[tin58]

Alright so I've posted a bit about this in the past. I realize it is a sensitive subject, as I'd much of what is discussed here.

Basically in my life my religion was everything to me. I felt it was a core aspect of who I was, what I stood for, what fought for. To me my religion was the opposite of my alcohlic parents.

A lot has unfolded and I could go on and on. Basically in this religion I feel you are shamed for having friends that do not believe the same things. But I feel the big problem is that members of this religion do not believe in ACOA stuff. i feel they dont believe in getting/giving/having support in regards to acoa issues. I feel your just supposed to pretend like it's no big deal. I feel I've been told a whole host of horrible things / shame oriented things because I was fighting for healing, support and understanding.

So basically I feel I've been forced to come to the conclusion that it simply is no place for me or people like me.

The trouble for me is that my beliefs were a core part of who I felt I was. Now i feel i dont know if i have any beliefs. I dont know what i stand for. I don't know who I am. i dont know where I belong. I just have no clue any more.

Anyone else been through similar? What do I do with myself???

[CANDC]

Hi tin. I am sorry the religion you believed in was so unempathetic regarding the disease of alcohol. It seems like this intolerance makes a big challenge in continuing an association with them.

There are some blogs and articles relating to losing your faith and coping with that.
https://www.google.com/url?q=http://...FdjJ6IjFEi3JYw

and others
Psych Central - Search results for Recovering from lost beliefs

Mindfulness offers an alternative to religion with a firm connection to treating people including yourself with compassion.
http://psychcentral.com/search/?Matc...ulness&x=0&y=0

[brainhi]

Originally Posted by tin58

Alright so I've posted a bit about this in the past. I realize it is a sensitive subject, as I'd much of what is discussed here.

Basically in my life my religion was everything to me. I felt it was a core aspect of who I was, what I stood for, what fought for. To me my religion was the opposite of my alcohlic parents.

A lot has unfolded and I could go on and on. Basically in this religion I feel you are shamed for having friends that do not believe the same things. But I feel the big problem is that members of this religion do not believe in ACOA stuff. i feel they dont believe in getting/giving/having support in regards to acoa issues. I feel your just supposed to pretend like it's no big deal. I feel I've been told a whole host of horrible things / shame oriented things because I was fighting for healing, support and understanding.

So basically I feel I've been forced to come to the conclusion that it simply is no place for me or people like me.

The trouble for me is that my beliefs were a core part of who I felt I was. Now i feel i dont know if i have any beliefs. I dont know what i stand for. I don't know who I am. i dont know where I belong. I just have no clue any more.

Anyone else been through similar? What do I do with myself???

Those in your church are just as human as the rest of us. You do not have to believe in the "people"...you are learning and growing. Many times we do outgrow people. They may not or will not understand. You find out who you are. I can see a change in your posts for the better... with this new one..I can tell you are hurting today. Be good to yourself.

[tin58]

Hi brainhi. Thanks. I appreciate you being around on the forum responding to posts. Interestingly enough I actually had a pretty good day today. I went on a hike with my brother. Now I'm watching a movie and eating a calzone.

But I still feel lost like i dont know who I am. It really effects me. I understand what your saying about other "believing in people" but I feel it's a bit more complicated than that. Its a bit hard to explain with out giving out too much personal information. Basically I don't feel it's possible to practice my faith because it would include denying things I know to be true. Idk it's just so complicated.

[autumn15]

Hi Tin,

I have never had much to do with a particular religion so I may not really know how you are feeling. However, the feeling of not knowing who you are and not feeling like you have a solid set of beliefs resonates with me alot. I felt like this a couple of years ago. I was lost, didn't know where my life was heading, didn't think I was good enough, same story as alot of people I suppose.

I am a couple of years down the track from when I started to really suffer from these feelings and I have to say that once you start to really focus on bettering yourself and letting yourself go through the motions of finding out who you want to be and why, you will feel that grey cloud lift and slowly but surely disappear. Just remember that you are allowed to customize your values and beliefs to suit you and if you are picking the right things for you it will lead to a very fulfilling and happy life. You will find so many new doorways and paths which you now see are open to you.

Search in google: "marc and angel, 14 rules for being you" (i couldn't post a link to it).

There are quite a few posts like this around the net and some really great books too. I think just gaining that perspective that YOU have so much more power than you realise, will let you open your mind to so many possibilities.

[brainhi]

Complications - figuring it out = learning and growing.... even when it hurts really bad. It's painful to question "what you believe in". This is going to happen in life often. Hang in there!

[tin58]

Thanks all. Its become increasingly clear that the religion is not realistic for me. I feel it's been so damaging. If there is a God I cant believe he would approve of people or groups that actively hurt people like acoas. Part of me feels a sense of freedom. A sense of harmony and peace for not denying what I feel is truth any longer. But part of me feels sooooo lost. My plans, my goals, my beliefs, my "friends", my community, my sense of belonging... all gone.

I will review some of the links you guys have posted. Thanks.