realising it. I have finally recieved a few pics of my daughter that I am going to visit this summer and I am more determined than ever to go. She is not a real long way from the Gaza strip so I am concerned for her and I need to see her.She looks well and is being treated well. She is caucasion in a country that is 90% Muslem. She is Canadian. She assures me she is safe and happy but sees a lot of military. I want to go over ther, see that baby born safely [by the way it's a boy.] and get them back to Canada by this fall. I cannot be messin' around with drugs by spring!

hey sled chick, glad you posted. i was wondering how things were going for you. when i got clean and sober one of the first things i was taught was to avoid "people, places and things"...what this means is people: to not get into a tight situation with people that still use (you won't really be lonely), places: for me, to go to bars even for a soda, and things: to avoid situations that might lead me to a drink...like arguing and geting very angry, etc. things i used to do then i'd justify the drink in my mind, like i deserved it after all i just had been through.
it sounds like you have a lot of good things to experience when you go see your daughter. while good things in our lives will not keep us clean and sober it can be a motivator to be vigilant. my son wanted a sober mom so badly. he was my biggest supporter. of course, in reality, I had to be my biggest supporter but having him care meant so much to me.
there's an expression to use "what works' and your daughter can be one of those things. keep us posted and thanks for sharing this recent snafu. practice makes perfect and the only thing we have to do perfectly, those of us who are recovering addicts and alcoholics is not use/drink.