[jonathon]

Hello,

This is a bit long, but I would really appreciate anyone who is willing to give me some feedback. I wanted to be thorough in my presentation.

History:

About two years ago I started experiencing symptoms in my pelvic region and genitals. Symptoms such as burning in euretha, pain in penis and testicles. After consultation with my G.P. and urologist they diagnosed prostatitis (inflammation of prostate, etc..). Initially I excepted the diagnoses because I believed it explained the symptoms.

After about a year of intermittant antibiotic treatment the symptoms were still present. I had become extremely sensitive to my pain and it led me to depression. It had wounded my sexuality.

Now for the part that is causing me extreme anxiety:

Over the course of the year I could only engage in unfulfilling relationships due to my preoccupation with my pain. Over the year I received oral sex exactly twice from two different partners. After the first encounter I started to associate my symptoms with that of a potential STD (namely, herpes). I presented my worry to doctors and they could not observe any signs during examination.

After the second encounter I continued to worry about the prospect of herpes. Six months after the second encounter I noticed the partner with numerous cold sores on her face. With my symptoms still present and worse than ever I was worried that I may have contracted herpes from the first encounter and passed it to the second partner.

My "problem" is I am unable to stop worrying about having herpes and feeling guilty about passing it to someone.

Although I don't haven't had any obvious signs on my genitals, I continue to worry.

The worry has led to intense feelings of loneliness, fear, guilt, alienation.

I am having difficulty reconciling these encounters, the feelings and the ongoing symptoms.

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to listen.

herpes is only contagious during an outbreak. so if you see no pimples/lesions you are safe to have sex with.

[LMo]

((( Jonathan ))) My ex-husband had herpes, and while I never contracted it myself, I remember the same kind of panic when he divorced me, because I was afraid that I could be a carrier over to future partners.

Look, 1 our of 4 people have herpes, even if they don't realize it. It's mostly just an irritating skin condition, like eckzyma or dandruff. It is dangerous for pregnant women, but pain aside is not a life-or-death STD.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be concerned about spreading it to future partners, but having it does not mean that your sex life has to come to a screeching halt.

Here are three suggestions:
1) get a blood test. They can test for the different simplexes of herpes, although they can't regionalize it to genital or otherwise. Either type can appear in either place, although my understanding is that it usually reappears where it was initially contracted.
2) if you DO have it, join a support group specifically for herpes carriers. You will find that you are NOT alone with this, and that people can carry on normal relationships despite it.
3) if you do have it and want to date, here is where personal ads are a PERFECT solution. You can mention that you have herpes directly in your ad, and that will save you ALL of the anxiety of having to break the news to someone you really like. More people have it than you realize, and chances are good that some excellent potential dates will say "no big deal -- I have it too" and respond to your ad.

Good luck!!!

[LMo]

I also want to say that even if you got the blood test, you really won't know whether you contracted it recently or when you were 10, so don't try to blame a specific partner. Most people that carry the viruses don't know that they have it. It's not something routinely tested for and it CAN be spread without visible lesions.

LMo had good suggestions, very good. i doubt that you have herpes though. some of your symptoms don't sound right.

i want to point out, also, that you can transmit herpes without having a lesion of any kind. herpes is there, if you have it. there are two types of herpes but research has shown that they are "interchangeable". the lesions on the mouth can transmit the virus to the vagina/penis. and vice versa. even the expensive medicine that can be prescribed for outbreaks does nothing about killing the virus. it cannot be killed. it just prevents outbreaks.

i would, however, probably change doctors. are you going to a urologist? i believe that they would be the expert for all of your problems, pain, etc. AND has anyone done any kind of scan on the testicles, penis, etc.? i think more needs to be done to find out what your problem is. something that is affecting your life as much as this is, needs to be solved. xoxo pat

[jonathon]

thank you for your response,

I will slowly have to regain my self-esteem that was damaged during the years of pain and ill-focus.

It makes me feel really unattractive which is a strange place to be. Women remain attracted to me despite my internal struggle and it actually depresses me when a woman is attracted to me. (I MUST be crazy on that point)

I spent a lot of time gaining new perspectives about love, sexuality, and self-image. I came to realizations that I believe will be empowering when my current worries fade.

I don't really know what I am trying to achieve by sharing my worries but somehow it is cathartic. Perhaps I want to confirm that my conclusions are somewhat irrational and they are amplified by constant physical cues and obsessive thoughts.

If anyone has any further advice or comments I would like to hear them.

Thanks again.

are you seeing a therapist?