Do I Belong Here?

What if one and that ones spouse are functioning fine and have been for years, except for maybe a few times a year where things get a little out of hand. I don't want to get into any specifics yet but we don't drink much and I smoke pot for severe rheumatoid arthritus.

welcome to pc! don't know if you belong here or not...only you can make that call. however, when mood altering substances start causing chaos in one's life, it's good if one takes a hard look at whether it's creating a "problem."
hope this helps.

Hello and welcome Sled Chick...

Perhaps you are answering your own question, Sled Chick.
Something in your heart must be leading you to ask it.

madisgram is right about it being your call.

I "functioned" while drinking/doping for years before I stopped doing both...
There are quotation marks around functioned because in hindsight I realized it was a form of denial for me.
I felt as long as I was able to keep working--and playing--that my using wasn't that bad. In reality, I was barely getting by and would not admit to it--after all, wasn't I still working, etc.?

Function has an array of meanings and we can use any number of them to justify our continuing usage.
Out of hand a few times a year is also familiar to me. They may have been few in numbers but they were big on the affects on me and those around me.
I felt shame and guilt about those times...they were very public so I could not hide them. I did however do my best to laugh them off...

My best wishes for you to look at your situation with honesty and courage,
Cap

If a person did actually decide they had a problem and really should do something, what are the options for help? There are a number of reasons why the regular routes wouldn't work. Number 1...very small comunity where everyone knows everyone. Number 2...close family that would notice ones absence, never mind about two being absent. 3...Nobody, and I meen nobody knows there could be a problem. 4...known as upstanding citizens in this community and this would cause a lot of problems if it became public knoledge.One could go on and on. Basiclly, I guess I want to know if there is any imfo about this subject if a person decided to really try to go it alone. I don't know if this makes any sense but this is the first time I have ever ...whatever

Sled Chick,
May I ask what you consider regular routes?
AA or NA meetings?
One of the most important things about our meetings is confidentiality is honored...

Are there towns close enough so you could attend meetings there? If that's the way you would need to start, then do it. The most important thing is that you take that step and go...

If your community is that small, isn't there already the possibility that people are aware there is a problem?
Sometimes we think others are not aware of our problem because we think we hide it so well--in reality, they usually already know.

I salute your courage in sharing with us. Thank you!
My own experience was that I could not do it alone; I needed the support and fellowship found only through the meetings.

My way doesn't have to be your way...you can always try it alone first and see what happens...if you decide you want to try the meetings, then go.

At the very least, please continue posting here. Sharing helps you and it helps us. Many times when you write about things that are happening and how you are feeling is when you gain insight...
There are many good posts here that you can read through to get a general understanding about problem drinking.

One last thought...you shared that it caused problems only a few times a year. Please be aware that stopping drinking or drugging may cause some withdrawal symptoms...especially if it's from long term usage.

We care,
Cap

I'm reading a really good book, http://www.amazon.com/This-Year-Will.../dp/0767920082, This Year I Will. . . and the author's (M.J. Ryan) husband is discussed and how he got rid of his marijuana habit. She got rid of anger and her smoking and talks about them and had several clients who drank and worked on that and she discusses how they did it. But you might want to read a book like that; it's general enough that even someone seeing it wouldn't know what specific behavior you were trying to change.

how about a neighboring community where you are less known to try out NA or AA? as "capp" said there is confidentiality involved in these 12 step programs.
if you think you have a problem, you probably do.
if not, then you can always do further "research". good luck to you. at least you are posing the question out "loud".

OK I will tell you what brought me here. This problem is a 10 year problem and a couple of days ago, I got sick. I have a sinus infection which puts partying on hold. Now I am really sick. My head aches, i'm throwing up and i hurt all over. I assume it is withdrawl...from which drug, I don't know. I like to go fast and I've been sleeping for two days. Meetings here are out. My friend went to one and knew everybody there. Even if I drive 80 miles to the city, people from here attend there. My doc will prescribe attivan if I want. Hubby brought me morphine today to "cheer" me up. LOL. I'm afraid I'm on my own with this. Hubby knows there's a problem and everyday he says "no more. That was garbage" but we only last 2 days till we forget that it was garbage and like fools we go back for more.sigh...

well now i guess the question to pose is would you rather stay sick and tired of using or would you like a sober life? often times i have witnessed people's pride getting in the way of their recovery. it's a lose-lose situation cause they don't get better they just get sicker and sicker (and sometimes death) and further down the pole of destruction, IMHO. if you really feel like your life is spinning out of control perhaps you may want to look at the excuses rather than the reasons you don't get help.
there is no way i could have successfully stopped 18 years ago had i not sought a 12 step progeram, in my case AA, to lead me to a new life. i have never regretted doing that for myself. today i have a grateful heart and a sober life that is incredibly wonderful in spite of life's problems. i hope this will give you hope, too.
one other thought: i had a corporate management career with a fortune 200, international company. my anonimity was never broken going to AA. i had a lot to lose perhaps if it had been but if i didn't hang on for dear life for sobriety that job would have been lost anyway had i kept drinking!
that's when i understood that phrase that states "sobriety comes first" cause we will lose everything of value in our lives if we don't get and stay sober.

Just my experience...
random thoughts thrown in also

If your friend went to one and knew everybody there, they most likely would know you right?--why would that present a problem? if you drive the 80 miles and people you know are there--why is that a problem?
They would be there for the same reason--getting clean and sober. Period. No Judgment. No gossip. Respecting confidentially.
***Willing to help in whatever they can***

Your sinus infection may be causing some of those symptoms. Any antibiotic you may be taking can be contributing also.
Combo of those two, and the chance there was some with drawl--you must have felt like hell.

Morphine to "cheer" you up? I'm glad it didn't kill you...
Does your husband use also? I don't want to make assumptions about it.

Sled Chick, I'm a blunt person. I do not intent to hurt anyone when I speak my mind. However, it has been known to royally piss people off.

Of course it's your decision not to attend meetings. There are people who do not and have managed to get clean and sober and stay that way one day at a time.
If this is what you are going to do, I respect your decision.

I would suggest, though, that you allow your physician to be a part of you stopping...most times, withdrawal from hard drugs are going to cause horrendous symptoms and may be dangerous. Medical intervention may be necessary...

I'm sharing my experience with you...my own detox was inpatient and it was the worst thing I ever went through...
Vomiting, uncontrollable diarrhea, chills, sweats, and hallucinations. For Four Frigging Days. An additional week for me to walk without the aid of someone.

Ya know what? It was worse than that before I went into detox. Think it can't happen to you? It doesn't take much to cross that line of "controlled use." Oh it may take weeks/months/few years...but it catches up with you.

Meetings? I am a (retired) psychiatric nurse. My first meeting when I was somewhat lucid, I looked into the faces of two fellow nurses, one psychiatrist, and one gyno.
Professions are left at the door.
We are there to give each other support and encouragement...and sometimes that support may be a kick in the arse if I have stinking thinking.

I ask for you to please make careful plans if you are going to try it alone. It's not funny. It's not fun.
It is life saving.
Life changing, and changes for the good.
It hurts and it stinks the first few months. So be it. I was ridding my body and soul of poison.

What I hear in your post is a desire to get better, and it feels overwhelming among other things. Perhaps some fear?
If you've come far enough to admit there's a problem, then do something about it...
Life is incredibly and deliciously fun when your mind isn't freaked out by drugs/alcohol and your body isn't ravaged by the same things.
I do not miss the soul sickness.
I do not miss the frantic feelings of making sure where my next high was coming from...

My very best wishes in whatever you decide to do, Sled Chick.
I sincerely believe you and your husband are being offered a second chance at life.
Cap

Thanks for ypur answers guys. I am still hanging in there. Managed to wrap a few presents today but still feel pretty crappy. To answer a few questions. I am extremely shy...except for when I play sax or keyboards on stage. I have been reading this forum for a year befpre I joined. So I can't see me getting very far in a group setting. Does my hubby use?...We have been married 28 years . We have both been using for ten years but he is way more carefull than me as he has heart problems. He's pretty grumpy yesterday and today though. He will not do anything without me so he's suffering a little too. He is normally a big teddy bear but today is not a good day. I even feel stupid sitting here writing to people I have never met...and telling them stuff I have never even told myself. But if I go join hubby in the living room at thios time of the day, he's going to start expressing his boredom and what could we do??? Eventually it will come down to " Do you want to go for a drive" And we all know where that would be to. sigh....

Sled Chick, I hope you feel better today...

Thank you for continuing to share with us. Jmo, but if you've been reading the forum for a year, you really are aware of the problem..."coming out" is a very big step towards making changes.
Don't feel stupid for sharing your concerns here. An online community like PC offers anonymity and it may lead you to be more comfortable with the thought of meetings. Newcomers at my meetings are encouraged to talk *if* they so desire. It is not a requirement. Sometimes it takes a fair amount of listening before a person can share anything.
It's difficult to talk about these things whether it's in "public" (a meeting) or online. Either way, though, you are getting fear and frustration out of your heart bit by bit.

My sincere good wishes for the coming days to be better,
Cap

Hi Sled Chick.....

I used to look at my alcoholism as a huge beast hovering over and around me...

I knew I couldn't slay him in one full swipe....

So I decided I would take one bite from the beast every chance I had...

It was a long meal for sure....but today all that remains are memories and a few shadows from time to time....By the Grace of God....

My "bites" were simply doing the next right thing...no matter what it was...

Not going for the drive is one of those...

Your beast is a little smaller as a result...

Look for the next one...

With Care,

Lenny

Hi Sled,

Just found your thread. I'm really gonna try not to sound to harsh, but its probably gonna be harsh lol. Just remember that anything a recovering person tells you is just out of love, and reaching out to others keeps us sober.

I don't know how many peopele on here have said they were in too small a town to go to meetings, or family had no idea there was a problem or blah blah blah. Excuses kill. If you do have a problem, and I can't say yes or no, however "normies" don't usually question.....if you do, this is a DEADLY disease.

When I first got sober, the oldtimers would say the longer we stay the more bodies we'll walk over. I thought I was immune until aout two months ago. My friend Wally was found dead in his home by his own father. He was my best friend's cousin, who is sober along with me. We tried to telp him, he came to meetings and made excuse after excuse.

Finally his body gave out. You'd think liver right? Nope....his drinking and using enlarged his heart and he was vomiting so hard from drinking his heart basically exploded. He He was thirty three.

I share that because so many people don't realize that what we suffer from is deadly. Its cunning and its baffling and its powerful and its patient. My disease is just waiting for me to to be weak so it can try to kill me. So many sayings in the program, one of which is that addiction is the only disease that tries to tell us we don't have a problem.

I spol oops typo, sorry using a talking computer. I spoke at a rehab last night and this girl was talking about how when she goes back home to Chicago she'll have a hard time going to meetings for much of the same things you listed. So you see, that excuse can be made even in large cities.

Keep making excuses and stay sick.....people in meetings are there for themselves, and we tend to think of ourselves, as selfish alcoholics and addicts. If I had tryied to do it alone I'd be drunk or dead. A girl asked me at the meeting last night asked how I did it without rehab and I told her its the fellowship. I didn't do it alone. I got sober here on the boards too. I went from the forum drunk chic to a moderator. Wen't blind seven months ago so I just got back here with my talking computer. Haven't drank or used in over three and a half years.

Its possible, if you're willing and really want sobriety.

Hope I didn't make ou hate e lol.

Rayna

Well I's still here. I never slept a wink last night till 6 am. But we never went anywhere either. I slept till noon and here I am again. It looks like we might be housebound for a day or two now. Our snowplow truck is stuck at the bottom of our very long driveway and it is supposed to snow 40 cms tonight. My brother is comming over this aft. to try to pull the truck out. But he is the one person we do indulge with but he also prides himself in his "self control" Raynaadi...No you have not made me hate you. I've been waiting for someone to call me on the excuses. Even I can see, now that I'm typing them that they are starting to pile up and look a little lame. Sorry to bother you guys. I will have to think this a little deeper. Anyway whether we like it or not, we are running dry right now.

Sled,

You are NEVER EVER a bother k? Never. Always post....it helps to get stuff out and bounce things off of others. And remember, giving us the chance to help helps us stay sober too, so everytime you post, you help us. Just like Just like like what, ringing a bell gives and angel her wings or something lol.

I'm really glad to hear that you were waiting for somethone to call you out on your excuses. A few did before me too.....anyway, please keep posting. I'm going out of town for a week and look forward to catching up on you when I get back.

Really glad to have bmet you Sled.

Hugs,
Rayna

i am glad you found us, sled chick. what's important is how you feel and please know that we are a supportive group of people trying to get help, or rant/blow off steam, or to help one another , etc.
share with us if you feel it helps or just "visit". i hope you have a good day in spite of the cold weather,etc.

Sled Chick,
I hope y'all are doing all right...
Running dry right now may be the start of what you were hesitating to do...

In our messages, we did call you on your excuses. Different ways, but hopefully each gave you an idea of the seriousness of addiction.
Sharing our own experiences lets you know that you are not alone, and we will do our best to help...the hard work is yours, but you will have much support.

I hope you are feeling better re your sinus infection.

Peace and Power,
Cap

Sled......update? How are you?

Hi guys. I'm back. I thought maybe I'd be yesterdays news by now. It's been 2 weeks since I first posted. What do I say? What do you want to hear? That I had a good xmas? That, I did. Did I stay clean? That, I almost did. We had our daughter and her family for 10 days over xmas so we were pretty busy. Then we had to DJ for a new years eve dance. I forgot about the fringe benifits...Hand delivered... So now what? What am I ? Am I a recovering addict? No I'm not recovering at all. Just having a good apell. So that brings me back to my origional question. Do I belong here?....

Happy New Year Sled Chick....

I'm sorry but only you can truely answer that question....

Sure,,there are tests which we can take which may indicate issues one way or the other...but it is the person themselves,,that when completely honest,,know when they are a slave to anything...

It is good to see you.....

Lenny

Unfortunetely none of us can answer that question for you. Do you think you belong?

I'm glad you had a good Christmas.

Happy New Year,
Rayna

Oh Probably.I have never posted on any other site in reference to this subject. In fact I don't interact on the internet much at all except with my family. The fact that I am even speaking at all means I must belong here...and I have been actively, secretly, searching for help for this subject for a long time. I have read a lot but spoken to no one...ever... about it.

If I remember right, you posted earlier that you ca't do meetings? Have you searched for AA in your area? On the website there's probably a hotline number. We have a hotline here in Tucson and I used to work it. Callers would call in and say they needed to talk to somone and I would be a sort of dispatcher. I would call people on my list and when I reached someone, I'd ask themt to call the caller. Women would call women, men to men. That might be something you could do....it would be like talking to us, but actually a woman on the phone. Maybe she'd meet you for coffee.

LOL...Yeah right, Like I'm going to actually talk to someone on the phone when it took me a year to get the nerve to actually type something here...Sorry 'bout that. It just struck me funny when I read it. But it is a thought. I hadn't heard of that one. And I am also sorry but I just can't do meetings. Any meeting I can get to would likely have my eldest brother or a friend in attendence. I know, I know...that doesn't matter, but it does! I am well known and it doesn't matter to me but my family would be affected greatly if any of this became public knowledge. Even now, I am hesitent of each word I type That someone might stumble across it in my computer. My computer does sit in the kitchen and hubby can run it enough to keep in touch with the kids but he has a knack of stumbleing on things...which wouldn't really matter I guess. He would say I got guts....But when my kids come home, they use this and they are wayyyy better at this stuff than I. If my daughter found this, she would dissown me. She said she would. My daughters don't do any drugs or drink very much but they know I smoke pot for pain. One is a social worker and she told me once that if her Dad and I ever got into that stuff, that she would never speak to us again. That scares me the most. So I think that for now, I'll just see what comes out of talking to you guys if you can stand me.