*trigger warning of picture and text?* Could this be anorexia after weight loss surge

I'm almost at my one year mark of having the gastric sleeve done. Feb 19th, 2014. It's been exactly 348 days now. I've lost more weight than I currently weigh now. Everyone tells me how proud they are. But the reality is that I don't eat barely anything. With the gastric sleeve, they cut most of your stomach out and turns it basically into the size of a banana. The part of the stomach they cut out holds your hunger hormones. Tells you when and what you need to eat. I no longer have that. I get head hunger for sweets but it's rare. When I try to eat, I take one bite and I can't eat more than that. I have no desire to eat and forcing myself makes me gag as soon as food touches my tongue. I can go days without eating and feel no hunger pains, so it's very easy to do for me. I take a prenatal multivitamin as well as extra vit d. I start to feel horrible if I'm not eating and not taking my vitamins because I'm depressed and I hve to force myself to start taking them. But most of the time, I don't bother. I avoid looking in mirrors but I'm obsessed with stepping on the scale to see if I've gained or lost. Of course you can guess which emotion I felt for each. Tonight I looked in the mirror and I freaked out and had to take 2 2mg Xanax before I could calm down just enough. I look absolutely disgusting. I showed my boyfriend and I asked why he never told me I looked so horrible and he tried to reassure me and tell me to stop worrying and all of that. But I feel like we're looking at two completely different people. I took a picture when I got out of the shower tonight, I look so disgusting and deformed. When I finally looked in the mirror, I started shaking so badly and wanted to cry soo much because I couldn't stand how disgusting I look. I'm so freaked out. My stomach churns.

I just don't even know how to respond right now. Attachment 5164

Hi A,

It sounds like you should talk to the doc who performed the gastric sleeve on you. It's possible it may need to be adjusted so that you don't have that gag feeling when trying to eat. It may not be anything more than that.

I hope it's something as simple as an adjustment in the tightness of the sleeve. Take good care!

My surgeon told me he made it extra tight. I don't know how they could fix that.

I'm at a loss as to why a surgeon would put a sleeve on "extra tight". That doesn't make sense to me and I'm quite concerned about that. Maybe a second opinion would be appropriate?

That's what I was thinking. Why make it extra tight? I can't eat anything. I've spent countless nights crying myself to sleep because of this. Knowing I NEED to eat but can't. I don't even know how they allowed me to pass my psych evaluation. I even told them I get paranoid of my food being poisoned or water.

There is no way to remake my stomach bigger unless I want to painfully (very painfully) constantly overeat than can fit in my stomach which causes your stomach to stretch. But you have to do that every day, constantly. In pain from eating. At this point, I'd rather be dead than to have to live like this.

Have you tried liquid supplements? Like ensure, boost or carnation instant breakfast? You might tolerate those better as liquids are absorbed much quicker and more easily than solid food. That might at least help you feel a little better. Just an idea.

I had a gastric by pass done years ago. I too go days on end without eating. I look the same as you in the mirror. it is horriable. look like a bag of bones with skin. I have diabeties too so this is not good but cant help it. the dr said I have anexoria nervosa starvation type. and today was diagnosed with failure to thrive. was prescribed marinol to get me to eat. I did not work the last time. guess we made a big mistake with surgery. I did anyway, I felt better fat. I still feel fat but I so skinny, I just cant see it. who knows. you are not alone.....donna

Please go to support groups with people that had the same procedure done. Most people have some form of Plastic Surgery to take off the extra skin that is just hanging. Don't give up, you came so far. Your boyfriend is still there, he loves the person inside, the one you can be, with proper medical care.

I wish you all the best.

For me it was helpful to stop looking at myself in the mirror, especially naked. I just started distracting myself with other things (hobbies and work) and tried to forget about what I looked like naked. It took a long time but the importance of the way my body looked did fade slowly. But, if I start looking in the mirror and thinking too much, all those feelings come back.

I'm so sorry a lot of you have found to your cost any form of gastric surgery isn't the magic answer ~ because even today, people are under the impression it is the be all and end all and that suddenly everything will be perfect. ........ It won't, won't be answer for a lifetime. My sister had a total by~pass 10 years ago and she's been left with a ton of floppy loose skin but she can't afford the surgery to remove it. After that op she needed her "bingo wings", that's the upper arms on which the skin hangs down. She is not big anymore but quite a lot bigger than when she first had gastric surgery. She has to be on a constant diet as "pouch" the surgery left her with has stretched a lot, so now she can eat more BUT, she has terrible indigestion, heartburn, gagging, vomiting and dumping syndrome, nope, no magic answer is it? If I ever find the answer I'll let you know. I suffer all of the ED's, bulimia, anorexia, EDNOS and general starving. Wish I was "normal"
!!!!!

. I'm very very down and fed up today. Well, more than fed up. I've been really abusing the laxatives lately and suffering some horrible dreadful very painful side effects, basically have to wear babies nappies if I go out, sometimes to scared to go out in case I have an "accident" and the heamorides are killing me!! How can I tell anyone about this, though there are two older people I know who've had them cut out, though not because of ED's, it happens to many folk. Tonight when I tried to down the laxatives I gagged and vomited many times, as if my body was absolutely refusing to have this kind of poison put into it anymore. I have a different brand of lax which is easy to swallow so I had them instead, problem with these different ones is they take many more hours to work so I can't go out all day!! It's almost like an OCD that I just HAVE to take lax to rid my body of what little does go into it. I'm so veRy depressed and sick of this regime but I've been doing it on and of f for over 30 years. Love to you all. Xxxxx

I had Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery in 2011 and I sometimes regret it...I am now deeply in trouble with my eating disorder, mainly Anorexia, and I lost the very control I was trying to take back. It's not 100% intentional, but when I do think about food I get nauseous remembering how large I was. My family is scared for me, but I can't control this much, if at all, anymore. I wish I could help you, but I'm sort of in the same boat. I took it too far, so far I can't see past my reflection in the mirror. The reflection I am told is grossly distorted.