what do i do?

I do understand all that you are saying but the problem is I do not know how to stop worrying and being afraid. I know everything but I just can't do it because I am so terrifed.

Medications destroyed me further made me worse.

My psychiatrist just today put me on a small dose of effexor so lets see.

I am doing so horrible right now. more than ever before. I also took a lot of ativan.

I feel sick.

I am so terrified and worried.

Hi Feary,
can you write down everything you're terrified and worried about. Then make 2 columns: 1. things you have control over. 2. things you don't. When did all of this start? Are you eating healthy? All we can do is change the things we have control over and accept the ones we can't. Would it help if you accept the fear, accept you won't be young forever, and one day we'll all die? I hope the medication helps.

(((feary))) it has been a lo-----ng road for me and I understand when you say you don't even want to see your kids..it's to painful I know I couldn't or wouldn't even think of mine..nobody could even talk about them...for years ...I literally cried for 5 years every day it was so painful.
I even denied I had kids when people asked me if I did..it was a break down every time, didn't want to go there I was afraid of what would happen to me.

All I can say is time and prayer made a difference for me.....and than I realized this was going to hurt me but not until I had a mental breakdown first it scared me back to reality.......you are grieving and you are going thru the cycles of grieving...one day it will be better I promise you just have to believe ,and it's ok to go and have that hysterical cry your hurting...take one step at a time (((((feary))))
peace and strength

Thank you. I feel completely drained mentally waking up to the same dreadful day.

Ok so now I am on effexor 12.5 mgs.

today I went to the psychiatrist again and I was particularly anxious and shaky and terrified and all this physical visible anxiety and she saw it for the first time.

so she prescribed propanolol, it is a beta blocker used for performance anxiety and she said it helps with the physical symptoms.

I am so terrified and totally discouraged because I will never be able to handle aging and dying I know it, especially with my life such a mess and my mind so weak.

If I had some stability maybe but I just cannot adjust, accept, cope, deal with this all. Just too much.

feary I know it seems like you will never get better, but I believe you will. We all will, with the right amount of determination and effort on our part as well as the people supporting us. Maybe it's too hard to make progress now, but there will be a time when enough is enough and you will start to take steps to recovery.
PLeased to hear you've been put on medication, hopefully that will help you to calm down. Let us know how you're feeling. x

Thank you, I need the support and so much appreciate it.

I am on my third day of effexor 12.5 and just started propanolol today 10 mg 3 x a day

I have had the worst day ever-the worst anxiety I have ever felt in a long time.

I will never be well. I destroyed my life and my children's lives. I try so hard but the fear just comes and the thoughts bombard me and there is nothing I can do.

I just feel like I am going to die any second-that's how I feel every day. I am neglecting my children more and more.

I don't know what to do. I try and try but it is never enough.

I am so exhausted.

feary, I spent a lot of time reading; it helped me pass the time and get through a lot of the really bad stuff and get a rest from my own thoughts. There's nothing quick about time and healing and your life has had a major derail! I would try to think of practical things and ways to be as comfortable as I could while the time passes? I used reading.

When things don't get any worse over time, just keep going on the same disappointing, frightening way, the hold that it all has on you might lessen and you'll be a little less afraid and able to feel/do a little more. For a long while though you might have to hunker down and just do "friendly" simple things. Did you have any hobbies like knitting or sewing or things you could do while you're afraid? Try some seemingly soothing activity that is your choice (to heck with other people telling you to do yoga or various programs) and see if you can get a little self soothing going on. Maybe only decide to go to the library every Tuesday or something :-) just introduce a tiny something that you have chosen yourself that you think might be mildly interesting. Go to the grocery store or large dollar store and pick out a single thing to buy. Focus on yourself rather than your situation.

Perna - such a lovely, simple suggestion! I think I need to get back into reading myself. I wonder if there is a thread somewhere on this forum with recommendations?